THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


I 


tn 


ESPERANCE. 


BY 


META    LANDER, 

AUTHOR  OP  "LIGHT  ON  THE  DARK  RIVER,"  "  MARION  GRAHAM," 
ETC.,  ETC. 

. 


NEW   YORK: 
SHELDON    AND    COMPANY. 

1865. 


, 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1865,  by 
SHELDON  AND  COMPANY, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  Southern  District  of 
New  York. 


STEREOTYPED    AT    THE 

BOSTON  STEREOTYPE   FOUNDRY, 

No.  k  Spring  Lane. 


PS 


TO    YOU, 

0  U  E     FIBS  T-B  0  R  N, 

MY    SWEET    "  SUMMER-CHILD," 
I    DEDICATE    THIS    UNPRETENDING    STORY. 

IT    WILL    SERVE, 

IN    FUTURE    YEARS,    TO    REMIND    YOU    OF    YOUR    SUNNY    GIRLHOOD, 

WHEN    WE    TALKED    OVER    ITS    CHARACTERS    AND    SCENES; 

OF    THE    OLD    "INGLE-SIDE,"    AND    THE 

LOVE    THAT    HALLOWED    IT. 


1318621 


"  Passion,  rapture,  and  blindness, 

Yearning,  aching,  and  fears, 
And  Faith  and  Duty  gazing 
With  steadfast  eyes  through  tears. 

I  gee — or  the  glory  blinds  me 

Of  a  soul  divinely  fair  — 
Peace  after  great  tribulation, 

And  Victory  hung  in  the  air." 

LADY  OF  LA  GAEATE. 


ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    I. 

How  well  I  remember  that  scene,  child  as  I  was  when 
it  was  daguerreotyped  on  my  memory !  Yellow  rays  of 
sunshine  stole  in  through  the  western  windows,  and  floated 
up  and  down  the  room.  Sometimes  they  lay  quivering  upon 
the  opposite  wall,  and  again  the  golden-footed  visitors  danced 
awhile  on  the  tall  bed-posts.  Then  they  would  sink  down 
upon  the  white  counterpane,  where  the  bright,  tremulous 
spots  contrasted  strangely  with  that  pale,  mournful  face. 
My  mother  breathed  quietly  now,  and  her  wonted,  care 
worn  expression  had  given  place  to  one  of  great  peace. 
The  little,  nameless  new-comer  lay  close  beside  her,  with 
its  short,  quick  breathing,  as  if  in  a  hurry  to  get  through 
life. 

Suddenly  my  mother  opened  her  eyes,  and  caught  mine  as 
I  sat  gazing  upon  her. 

"  You  are  still  here,"  she  said,  in  a  faint  voice. 

"  Yes,  mamma." 

Placing  her  thin,  feverish  hand  upon  my  head,  she  con 
tinued,  — 

"  Be  more  patient,  dear  Hope,  and  do  your  best  to  supply 
the  place  of  a  mother  to  my  poor  little  ones.  And  be  care- 
1*  (5)- 


6  .ESPERANCE. 

ful  to  treat  your  father  with  respect,  endeavoring  to  please 
him  in  everything.  Look  to  God,  and  he  will  help  you  in 
all  your  difficulties." 

The  words  came  slowly,  and  brought  a  leaden  weight,  for 
I  knew  what  they  meant.  Tenderly  stroking  my  head,  she 
added, — 

"  Seek  to  moderate  your  impulses,  and  to  feel  less  acutely. 
And  when  there  comes  a  strong  temptation,  think  of  your 
mother.  I  have  entire  confidence  in  you,  my  darling.  Now 
kiss  me,  and  then  say  to  your  father  that  I  am  anxious  to 
see  him  a  few  minutes." 

Choking  back  the  sobs  that  would  have  convulsed  me,  I 
tapped  at  my  father's  chamber  door,  and  briefly  delivered  my 
message.  Then  going  back,  I  seated  myself  in  a  corner  of 
the  room.  My  mother's  eyes  were  closed,  though  whether 
she  was  asleep,  or  absorbed  in  thought,  I  could  not  tell. 
But  she  was  evidently  not  aware  of  my  presence. 

In  about  five  minutes,  my  father's  step  was  heard,  and  I 
could  perceive  the  faintest  flush  steal  over  her  white  cheek, 
while  her  eyes  at  once  opened. 

"How  do  you  find  yourself  this  evening,  Mrs.  Frazer?" 
asked  he,  in  his  ordinary  cool  voice. 

"  Failing  rapidly.  But  I  cannot  die  in  peace  without  a 
few  words.  Will  you  not  sit  beside  me  ?  " 

He  complied,  though  with  evident  reluctance,  and  she  held 
out  her  hand  to  him. 

"  I  trust  you  are  not  intending  to  get  up  any  scenes,"  said 
he,  taking  no  notice  of  her  movement.  "  You  know  I  detest 
them,  and  besides,  your  physician  says  excitement  is  the 
worst  thing  for  you." 

My  heai't  beat  fast  as  I  observed  my  mother's  troubled 


ESPEEANCE.  7 

countenance,  for  I  sat  where  I  could  see  without  being  seen. 
I  had  not  intended  to  be  an  intruder,  but  returned  simply 
because  I  could  not  bear  to  be  away  from  the  sick  chamber. 
And  now  I  was  afraid  to  move,  for  I  dreaded  my  father's 
severe  look. 

"  I  simply  wish  to  ask  your  forgiveness  for  any  failure  in 
my  duties  as  a  wife,  and  to  bespeak  your  tenderness  for  the 
little  flock  I  am  leaving." 

"  Such  a  failure  as  yours,  Mrs.  Frazer,  is  always  a  failure. 
You  began  with  deceiving  me,  and  therefore  I  have  never 
bestowed  on  you  my  confidence." 

"  I  implore  you  to  hear  my  dying  words.  In  all  the  years 
of  our  married  life,  you  have  refused  to  listen  to  my  expla 
nations  ;  but  now  —  " 

"  No  use  in  explanations.  Many  would  at  once  have  de 
serted  you ;  but  I  have  not  only  forborne  reproaches,  but 
have  treated  you  with  respect  as  the  mother  of  my  children." 

"  I  have  but  a  word  to  say,  and  I  implore  you  to  hear  me. 
My  sin  was  a  weak  yielding  to  another.  When  you  asked 
my  hand,  I  declined  it,  as  you  know.  My  mother  reproached 
me,  saying  that  nothing  else  would  save  us  from  abject  pov 
erty.  And  for  many  days  I  was  so  harassed  with  her  en 
treaties,  that  at  length  I  was  overpowered.  You  remember 
that  when  you  came  the  second  time,  I  made  no  reply,  ex 
cept  by  tears,  and  that  was  taken  for  consent.  I  never 
wished  to  deceive  you,  God  knows.  The  rest  I  need  not 
recall." 

"  No,  Mrs.  Frazer.  I  well  remember  the  delightful  con 
versation  I  overheard  between  you  and  your  mother.  I  had 
the  great  satisfaction  of  hearing  you  assure  her  that  you  had 
not  loved  me,  and  that  you  never  could;  —  that  you  loved 


8  ESPERANCE. 

another,  and  that  she  had  ruined  your  happiness.  An  agree 
able  reward  truly  for  my  condescension  !  " 

"  My  mother  had  said  some  things  which  stung  me  to  the 
quick,  or  those  rash  words  would  never  have  been  uttered. 
I  earnestly  implored  your  forgiveness,  and  have  ever  since 
tried  to  be  a  meek  and  faithful  wife." 

"  But  those  words  were  true,  and  therefore  they  were 
never  forgiven,"  replied  my  father,  in  the  most  frigid  manner. 

"  Let  that  go.  I  will  say  no  more  for  myself.  But  hear 
a  mother's  plea.  I  know  Hope  is  abrupt  and  headstrong  — 
that  she  does  not  please  you  ;  but  I  entreat  your  forbearance, 
your  kindness  towards  her ;  for,  after  all,  she  is  your  child." 

To  this  appeal  my  father  replied  in  bitterly  sarcastic 
tones.  Though  I  did  not  .comprehend  his  words,  yet  I  saw, 
from  their  effect  on  my  poor  mother,  that  they  conveyed 
some  terrible  implication.  He  had  hardly  commenced  when 
her  eyes  began  to  dilate  with  horror ;  and  before  he  had 
ceased  speaking,  a  piercing  shriek  escaped  her,  while  the 
blood  gushed  from  her  mouth. 

It  was  more  than  I  could  bear.  Springing  from  my  cor 
ner,  in  impotent  rage  I  lifted  my  foolish  hand,  and  struck 
my  father,  exclaiming,  — 

"You  wicked  man,  you  have  killed  my  darling  mother." 

The  look  of  hate  that  stamped  his  stern  face,  and  that  of 
imploring  agony  that  came  over  hers,  are  still  engraved  on 
my  remembrance.  He  raised  his  hand,  but  suddenly  arrest 
ing  himself,  with  forced  composure  said  to  me,  — 

"  Take  the  baby,"  —  she  had  waked  crying, —  "and  send 
in  the  nurse.  And  mark  me,  if  you  ever  utter  one  word  of 
this  scene  to  any  human  being,  I  will  turn  you  out  of  doors." 

As  I  mechanically  lifted  the  little  one,  my  eye  fell  on  my 


ESPEB ANCB.  9 

mother's  pallid  face.  My  father  was  holding  a  smelling  bot 
tle  to  her  nose,  while  the  blood  still  oozed  from  between  her 
lips.  As  I  left  the  room,  I  met  her  eyes  fixed  upon  me  with 
the  most  tender  pity  and  entreaty,  and  then  saw  her  lift  them 
to  heaven.  When  the  baby  was  disposed  of,  I  softly  crept 
back  to  the  chamber  which  contained  my  world.  My  father 
did  not  notice  me  at  first,  for  he  was  occupied  with  the  inva 
lid.  I  thought  he  looked  sorry  for  his  unkindness,  and  it 
made  me  feel  less  bitterly.  But  suddenly  his  eye  fell  on 
mine.  For  her  sake  that  lay  there,  as  I  think,  he  gently 
told  me  I  had  better  leave  the  chamber.  But  when  fairly 
out  of  hearing,  he  sternly  forbade  my  entering  the  sick 
room,  and  then  added,  in  a  low  but  distinct  voice,  that  he 
had  an  account  with  me,  which  he  should  not  fail  to  settle 
some  day.  "4 

I  never  again  saw  my  adored  mother  alive,  for  she  did  not 
survive  many  hours.  I  would  have  braved  anything  for  one 
more  sight  of  her ;  but  the  nurse,  too,  had  her  orders,  and 
dared  not  resist  my  father's  will. 

"  The  baby  has  gone  to  her  mother,  poor  thing,"  said 
Nancy,  when  she  came  to  my  room  the  next  night. 

"  I  wish  I  was  dead,  too,"  I  exclaimed,  bursting  into 
tears. 

"  Poor  child,  don't  talk  so.  You  must  live  and  be  a  kind 
sister  to  the  rest  of  the  children." 

Telling  her  I  could  not  go  to  sleep,  I  persuaded  her  to 
leave  me.  And  there  I  sat,  looking  out  of  the  window,  till 
my  eyes  were  heavy  with  weariness.  Then  I  threw  myself 
upon  the  bed,  and  fell  into  an  uneasy  slumber,  dreaming  of 
ghostly  faces,  and  coffins,  and  hearses  suspended  above  me. 
Waking  suddenly,  I  sprang  up.  The  moonbeams  fell  upon 


10  ESPERANCE. 

the  wall,  giving  a  weird  aspect  to  a  white  dress  that  hung 
there.  I  sat  shivering  with  nameless  dread,  till  the  sudden 
desire  to  see  my  dead  mother  seized  me.  I  started  instantly, 
treading  softly  along  the  broad  hall,  and  down  a  flight  of 
stairs,  and  then  turning  to  the  right  hand  into  the  familiar 
room.  At  first  I  drew  back  in  terror  ;  but  summoning  reso 
lution,  I  ventured  in. 

On  a  table,  in  the  centre  of  the  room,  lay  a  coffin.  I 
noticed  it,  even  at  that  awful  moment,  as  a  handsome  one, 
suited  to  the  respectability  of  the  family.  I  approached  it, 
but  the  lid  was  closed.  I  slowly  turned  it  back.  I  have 
always  wondered  how  I  dared  do  it ;  but  my  desire  to  see 
my  mother  was  so  intense,  that  I  should  have  shrunk  from 
almost  nothing  to  accomplish  it.  Two  tall  wax  candles 
made  the  white  face  on  which  I  looked  down  still  whiter. 
That  anxious  brow  was  placid  as  an  infant's  slumber,  and 
round  the  mouth  lingered  that  angelic  smile  which  I  have 
since  so  often  seen  upon  the  face  of  the  dead.  And  there, 
in  her  arms,  lay  the  youngest  of-  her  flock,  safely  sheltered 
from  all  life's  sorrows. 

With  silent  awe  I  touched  that  pale  cheek  to  which  mine 
had  so  often  been  pressed.  It  sent  an  icy  shudder  through 
me.  The  tears  began  to  drop,  and  one  or  two  fell  on  that 
marble  face.  I  took  my  handkerchief  and  softly  wiped  them 
away.  While  doing  this,  I  heard  a  slow  step,  and  in  a  mo 
ment  my  father  and  I  stood  face  to  face  with  the  dead. 

"  What  are  you  doing  here,  Hope? " 

The  only  answer  I  could  give  was  to  lift  my  streaming 
eyes  and  falter  forth,  "  I  want  mamma."  My  sorrow- 
stricken  aspect  must  have  disarmed  him,  for  he  said  less 
harshly,  — 


I 

ESPER ANCE.  11 

"  You  ought  not  to  be  up  at  this  hour.  Go  now." 
I  felt  so  utterly  desolate  that  I  longed  to  throw  my  arms 
round  his  neck,  and  beg  him  to  love  me  ;  but  my  voice  died 
away,  and  I  glided  from  the  room.  Lingering  outside  the 
door,  I  heard  my  father  groan,  and  caught  the  half-uttered 
words,  "  Poor  Mary  !  I  have  been  too  severe.  I  may  have 
been  unjust." 

I  went  back  slowly  to  my  room,  wondering  if  the  dead 
can  hear  our  cries  of  penitence  and  remorse.  Oh,  my  mother, 
my  mother ! 


12  ESPEB  ANCE. 


CHAPTER    II. 

THE  funeral  was  over,  and  things  had  settled  down  into 
their  ordinary  formal  routine.  As  for  myself,  I  was  almost 
constantly  in  tears,  and  I  have  no  doubt  my  thin,  wan  face 
vexed  my  father.  I  once  overheard  our  nurse  say  to  him,  — 

"  I  don't  know  what  to  do  with  Miss  Hope,  for  she's 
fretting  after  her  mother  the  whole  time  as  I  never  saw  a 
child  afore.  And  every  day  she  goes  off  alone  to  the  grave." 

"  Her  disposition  is  an  unhappy  one,"  he  replied,  "  and 
she  always  makes  the  most  of  her  troubles.  I  shall  forbid 
her  going  there." 

One  day  I  strolled  out,  as  I  often  did,  into  a  grove  belong 
ing  to  the  premises.  It  was  one  of  those  sad  autumnal  days, 
on  which  even  happy  people  are  wont  to  feel  melancholy. 
The  richest  colors  were  blended  in  the  leaves,  and  the  sun,  as 
it  struggled  through  the  foliage,  kindled  them  into  a  bril 
liancy  which  seemed  to  mock  my  sorrow.  The  beautiful 
Catskill  Mountains  looked  almost  as  distant  through  the  haze 
that  lay  around  them,  as  the  heavens  above  my  head ;  and 
they  seemed  —  oh  —  so  far  away  ! 

With  childish  longings  for  my  mother,  with  whom  this 
was  a  favorite  spot,  I  threw  myself  on  the  grass  and  wept 
aloud.  Suddenly  my  father  stood  before  me. 

"  Get  up,  Hope,  and  stop  your  whining.  And  mind  that 
you  do  not  come  into  this  grove  again." 


ESPERANCE.  13 

"  You  forbid  my  going  wherever  I  like  to  be,"  I  hastily 
replied. 

"  To  be  sure  I  do,  and  purposely.  You  will  get  no  weak 
indulgence  from  me.  I  am  sick  of  your  foolish  ado  about 
your  mother,  and  mean  to  put  an  end  to  it." 

I  exclaimed,  indignantly,  — 

"  You  never  loved  mamma,  and  you  don't  care  anything 
about  her  death." 

I  had  no  sooner  uttered  the  words  than  I  seemed  to  hear 
that  gentle  charge,  "  Be  careful  to  treat  your  father  with  re 
spect."  But  it  was  too  late.  I  have  no  doubt  he  had  been 
wishing  an  opportunity  to  find  fault  with  me  ;  for  it  was  not 
in  his  nature  to  forget  how  I  had  lifted  my  puny  hand  against 
him,  or  to  rest  till  he  had  wiped  out  such  an  insult  to  his  dig 
nity.  I  had  given  him  what  he  wanted.  White  with  anger, 
he  said,  — 

*'  I  told  you  I  should  settle  that  account  with  you,  and  I 
always  keep  my  word.  But  you  have  precipitated  your  pun 
ishment  by  your  shameless  impudence.  Follow  me." 

I  knew  there  was  no  use  in  resistance,  and,  with  the  blood 
congealed  in  my  veins,  I  slowly  obeyed.  He  paused  in  his 
rapid  strides  to  cut  from  a  birch  tree  a  supple  branch, 
whose  destined  use  I  too  well  divined.  Passing  into  the  old- 
fashioned  barn,  and  going  up  stairs  into  a  room  used  as  a 
granary,  he  locked  the  door,  and  bade  me  prepare  for  a 
flogging.  My  soul  rose  against  him  as  I  angrily  replied,  — 

"  It  is  not  for  my  good  that  you  punish  me.  You  have  no 
right  to  disgrace  me  so,  and  if  mamma  were  alive,  you  never 
would." 

This  I  well  knew  ;  for  timid  as  she  was,  she  was  brave  to 
defend  her  children  from  wrong.  But  I  was  infatuated  to 
2 


14  ESPERANCE. 

utter  such  words.  He  did  not  trust  himself  to  speak,  but 
laid  hands  on  me.  I  resisted  with  all  my  strength,  for  it 
seemed  to  me  that  if  I  were  thus  degraded,  I  could  never 
again  hold  up  my  head.  Taking  out  his  handkerchief,  he 
said,  with  forced  calmness,  — 

"  You  forgot  there  was  such  a  thing  as  binding  a  refrac 
tory  child." 

Terrified  by  his  intimation,  I  entreated  him  tq  leave  me 
free,  promising  that  I  would  be  perfectly  quiet.  But  he  was 
not  the  man  to  relent.  Putting  it  out  of  my  power  to  make 
the  smallest  resistance,  he  whipped  me  till  my  brain  reeled, 
and  his  anger  was  exhausted. 

My  fiery  spirit  was  effectually  humbled.  I  crept  into  the 
house,  and  sought  my  pillow,  not  for  rest,  but  to  hide  myself, 
in  my  prostration  and  disgrace.  There  I  lay,  with  an  aching 
head  and  a  bruised  and  bleeding  heart,  feeling  as  if  I  .had 
lived  a  hundred  years.  It  was  not  necessary  to  say  that  I 
was  sick.  That  was  self-evident ;  and  our  nurse,  Nancy  Be- 
man,  took  the  liberty  she  always  had,  and  sent  for  our  family 
physician.  My  father  happened  to  meet  him  in  the  hall,  and, 
I  presume,  judged  it  wise  to  be  present  at  his  examination. 

Dr.  Jacob  Belden  wore  one  of  those  broad,  good-humored 
faces  that  instantly  win  confidence.  His  presence  in  a  sick 
room  was  like  a  sunbeam.  Not  in  mine,  however.  The 
darkness  that  lay  around  me  was  too  dense  for  even  him  to 
dissipate.  I  fancy  he  had  long  divined  something  of  our 
family  history :  he  may  have  caught  a  glimpse  of  the  hid 
den  skeleton  ;  but,  like  a  wise  doctor,  he  knew  how  to  keep 
his  own  counsel.  Rubbing  his  hands  in  his  peculiar  fashion, 
he  sidled  up  to  me  as  I  lay  with  my  face  to  the  wall,  and  in 
a  cheery  voice  called  out,  — 


ESPERANCE.  15 

"  Well,  Miss  Hope,  young  girls  like  you  ought  to  be  alive 
and  stirring.  There  must  be  some  extra  attraction  about 
your  bed,  that  makes  you  cling  to  it,  as  Nancy  tells  me  you 
do.  Come  child,  turn  round  and  let  a  body  have  a  look 
at  you." 

Drearily  I  obeyed.  His  face  immediately  assumed  an 
anxious  expression. 

"Why,  how  is  this?"  he  said,  turning  to  my  father. 
"She  looks  all  of  ten  years  older  than  when  I  last  saw  her." 
And  he  put  his  fingers  on  my  pulse. 

"  She  is  always  fretting  after  her  mother,"  replied  he, 
frowning. 

"  Strange,  strange ! "  continued  the  doctor,  as  he  looked 
at  my  tongue,  and  then  gave  me  a  general  survey. 

"  Why,  it's  not  the  complaint  of  a  child,  but  of  a  grown 
woman  —  a  real  nervous  prostration.  Unaccountable  !  — 
and  yet  I  always  knew  she  was  a  very  sensitive  child," 
added  he  in  an  undertone,  as  if  talking  to  himself.  "  Faith  ! 
—  but  she  must  be  taken  good  care  of —  she  must  indeed." 

And  he  laid  his  large  hand  so  tenderly  on  my  forehead, 
that  I  could  have  wept,  had  there  been  any  tears  in  the  foun 
tain.  But  no  such  luxury  was  granted  me.  My  young  heart 
had  been  turned  into  a  desert,  in  which  were  smouldering  the 
ruins  of  my  childhood. 

And  there  I  lay  for  days  and  weeks,  gazing  at  one  spot 
upon  the  walls  whenever  my  eyes  were  open,  and  when  shut, 
always  seeing  that  barn-chamber,  where  the  life  of  my  soul 
had  been  crushed  out.  Every  beam  of  the  room,  every  box 
and  barrel  as  ranged  against  the  wall,  was  distinctly  before 
me ;  and  I  even  recalled  a  broken  pane  of  glass  and  the  cob 
webs  that  hung  around  it.  Perpetually  I  lived  over  that 


16  ESPERANCE. 

scene,  till  my  spirit  seemed  literally  consumed.  Every  hope 
and  joy,  every  desire  and  emotion,  seemed  to  have  died  out 
of  me  —  every  thing  but  —  shall  I  say  it  ?  —  a  feeling  of 
hate  to  the  man  who  had  so  trampled  down  my  feminine 
instincts. 

I  had  always  been  a  mature  child.  Love  for  my  mother 
seemed  to  have  quickened  all  my  powers,  and  I  thought  and 
felt  as  few  children  do.  But,  as  Dr.  Belden  said,  I  had  sud 
denly  grown  old,  as  if  the  cares  and  sorrows  of  years  had 
been  piled  upon  me.  And  alas  !  —  that  burning  hate  in  so 
young  a  heart !  —  it  was  like  the  hot  breath  of  the  simoom. 

My  mother  had  early  taught  me  to  go  to  my  heavenly 
Father  for  pardon  and  strength.  But  now  all  prayer  was 
over.  I  felt  that  I  could  not  offer  the  petition,  "  Forgive  us 
our  trespasses,  as  we  forgive  those  that  trespass  against  us." 
Indeed,  I  did  not  want  to  pray  to  One  who  bad  ordained  for 
me  such  suffering.  And  I  strove  to  banish  the  image  of  my 
mother  as  something  too  holy  to  dwell  in  my  thoughts. 

The  good  doctor  called  every  other  day,  my  father  always 
coming  with  him  ;  and  the  same  process  was  regularly  gone 
through.  It  so  happened  that  on  one  of  the  alternate  days 
my  father  went  out  of  town.  Contrary  to  his  custom,  Dr. 
Belden  called  that  day,  also.  Sitting  beside  the  bed,  he  took 
my  cold  hand  in  his,  and  began  to  chafe  it,  talking  while  he 
did  so. 

"  I  have  been  trying  to  catch  you  alone,  miss,  and  to 
catechise  you  as  I  pleased.  And  since  I  have  done  so,  I 
must  improve  my  chance.  Now,  my  little  old-faced  Hope, — 
for  you  look  as  wise  as  any  woman  of  them  all,  —  you  must 
open  your  heart,  and  tell  me  exactly  what  ails  you.  No  use 
in  dodging  the  question,  child,  for  where  there  is  an  effect, 


ESPEEANCE.  17 

there  must  always  have  been  a  cause.  Don't  shake  your 
head,  and  fix  your  great  eyes  upon  me  so  despairingly.  It 
is  enough  to  scare  a  jolly  old  fellow  like  me,  to  see  a  young 
girl  pining  away  so  under  some  sorrow  which  she  hugs  up 
into  her  foolish  little  heart.  I  told  wife  that  if  I  did  not 
succeed,  I  should  send  her  here  to  see  what  a  woman  can 
do.  Come,  child,  open  your  mouth,  and  make  a  clean  breast 
of  it,  or  I  shall  never  cure  you  up." 

"  I  don't  want  you  to,"  I  replied,  languidly  ;  "I  had  rath 
er  die  than  get  well." 

"  Whew  !     That's  altogether  too  desperate  a  condition  for 
•     a  mere  child.     What  in  the  world  have  they  been  doing  to 
you,  I  wonder.      To  be  sure,  we  will  cure  you  up,  and  in 
short  metre." 

"  I  have  nothing  to  live  for." 

"  Tut,  tut !  Why,  there's  your  brother  Horatio  ;  and 
there's  Joy  and  Ada,  who  have  no  mother,  and  need  all  the 
love  you  can  give  them.'*' 

A  pang  shot  through  me,  for  I  recalled  those  dying  words, 
"  Try  to  supply  the  place  of  a  mother  to  my  poor  little  ones." 
But  she  did  not  know  how  soon  my  heart  would  be  con 
gealed. 

At  that  moment  a  carriage  drove  up  the  avenue. 

"  Whew  !  "  exclaimed  the  doctor  ;  "  your  father  has  come, 
and  might  be  up  to  suspicions,  should  he  find  me  here.  So, 
while  he  is  entering  at  the  front  door,  I  will  whip  out  at  the 
side  door,  as  I  whipped  in." 

And  giving  me  a  hasty  kiss,  he  was  away. 

The  next  day  he  made  his  usual  call,  accompanied  by  my 
father. 

.     "  We  must  contrive  some  change  for  her,"  said  he,  after 
2* 


18  ESPERANCE. 

feeling  my  pulse.  "  She  is  making  no  progress  at  all.  I'll 
tell  you  what  it  is :  you  know  I  have  a  farm  out  at  Pinck- 
ney,  and  wife  and  daughter  are  going  out  there  for  a  few 
weeks.  Our  little  girl  here  must  go  too." 

I  shook  my  head,  shrinking  from  the  very  thought  of  leav 
ing  my  chamber. 

"  But,  as  your  physician,  I  prescribe  it,  Miss  Hope ;  and 
if  your  father  enforces  my  orders,  as  of  course  he  will,  I 
shall  call  Friday  and  take  you  out." 


ESPERANCE.  19 


CHAPTER    III. 

FROM  the  time  of  my  mother's  death,  I  had  not  sought  the 
company  of  my  brother  and  sisters,  preferring  to  be  alone. 
And  from  that  dreadful  moment,  which  had  transformed  my 
whole  nature,  I  had  so  manifestly  shrunk  from  their  innocent 
mirth,  that  the  nurse  kept  them  out  of  my  room. 

On  the  day  in  which  I  was  to  go  with  Dr.  Belden,  I  rose 
at  early  dawn.  A  momentary  emotion  stole  over  me  as  I 
put  on  the  black  dress,  which  brought  my  departed  mother 
so  distinctly  to  mind.  But  —  one  single  recollection  —  and  I 
was  the  same  impassive,  hopeless  being.  I  sat  down  at  the 
front  window,  and  gazed  listlessly  at  the  long  avenue,  through 
the  old  linden  trees.  The  clouds  in  the  east  were  tinged 
with  regal  colors,  but  the  glory  of  nature  only  sickened  my 
heart. 

I  went  to  the  western  window,  and  looked  upon  the  beautiful 
Catskills,  which  I  had  loved  from  my  earliest  remembrance. 
Alas !  they  were  only  a  mockery  of  my  desolation.  Save 
for  that  withering  bitterness  in  my  heart,  I  might  have  fancied 
myself  actually  dead.  But  I  was  not  without  sensation.  A 
glimpse  of  a  familiar  object,  which  I  caught  through  the  trees, 
sent  the  blood  surging  through  me.  It  was  the  place  of  my 
torture,  and  henceforth  to  me  like  an  inquisitorial  dungeon. 

"  What,  up  and  dressed  so  early,  Miss  Hope?"  said  Nan 
cy,  softly  opening  the  door,  as  if  she  feared  to  awake  me. 


20  ESPERANCE. 

She  looked  pleased  on  first  seeing  me,  but  her  countenance 
soon  fell. 

"  O  dear  !  "  she  continued,  as  if  to  herself,  "  she's  got  the 
same  dismal  face.  Dear  Miss  Hope,  don't  be  fretting  any 
more  after  your  poor  mamma.  She  won't  rest  qiiiet  in  her 
grave,  if  you  do.  Come  now,  cheer  up.  The  children 
have  had  the  promise  of  making  you  a  visit ;  and  for  their 
sakes  you'll  try  to  look  bright ;  that's  a  good  child." 

She  might  as  well  have  talked  to  a  clod.  The  children 
came,  each  presenting  me  a  bunch  of  flowers,  which  I  re 
ceived  with  entire  apathy. 

"  Say,  nurse,"  asked  Horatio,  a  blustering  boy,  "  what 
makes  sissy  look  so  queer  ?  " 

"  She's  been  sick,  you  know,"  said  Joy,  in  a  low  voice, 
gazing  on  my  old  face  with  something  of  the  curious  awe 
with  which  children  look  upon  the  dead.  "But  she'll  be 
Hope,  again,  when  she  comes  back  ;  won't  she,  nursy  ?  " 

"  To  be  sure  she  will.  But  you  must  say  good  by,  now, 
or  you'll  tire  her  out." 

Horatio  and  Joy  came  slowly  towards  me,  and  timidly 
gave  me  a  parting  kiss,  looking  back  with  wonder  as  they 
left.  Their  blooming  faces  spoke  of  childish  happiness,  and 
yet  they  were  not  so  very  much  younger  than  myself. 

During  all  this  time  little  Ada  had  stood,  with  her  eyes, 
blue  as  the  fairest  gentian,  fixed  upon  me,  but  without  utter 
ing  a  word.  She  drew  closer,  and  throwing  her  arms  round 
my  neck,  exclaimed,  "  I  lud  du,  titter." 

"  You  must  come  now,  Ada,"  called  Nancy. 

She  looked  wistfully  in  my  face,  stroked  my  cheek  with 
her  soft  hand,  and  sorrowfully  saying,  "  Dood  by,  my  tit 
ter,"  she  slowly  left  me,  pausing  at  the  door  for  a  last  look. 


ESPERANCE.  21 

My  father  was  absent  when  the  doctor  took  me  away. 
How  could  he  have  given  me  a  parting  kiss? 

My  companion  seemed  in  high  glee  at  his  proposed  recre 
ation.  And  when  we  were  over  the  boundary  line  of  Clyde- 
ville,  he  exclaimed,  "  A  free  man  !  I've  willed  my  patients 
to  young  Curtis,  and  I  hope  it'll  give  him  a  lift.  And  as  for 
us,  when  we  get  to  Pinckney,  we'll  have  a  regular  spree. 
Wife  and  Rose  are  as  happy  there  as  queens ;  and  so  shall 
you  be  ; "  and  he  put  his  strong  arm  round  me  as  we  sat  in 
the  open  wagon.  "  Lean  on  me,  child,  for  you  are  not 
strong.  I  have  taken  your  blessed  mother  to  ride  before 
now." 

"  Don't  speak  of  her,"  said  I  quickly. 

"  Well,  I  won't,  dear  ;  but  you're  -a  strange  chick,  and  I 
reckon  I'm  too  rough  to  deal  with  you.  My  Rose  is  the 
one.  She's  as  tender-hearted  as  need  be." 

So  he  chatted  on,  leaving  me  to  my  own  silence. 

"  This  is  Pinckney,  and  here  we  are  ;  and  there's  my  las 
sie  for  you." 

Rose  Belden  had  one  of  those  sunny  faces  which  indicate 
an  open,  joyous  nature.  I  was  received  by  her  and  her  ex 
cellent  mother  with  genuine  kindness.  They  must  have 
thought  me  an  ungracious  child ;  but  I  felt  their  goodness, 
though  it  had  not  power  to  melt  me. 

During  the  doctor's  stay  he  abandoned  himself  to  uproari 
ous  merriment,  taking  me  everywhere  with  him,  in  spite  of 
my  continual  protests,  to  see  the  cows  and  calves,  to  count 
the  hens'  eggs,  to  pick  berries,  and  to  chase  butterflies.  How 
I  should  once  have  enjoyed  these  scenes ! 

"  What  in  the  world  is  there  we  can  do  for  you,  grave 
face  ?  "  asked  he,  one  evening,  as,  after  an  early  tea,  we  all 
sat  on  the  veranda. 


22  ESPERANCE. 

"  Let  me  alone  !  "  I  answered  shortly. 

I  was  so  humbled  in  my  own  eyes,  and  had,  besides, 
such  a  painful  sense  of  my  want  of  personal  attractions,  that 
I  could  not  conceive  of  any  one's  having  any  interest  in  me, 
except  of  pity ;  and  that,  I  was  too  proud  to  value.  So  I 
encased  myself  in  outward  indifference,  doing  the  greatest 
injustice  to  my  yearning  nature,  which  coveted  affection  as 
the  parched  flower  covets  the  healing  dew. 

The  good  doctor  made  no  reply  to  my  ungracious  speech, 
but  sat,  with  a  long  stick  in  his  hand,  thrashing  the  clover- 
heads  that  grew  thick  around  us.  I  soon  withdrew  into  the 
large  sitting-room,  and  throwing  myself  upon  the  couch, 
closed  my  weary  eyes.  When  they  came  in,  they  spoke  in  a 
low  voice,  evidently  supposing  me  asleep. 

"  I  must  walk  by  her  carefully,"  said  Dr.  Belden,  in  a 
smothered  tbne,  "for  she's  a  real  churchyard,  and  there's 
no  knowing  what  might  happen  if  I  should  rouse  her  sud 
denly.  Poor  thing !  It's  my  opinion  that  she's  suffered 
what  she  won't  tell ;  for  it's  contrary  to  nature  for  a  child  to 
be  as  she  is." 

"  Poor  thing !  "  echoed  Mrs.  Belden  ;  "  if  we  could  only 
comfort  her ! " 

"  Dear  child,"  said  Rose,  in  the  gentlest  tones,  "  I  only 
wish  she  would  let  me  win  her  confidence.  Somehow,  I 
don't  quite  understand  her ;  but  yet  I  can't  help  loving 
her  dearly." 

Ah,  Rose !  you  little  knew  how  those  words  melted  my 
hard  nature.  It  was  your  hand  that  smote  the  flinty  rock. 
A  tear  sprang  to  my  eye,  and  only  by  a  strong  effort  was  I 
able  to  prevent  it  from  rolling  down  my  cheek.  Nothing 
further  passed  at  that  time,  but  I  think  they  all  noticed  a 
slight  change  in  me  the  next  day. 


ESPEBANCB.  23 

"  Well,  Hope,  this  looks  like  it.  You  really  are  better. 
Don't  shake  your  head,  or  I'll  have  it  fastened  with  screws. 
Say,  now,  we  are  not  quite  savages  out  here,  are  we  ?  That's 
a  good  girl.  It  was  a  real  smile.  Now,  mother,  since  I 
have  succeeded  in  catching  one  bright  ray  from  Hope,  I  must 
be  off,  or  who  knows  but  that  young  sprig  of  a  Curtis  may 
have  doctored  half  my  patients  into  a  galloping  consump 
tion?" 

When  he  came  to  bid  me  good  by,  I  ventured  to  say,  "  I 
do  thank  you,  Dr.  Belden,  for  all  your  kindness." 

"  So,  so  ;  that's  something  like.  You  thank  me  now,  do 
you,  for  letting  you  live  ?  " 

"  No,  not  for  that ;  but  I  thank  you,  notwithstanding." 

"Well,  I  must  make  the  most  of  it,  I  suppose,  and  feel 
myself  honored  by  the  few  gracious  words  that  have  fallen 
i  from  your  lips.  Now,  be  a  good  girl,  and  get  off  that  cem 
etery  face  of  yours  as  soon  as  possible." 

There  was  a  sensible  void  when  the  kind,  merry  doctor 
had  left  us.  But  Mrs.  Belden  and  Rose  exerted  themselves 
for  my  amusement.  And  since  those  words  of  balm  -had 
fallen  from  her  lips,  I  had  felt  drawn  towards  the  latter.  As 
we  returned  from  a  quiet  stroll,  we  sat  down  under  a  large 
maple,  shading  a  clean  spot  of  grass  in  the  pleasant  front 
yard.  She  put  her  arm  round  me,  and  I  was  won  to  lay  my 
head  on  her  shoulder.  From  that  time  there  was  a  tacit 
understanding  between  us.  I  did  not  talk  much,  for  I  was 
naturally  reserved,  and  circumstances  had  strengthened  this 
disposition.  Besides,  although  I  felt  the  influence  of  her 
joyous  nature,  she  was  not  one  to  whom  I  could  open  my 
heart.  I  was  even  indisposed  to  talk  of  my  mother.  But  I 
liked  to  be  near  her,  to  gaze  into  her  blooming  face,  to  have 


24  ESPEEANCE. 

her  hold  my  hand,  and  to  listen  to  her  pleasant  voice.  She 
had  a  pure,  healthy  nature,  though  not,  one  of  great  depth. 
And  I  came  to  cherish  a  real  affection  for  her. 

The  weeks  fled  by,  and  I  returned  with  Dr.  Belden's  fam 
ily  to  Clydeville.  As  the  doctor  drove  through  my  father's 
gate,  I  was  carried  back  to  the  days  of  my  childhood,  when 
my  mother  used  to  lead  me  in  those  pleasant  walks. 

My  ancestral  home  was  indeed  a  beautiful  place.  A  long, 
winding  avenue  of  linden  trees,  bordered  with  soft,  green 
turf,  swept  up  to  the  house,  and  thence  round  to  the  stables. 
The  mansion  was  an  old-fashioned  building,  of  brown  stone, 
square,  massive,  well-proportioned,  and  surrounded  by  a 
broad  piazza.  It  stood  on  a  slight  eminence,  sloping  down 
on  one  side  to  a  smooth,  open  lawn,  beyond  which  rolled  the 
blue  Hudson,  while  in  the  distance  appeared  the  purple  out 
lines  of  the  mountains.  In  front,  it  was  shaded  by  lofty 
forest  trees,  which  still  remained  as  tokens  of  primeval  days. 
Scattered  here  and  there  between  them,  like  jewels  in  the 
grass,  catching  the  lingering  gleams  of  sunshine,  were  little 
circles  planted  with  brilliant  flowers,  which  enlivened  the 
velvet  turf. 

As  I  gazed  on  the  fine  old  place,  a  deep  gloom  —  the 
gloom  of  my  later  life  —  seemed  gradually  to  overshadow  it. 
One  by  one,  my  miserable  thoughts  and  feelings  returned ; 
and  by  the  time  I  stood  in  the  broad  hall,  I  was  the  same 
demure,  inaccessible  little  body  as  when  I  left.  Nancy  greet 
ed  me  with  cordiality,  and  the  children  bounded  in  to  look  at 
their  sister.  They  kissed  me,  but  with  an  air  of  disappoint 
ment  ;  and  I  could  hear  Raty  whisper  to  Joy,  — 

"  Sissy  looks  as  cross  as  ever,  and  I  don't  believe  she'll 
play  with  us." 


ESPERANCE.  25 

The  gall  my  father  had  infused  into  my  being  continued 
to  embitter  the  springs  of  life,  and  I  retired  more  and  more 
within  myself.  What  I  needed,  was  employment  strengthen 
ing  for  mind  and  body,  with  genial,  soothing  influences. 
What  I  had,  was  my  own  morbid  fancies,  and  novels  and 
poetry  of  an  unwholesome  character.  This  was  the  very 
bewilderment  of  intoxication  to  a  temperament  like  mine  ; 
and  with  nothing  but  my  own  wretchedness  to  fill  up  the 
intervals,  I  readily  surrendered  to  the  fatal  enchantment. 
Bulwer,  Byron,  Shelley,  and  other  kindred  writers,  were  my 
constant  companions. 

Oh,  how  would  my  gentle  mother  have  sorrowed  to  see 
me  yielding  thus  selfishly  to  temptation,  and  becoming  more 
and  more  soured  in  my  disposition !  It  may  seem  strange 
that  there  was  no  one  to  interfere  with  these  ruinous  habits  ; 
but  so  it  was.  My  brother  and  sisters,  finding  me  uncom 
panionable,  naturally  withdrew  themselves.  And  Nancy, 
the  only  one  of  the  servants  who  concerned  herself  on  my 
account,  knowing  me  to  be  an  unhappy  child',  was  glad  to 
see  me  engaged  in  so  useful  an  occupation  as  she  considered 
reading.  The  seeds  of  rank  poison  thus  dropped  in  my  ar 
dent  nature,  quickly  germinated.  Were  they  destined  to  a 
growth  which  would  finally  destroy  every  better  principle? 
I  was  sowing  to-  the  wind ;  was  I  fated  to  reap  the  whirl- 
Avind  ? 

3 


26  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

ANOTHER  spring  had  come  and  gone.  In  the  bright  sum 
mer  that  followed,  an  unusual  bustle  prevailed.  Carpenters 
and  painters  were  on  the  premises ;  new  and  rich  furniture 
was  landed  at  our  door  ;  and  my  father's  chamber,  —  one  of 
the  largest  and  most  pleasant  rooms  in  the  house,  —  after 
being  newly  painted  and  papered,  was  re-furnished  as  a  pri 
vate  parlor.  I  had  my  own  thoughts  on  the  subject,  but  said 
nothing.  My  father's  frequent  absences  confirmed  my  sus 
picions.  But  I  was  indifferent  to  the  event  I  foresaw. 

The  anniversary  of  mamma's  death  passed  by  without  any 
change,  for  my  father  had  too  much  regard  for  his  own  re 
spectability  to  think  of  marrying  before  a  year's  widowhood 
had  expired.  But  soon  after  that  time,  so  full  to  me  of  bitter 
memories,  he  left  home  for  a  month's  absence. 

"  Miss  Hope,"  said  Nancy  one  day,  as  if  she  wished  ten 
derly  to  break  some  unpleasant  tidings,  "  I  have  something 
to  tell  you,  and  I  beg  you  to  bear  it  bravely." 

"  I  know  what  it  is,  and  I  care  nothing  about  it." 

"  "What  is  it,  and  who  told  you? " 

"  My  father  is  to  be  married.  Nobody  told  me  ;  I  found 
it  out  myself  a  long  time  ago." 

"  Well,  you  are  the  strangest  girl  I  ever  saw.  But  any 
way,  I'm  glad  you  are  not  a-going  to  fret  about  it.  There's 
never  any  calculating  how  you  will  take  a  thing,  I  must  say." 


ESPERANCE.  27 

With  all  my  indifference,  however,  as  the  day  drew  nigh 
when  the  bridal  pair  were  expected,  I  began  to  feel  some 
anxiety,  as  well  as  curiosity.  I  tried  to  set  myself  about 
reading ;  but  my  ears  involuntarily  listened  to  every  passing 
sound,  while  my  eyes  were  constantly  turned  down  the 
avenue.  At  length  I  heard  the  carriage,  which  had  been 
sent  to  the  landing,  rolling  rapidly  along,  till  it  stopped  at 
our  front  door.  Then  I  watched  my  father  as  with  much 
assiduity  he  assisted  a  lady  to  descend.  I  could  hear  a  great 
bustle  and  ordering  of  servants  in  the  hall ;  and  stepping 
softly  to  the  head  of  the  stairs,  I  saw  a  maid  showing  the 
new  Mrs.  Frazer  to  her  chamber  —  my  mother's  chamber  ! 
Then  my  heart  rebelled,  and  I  stole  back  to  my  solitude  with 
a  decided  prejudice  against  the  new  comer.  , 

A  little  before  tea,  Nancy  appeared,  informing  me  that  I 
must  dress  myself  very  carefully,  as  the  children  were  to  be 
presented  to  their  new  mother. 

"  She  isn't  my  mother,  and  I  shan't  dress  up  for  her." 

"  But  your  father  has  directed  it." 

"  I  don't  care  if  he  has.     I  shall  not  go  down  to  supper." 

"  But  she  is  a  beautiful  woman,  and  you  had  better  make 
friends  with  her." 

It  was  not  without  the  utmost  urgency  that  I  was  induced 
to  give  heed  to  Nancy.  And  with  a  cloud  on  my  face,  I 
went  down  into  the  parlor.  Mrs.  Frazer  had  Ada  in  her 
arms,  while  Raty's  and  Joy's  hands  were  full  of  toys  and 
confectionery.  My  father  bowed  distantly,  saying  to  the 
gayly-dressed  woman,  — 

"  My  love,  this  is  the  odd  one  of  whom  I  have  told  you." 

Indignant  at  such  an  introduction,  I  lifted  my  head,  and 
defiantly  met  her  gaze.  In  that  first  moment,  I  felt  the 


28  ESPERANCE. 

power  of  her  wonderful  beauty.  Although  she  carelessly  re 
plied,  "  Ah,  this  is  Hope,  then,"  and  took  no  further  notice, 
yet  her  tones  were  such  as  instantly  to  mollify  my  anger. 

After  tea,  my  father  persuaded  her  to  go  to  the  piano,  and, 
in  evident  admiration,  stood  beside  her,  turning  over  the 
leaves  of  her  music.  The  other  children  said  good  night, 
and  I  retreated  into  a  corner,  where  I  could  have  a  full  view 
of  her  without  being  observed.  Even  at  this  distance  of 
time,  I  can  vividly  recall  her  appearance.  She  could  not 
have  been  over  twenty-three,  while  my  father  must  have 
been  between  forty  and  fifty. 

Of  medium  height,  her  form  was  slightly  embonpoint,  but 
not  so  as  in  the  least  to  diminish  her  grace.  Heavy  braids 
of  rich  chestnut  hair  were  looped  round  her  head,  falling 
low  on  her  fair  neck,  and  slightly  shading  her  transparent 
temples.  But  her  eyes  !  At  one  moment  a  strange,  restless 
light  flashed  out  from  them,  and  the  next  they  wore  a  be 
witching  softness.  Her  mouth  was  beautifully  sculptured, 
but  there  was  a  look  about  it  which  gave  me  an  instinctive 
feeling  of  distrust.  I  could  not  then  define  it.  I  should  now 
say  it  was  a  blending  of  the  wiliul  with  consummate  art  and 
recklessness.  My  father  was  evidently  her  ardent  adorer, 
and  unconsciously  manifested  his  triumph  at  having  secured 
such  a  prize. 

I  was  passionately  fond  of  music ;  and  as  she  glanced 
towards  me  now  and  then,  she  must  have  observed  how 
rapt  I  was.  Although  I  could  not  help  noting  Avith  bitter 
ness  the  contrast  between  my  father's  treatment  of  her  and 
of  my  own  dear  mother,  yet  I  scarcely  wondered  at  a  fasci 
nation  which  I  too  began  to  feel. 

"  My  liege  lord  must  be  tired,"  said  she  at  last,  turning 
round  on  the  piano  stool. 


ESPERANCE.  29 

"  I  can  never  be  tired  while  with  you,  Ednah.  You  are 
equally  charming  whatever  you  do;"  and  he  attempted  to 
take  her  hand. 

"  Ma  foi  !  Eemember  you  are  married,  and  must  not  be 
caught  making  love  to  your  wife." 

"  But  when  will  my  time  come,  dearest  ?  for  you  com 
pletely  distanced  me  during  our  courtship." 

"  If  you  had  only  been  wise  enough,  my  dear  sir,  to  select 
a  lady  of  respectable  age,  you  might  have  yielded  to  such 
whims,  —  she  not  objecting.  But  of  all  things,  it  is  ab 
surd  for  an  old  widower  to  be  silly  with  a  young  bride." 

I  fancied  she  said  this  with  a  slight  look  of  malice.  My 
father  frowned  slightly  as  he  replied,  — 

"  Mrs.  Frazer,  I  am  not  accustomed  to  be  trifled  with." 

She  rose,  and  making  a  mock  courtesy,  was  about  to 
withdraw. 

".Dear  Ednah,  do  not  leave 'me  in  displeasure.  I  only  ask 
you  to  be  reasonable." 

She  looked  at  him  with  a  half-offended  air  as  she  re 
plied,  — 

"  I  can  never  endure  a  tyrant." 

"  I  am  no  tyrant.  And  I  am  ready  to  promise  anything, 
if  you  will  only  grant  me  one  favor." 

"What  is  it?" 

"It  is  what  you  have  always  invented  some  excuse  for 
refusing  —  that  I  may  kiss  you ;  —  which  indeed  I  might 
claim  as  a  right." 

"  I  have  no  conscience  about  such  rights.  But  if  I  yield 
it,  shall  I  have  my  own  way  in  everything  ?  " 

"  In  everything,  siren.     So  now  redeem   your  pledge  ; " 
and  he  approached  her. 
3* 


30  ESPEEANCE. 

"  I  did  not. make  any,  sir,"  and  stepping  back,  she  looked 
at  him  with  strange  wilfulness.  Seeing  his  frown  returning, 
she  exclaimed,  "  What  an  exacting  man !  " 

"  Dear  Ednah,  do  not  mock  me  any  longer." 

"  Nay,  my  lord,  I  shall  not  be  kissed  on  compulsion. 
Here  you  are,  holding  the  rod  over  me.  If  you  expect 
any  favors,  you  must  leave  me  absolutely  free." 

"  Only  love  me,  Ednah,  and  I  will  be  your  devoted  slave." 

"  Well,  then,  to-morrow  we  shall  see." 

I  hardly  need  say  that  I  was  thoroughly  roused  by  this 
scene.  It  was  a  perfect  amazement  to  see  my  father  so 
completely  bewitched.  No  young  admirer  ever  sued  more 
humbly  for  some  favor  of  his  lady-love,  than  did  this  proud 
man  of  his  youthful  bride.  It  was  to  me  a  new  phase  of 
life  —  an  unexpected  development  of  character  —  that  threw 
me  into  strange  perplexity.  "  How  vexed,"  I  thought, 
"  would  my  father  have  been  had  he  known  I  was  a  witness 
of  his  meek  suing !  "  I  could  not  understand  Mrs.  Frazer. 
I  was  not  sure  I  should  like  her,  but  she  would  be  an  inter 
esting  study.  I  should  witness  the  acting  out  of  a  real 
romance. 

Days  passed,  and  the  drama  continued  to  unfold.  Mrs. 
Frazer  held  my  father  to  his  promise.  I  never  saw  one  so 
completely  managed.  Our  mansion  was  still  further  rejuve 
nated  and  refurnished,  and  then  filled  with  gay  company. 
Parties,  rides  and  soirees  were  all  the  rage,  and  Mrs.  Frazer 
was  queen  in  the  beau  monde.  By  a  skilful  mingling  of  re 
fractoriness,  coquetry,  and  an  occasional  graceful  submission, 
she  kept  my  father  at  her  feet.  I  give  these  impressions  as 
the  conclusions  of  later  years,  for  at  that  time  I  could  not 
understand  a  great  deal  that  I  saw,  nor  explain  much  that 
I  felt. 


ESPERANCE.  31 

As  for  myself,  notwithstanding  a  certain  latent  distrust 
which  I  could  never  wholly  shake  off,  I  was  coming  more 
and  more  to  yield  to  her  fascinations.  I  had  always  had 
that  peculiar  admiration  of  beauty  which  is  often  felt  by 
those  who  are  conscious  of  being  plain  themselves.  Besides, 
she  had  early  contrived,  in  various  ways,  to  manifest  an  inter 
est  in  me,  which,  of  course,  was  not  without  its  influence. 
One  day  I  overheard  her  saying  to  my  father,  — 

"  Hope  is  a  little  savage,  and  needs  looking  after,  to  make 
her  a  fit  appendage  of  your  family.  I  think  I  must  take  her 
in  hand." 

"  As  you  please,  dear  Ednah  ;  only  don't  allow  yourself  to 
become  interested  in  the  ungrateful  child." 

Not  long  after  this  conversation,  while  my  father  was  out 
of  town,  Mrs.  Frazer  sent  for  me  to  her  chamber.  She  soon 
noticed  that  I  could  not  be  in  that  room  without  emotion,  and 
proposed  that  we  should  adjourn  to  her  private  parlor.  This 
was  the  apartment  which  my  father  had  given  up  for  her 
particular  accommodation,  and  which  she  had  refitted  accord 
ing  to  her  own  fancy. 

Throwing  herself  on  a  couch,  she  motioned  me  to  a  seat 
by  her  side. 

"  Look  round,  Hope,  and  tell  me  how  far  your  taste  agrees 
with  mine." 

I  complied,  glad  of  her  permission.  It  was  a  large  room, 
a  little  longer  than  broad,  with  the  front  windows  reaching 
to  the  floor,  and  opening  on  the  wide  upper  veranda.  The 
Wilton  carpet  was  thick  enough  to  deaden  the  heaviest  foot 
fall,  and  of  an  intricate  pattern  of  gorgeous  colors  inwrought 
upon  a  ground  of  white.  Crimson  damask  curtains  draped 
the  windows,  clouds  of  lace  drooping  airily  beneath  them. 


32  ESPERANCE. 

The  mantel-piece  was  of  elegantly  carved  Italian  marble, 
and  opposite  was  a  magnificent  pier  glass,  with  a  marble 
slab  below,  on  which  stood  Parian  statuettes,  and  various 
charming  knick-knacks.  In  other  parts  of  the  room  were 
gracefully  disposed  a  costly  bookcase  filled  with  elegant  vol 
umes,  a  rosewood  piano,  a  tete-a-tete  fauteuil,  and  lounges 
inviting  to  comfort  and  repose.  On  the  centre-table  were 
vases  of  fragrant  flowers,  while  here  and  there  were  taste 
fully  arranged  superb  paintings  and  rare  statuary.  After  a 
pleased  survey,  my  eyes  returned  to  her  who  was  a  fit  gem 
for  this  gorgeous  setting. 

"Well!" 

"  It  is  beautiful." 

And  then  I  turned  my  head  away  and  sighed. 

She  took  my  hand,  and  looking  into  my  eyes,  said,  — 

"I  see  shadows  there.     Do  you  distrust  me,  Hope?  " 

I  hung  my  head  in  confusion. 

"  Don't  be  afraid  to  speak." 

"  I  heard  you  tell  my  father  I  was  a  little  savage,  and  I 
thought  you  did  not  care  for  me." 

"  Bravely  spoken,  child,"  replied  she,  fixing  her  brilliant 
eyes  upon  me.  "  It  was  the  only  way  in  which  I  could  get 
permission  to  do  anything  for  you.  You  think  it  was  wrong 
to  cheat  him?  We  have  to  do  the  best  we  can,  dear.  But 
I  will  not  deceive  you.  It  is  fated  that  we  are  to  be  friends. 
I  have  read  you  from  that  first  evening,  and  I  will  stand  be 
tween  you  and  your  father,  though  of  course  he  must  not 
know  it.  But  I  can  easily  manage  him,"  she  continued, 
while  her  eye  suddenly  flashed. 

I  cannot  say  that  I  enjoyed  her  manner  of  talking,  though 
her  gay,  reckless  air  had  a  certain  charm,  and  her  evident 
interest  in  me  was  a  pleasure  as  peculiar  as  it  was  rare. 


ESPEBANCE.  33 

"  I  have  taken  a  special  fancy  to  you  ;  did  you  know  it, 
Hope?" 

"But  I  am  so  plain  and  disagreeable." 

"  Not  so  very  plain,  after  all,"  said  she,  in  her  most  insinu 
ating  manner.  "  Look  straight  at  me,  child  !  Did  no  one 
ever  tell  you  what  eyes  you  have  ?  Speak  truly." 

"  Nobody  but  Dr.  Belden,  who  calls  them  great,  melan 
choly  eyes." 

"You  are  a  little  simpleton.  Nothing  better  could  be 
asked  for  in  that  line.  Nor  is  your  mouth  so  bad,"  con 
tinued  she,  closely  scanning  me.  "  A  little  too  firm  set,  that 
is  all.  And  as  for  le  tout  ensemble^  though  at  the  first  glance 
it  might  not  attract,  yet,  believe  me,  yours  is  a  face  to  which 
the  eye  involuntarily  returns.  And  when  you  come  under 
my  sway,  there  will  be  a  wonderful  improvement.  You 
shall  have  a  gay  life  yet,  and  after  a  time  shall  break  hearts 
as  fast  as  any  of  them.  I  will  speedily  have  you  put  into 
more  becoming  apparel,  and  my  own  maid  shall  arrange 
those  heavy  raven  tresses.  And  then,  father  or  no  father  — 
nous  verrons." 

And  putting  her  hand  under  my  chin,  she  raised  my  head, 
and  gave  me  a  scrutinizing  glance. 

"  There,"  proceeded  she,  smiling  triumphantly.  "  let  me 
alone  for  getting  at  the  female  heart,  as  well  as  at  the 
tougher  male  one.  There  is  already  an  encouraging  change. 
Such  cordials  are  novel  to  you,  and  you  relish  them  right 
well.  The  soft  flush  on  your  cheek  has  deepened  to  a  rich 
glow,  and  your  eye  sparkles  with  a  new  light." 

Then,  putting  her  arm  round  me,  she  drew  me  to  her  side. 

"  Ah,  my  little  maiden,  it  is  better  even  than  I  expected. 
My  red  wine  has  warmed  you  all  over." 


34  ESPERANCE. 

It  was  truly  a  moment  of  sweet  excitement,  and  I  eagerly 
drank  in  her  flattering  words. 

"  M'aimez-vous,  ma  petite  Esperance  ?  " 

I  don't  understand  you." 

"  It  is  a  shame  in  your  father,  but  you  shall  have  a  French 
master.  Translated,  my  words  were,  Do  you  love  me,  my 
little  Hope  ?  "  and  she  once  more  fixed  her  magnetic  eyes  on 
mine. 

I  replied  by  throwing  my  arms  round  her  neck,  while  I 
timidly  asked, — 

"  May  I  kiss  you,  dear  lady?  "  —  I  could  not  say  mother. 

"  Call  me  Ednah,  child  ;  I  shall 'always  be  Ednah  to  you. 
But  why  did  you  not  kiss  me  without  leave  ?  " 

I  answered  with  some  hesitation,  — 

"  Because  you  would  not  let  my  father  kiss  you  the  evening 
of  your  arrival." 

"  Ah,  I  remember.  I  had  the  best  of  reasons  for  my  re 
fusal,  which  I  may  possibly  confide  to  you  some  day.  In 
the  mean  time,  you  shall  kiss  me  whenever  you  are  disposed." 

Such  a  demonstration  was  new  to  me,  and  I  felt  my  face 
burn  as  I  bashfully  pressed  a  kiss  on  her  fair  cheek. 

"  Mr.  Frazer  would  envy  you,  were  he  aware  of  your 
privileges.  So  don't  forget  how  highly  favored  you  are." 

She  spoke  playfully,  but  it  excited  some  anxiety,  and  I 
ventured,  — 

"I  am  afraid  he  will  be  angry  with  me  for  daring  to 
love  you." 

"  Your  father  shall  never  come  between  us,"  she  replied, 
with  a  frown.  "  But  we  will  be  careful  in  his  presence. 
This  covenant  shall  be  our  first  secret.  After  a  time,  if  you 
are  faithful,  I  shall  trust  you  further." 


ESPEBANCE.  35 

Hearing  the  sound  of  carriage  wheels,  I  started  in  alarm. 

"  What  is  the  matter,  ma  petite  f  "  . 

"  I  was  thinking  what  father  would  say  if  he  should  find 
me  here." 

She  curled  her  lip,  exclaiming,  "  And  do  you  think  I  ad 
mit  him  into  this  sanctum  ?  Ma  foi  !  No  such  privilege  is 
vouchsafed  to  his  Iqrdship.  But  I  will  give  you  free  entree. 
Come  down  the  back  stairs,  step  lightly  through  the  ante 
room,  and  tap  at  this  little  door.  And  if  there  is  no  answer, 
walk  right  in.  Come  whenever  you  like,  but  be  sure  to 
come  when  you  are  in  trouble." 

"  How  good  you  are  !  "  I  responded  with  warmth. 

"  You  little  innocent !  "  said  she,  patting  my  cheek,  while 
a  slight  blush  flitted  over  her  face. 

When  I  laid  my  head  on  my  pillow  that  night,  I  was  in 
the  flush  of  a  first  intoxication.  The  Circean  cup  had  been 
held  to  my  lips,  and  wanting  the  moral  strength  to  decline  it, 
I  had  eagerly  swallowed  the  tempting  draught.  It  had 
warmed  me,  as  Ednah  said.  My  whole  being  was  even  now 
aglow  with  electrical  excitement.  Byron  and  Ednah  were 
blended  in  my  thoughts,  and  the  future  began  to  loom  up 
brightly  before  me.  I  would  fearlessly  take  all  life  had  to 
offer,  and  settle  the  question  whether  I  was  formed  to  gain 
triumphs  or  not. 

Suddenly  my  mother's  pallid  face  rose  up  before  me.  I 
pressed  my  own  close  into  the  pillows  to  shut  out  the  now 
unwelcome  image.  In  vain  ! 


36  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    V. 

"  WILL  you  teach  me  to  play  the  piano,  dear  Ednah?" 

"  Ma  foi  !  no,  child.  I  am  too  indolent  for  such  dread 
ful  labor.  But  I  will  provide  you  with  teachers,  and  you 
shall  speedily  be  initiated  into  the  elegances." 

Her  plans  were  carried  out,  and  under  the  care  of  accom 
plished  masters,  I  made  rapid  progress  in  the  modern  lan 
guages  and  in  music. 

My  brother  and  sisters  were  placed  in  charge  of  a  gov 
erness,  and  kept  in  a  different  part  of  the  house.  I  had  thus 
very  little  intercourse  with  them.  And  though  they  were 
fond  of  Ednah,  she  seldom  took  the  trouble  to  see  them. 
She  gave  me  to  understand  that  I  was  her  favorite,  and  I 
came  more  and  more  to  believe  it.  "Whether  my  father  was 
at  all  suspicious  of  this  friendship  I  knew  not,  but  his  treat 
ment  was  not  calculated  to  allay  my  old  irritation.  Perhaps 
Ednah's  partiality  made  me  somewhat  pert.  And  besides,  I 
had  another  of  her  secrets  in  my  keeping.  I  shall  never  for 
get  my  surprise  on  learning  it. 

It  was  some  weeks  after  my  first  visit  to  her  private  par 
lor.  I  was  in  the  same  room,  sitting  on  an  ottoman  beside 
her,  when  a  thought,  which  I  had  often  had  before,  flashed 
suddenly  upon  me,  suggesting  the  inquiry,  — 

"  Why  would  you  not  let  father  kiss  you  on  that  first 
evening  ?  " 


ESPERANCE.  37 

A  deep  crimson  dyed  her  face,  as  she  whispered  in  my  ear, 
—  "  Because  I  hate  him." 

I  looked  up  in  astonishment,  entirely  unable  to  speak. 

"  Poor  Esperance  !  I  have  shocked  you,  and  you  want  to 
ask  me  why  I  married  him  then.  I  will  conceal  nothing, 
child.  It  was  for  his  money.  I  am  dreadfully  extravagant ; 
I  must  have  luxuries  without  stint ;  I  was  hard  pressed ; 
it  was  the  most  eligible  match  that  offered  at  that  time. 
Besides,  though  full  of  silly  conceits  as  to  his  own  dignity, 
he  was  dead  in  love,  and  I  could  make  my  own  terms.  It 
was  a  stroke  of  worldly  wisdom,  and  so  I  brought  my  un 
willing  mind  to  it.  You  see  how  sovereign  is  my  rule. 
And  so  long  as  it  is  for  my  interest  to  keep  him  spell-bound, 
I  shall  continue  alternately  to  tantalize  and  fascinate  him. 
He  gains  nothing  in  the  end,  however,  by  my  concessions. 
So,  little  one,  you  see  you  have  a  formidable  ally."  And 
with  one  of  her  keen  glances,  she  continued,  in  a  low  but 
distinct  voice,  "  I  know  how  your  father  hates  you.  But  his 
hate,  I  see,  is  fully  reciprocated,  and  you  may  one  day  be  re 
venged." 

My  eye  fell  beneath  hers,  for  though  but  too  familiar  with 
my  own  evil  thoughts,  yet  when  dragged  into  the  daylight, 
and  put  face  to  face  before  me,  I  could  not  help  being 
shocked.  She  saw  this,  and  by  her  skilful  pleading,  quieted 
my  protesting  conscience ;  so  that  I  began  to  justify  to  my 
self  what  I  had,  till  now,  admitted  to  be  wrong. 

I  am  unable  adequately  to  measure  the  extent  of  Ednah's 
influence  upon  my  character.  She  had  completely  inthralled 
me ;  and  though  I  could  not  blind  myself  to  her  defects,  I 
loved  her  with  all  the  warmth  of  my  intense  nature,  and  felt 
that  there  was  almost  no  sacrifice  I  would  not  make  to  give 
4 


38  ESPEBANCE. 

her  pleasure.  My  excessive  reading  of  fictitious  literature, 
and  indulgence  in  day-drearning,  had  prepared  me  for  her 
insidious  influence.  The  delicate  flatteries  she  was  continu 
ally  administering  were  a  subtile  poison  to  my  moral  sense. 
Reason  revolted  from  her  teachings,  and  there  were  times 
when  conscience  was  alarmed ;  but  an  hour  in  her  charming 
presence  silenced  them  both,  and  riveted  the  chain  she  had 
thrown  around  me. 

I  pursued  my  education  with  eagerness,  because  I  coveted 
intellectual  power,  as  well  as  that  of  personal  accomplish 
ments.  But  in  the  intervals  of  study,  I  lived  a  life  of  strange 
excitement.  Although  I  knew  that  Ednah's  course,  with  re 
gard  to  my  father,  was  wrong,  yet  I  found  a  certain  pleasure 
in  seeing  how  dexterously  she  would  balk  him.  He  was 
necessarily  often  absent  from  home,  and  never  was  she  more 
gay  than  on  such  occasions.  Whether  any  of  the  servants 
distrusted  her  or  not,  I  could  not  tell ;  but  she  was  a  favorite 
with  them  all,  as  my  father  had  never  been.  I  recollect 
overhearing  one  of  them  talking  about  her  throwing  dust  in 
Mr.  Frazer's  eyes.  The  reply  was,  — 

"  And  that,  you  may  say,  she  does  in  all  our  eyes.  But 
we  like  her  for  all  that." 

Although  Ednah  sometimes  laughed  at  the  ardor  of  my 
attachment,  yet  she  took  care  that  it  should  not  be  weakened. 
She  allowed  me  to  vent  all  the  affection  she  had  kindled,  in 
honest  but  extravagant  expressions,  and  to  lavish  my  caresses 
upon  her  without  stint. 

"  You  can  do  as  you  please  with  me"  said  she;  one  day, 
when  I  had  come  up  softly  behind  her  and  thrown  my  arms 
round  her  neck.  "  But  when  you  have  lovers,  you  must 
manage  differently." 


ESPERANCE.  39 

"  If  I  have  one  lover,  I  shall  be  satisfied." 

"  You  belie  yourself,  for  it  is  pleasant  to  see  a  crowd  of 
suitors  at  one's  feet.  You  are  no  coquette  by  nature,  but 
you  have  spirit  enough,  and  are  acquiring  tact.  Ah,  Espe- 
rance,  you  will  never  need  to  marry  an  old  fool,  as  I  did. 
Little  dreams  the  world  of  the  heartache  beneath  all  this 
glitter."  And  she  pressed  my  hand  on  her  bosom. 

"  Darling  Ednah !  "  I  exclaimed,  with  a  burst  of  sym 
pathy.  "  I  wish  I  could  have  saved  you  from  this." 

And  clasping  her  hand  in  both  mine,  I  looked  up  lovingly 
into  her  face,  presently  adding,  "  But  in  spite  of  all  you  say, 
I  am  a  homely  girl,  and  can't  believe  I  shall  ever  be  sought, 
as  you  predict." 

"  Nonsense,  child.  You  know  better.  Your  '  great  mel 
ancholy  eyes '  alone,  can  play  the  mischief  with  anybody. 
You  are  a  little  girl  yet,  in  the  process  of  training.  Are  you 
in  such  a  hurry  to  begin  your  conquests  ?  " 

I  only  replied  by  laying  my  burning  face  in  her  lap,  and 
bursting  into  tears.  She  soothed  me  with  tenderest  words, 
but  in  the  very  act  of  soothing,  she  contrived  to  feed  those 
fires  which  should  never,  never  have  been  kindled. 

Could  no  memory  of  my  gentle  mother  shield  me  from 
those  seductive  influences  which  were  gradually  destroying 
the  purity  of  my  mind  ?  Alas  !  the  cruelty  of  my  father,  and 
the  captivations  of  my  step-mother,  were  combining  to  choke 
the  good  seed  she  had  so  carefully  sown.  Her  pious  teach 
ings  and  her  earnest  prayers  were  fast  fading  from  my 
remembrance  ;  and  yet  there  were  seasons  when  they  returned 
with  painful  vividness.  It  is  not  without  struggles,  God  be 
thanked,  that  we  break  through  the  thorny  hedges  which 
memory  and  conscience  have  raised  about  us,  and  take  our 


40  ESPERANCE. 

path  across  those  fair  Pontine  Marshes  whose  breath  is  a 
deadly  miasma.  I  had  many  a  season  of  unhappiness,  many 
an  hour  when  I  wished  I  had  died  with  my  mother. 

But  I  resisted  these  repenting  moods,  and  sought  to  banish 
them  by  resorting  to  Ednah's  lively  presence.  Had  I  only 

fled  to  my  mother's  grave !  But  as  the  consciousness 

of  a  cherished  hate  had  formerly  kept  me  from  that  sacred 
spot,  so  that  of  my  increasing  unworthiness  made  me  con 
tinue  to  shun  it,  even  though  often  importuned  by  my  little 
sister  Ada  to  take  her  there. 

Sweet  child !  what  a  world  of  sacred  memories  cluster 
around  her  name  !  Still  her  fairy  form  is  before  me  ;  still 
her  saintly  child-face  steals  across  my  tearful  vision.  A  lily- 
like  complexion,  occasionally  tinged  with  the  faintest  color, 
a  sweet  and  serious  little  mouth,  and  soft  eyes,  blue  as  the 
summer  heavens,  before  whose  pure  glance  guilt  might  well 
shrink  abashed.  Round  her  pale,  thoughtful  brow  clustered 
drooping,  golden  curls,  according  well  with  her  angelic 
beauty. 

Wonderfully  like  my  mother,  she  never  seemed  a  child  of 
earth,  but  like  a  snow-flake  lingering  in  the  ether,  as  if  loath 
to  touch  the  ground.  So  lingered  our  snow-flower,  opening, 
day  by  day,  into  as  sweet  a  blossom  as  ever  graced  a  mortal 
garden.  She  was  like  a  charmed  presence,  gliding  in  and 
out  among  us.  Even  of  my  harsh  father  she  was  not 
afraid,  and  his  face  assumed  a  softer  expression,  and  his 
voice  a  milder  tone,  when  he  spoke  to  her.  Surely  "  of  such 
is  the  kingdom  of  heaven." 

It  was  a  touching  contrast  to  see  the  spiritual  child  beside 
the  worldly  Ednah.  The  fashionable,  frivolous  woman 
seemed  to  feel  rebuked  by  her  presence. 


ESPERANCE.  41 

"  She  is  altogether  too  holy  to  keep  company  with  us  or 
dinary  mortals,"  said  she,  one  day,  when  Ada  had  been  ask 
ing  her  questions.  "  Sweet  cherub  as  she  is,  one  can't  have 
her  about  all  the  time,  or  one  would  become  absolutely  afraid 
of  doing  anything  naughty.  Take  her  under  your  wing, 
Espy,  and  try  to  make  some  little  impression  upon  her 
as  to  the  actualities  of  this  world,  for  she  thinks  a  great  deal 
too  much  of  the  other,  granting  there  is  another." 

So  I  took  her  to  walk  with  me,  and  listened  to  her  childish 
prattle.  But  I  could  not  find  it  in  my  heart  to  say  one  word 
which  would  tend  to  undermine  her  faith,  or  grieve  her  trust 
ing  spirit.  Bad  as  I  was,  I  restrained  my  hands,  lest,  by  a 
careless  touch,  they  might  sully  that  pure,  God-given  flower. 
But  my  goodness  was  simply  that  of  omission.  Many  a  pang 
have  I  suffered  that  I  did  no  more  for  the  loving  child. 

"Mayn't  I  sleep  with  you,  Espy?"  asked  she,  one  day, 
using  the  pet  name  she  had  caught  from  Ednah. 

"Why,  Ada?" 

"  Oh,  because  I  love  you  so." 

"  You  need  care,  which  I  have  no  time  to  give.  When 
you  are  eight  years  old,  we  will  see." 

"  But  I  can  dress  myself,  and  I  won't  trouble  you  at  all." 

"  Good  girls  don't  tease." 

"  Ada  won't  tease  any  more  ; "  and  while  a  tear  was  in  her 
eye,  she  tried  to  bear  her  disappointment  bravely. 

And  this  was  the  youngest  left  to  us  of  my  angel  mother's 
flock !  Why  was  I  so  unfaithful  to  her  dying  charge  ?  And 
why  did  I  refuse  the  innocent  request  of  the  child  I  so 
dearly  loved  ?  Must  I  confess  that  it  was  in  part  because 
the  sight  of  her  childish  piety  smote  me  to  the  heart?  To 
see  her  small  hands  clasped  in  prayer,  as  mine  used  to  be 
4* 


42  ESPEEANCE. 

when  I  daily  knelt  beside  my  mother,  —  to  hear  her  lisping 
entreaties  for  herself  and  for  us  all,  that  we  might  be  "  vely 
good,  and  go  some  day  to  live  in  heaven," — and  to  listen  to 
her  artless  talk  about  God  and  the  angels, —  this  was  what  I 
could  not  bear. 

And  here  I  ought  to  record  what  had  been  more  disastrous 
in  its  effect  on  me  than  all  other  influences.  It  was  Ednah7  s 
frivolous  and  sometimes  mocking  treatment  of  sacred  sub 
jects.  How,  I  can  hardly  tell,  but  by  words  dropped  now 
and  then,  she  had  insinuated  into  my  mind  doubts  of  a  most 
ruinous  character.  A  retributive  hereafter  !  —  that  was  only 
a  bugbear  to  frighten  naughty  children.  So  we  might  as 
well  get  out  of  life  all  we  could.  And  there  was  no  need  to 
be  overstrained  in  our  notions  of  morality.  All  that  was 
necessary  was  an  external  decency.  Virtue,  in  her  view, 
was  an  uncertain  quantity,  varying  according  to  every  man's 
notion.  She  entered  into  no  argument,  and  she  adduced  no 
proof.  But  she  took  just  the  course  calculated  to  throw  me 
into  a  state  of  doubt  respecting  all  spiritual  truth. 


ESPERANCE.  43 


CHAPTER    VI. 

IT  was  now  midsummer.  Our  house,  as  usual,  had  been 
filled  with  company,  Ednah  being  the  gayest  of  them  all. 
At  a  pleasant  driving  distance  from  the  town,  my  father 
owned  a  charming  place,  called  Pine  Grove.  A  large  farm 
house  belonging  to  it  stood  on  the  banks  of  a  creek,  which 
wound  along  underneath  shady  trees,  forming  here  and  there 
little  pleasant  coves.  On  this  stream  was  a  small  sail-boat, 
one  of  Ednah's  special  appointments  for  the  entertainment 
of  her  numerous  guests.  A  party  would  go  over  from  our 
house  for  the  day,  taking  an  ample  supply  of  provisions  and 
books,  with  other  resources,  for  the  pleasant  killing  of  time. 

What  nice  baskets  of  sandwiches  were  put  up,  with  bottles 
of  beer  and  wine,  and  delicate  cakes  and  tarts  of  every  vari 
ety  !  An  abundance  of  fruit  of  the  best  quality  was  always 
furnished  from  the  farm.  And  sometimes  Ednah  would 
order  coffee,  when  there  was  sure  to  be  no  lack  of  genuine 
•cream. 

Occasionally  she  would  invite  her  acquaintances  from  the 
town  to  join  the  picnic  ;  and  then  there  was  always  a  season 
of  rare  merriment.  Some  would  row  down  the  stream,  chat 
ting  gayly  as  they  went,  or  with  their  fingers  dreamily  rip 
pling  the  smooth  waters.  Others  would  stroll  off  into  the 
groves  which  bordered  the  creek,  while  here  and  there  were 
little  groups  lounging  under  the  trees,  engrossed  in  some 


44  ESPERANCE. 

witching  tale,  or  lazily  gazing  up  into  the  summer  sky,  as  it 
came  to  them  in  bright  checkers  through  the  waving  foliage. 

Of  all  these  festive  occasions  Ednah  was  the  life,  charm 
ing  every  one  by  her  brilliant  spirits,  as  well  as  by  her  grace 
ful  hospitality.  It  was  a  study  to  me  to  watch  my  father 
whenever  he  happened  to  join  these  parties.  At  any  atten 
tion  from  Ednah,  his  countenance  would  brighten  with  a 
proud  fondness,  which  it  was  pitiful  for  me  to  behold.  She 
must  have  possessed  unusual  power,  as  well  as  finesse,  thus 
completely  to  inthrall  a  man  of  his  character,  and  that  while 
he  was  actually  so  abhorrent  to  her. 

On  one  of  these  occasions,  Ednah  introduced  me  to  Miss 
Adelaide  Campbell,  a  young  lady  three  or  four  years  my 
senior.  She  was  a  native  of  Clydeville,  but  had  spent  sev 
eral  years  out  of  town,  having  returned  only  within  a  few 
months.  I  had  heard  her  spoken  of  as  a  girl  of  high  cul 
ture,  and  as  quite  a  connoisseur  in  art.  She  was  above  the 
ordinary  height,  of  a  noble  countenance  and  a  commanding 
presence.  We  strolled  together  through  a  winding  path  to 
a  point  whence  we  could  have  a  fine  view  of  the  North  River. 
We  gazed  long  in  silence,  and  then,  turning  suddenly  towards 
the  mountains  standing  in  sweet  serenity,  Miss  Campbell 
exclaimed,  — 

"  What  a  perpetual  joy  to  have  such  a  river  and  such 
mountains  to  look  upon!" 

I  responded  with  enthusiasm,  and  we  soon  fell  into  an 
animated  conversation.  From  natural  scenery  we  pro 
ceeded  to  art,  and  she  told  me  several  anecdotes  of  Thomas 
Cole,  with  whom  she  was  intimately  acquainted.  I  ven 
tured  to  express  my  desire  to  see  her  own  paintings,  of 
which  I  had  heard. 


ESPEEANCE.  45 

"  You  shall  see  them,  if  you  will  come  and  pass  a  day 
with  me." 

"I  will  do  so  with  pleasure  when  Ednah  has  no  other 
plan  for  me." 

"  Ednah  you  call  her,  then." 

"  Yes,  she  wished  me  to,  and  she  is  more  my  companion 
than  my  mother." 

At  this  moment  we  heard  light  footsteps,  and  presently 
Ada,  flushed  and  out  of  breath,  stood  before  us. 

"  I  asked  papa  to  take  me  to  Pine  Grove  with  him,  and 
then  mamma  told  me  where  to  find  you." 

"  Will  you  sit  by  me?"  said  Miss  Campbell,  holding  out 
her  hand. 

Ada  went  to  her  directly. 

"  What  is  your  name?  "  she  asked,  putting  back  the  sunny 
curls  from  her  forehead. 

"  Ada  Frazer. 

"  They  sometimes  call  me  Ada." 

"  What  is  your  true  name  ?  "  asked  my  little  sister, 
gravely. 

"  Adelaide  Campbell,  at  your  service." 

Ada  looked  steadily  into  those  clear  eyes,  and  then  said, 
"  Will  it  trouble  you  to  talk  to  me? " 

"  Certainly  not,  darling.     But  what  shall  I  talk  about?  " 

"  About  heaven,  if  you  are  willing." 

So  they  had  a  long  talk  together,  in  which  Miss  Camp 
bell  kindly  answered  all  her  questions,  while  I  listened  with 
inward  compunctions. 

"What  did  you  talk  with  Miss  Campbell  about?"  asked 
Ednah  the  next  day. 

"  About  scenery  and  art,  and  she  invited  me  to  pass  a  day 


46  ESPEEANCE. 

with  her,  when  she  has  promised  to  show  me  her  paintings. 
And  then  Ada  came,  and  they  had  a  long  chat." 

"  About  holy  matters,  of  course.  Then  she  did  not  honor 
my  queenship  with  a  Avord." 

"  O  yes  !     She  did  full  justice  to  your  charms." 

"  And  she  did  not  say,  '  Handsome  is,  that  handsome 
does'?" 

"  Nothing  of  the  sort,  however  appropriate  it  might  have 
been,"  replied  I,  laughing. 

"  Impertinence  !  "  and  she  shook  her  finger  at  me. 

Our  guests  had  all  departed,  and  Ednah  and  I  had  one  day 
been  out  for  a  quiet  drive.  On  our  return,  a  card  was  placed 
in  her  hand.  Glancing  at  it,  she  changed  color,  exclaiming, 
"  How  vexatious  !  "  but  turning  it  over,  added,  "  It  is  just 
as  well,  perhaps,  that  I  was  away." 

She  then  handed  me  the  card,  on  which  was  written,  with 
a  bold  hand,  PHILIP  LEVERE,  U.  S.  A.  On  the  other  side 
was  added  with  a  pencil,  "  Will  call  again  to-morrow." 

"  He  is  an  old  acquaintance,  I  suppose." 

"Yes,"  she  answered  in  an  absent  tone,  but  presently  re 
sumed,  "I  met  him  in  Paris,  and  —  well  —  great  changes 
have  taken  place  since  then."  And  she  fell  into  a  reverie. 

During  the  next  morning,  the  door  bell  rang,  and  Ednah 
was  summoned  below.  After  about  an  hour  she  came  back 
into  her  private  room,  where  she  had  left  me,  and  with  a 
flushed  face  threw  herself  upon  the  couch. 

"  Fan  me,  Espy.  The  proud  lieutenant  has  taxed  all  my 
energies  for  his  entertainment ;  and  that  is  of  late  so  novel, 
that  I  am  quite  exhausted." 

"  Please  tell  me  about  him,"  said  I,  complying  with  her 
request. 


ESPEEANCE.  47 

"  He  is  a  hard  case,  for  he  knows  too  much.  But  I  will 
outwit  him  if  he  will  only  give  me  time." 

"  But  this  is  not  describing  him," 

"  Well,  let  me  see  if  I  can  make  out  the  inventory  of  his 
attractions.  In  the  first  place,  he  is  tall  and  of  decidedly 
military  carriage.  Intellectually,  his  head  is  well- developed, 
but  in  the  conscientious  department,  he  may  possibly  be 
Avanting.  His  complexion  i&  dark,  and  his  hair  black  and 
curly.  Now  let  us  come  to  the  eyes,  though  with  him  they 
are  the  most  difficult  feature  to  describe.  They  are  dark  and 
brilliant,  but  their  light  has  no  warmth.  It  is  a  cold  spar 
kling,  like  that  of  the  diamond.  I  have  seen  them  burn,  how 
ever,  and  I  may  have  that  satisfaction  again.  His  mouth,  — 
but  let  that  go.  It  is  one  thing  this  minute,  and  another 
the  next.  He  is  a  complete  man  of  the  world,  polished  as 
steel,  and  equally  cold.  In  manner  always  assured,  he  is 
skilled  in  fathoming  the  character  of  all  he  meets,  and  adapt 
ing  himself  thereto,  -tfil  se  plait.  As  to  his  history,  he  was 
educated  at  "West  Point,  has  resided  a  great  deal  in  Paris, 
and  travelled  everywhere.  But  enough  of  him  for  to-day. 
To-morrow  you  shall  behold  him  for  yourself.  I  am  in  a 
stormy  mood  ;  play  me  something  of  Beethoven's." 

The  next  afternoon  I  was  summoned  down  stairs  to  see 
Lieutenant  Levere.  As  I  reached  the  door,  I  heard  Ednah 
say  in  a  low  voice,  — 

"  She  is  of  tropical  temperament,  and  only  needs  hot 
house  culture  to  make  her  a  rare  flower.  Try  what  you  can 
do  for  her." 

Knowing  of  whom  Ednah  must  be  speaking,  I  felt  some 
embarrassment  at  her  introduction.  After  exchanging  a  few 
words  with  me,  Mr.  Levere  resumed  his  conversation  with 


48  ESPERANCE. 

Ednah,  which  gave  me  an  opportunity  of  comparing  her 
sketch  with  the  original.  I  found  her  portraiture  correct, 
though  she  had  omitted  his  epaulets,  which,  with  young 
girls,  have  their  share  of  influence.  A  pause  occurring,  he 
turned,  and  fixing  his  eyes  on  mine,  inquired,  — 

"  What  will  be  the  weather  to-morrow?" 

"  I  am  no  prophet,  sir,"  I  answered  with  surprise. 

"  Excuse  me.  I  fancied  those  eyes  could  look  a  great  way 
into  the  future." 

He  said  this  in  a  significant  manner,  which  made  me  blush 
in  spite  of  myself.  I  was  too  confused  to  reply,  which  in 
creased  my  vexation,  for  I  was  sure  he  noted  the  effect  of  his 
remark.  He  had  gallantry  enough,  however,  to  appear  un 
conscious  of  it. 

As  he  was  leaving,  Ednah  invited  him  to  dine  the  next  day 
with  us,  adding  quietly,  "  Mr.  Frazer  will  be  at  home." 

Giving  her  a  glance  so  piercing  that  she  changed  color, 
he  politely  accepted  the  invitation.  The  moment  he  had 
withdrawn,  she  began  to  walk  up  and  down,  muttering  to 
herself.  Then  turning  to  me,  — 

"  Ah,  Espy,  I  have  a  hard  game  to  play  with  that  man. 
But  I  will  prevail  against  all  his  arts." 

I  did  not  fully  comprehend  her  meaning,  but  ventured  to 
say,  "  If  he  displeases  you,  why  do  you  permit  his  calls?  " 

"  Displeases  me?"  she  replied,  with  a  scornful  laugh. 

The  next  day  a  number  of  guests  were  assembled,  when 
Lieutenant  Levere  was  announced.  Ednah  introduced  him 
to  her  husband,  who  received  him  quite  ceremoniously.  But 
the  young  officer  thought  it  worth  while  to  make  an  effort, 
and  it  was  not  long  before  my  father  was  listening  to  him 
with  unwonted  interest.  Ednah  devoted  herself  to  her  other 


ESPEBANCE.  49 

guests,  apparently  satisfied  with  the  course  of  things.  When, 
at  length,  Mr.  Levere  pleaded  an  engagement  as  compelling 
him  to  an  early  withdrawal,  my  father  cordially  invited  him 
to  call  as  often  as  he  had  leisure.  All  this  time,  Ednah 
stood  near  with  apparent  indifference,  though  I  fancied  that 
I  caught  a  gleam  of  triumph  in  her  eye. 

"  Mrs.  Frazer,"  said  my  father,  turning  towards  her, 
"  cannot  you  plan  an  excursion  to  Pine  Grove  this  week, 
which  our  friend  can  be  induced  to  join  ?  " 

"  It  is  doubtful,"  replied  she,  coldly  ;  "  still,  if  you  desire 
it,  I  will  try  to  find  a  day." 

"  It  will  give  me  pleasure  to  enter  into  any  arrangement 
Mr.  Frazer  may  propose,"  said  the  officer,  bowing  to  my 
father,  .without  a  glance  at  Ednah. 

After  some  discussion  it  was  settled  that  the  present  com 
pany  should  make  the  excursion  on  the  morrow.  It  proved 
oppressive  weather,  but  with  the  aid  of  watermelons  and 
iced  lemonade,  the  party  managed  to  keep  comfortable. 
Ednah  surpassed  herself  in  brilliancy,  but  notwithstanding 
my  father's  frequent  appeals  to  her  to  show  the  officer  this 
and  tell  him  that,  she  treated  him  with  a  marked  distance, 
which  was  returned  in  even  measure.  As  we  were  about 
leaving,  Ednah,  happening  to  be  near  the  stranger,  expressed 
her  hope  that  he  had  passed  a  pleasant  day. 

"  I  have  enjoyed  myself  extremely,"  said  he  in  a  noncha 
lant  tone,  giving  her  at  the  same  time  a  quick  glance  of  in 
telligence,  of  which  I  could  make  nothing. 

This  formal  intercourse    continued  several  days,  till  my 

father  was  obliged  to  leave  town  for  a  fortnight.     The  day 

after  his  departure,  as  I  came  up  the  front  walk,  Mr.  Levere 

was  standing  at  the  door  with  Ednah.     He  had  laid  aside  his 

5 


50  ESPERANCE. 

ordinary  coolness,  and  seemed  to  be  earnestly  arguing  some 
point.  After  a  little  hesitation,  she  replied, — 

"  I  consent  then,  but  only  with  that  understanding,"  when 
he  touched  his  hat  and  walked  away. 

As  I  came  in,  Ednah  drew  my  arm  within  hers,  saying, 
"  Esperance,  that  wilful  man  has  drawn  from  me  a  promise 
to  go  to  Pine  Grove  to-morrow.  But  I  consented  only  on 
condition  that  you  would  accompany  us." 

"  You  must  excuse  me,"  replied  I,  "  for  a  trio  in  such  a 
case  is  any  thing  but  agreeable." 

"  Don't  vex  me,  Epsy.  You  will  not  be  de  trop,  and  you 
must  go." 

"  Of  course,  I  will  yield  then." 

In  spite  of  a  certain  nameless  distrust  of  our  gallant  officer, 
which  I  had  felt  from  the  beginning,  he  contrived  to  make 
the  day  unusually  agreeable.  While  we  sat  on  rustic  seats 
in  the  cool  shade,  he  reclined  on  the  grass,  and  read  aloud 
passages  from  "  Lalla  Rookh."  There  was  an  occasional 
empressement  in  his  manner  to  Ednah  which  I  had  not  before 
noticed.  He  tried  more  than  once  to  persuade  her  to  stroll 
with  him  among  the  winding  paths,  but  she  professed  herself 
too  indolent  to  move. 

In  the  afternoon,  when  the  shadows  were  beginning  to 
lengthen,  we  sailed  down  the  creek,  Ednah  insisting  on  help 
ing  row  the  boat,  while  at  Levere's  entreaty  she  sang  a  wild 
air  he  named. 

"  Do  you  remember  the  days  we  spent  on  the  Ehine,  Mrs. 
Frazer?" 

"  Otti,  monsieur." 

"And  that  prediction  of  the  saucy  fortune-teller?  " 

"  Pray  don't  recall  that  nonsense,"  answered  she,  with  a 
quick  change  of  color. 


ESPERANCE.  51 

"  And  are  you,  then,  so  entirely  satisfied  with  the  present 
as  never  to  breathe  a  sigh  for  the  past  ?  " 

She  started  at  his  bold  question  ;  but,  controlling  herself, 
replied  carelessly,  — 

"  I  am  sorry  you  have  not  forgotten  those  hours  of  folly." 

"  Are  you?  "  he  slowly  asked,  probing  her  with  his  glitter 
ing  eyes.  "  "Well,  I  can  exorcise  the  ghosts  of  memory. 
Shall  I  do  so,  Mrs.  Frazer  ?  " 

"  I  recommend  it  by  all  means,"  — with  bitter  sarcasm  in 
her  tone. 

"  There  is  one  thing,  at  least,  that  I  shall  never  forget  nor 
forgive  ;  that  is,  till  it  is  atoned  for." 

He  uttered  these  words  in  an  undertone,  again  looking 
fixedly  into  Ednah's  face,  till  her  eyes  unwillingly  fell.  In  a 
moment,  however,  she  regained  her  composure,  and  saying 
hastily,  "  I  defy  alike  your  memory  and  your  anger,"  began 
to  hum  a  gay  tune.  Levere  entered  into  her  mood  ;  and  till 
our  return  there  was  nothing  between  them  but  sparkling 
sallies  of  humor,  and  playful  attacks  and  retorts. 

"  Shall  we  take  another  drive  to-morrow?"  asked  the 
lieutenant  as  we  were  approaching  our  house. 

"  Not  unless  you  will  promise  to  cease  annoying  me  with 
such  extremely  disagreeable  reminiscences." 

"  Very  well,"  replied  he,  coolly.  "  I  have  not  the  smallest 
objection  to  make  the  desired  vow.  But  when  it  has  once 
passed  my  lips,  not  even  you  shall  tempt  me  to  break  it. 
With  this  understanding,  capricious  lady,  I  await  your  com 
mands." 

Bitterly  Ednah  responded,  "  I  did  not  ask  you  to  take  an 
oath,  but  simply  to  refrain  from  teasing  me  with  painful 


52  ESPERANCE. 

memories.  It  is  neither  kind  nor  manly  to  torture  a  de 
fenceless  woman." 

"  Je  le  comprends"  rejoined  he,  in  a  softened  tone.  "  How 
could  I  imagine  that,  with  so  brilliant  a  present,  the  past 
could  cost  you  any  pangs  ?  But  since  it  is  so,  it  shall  be  my 
part  to  soothe  if  not  to  banish  them.  I  will  call  for  you 
to-morrow  at  eleven." 

Ednah.  drew  a  deep  sigh  after  he  had  gone,  but  soon 
aroused  herself,  saying,  — 

"  Eemember,  Espy,  that  you  are  to  go  with  us  every 
where." 

"  I  had  rather  not,  Ednah  ;  nor  do  I  see  how  you  can  want 
to  go  with  that  bold  man." 

"  Take  care  that  you  don't  thwart  me."  Then,  with  her 
caressing  manner,  she  continued,  "  When  I  have  fairly 
humbled  the  audacious  fellow,  I  shall  take  my  adieu  of  him. 
And  you  will  not  vex  me,  child." 

I  yielded,  as  usual.  And  so  the  days  glided  by.  I  saw 
no  signs  of  growing  humility  on  the  officer's  part ;  on  the 
contrary,  I  fancied  his  manner  became  increasingly  assured. 
I  had  my  own  thoughts  about  this  intimacy,  yet  was  con 
strained  to  acknowledge  that  Ednah  was  extremely  guarded 
in  their  intercourse. 


ESPERANCE.  53 


CHAPTER   VII. 

SEPTEMBER  !  My  father  had  just  departed  on  his  expected 
journey.  I  was  reclining  on  a  couch  in  a  deep  recess  of 
Ednah's  parlor,  reading  "  Sorrows  of  Werther,"  one  of  the 
books  she  had  put  into  my  hands.  Partially  concealed  by 
the  heavy  curtains,  she  did  not  observe  me  when  she  entered. 
Sitting  down  by  an  open  front  window,  and  leaning  her  head 
upon  her  hand,  she  gazed  dreamily  out.  Suddenly  a  bright 
flush  passed  over  her  face,  and  she  turned  as  if  expecting  a 
summons.  A  few  moments  passed,  and  then  came  a  gen 
tle  tap. 

"  Entrez." 

The  door  opened. 

"Ednah!" 

"  Mr.  Levere !  "  said  she,  retreating,  "  I  am  accustomed 
to  be  addressed  as  Mrs.  Frazer.  And.  sir  —  " 

"Why,  Ednah,  —  I  beg  pardon,  —  Mrs.  Frazer,  —  what 
occasions  this  prudery?  Seeing  you  at  your  window,  and 
recalling  what  you  said  the  other  day,  I  supposed  I  was  only 
taking  a  justifiable  liberty.  But  if  you  order  it,  I  am 
gone." 

"  You  can  first  make  known  your  business.  But  your 
presence  in  this  room  was  unexpected." 

"  Not  unwelcome,  though,  I  have  the  vanity  to  believe." 
And  he  approached  to  sit  beside  her. 
5* 


54  ESPEBANCE. 

Divining  his  intention,  she  rose,  saying,  — . 
"  You  grow  assuming." 
"  And  have  you  given  me  no  reason? " 
"  Reason?     No  !  "  she  angrily  replied. 
"  A  spice  of  your  old  coquetry ;"  and  he  again  approached 
her. 

"  Talk  not  to  me  of  coquetry." 

"  But  what  then  do  you  mean?  " 

"  Mean?  vous  savez  tres  bien.    Vous  etes  un  mauvais  Jwmme 

—  une  beteferoce." 

He  smiled  a  cold,  cruel  smile,  but  did  not  once  remove 
his  searching  eyes.  At  length,  in  the  distinctest  tone,  he 
asked,  — 

"  Do  you  love  Mr.  Frazer?" 

"  Love  him  !  Mon  Dieu  !  "  And  she  shivered,  while  a 
look  of  mingled  hate  and  contempt  crossed  her  face.  Then, 
clasping  her  hands,  she  whispered,  — 

"  Oh,  pity  me,  pity  me,  Philip  !  " 

"  Bien  !  "  he  muttered.  Then  slowly,  "  You  hate  this 
man.  You  loved  me  when  you  married  him.  And,  Ednah, 
carissima,  —  I  speak  with  assurance,  for  I  have  read  your 
heart  through  all  the  folds  by  which  you  seek  to  disguise  it, 

—  you  have  not  yet  lost  all  tenderness  for  me." 

"  Wretch,  begone  !  You  have  no  right  to  say  that."  But 
her  face  paled  in  spite  of  her  imperious  tone. 

"I  have  a  right.  Have  you  forgotten,  Ednah?"  And 
his  voice  lowered.  "  You  are  not  happy.  Yes,  I  do  pity  you. 
And  yet  I  cannot  help  approving  your  selection  of  a  home, 
though  I  could  wish  you  had  another  lord  and  master.  But 
then  I  was  a  poor  devil,  and  you  women  would  marry 
Mephistopheles  himself,  if  he  could  minister  to  you  all  de- 


ESPERANCE.  55 

sired  luxuries.  Besides,  I  don't  think  even  your  delightful 
company  could  reconcile  me  to  poverty." 

"You  well  know,  Levere,  that  it  was  not  your  poverty 
which  separated  us,  but  —  " 

"But  what?"  * 

"  Your  cold-blooded  flirtations.  You  drove  me  desperate, 
and  I  —  but  your  heart  was  not  worth  breaking." 

"  Is  it  worth  healing  ?  " 

He  asked  this  question  in  his  most  insinuating  tone,  and 
then  continued,  — 

"  You  can  never  forget  the  wrong  you  did  me.  But  on 
certain  conditions,  I  shall  generously  pardon  you." 

"  You  are  modest !   What  claims  do  you  presume  to  make  ?  " 

"  Only  an  occasional  entree  to  this  paradise,  whence  your 
legal  master  is  excluded." 

"  Never,  while  you  demand  it." 

"  As  a  favor,  then,  I  beg  it.  You  well  know,  Ednah,  that 
at  heart  I  am  your  slave." 

"  I  have  already  one  slave,  and  that  is  all  I  care  to 
manage." 

"  Capricious  woman  !  You  will  neither  let  me  command 
nor  obey.  What  position,  pray,  would  you  have  me  assume  ?  " 

"  If  you  behave  yourself  as  a  true  and  gallant  officer 
should,  you  shall  be  mio  amico." 

"  Rather  a  distant  assignment  for  an  old  lover ;  but  if  you 
are  suited,  I  shall  not  complain.  And  now,  arnica  mia,  I 
must  tear  myself  from  your  presence." 

As  she  accompanied  him  down  stairs,  I  made  good  my  re 
treat,  confounded  by  the  strange  scene  I  had  witnessed.  I 
could  not  deny  that  this  unscrupulous  man  was  gaining  influ 
ence  with  Ednah.  Both  of  them  governed  by  impulse  and 
reckless  of  consequences,  what  would  the  end  be? 


56  ESPERANCE. 

Hardened  and  worldly  as  I  had  become,  as  I  pondered 
this  question  I  was  filled  with  solicitude  and  distress. 

I  did  not  think  it  best  to  acknowledge  to  Ednah  that  I  had 
been  a  witness  of  the  interview  between  her  and  Levere. 
But  I  resolved,  henceforth,  to  give  her  as  much  of  my  com 
pany  as  she  desired.  And  I  think  she  felt  my  presence  a 
relief  whenever  he  was  with  her,  whether  at  home,  or  in 
their  .walks  and  rides.  Her  manner  now  more  decidedly 
discouraged  all  familiarity,  and  I  began  to  hope  that,  after 
all,  his  boldness  was  receiving  a  wholesome  check. 

"  Ah,  Espy,"  said  Ednah  one  day,  "you  know  nothing  of 
these  dreadful  conflicts."  And  with  touching  sadness  she 
laid  her  cheek  to  mine. 

I  threw  my  arms  round  her  neck,  and  told  her  I  wished 
she  could  be  happy,  and  then  went  on  to  say  that  I  thought 
her  old  friend  was  making  her  more  and  more  miserable. 
Before  she  could  reply,  a  carriage  rolled  up  the  avenue.  I 
lifted  the  curtains,  and,  looking  out,  exclaimed,  — 

"  My  father  has  returned." 

Ednah  gave  a  shriek  of  surprise,  exclaiming,  — 

"  The  wretch,  to  disappoint  me  thus  !  And  now  I  must 
turn  hypocrite  again,  when  he  is  a  hundred  times  more  de 
testable  than  ever."  Then,  controlling  herself,  she  added 
ironically,  "  He  will  be  all  impatience  to  see  me.  Go  down, 
Espy,  for  I  will  not  meet  him  alone.  He  will  delay  an 
nouncing  himself  till  he  has  made  his  toilet,  and  so  I  shall 
gain  time  to  school  my  face." 

She  soon  followed  me,  and  in  the  course  of  half  an  hour 
I  heard  my  father's  step  in  the  hall.  Encountering  a  ser 
vant,  he  said,  — 

"  Ask  Mrs.  Frazer  where  she  will  see  me." 


•ESPERANCE.  57 

"  She  is  waiting  for  you,  sir,  in  the  parlor." 

He  opened  the  door,  and  Ednah  went  towards  him,  suffer 
ing  him  to  embrace  her.  I  looked  up,  and  we  exchanged 
bows.  And  then  I  heard  him  say,  — 

"  Will  you  not  send  Hope  out  of  the  room? " 

"  She  is  only  practising." 

He  led  her  to  the  sofa,  while  she  inquired,  — 

u  Have  you  ordered  dinner?" 

"  I  dined  on  the  boat." 

"You  have  returned  sooner  than  you  expected." 

"  Love  gave  me  wings." 

"  So  you  are  not  tired  of  that  role" 

"  Such  a  time  can  never  come.  But  I  must  try  absence 
again,  for  you  are  more  complying  than  usual." 

Her  head  drooped  still  lower ;  then,  with  a  gay  laugh, 
she  sprang  up. 

"  Will  you  hear  one  of  my  new  songs?  " 

"  You  may  leave,  Hope,"  said  my  father. 

And  the  happy  pair  were  alone  together. 

"  Ma  belle  EsperanceS' — Ednah  called  me  so  in  her  wooing 
moods, — "I  had  engaged  to  ride  with  our  hero  to-morrow, 
but  must  devote  myself  to  your  father  till  Friday,  when  he 
will  leave  for  New  York.  Just  step  round  to  his  boarding- 
house,  and  give  him  this  explanation." 

I  could  not  quite  make  up  my  mind  to  refuse  her  request ; 
so  I  reluctantly  delivered  the  note. 

It  so  happened  that  on  Friday  I  was  engaged  to  spend  the 
day  with  Adelaide  Campbell.  In  the  afternoon,  when  we 
had  been  talking  over  various  matters,  she  asked  if  she 
might  speak  with  me  frankly  on  a  certain  subject ;  and  of 
course  I  gave  my  assent. 


58  ESPEBANCE. 

"  Think  of  me  as  a  sister,  and  whatever  I  may  say,  I  beg 
you  not  to  consider  me  obtrusive." 

Then  she  told  me  of  the  impression  Ednah  had  made  upon 
the  community,  and  of  the  unpleasant  rumors  afloat  in  con 
sequence  of  her  intimacy  with  Levere,  who  was  known  to  be 
a  profligate. 

" Is  not  your  father  disturbed  by  her  course?" 

"  He  has  been  absent  a  great  deal ;  and  besides,  he  sees 
nothing  out  of  the  way  in  her."  < 

"  Then  so  much  the  more  important  for  you  to  act." 

"  There  is  nothing  I  can  do." 

She  then  spoke  of  Ednah's  affection  for  me,  imploring  me 
to  talk  with  her  freely. 

"  I  have  alluded  to  the  subject  more  than  once,  but  it  was 
not  pleasant  to  Ednah,  and  I  am  too  young  to  reprove  her." 

"It  is  not  necessary  to  do  it  in  the  way  of  rebuke  ;  besides, 
she  considers  you  a  companion,  rather  than  a  daughter." 

I  felt  the  force  of  her  words,  but  shrank  painfully  from  so 
disagreeable  a  step. 

"  Think  of  what  is  due  to  the  memory  of  your  mother, 
dear  Hope,  and  check  this  scandal  at  once." 

"  But  it  is  only  indiscretion.  And  after  all,  for  one  of  her 
temperament,  Ednah  is  very  guarded." 

"  That  may  be  now,  but  she  is  travelling  on  a  dangerous 
road." 

"  Suppose  I  have  a  talk  with  her,  and  it  is  of  no  avail." 

"  Then  you  must  go  to  your  father." 

I  shuddered,  replying,  "  He  must  take  care  of  his  own 
dignity.  I  cannot  enlighten  him." 

"  I  hope  it  would  not  come  to  that ;  but  if  it  should,  you 
cannot  escape  the  responsibility." 


E8PERANCE.  59 

"  And  if  he  should  not  believe  it?  " 

"  Then  you  could  do  nothing  more  but  pray  for  her." 

Could  I  confess  that  I  never  prayed  ? 

"  Is  your  father  at  home  now?" 

"  He  went  to  New  York  this  morning." 

"  Then,  excuse  me,  dear,  but  I  cannot  help  the  feeling 
that  you  ought  not  to  be  away  from  the  house.  And,  if  op 
portunity  occurs,  I  entreat  you  not  to  delay  opening  the 
subject." 

With  a  very  unwilling  mind  I  put  on  my  bonnet  and  shawl. 

"  God  bless  your  efforts,  dear  Hope.  You  may  not  now 
realize  the  importance  of  your  action,  but  you  will  some 
time.  Good  by,  dear !  " 


60  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    VIII. 

SLOWLY  I  trod  the  way  back ;  and  finding  Ednah  out,  I 
went  into  her  parlor,  resolving  to  attempt  a  conversation  as 
soon  as  she  returned.  The  curtains  were  down,  as  usual ;  for 
she  never  admitted  the  garish  light  to  her  precincts. 

Seating  myself  on  an  ottoman  in  one  of  the  large  embra 
sures,  I  began  to  consider  what  I  should  say.  After  a  time, 
I  heard  steps  along  the  hall,  and  presently  the  door  opened, 
admitting  Ednah,  followed  by  Levere. 

I  felt  myself  in  an  awkward  position,  for  I  saw  that,  ab 
sorbed  as  they  were,  I  might  remain  unnoticed  in  the  dim 
ness  of  the  apartment.  But  not  having  risen  at  once,  I 
hesitated  to  do  so  afterwards.  Besides,  as  Ednah  had 
particularly  desired  my  company  at  their  interviews,  I  could 
hardly  regard  myself  an  intruder. 

Ednah  threw  off  her  hat  and  shawl,  and  sat  down  upon  a 
couch. 

"  So  I  am  in  paradise  once  more,  ma  belle,  and  this  time 
by  your  permission.  But  you  owe  me  some  indemnities 
for  having  so  long  excluded  me,  contrary  to  your  express 
promise." 

"  Ladies  are  privileged  to  break  their  promises." 

"  Tres  Men!  Then  it  clearly  becomes  us  gentlemen  to  make 
the  most  of  our  opportunities." 

This  he  said  while  standing  opposite  her  with  folded  arms, 
and  then  continued,  — 


ESPERANCE.  61 

"  Now,  will  you  assume  a  vindictive  air,  if  I  venture  to 
take  a  seat  beside  you?"  rf 

"  You  dare  not,"  replied  Ednah,  laughing,  as  she  drew 
herself  up. 

"  However  that  may  be,  I  might  as  well  venture  first  as 
last,  for  I  should  be  sorry  to  disappoint  you." 

"  You  are  impertinent,"  retorted  she,  with  flashing  eyes. 

"It  is  one  of  my  ways  of  winning,  fair  lady.  And  I 
little  care  what  epithets  you  use,  since  they  will  only  entitle 
me  to  fuller  amends.  But  allow  me." 

A«d  lifting  a  curtain  behind  her,  a  softened  rose-light  fell 
on  her  glowing  features.  There  he  stood,  gazing  down  upon 
her  with  his  basilisk  eyes,  while  the  rich  color  came  and 
went  in  her  face. 

"  Do  you  know,  ma  chere  amie,  what  a  feast  it  is  to  watch 
your  varying  countenance?  This  is  one  of  the  ways  by 
which  I  have  divined  that  interest  in  me — to  give  it  no  more 
specific  name — which  you  have  striven  so  hard  to  conceal." 

"  Mr.  Levere,"  replied  she,  erecting  herself,  "  your  vanity 
and  audacity  are  intolerable." 

"  And  yet,  with  all  your  hauteur,  you  find  it  quite  possible 
to  tolerate  them.  Nay,  more ;  in  spite  of  your  studied  re 
serve,  —  by  all  those  infinitesimal  signs  which  I  am  well 
skilled  in  interpreting,  I  now  affirm  what  I  intimated  when 
last  here."  And  fixing  his  eyes  on  hers,  he  added,  in  a  low 
but  distinct  voice,  "  You  are  at  this  moment  as  much  in  love 
with  me,  as  in  those  old  passionate  days  on  the  Rhine." 

Springing  from  her  seat,  and  imperiously  stamping  her 
foot,  Ednah  confronted  him, — 

"  Insolent  wretch  !  thus  to  insult  a  woman,  especially  one 
whom  you  once  professed  to  adore.  Weak  as  you  deem  me, 
6 


62  ESPEBANCE. 

I  am  not  so  weak  as  to  give  you  the  smallest  right  to  tri 
umph  over  me.  And  whatever  power  you  may  have  had,  is 
gone  forever.  From  this  moment  I  scorn  and  defy  you. 
Leave  me,  base  man,  and  never  cross  this  threshold  again." 

Base  man,  indeed  !  He  well  knew  his  game.  During  her 
vehement  tirade,  he  stood  smiling  coolly,  with  his  magnetic 
eyes  fastened  upon  hers,  which  were  literally  blazing  with 
wrath.  That  penetrating,  assured  gaze  was  continued  till 
she  trembled  from  head  to  foot. 

Throwing  herself  upon  the  couch,  she  began  to  weep  con 
vulsively.  Then  he  knelt  beside  her,  and  clasping  her  hand, 
said,  in  honeyed  tones, — 

"  Pardon,  sweet  Ednah  !  I  have  wounded  ;  now  let  me 
cure.  You  denounce  my  vanity.  But  it  is  enough  to  turn 
the  head  of  a  poor  sinner  like  me,  to  know  that  he  owns  the 
heart  of  the  fairest  and  proudest  lady  in  the  land,  and  that 
against  the  combined  claims  of  heaven  and  earth.  Can  you 
not  find  in  this  some  excuse  for  my  temerity,  and  so  grant 
absolution?" 

"  I  will  forgive  you,  Philip,  if — " 

"  No  ifs,  pray,  or  we  shall  quarrel  again.  You  must 
pardon  me  out  and  out." 

"  On  condition  of  better  conduct  in  future." 

"  I  assent,  for  deeds  are  always  better  than  words.  And 
that  love  which  you  cannot  deny,  entitles  me  to  some 
privileges." 

Every  moment  the  temptation  had  been  growing  stronger 
to  leave  my  recess,  and  thus  put  an  end  to  this  unfitting 
scene.  But  I  saw  that  Ednah  was  struggling  hard  against 
the  sorcerer,  and  I  could  not  but  hope  she  would  yet  prevail. 
Striving  to  preserve  her  composure,  she  replied,  in  a  low 
voice,  — 


ESPERANCE.  63 

"  Whether  it  be  true  or  not  that  I  retain  any  interest  in 
you,  you  certainly  have  no  claim  to  the  smallest  expression 
of  any  such  interest." 

"  And  why  not?  " 

"  Because,"  said  she,  with  indescribable  bitterness,  "  I  am 
a  married  woman." 

"  And  therefore,  in  your  wretchedness,  entitled  to  some 
consolations.  But  I  do  not  forget  that  you  are  Mrs.  Frazer. 
It  is  only  some  little  favors  that  I  seek." 

And  the  wretch  dared  to  press  a  kiss  on  those  wedded 
lips. 

Watching  the  unfolding  of  this  drama  with  terrible  inter 
est,  I  had  sat  almost  like  one  paralyzed.  But  I  could  no 
longer  be  restrained.  Springing  from  my  seat,  I  impetu 
ously  exclaimed,' — 

"  Lieutenant  Levere,'  is  this  shameless  conduct  befitting  a 
gentleman  and  a  soldier  ?  " 

His  face  was  instantly  distorted  by  a  scowl,  while  the 
blood  mounted  in  torrents  to  Ednah's  cheeks.  But  regain 
ing  her  self-control  in  a  moment, — 

"  You  quite  startled  me  at  first,  Esperance  ;  but  you  know 
we  have  no  concealments  from  you." 

Then  whispering  a  few  words  to  her  companion,  of  which 
I  only  caught  enough  to  know  that  they  were  in  French,  he 
rose  and  walked  away. 

"  Now,  sit  down,  child,  and  say  all  you  wish.  I  admit  he 
is  a  naughty  man ;  these  officers  always  are,  and  they  like 
to  make  us  women  naughty  too.  And  the  trouble  is,  there 
is  no  helping  ourselves,  as  you  will  find  out  before  long." 

I  had  noticed  that  Levere  stepped  behind  us.  As  Ednah 
finished  speaking,  my  face  was  seized  and  held  firmly  by 


64  ESPERANCE. 

both  his  hands,  while  the  audacious  villain  stooped  to  kiss 
my  unwilling  mouth,  saying  coolly,  — 

"  This,  my  little  lady,  is  conduct  exactly  befitting  a — " 
Before  he  had  completed  his  sentence,  his  movement  was 
arrested  by  a  heavy  blow  upon  his  cheek,  inflicted  by  my 
wrathful  hand.  My  temper  was  thoroughly  roused.  And 
as  there  was  no  magnetism  for  me  in  his  glittering  eyes,  I 
was  able  to  look  him  steadily  in  the  face.  So  I  relieved 
myself  by  pouring  upon  him  such  a  torrent  of  indignant 
words,  that  he  actually  quailed,  and  with  a  whisper  to  Ednah, 
abruptly  withdrew.  The  next  minute  I  was  in  my  room, 
pacing  rapidly  up  and  down,  and  venting  in  incoherent  lan 
guage  my  outraged  feelings. 


ESPERANCE.  65 


CHAPTER    IX.     • 

WHEN  the  angry  storm  had  somewhat  abated,  I  sat  down, 
and  leaning  my  head  upon  the  table,  began  to  ponder  what  I 
should  do  next.  Suddenly  the  door  opened,  and  Ednah's 
arms  were  round  me. 

"  I  could  not  rest  while  you  were  angry,  dear  Espy.  But 
don't  fret  about  the  savage.  These  officers  are  regular  wild 
beasts.  They  don't  mean  anything,  however,  and  we  have 
to  tolerate  them.  Confess,  now,  it  is  not  so  very' disagreea 
ble,  after  all,  to  receive  attentions  from  a  handsome  officer. 
That  is  my  opinion,  certes,  and  though  he  often  vexes  me,  I 
always  contrive  some  excuse  for  him." 

"  If  you  have  no  regard  for  me,  Ednah,"  I  said,  when 
able  to  control  myself  sufficiently  to  speak,  *'  I  think  a  wife 
is  bound  to  consider  her  own  honor,  and  to  resent  such  in 
sults  as  they  deserve." 

11  Et  tu,  Brute?"  and  she  looked  reproachfully.  "But, 
no,  child  ;  it  is  girlish  excitement  that  makes  you  rave." 

"  If  you  choose  to  frame  excuses  for  him,  at  least  you  will 
not  attempt  to  justify  yourself  as  a  married  woman." 

"  I  know  I  am  dreadfully  naughty.  But  be  cool,  and  let 
me  talk  to  you."  And  stroking  my  hair,  and  kissing  my 
cheek,  she  continued,  "  My  birdie's  feathers  are  frightfully 
rumpled,  but  we  will  smooth  them  down.  Ma  foi  I  but  one 
of  these  days  you  will  be  a  real  Juno.  Now  listen  to  me. 
6* 


66  ESPEEANCE. 

I  was  never  made  for  an  heroic  character  like  you.  Nor 
have  I  anything  of  the  prude  about  me.  And  you  must  re- 

» 

member  that  I  have  lived  in  Paris,  where  such  flirtations  are 
necessary  to  respectability.  To  the  pure,  you  know,  all 
things  are  pure." 

"  That  is  a  clear  perversion,  Ednah.  We  are  not  in  Paris  ; 
and  you  have  no  right,  by  your  indiscretions,  to  bring  dis 
honor  on  our  house." 

Her  eye  flashed,  but  the  next  moment  she  was  all  tender 
ness. 

"  I  will  make  you  my  confidante,  Esperance." 

"  I  have  gathered  sufficient  knowledge  of  your  acquaint^ 
ance  with  Mr.  Levere,  from  the  two  interviews  in  your 
parlor.  For  I  was  an  unwilling  witness  of  the  one  directly 
after  my  father's  departure  for  the  west." 

"  Then  you  know  enough  to  understand  our  unhappy  po 
sition,"  said  she,  winding  her  arms  round  me,  and  laying  her 
head  on  my  shoulder.  "But,  on  my  honor,  with  all  his 
entreaties,  I  have  not  allowed  him  such  %  a  liberty  before. 
And  he  only  won  it  now  by  a  manoeuvre.  I  promise  you 
he  shall  never  do  so  again.  But  it  is  so  hard  to  resist  him. 
Dear  Espy,  I  am  sometimes  so  wretched,  I  am  tempted  to 
destroy  myself.  But  you  will  be  a  good  friend  to  me." 

"  I  have  always  been  your  devoted  friend ;  but  I  cannot 
blind  myself  to  the  wrong  of  your  having  any  intercourse 
with  such  a  man." 

"  It  is  only  for  a  short  time,  and  it  would  be  too  cruel 
entirely  to  separate  us  ;  for,  Espy,  we  cannot  help  loving." 

" But  you  can  help  sinning"  I  spoke  plainly,  for  on  all 
these  points  my  instincts  were  yet  true  and  strong. 

"  Do  not  be  so  harsh,  dear.      Love  me  and  pity  me ; 


ESPEBANCE.  67 

but — there  is  the  hall  door.  It  is  your  father.  O  Espy,  I 
wish  I  were  dead." 

And  kissing  me,  the  misguided  woman  left  the  room.  I 
was  greatly  distressed,  being  full  of  sympathy,  as  well  as 
anxiety,  for  Ednah,  and  not  knowing  what  I  ought  to  do  — 
what  I  could  do.  At  the  tea-table  she  was  unusually  gay, 
and  exceedingly  complaisant  to  rny  father.  This  appearance 
she  kept  up  for  a  day  or  two.  She  treated  me,  also,  with 
flattering  kindness,  though  she  carefully  avoided  the  subject 
on  which  we  differed. 

One  morning,  as  I  was  returning  from  a  solitary  stroll, 
Levere  overtook  me,  and  in  his  most  courtly  manner  bade 
me  good  morning. 

I  replied  by  a  formal  bow. 

"  You  are  charitable  enough,  I  am  confident,  Miss  Frazer, 
to  forgive  my  past  offences,  and  generous  enough  to  do  me  a 
favor.  Will  you  hand  this  note  to  Mrs.  Frazer?" 

"  Excuse  me,  sir." 

"  But  surely  you  will  not  refuse —  " 

I  answered  by  walking  rapidly  away. 

The  next  day,  as  I  was  taking  my  accustomed  stroll  on 
the  river  banks,  I  heard  footsteps  behind  me.  Pursuing  my 
course  among  the  thick  shrubbery,  the  steps  were  in  a  mo 
ment  at  my  side  ;  and,  looking  up,  I  was  annoyed  to  see  the 
lieutenant,  who  had  a  flushed  air,  as  though  he  had  been 
drinking  freely. 

"  Bon  jour,  ma  belle  Esperance." 

I  made  no  reply,  but  quickened  my  movements. 

"  You  are  a  wonderfully  spirited  lass,"  said  he,  hastening 
after  me  ;  "  but  you  only  excite  me  to  overcome  that  spirit." 
And  he  suddenly  threw  his  arms  round  me. 


68  ESPERANCE. 

Almost  beside  myself  with  resentment,  —  for  none  feel 
such  insults  more  keenly  than  a  young  girl,  —  I  quickly 
broke  from  him. 

"  You  are  prudish,  Miss  Hope." 

"  Prudish  or  not,  you  are  a  villain,  as  I  shall  not  scruple 
to  tell  any  one." 

"  Miss  Frazer  —  " 

His  keen  eye  flashed  as  he  spoke,  but  before  he  could 
proceed  farther,  I  caught  the  sound  of  wheels.  Stepping 
quickly  to  a  bend  in  the  road,  I  saw  good  Dr.  Belden's  buggy 
approaching.  As  his  eye  fell  on  me,  he  stopped,  saying,  — 

" "Well,  Hope,  are  you  ready  for  a  ride?  " 

"  Quite,  sir." 

"  Then  give  me  your  hand,  and  jump  in." 

Turning  round,  with  a  long  gaze  at  my  face,  — 

"  You  look  a  great  deal  better  than  you  used  to.  And 
yet,  —  there's  something  to  pay.  Why,  your  eyes  shine  like 
fire-flies,  and  your  cheeks  are  a  leetle  too  much  flushed  for 
such  a  pale  body.  Have  you  been  up  to  a  race  in  the 
woods  ?  " 

"  Perhaps  I  have.     You  used  to  recommend  such  things." 

"  Well,  well,  it's  all  right,  if  you  don't  get  too  much  out 
of  breath.  But  you  will  never  be  an  Anakim,  dear.  How 
long  since  you  stopped  letting  down  tucks  ?  " 

"  I  did  npt  get  into  your  buggy  to  be  catechised.  But  if 
you  are  determined  to  measure  me,  I  will  save  you  the 
trouble  by  announcing  myself  just  four  feet  ten  and  a  quar 
ter  inches." 

"  Ha,  ha  !  I  like  your  spunk.  Well,  '  multum  in  parvo,' 
you  know.  Besides,  you  are  not  the  very  smallest  woman 
that  ever  was." 


ESPEBANCE.  69 

Bent  on  concealing  my  vexation,  I  joined  him  in  his  play 
fulness.  At  length  he  made  a  pause ;  and  when  he  spoke 
again,  it  was  in  a  more  serious  tone. 

"  I  may  say  it  to  you,  Miss  Hope,  for  you  were  always  a 
wise  little  body.  I  would  give  all  my  old  shoes,  —  and  they 
are  not  a  few,  —  if  that  jackanapes  of  an  officer  were  only 
safe  in  Botany  Bay." 

It  was  on  my  tongue's  end  to  say  amen,  but  I  chopped  off 
the  word.  Not  for  my  right  hand  would  I  have  had  him 
know  what  I  had  borne  from  Levere.  So  I  sat  very  silent 
and  demure,  while  he  continued,  in  an  apologetic  tone,  — 

"  You  see,  dear,  your  father  was  too  old  and  grave  to  ven 
ture  on  the  hazardous  experiment  of  appropriating  a  gay  and 
beautiful  young  woman.  These  women,  you  know,  are  un 
tamable  things." 

"  And  what  about  these  men  ?  " 

"  Oh,  they  are  full  bad  enough,  I  admit ;  and  I  advise  you, 
as  a  friend,"  said  he,  with  a  twinkle  of  his  eye,  "  never  to 
undertake  the  management  of  any  of  them." 

"  No  danger  of  that." 

"  So  the  girls  all  say.  Well,  we  shall  see.  But  here  we 
are,  at  your  father's  gates.  Do  you  expect  me  to  take  you 
through  that  long  avenue  ?  " 

"  Not  at  all,  sir." 

"  That  is  lucky,  because  it  will  save  you  a  disappointment. 
Whoa,  Jerry.  Do  you  presume  on  my  dismounting  to  assist 
you?" 

"  You  shall  see."  And  with  a  bound  I  stood  on  the  pave 
ment. 


70  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER    X. 

WHEN  I  met  Ednah  at  the  tea-table,  I  saw  in  a  moment 
that  she  was  displeased.  I  went  from  the  dining-room  into 
the  garden,  where  I  sought  to  quiet  my  perturbed  spirit. 
Ednah  soon  joined  me,  and,  in  a  freezing  tone,  observed,  — 

"  So  you  refused  to  deliver  me  a  note." 

"  I  could  not  do  otherwise." 

"  You  are  a  —  ."  With  great  effort  mastering  her  excite 
ment,  she  continued,  "  Something  has  come  over  you,  for 
you  are  very  unlike  yourself.  Your  refusal  cost  me  some 
miserable  hours,  for  I  had  a  special  appointment  with  Le- 
vere.  And  as  he  failed  to  keep  it,  I  supposed  some  accident 
must  have  befallen  him." 

"  I  am  sorry  to  disappoint  you,  but  I  think  such  appoint 
ments  very  wrong." 

"  I  did  not  ask  your  opinion,"  answered  she,  sharply ; 
"  nor  shall  I  change  my  course  at  your  suggestion.  If  you 
choose  to  be  unkind,  we  can  do  without  you." 

"  Levere  is  a  scoundrel." 

"  Take  care  how  you  speak  !  " 

"And  he  is  well  known  to  be  a  profligate,"  proceeded  I, 
without  heeding  her  words. 

"  That  may  be,  so  far  as  the  past  is  concerned.  Of  course 
I  am  not  fool  enough  to  presume  that  cne  of  his  rare  fasci 
nations  is  of  orthodoxly  immaculate  virtue,  or  that  he  has 


ESPERANCE.  71 

escaped  without  some  triumphs  over  our  sex.  But  from 
this  time  I  will  answer  for  his  truth  and  fidelity." 

"  I  have  only  to  add  that  his  treatment  of  me  is  out 
rageous.  To-day  he  has  dared  to  repeat  his  insult,  and  in  a 
grosser  form." 

"What  do  you  mean?" 

"  I  mean  that  he  overtook  me  on  the  hill,  and  repeated  his 
insolence." 

"  But  he  could  not  have  been  in  earnest !  " 

"  Then  it  was  most  dastardly  sport." 

"  The  deceiver  !  "  muttered  she,  while  an  angry  flush  dyed 
her  cheeks.  "  If  he  does  not  explain  this  satisfactorily,  dear 
Hope,  and  make  an  ample  apology  to  us  both,  I  have  done 
with  him." 

"  You  had  better  break  with  him  without  conditions,  Ed- 
nah,  for  there  can  be  no  explanation." 

"  That  would  be  unjust.  No,  I  must  first  see  him.  Ma 
foi  !  —  that  is  his  knock.  Will  you  come  to  the  parlor,  if  I 
send  for  you  ?  " 

"  No,  Ednah." 

I  retired  early,  but  could  not  rest.  Everything  seemed 
to  go  wrong  with  me.  And  I  rose  the  next  morning  with 
one  of  my  dismal  headaches. 

"  All  is  handsomely  explained,  child,"  said  Ednah,  as  she 
came  to  my  room  after  breakfast.  "  He  says  your  prudery 
vexed  him,  and  he  wished  to  give  you  a  lesson  you  would 
remember.  Then  he  was  displeased  at  your  ill-natured  re 
fusal  to  do  him  a  favor,  and  desired  a.  little  harmless  revenge. 
But  the  moment  he  discovered  that  you  were  flattered  by  his 
demonstrations,  he  desisted.  As  for  myself,  I  can  forgive 
you  for  feeling  the  force  of  his  attractions." 


72  ESPEBANCE. 

Whether  her  last  remark  was  made  in  mockery  or  earnest, 
I  could  not  tell ;  but  my  indignation  rose  beyond  all  bounds, 
and  I  exclaimed, — 

"  He  is  a  base  liar.  And  if  you  choose  to  continue  your 
intimacy  with  such  a  wretch,  I  warn  you  that  I  will  report 
you  to  my  father." 

"  Do  it  at  your  peril,"  said  she,  lifting  a  menacing  finger, 
as  she  left  the  room. 

Overpowered  by  painful  excitement,  I  threw  myself  on 
the  bed,  where  I  lay  all  day  with  a  distressing  headache, 
and  a  worse  heartache.  I  had  loved  Ednah  with  a  girl's 
passionate  affection,  and  now  the  chain  that  bound  me  to  her 
was  rudely  sundered.  I  felt,  too,  that  in  my  hot  haste  I 
had  destroyed  any  influence  I  might  have  had  with  her.  At 
length  I  sunk  into  an  uneasy  slumber.  A  gentle  hand,  placed 
on  my  head,  awoke  me. 

"Nancy  said  I  might  come  and  nurse  you,"  said  little 
Ada.  "  So  I  climbed  up  softly,  and  have  been  holding  your 
headache." 

"  You  are  a  good  child,  but  you  will  get  tired." 

"  No,  I  will  never  be  tired  of  taking  care  of  you.  Shall 
I  wet  a  cloth,  and  put  it  on  your  head?" 

"  If  you  can." 

"  May  I  look  in  your  drawer  ?  " 

"  Certainly." 

And  the  little  fairy  found  a  handkerchief,  and  standing  on 
tiptoe  before  my  washstand,  she  carefully  lifted  the  pitcher, 
and  poured  out  some  water  into  the  bowl.  Then  wringing 
out  the  handkerchief,  she  tenderly  laid  it  on  my  head. 

"  That  is  done  nicely,  Ada." 

"Does  it  make  your  headic-ache  better?" 

"Yes,  dear." 


ESPEBANCE.  .,  73 

"  Does  it  make  you  well  enough  for  me  to  tell  you  just 
one  question  ?  " 

"  You  can  try." 

"  When  I  die,  how  will  God  get  the  things  on  to  my 
shoulders  ?  " 

"What  things?" 

"  The  shining  things  they  fly  with." 

"The  wings?" 

"  Yes,  the  wings.     How  will  he  fasten  them  on? " 

"  I  don't  know,  Ada." 

"  Do  you  think  he  will  pin  them  on,  or  sew  them,  or  tie 
them  ?  /  think  it  would  be  best  to  sew  them." 

"  I  don't  think  he  will  fasten  them  on  at  all." 

"  Then  I  should  be  afraid  they  would  come  off  while  they 
are  flying." 

"What  put  such  a  question  into  your  head,  child?" 

"Why,  I  was  thinking  how  God  would  get  the  wings  on 
me  when  I  die,  so  that  I  could  fly  to  heaven  without  falling. 
Mamma  will  come  down  and  get  me,  won't  she?" 

"  Perhaps  so,"  I  replied.  "  But  what  makes  you  think  so 
much  about  dying  ?  " 

"  Because  I  can't  help  it.  And  when  I'm  asleep,  I  often 
see  mamma  coming  for  me.  But  I  can't  see  her  wings. 
Perhaps  they  are  behind  her  back." 

"  You  will  drive  me  into  the  blues,  if  you  keep  on." 

She  opened  wide  her  clear  eyes,  not  understanding  me,  but 
presently  went  on,  — 

"  When  I  die,  I  will  fly  round  you  like  a  bird,  and  take 
care  of  you  all  the  time.  Should  you  like  me  to  ?  " 

"  I  dare  say  I  should ;  but. I  want  to  be  quiet,  so  you  had 
better  go  now." 

7 


74  ESPBBANCE. 

"  I  will  be  so  still." 

"No,  dear  !     I  had  rather  be  alone." 

She  looked  very  sorrowful ;  but  stooping  to  kiss  me,  she 
slid  from  the  bed ;  then  walking  slowly  to  the  door,  she 
opened  it  carefully,  and,  turning  back,  said,  — 

"  Good  by,  my  Espy." 

«  Good  by,  Ada." 

And  the  sunshine  vanished  from  my  room. 

As  I  recall  those  days,  I  remember  that  Ada's  step  seemed 
to  grow  lighter,  week  by  week.  And  she  begged  more  fre 
quently  to  be  read  to  from  that  holy  book  left  her  by  our 
sainted  mother,  while  her  eyes  sought  mine  with  a  tender, 
wistful  expression.  But  little  was  the  sympathy  I  gave  her. 

After  she  had  gone,  I  tried  to  quiet  my  self-reproach  for 
dismissing  her,  by  reverting  to  the  question  which  for  a  few 
days  had  pressed  so  heavily  upon  me.  What  could  I  do  ? 
There  was  no  use  in  going  to  Miss  Campbell,  for  she  could 
not  give  me  adequate  counsel  without  knowing  all  the  cir 
cumstances  which  hedged  me  in  so  closely.  And  these,  every 
feeling  forbade  me  to  reveal.  The  longer  I  pondered,  the 
darker  seemed  my  way.  And  when,  at  length,  I  fell  asleep, 
it  was  only  to  be  pursued  by  the  same  pressing  doubt. 

The  next  morning,  when  I  went  down  stairs,  I  found  that 
my  father  had  gone  out  of  town.  Listlessly  I  wandered 
about,  not  knowing  what  to  do.  At  length,  taking  "  Childe 
Harold,"  I  threw  myself  under  a  linden  in  the  front  yard. 
At  about  eleven,  I  heard  a  carriage  rolling  up  the  avenue, 
and  as  it  stopped,  saw  Mr.  Levere  descend.  In  a  moment 
Ednah  appeared,  arrayed  for  a  drive.  As  they  passed  me,  her 
quick  eye  caught  mine,  and  motioning  to  her  companion  to 
stop,  she  called  out,  — 


E8PEEANCE.  75 

"  If  Mr.  Frazer  should  return  before  us]  please  say  to  him 
that  we  are  passing  the  day  at  Pine  Grove." 

"With  a  mocking  smile  they  both  bowed,  and  the  carriage 
rolled  away. 

It  seemed  an  interminable  day,  for  I  was  oppressed  beyond 
measure.  I  resolved  that  I  would  speak  to  my  father  of 
Ednah's  conduct  without  further  delay.  My  sense  of  duty 
was  strengthened,  I  fear,  by  resentment. 

'I  sat  by  a  window  where  I  could  command  the  avenue. 
The  gay  young  couple  returned  first,  as  I  was  sure  they 
meant  to  do.  As  the  lieutenant  left,  he  gallantly  kissed  his 
hand  to  Ednah,  calling  out,  — 

"  Au  revoir." 

Feeling  unequal  to  the  effort  of  going  down  to  supper,  I 
rang  my  bell,  and  ordered  a  cup  of  strong  tea.  I  also  desired 
to  be  informed  when  my  father  retired  to  the  library,  for  I 
knew  Ednah  never  devoted  a  whole  evening  to  him.  At 
about  eight  the  summons  came.  With  a  palpitating  heart 
I  went  down  stairs,  and  passing  through  the  long  hall, 
knocked  timidly  at  the  library  door.  When  I  found  myself 
alone  in  that  forbidding  presence,  the  dreadful  scene  of  long 
ago  flashed  upon  me ;  and  I  stood  there  like  a  culprit,  my 
tongue  cleaving  to  the  roof  of  my  mouth. 

"What  have  you  to  say ?  "  asked  that  stern  voice. 

"I  thought  I  ought  to  tell  —  you  ought  to  know — that 
there  are  unpleasant  rumors  concerning  the  intimacy  of 
Lieutenant  Levere  with  Mrs.  Frazer." 

A  long  silence.     Then  I  continued,  — 

"  This  morning  they  went  out  alone  in  a  carriage,  to  pass 
the  day  at  Pine  Grove." 

Another  pause. 


76  ESPEBANCE. 

"  Have  you  anything  more  to  report?" 

"  No,  sir,"  I  replied,  feeling  at  liberty  to  confine  myself 
to  generals. 

"  Then  let  me  tell  you  that  you  are  a  shameless  girl,  as 
you  always  were.  But  your  arts  will  avail  you  nothing. 
Last  night  Mrs.  Frazer  came  to  me  in  tears.  She  came  to 
her  husband  for  protection,  and  she  shall  have  it.  She  told 
me  how  you  had  beguiled  that  gentleman  into  certain  free 
doms.  In  short,  I  understand  you.  They  went  to  Pine 
Grove  with  my  consent.  Indeed,  I  urged  it  upon  her  when 
I  found  she  thought  of  refusing  on  account  of  your 
reproaches.  I  told  her,  moreover,  that  she  should  no 
longer  be  compelled  to  endure  your  presence.  So  I  have 
applied  for  your  admission  to  Crawford  Female  Seminary. 
You  deserve  to  be  an  outcast,  but  I  will  put  you  where  you 
will  be  disciplined  for  your  falsity  and  baseness.  If  they 
receive  you  at  Crawford,  you  will  remain  there  till  you  have 
completed  the  course,  coming  home,  perhaps,  once  a  year,  in 
order  that  your  disgrace  may  not  be  made  public.  One 
thing  more  ;  you  will  keep  your  own  room  till  you  leave 
town.  You  may  go  now." 

Lingering  one  moment,  I  ventured  to  say,  — 

"  Time  will  prove  who  has  spoken  the  trufh,  and  who 
disgraces  your  name.  I  am  glad  to  go  to  school,  and  qualify 
myself  for  teaching,  so  that  I  shall  not  be  obliged  to  tax  for 
my  support  one  who  has  always  hated  me." 

Smiling  in  mockery,  he  bowed  and  waved  his  hand. 
With  a  hot  face  and  a  fast-beating  heart,  I  crossed  the 
threshold,  and  reeutered  my  solitary  room. 


ESPERANCE.  77 


CHAPTER    XI. 

IT  was  on  a  rainy  afternoon^  that  I  arrived  at  Crawford. 
With  a  sense  of  utter  forlornness,  I  took  a  coach  from  the 
Landing,  and  was  carried  to  the  Seminary.  It  was  a  four- 
storied  brick  building,  with  a  gloomy,  prison-like  aspect, 
having  no  trees,  or  other  signs  of  taste  on  the  premises. 
The  principal,  Miss  Carey,  wh$  soon  made  her  appearance, 
was  a  woman  of  formal  manners,  but  with  a  good  counte 
nance.  She  asked  me  a  few  questions,  and  then  sent  for 
Miss  Belinda  Lawson,  my  destined  room-mate,  to  show  me 
to  my  quarters.  If  anything  could  deepen  my  depression, 
it  was  the  idea  of  no  longer  enjoying  the  luxury  of  solitude. 
In  my  distress,  I  ventured  to  ask  Miss  Carey  if  it  were  not 
possible  for  me  to  room  alone. 

"  Certainly  not,"  she  replied,  looking  surprised  at  my 
question. 

So  I  mechanically  followed  Miss  Lawson  up  one  flight  of 
stairs,  and  another,  and  another,  into  the  fourth  story,  the 
servants  coming  after  with  my  trunks.  Our  room  was  of 
moderate  size,  and  had  but  one  small  closet,  which  contained 
a  few  shelves.  Miss  Lawson,  who  proved  to  be  one  of  the 
excessively  neat  bodies,  had  invented  a  sort  of  clothes-press, 
by  driving  nails  for  our  dresses  into  the  wall  of  the  chamber, 
and  hanging  a  sheet  over  them  as  a  curtain. 

The  first  thing  I  did  was  to  walk  straight  to  the  window, 
7* 


78  ESPEKANCE. 

where,  with  something  like  satisfaction,  I  caught  the  outline 
of  my  beloved  Catskill  Mountains,  and  also  a  distant  gleam  of 
the  North  River,  in  its  silvery  flow.  These  familiar  objects 
would  ordinarily  have  occasioned  a  homesick  feeling,  but  I 
had  no  home.  As  I  stood  gazing,  Miss  Lawson  inquired  if 
she  should  show  me  where  to  put  my  things,  having  no 
opinion  of  such  a  useless  expenditure  of  time.  I  turned 
drearily,  and  unlocking  my  trunk,  took  out  my  dresses,  and 
hung  them  on  the  portion  of  nails  assigned  me.  Then  I 
laid  my  books  on  the  closet  shelves  Miss  Lawson  pointed 
out  for  my  use.  I  had  brought  no  school  books,  but  only 
some  of  my  favorite  authors.  Miss  Lawson  picked  up  a 
volume  to  put  in  its  place,  and  looking  at  the  title,  gravely 
remarked,  — 

"  Miss  Carey  will  not  allow  you  to  retain  this."  Then 
glancing  over  several  other  books,  she  added,  "  We  are  not 
permitted  such  reading,  Miss  Frazer." 

I  made  no  reply,  for  I  could  say  nothing  but  to  express 
my  indignation,  and  that  would  do  no  good. 

A  gong  was  now  sounded  in  the  hall. 

"  That  is  to  prepare  for  tea." 

"  I  do  not  wish  any." 

"  Miss  Carey  excuses  no  one  except  for  sickness." 

In  about  five  minutes  the  discordant  call  was  again 
heard,  and  Miss  Lawson  went  promptly  down.  Presently 
she  returned. 

"  Miss  Carey  desires  you  to  come  down." 

I  rose,  and  reluctantly  followed  my  room-mate  down  one 
flight  of  stairs  after  another  into  the  dining-hall,  where  I 
met  a  sufficient  penalty  for  my  slight  oflence.  That  large, 
waiting  assembly  had  been  kept  standing  on  my  account, 


E8PEBANCE.  7.9 

and  now  every  eye  was  fixed  on  me.  I  was  naturally 
timid,  and  as  I  made  my  way  to  my  appointed  place,  my 
cheeks  burned  uncomfortably.  After  all  were  seated,  Miss 
Carey  said  grace  in  a  distinct  voice,  and  then  the  clatter  of 
dishes  commenced.  I  declined  to  take  anything,  for  I  was 
too  unhappy  to  eat.  But  I  presume  my  refusal  seemed  like 
obstinacy.  And  I  had  good  reason  to  know  afterwards,  that 
the  prejudice  I  inconsiderately  excited  that  first  evening, 
lasted  for  months. 

According  to  Ednah's  suggestion,  I  had  been  well  drilled 
in  the  accomplishments ;  but,  as  I  was  greatly  behindhand 
in  the  fundamental  branches,  I  was  put  into  the  lower 
classes.  The  whole  routine  of  the  school  was  exceedingly 
distasteful  to  me,  although  it  was  just  the  discipline  I  needed. 
My  hours  were  strictly  apportioned  out,  and  I  was  scarcely 
ever  alone.  A  few  of  the  students  were  allowed  to  study  in 
their  own  rooms  ;  but  most  of  us  learned  our  lessons  in  the 
large  hall,  the  care  of  the  several  tables  being  assigned  to 
different  monitors.  No  day-dreaming  was  possible  here. 
If  any  one  ventured  to  indulge  in  a  wandering  thought,  it 
was  known  in  a  moment,  and  with  an  unpleasant  jolt,  the 
car  was  again  swung  upon  the  track.  We  were  drilled  like 
soldiers,  and  no  foot  could  be  off  the  line  without  disturbing 
the  whole  order. 

I  did  not  intend  to  break  the  rules,  particularly  as  there 
was  no  use  in  resistance ;  but  it  took  me  a  long  time  to 
attain  the  strict  discipline  of  the  school.  Thus  I  received 
not  a  few  private  and  public  admonitions.  My  chum,  on  the 
other  hand,  was  exceedingly  scrupulous  in  her  observance  of 
every  prescribed  duty.  There  was  a  novelty  in  the  manner 
in  which  she  put  herself  through  her  daily  routine,  which 


80  ESPERANCE. 

afforded  me  considerable  amusement,  though  I  do  not  think 
she  had  any  idea  I  was  watching  her. 

Belinda  Lawson  was  kind,  but  with  not  the  least  tender 
ness  about  her.  "We  had  very  little  to  say  to  each  other, 
for  she  was  always  busy,  and  I  had  no  inclination  to  talk. 
What  she  did  say,  however,  was  in  the  line  of  reproof  or 
advice,  which  she  inflicted  upon  me  whenever  she  thought  I 
needed  it,  but  which,  I  fear,  was  mostly  thrown  away. 

So  time  dragged  on,  till  the  vacation  came,  which,  by  a 
special  arrangement  of  my  father's,  I  was  to  spend  at  the 
same  tiresome  boarding-house.  And  now  let  me  peep  into 
my  old  journal,  and  steal  some  extracts  from  my  crude 
records  in  those  foolish  young  days. 

November  6.  I  have  just  been  out  to  the  bookseller's, 
making  an  important  purchase,  namely,  this  same  blank 
book,  which  I  intend  to  fill  with  myself. 

The  girls  went  away  this  morning  in  fine  spirits,  having 
dear  ones  at  home,  who  will  meet  them  with  open  arms. 
Ministers  are  always  saying  that  the  ways  of  God  are  equal, 
but,  in  my  opinion,  they  are  very  unequal.  Indeed,  every 
thing  seems  to  happen  more  by  chance  than  design.  And 
here  comes  up  one  of  the  old  questions  which  I  have  pondered 
so  often.  Is  there  any  other  God  than  chance  ?  On  any  sup 
position,  I  am  almost  equally  oppressed.  It  is  a  dreary  thing 
to  have  no  God,  —  and  yet  this  is  as  well  for  our  necessities, 
as  to  have  an  unsympathizing  and  arbitrary  one. 

I  see  there  are  about  half  a  dozen  girls  left  besides 
myself,  —  truly  a  forlorn  set  of  us  in  this  great  brick  jail. 

Well,  Esperance,  you  are  clearly  a  miserable  young  lady, 
without  expectations  of  any  kind  whatsoever.  An  exile  from 


ESPERANCE.  81 

home,  —  your  father  and  she  who,  by  her  relation,  ought  to 
have  been  your  mother,  —  positively  hostile  ;  and  having  no 
one  to  whom  you  dare,  or  wish  to  unbosom  yourself.  Can 
you  contradict  this  ? 

So  far  from  it,  I  admit  the  whole.  Before  I  had  reached 
my  teens,  I  was  weary  of  life.  Then  came  Eduah,  with  her 
voluptuous  beauty  and  rare  fascinations,  and  cast  a  bright 
halo  over  my  gloomy  path.  She  was  my  first  friendship,  — 
and  oh,  what  a  passionate  one  it  was  ! 

But  that  chapter  is  closed.  A  cold  tombstone  is  erected 
over  the  grave  of  that  dead  and  buried  first  friendship. 
Why  may  I  not  as  well  write  the  epitaph?  Let  me  con 
sider.  Yes,  I  have  an  appropriate  one. 

"  Alas  !  our  young  affections  run  to  waste, 
Or  water  but  the  desert ;  whence  arise 
But  weeds  of  dark  luxuriance,  tares  of  haste, 
Rank  at  the  core,  though  tempting  to  the  eyes ; 
Flowers  whose  wild  odors  breathe  but  agonies, 
And  trees  whose  gums  are  poison." 

Now  let  me  wall  up  the  grave,  and  wander  there  no  more. 
For,  try  to  be  indifferent  and  satirical  as  I  may,  such  memo 
ries  eat  into  my  heart. 

November  7.  How  foolish  it  is  to  allow  these  insidious 
dreams  to.  steal  over  me!  Nay,  Hope  Frazer,  the  bitter 
sweet  of  love  is  not  for  thee.  In  spite  of  Ednah's  flatteries, 
I  am  too  plain  to  win  such  a  man  as  my  fancy  depicts. 
Besides,  I  am  reserved  and  repellent.  So,  farewell  to  all 
such  reveries. 

After  Tea.  Those  blue  mountains  mock  me  with  their 
serenity.  There,  I  have  turned  my  back  upon  them,  and 


82  ESPEBANCE. 

now  I  will  jot  down  some  lines  which  have  been  running  in 
my  head  this  dismal  afternoon. 

November  9.  Morning.  I  had  finished  my  verses  last 
evening,  and  was  deep  in  thought,  when  I  heard  a  tap  at  my 
door.  I  opened  it,  and  Miss  Eleanor  Cottrell,  one  of  the 
young  ladies  who  have  remained,  entered  the  room. 

•  "  Well,  Miss  Frazer,  if  you  will  not  make  any  advances, 
I  will.  What's  the  use  of  moping  all  the  time  ?  We  may 
as  well  get  up  some  excitement." 

"  What  will  you  do  ?  " 

''Anything  that  offers  —  make  your  acquaintance,  to  begin 
with.  Any  way,  I  am  determined  to  analyze  you." 

This  was  said  with  a  mixture  of  bravado  and  condescen 
sion  which  I  did  not  fancy,  but  I  simply  replied,  — 

"  You  are  welcome  to  do  so,  if  you  can." 

"  Very  gracious,  but  I  like  your  coolness  under  the  cir 
cumstances." 

I  was  amused  by  her  call,  and  sat  pondering  upon  it,  till 
suddenly  I  missed  my  verses.  I  was  thoroughly  vexed,  but 
had  no  means  of  redress.  After  breakfast  to-day,  I  found  a 
letter  on  the  table,  containing  my  foolish  rhymes,  with  the 
accompanying  note :  — 

"  Enclosed  is  my  returned  theft.  Thanks  to  it,  I  know 
you  now,  and  acknowledge  a  kindred  spirit,  but  want  to  see 
you  more  positive.  The  poetry  is  tolerable  for  a  mere 
school-girl,  but  you  will  do  better.  I  believe  we  shall  suit 
each  other.  I  owe  the  world  nothing  but  a  grudge,  yet  I 
am  determined  to  get  something  out  of  it.  But  no  more 
now.  Come  to  my  room,  No.  35,  this  evening. 

\      ELEANOR." 


ESPERANCE.  83 


CHAPTER   XII. 

CONTINUATION  OF  MY  JOURNAL. 

I  HAVE  been  reading  my  piece  with  some  care,  for  I  am 
not  without  pride.  I  think  I  will  copy  it ;  but  I  must  have 
a  title.  Let  me  consider.  I  will  call  it  what  it  actually  is. 

THE  CRY  OF  MY  HEART. 

Sailing  down  the  rapid  stream  of  life, 
"Whose  tidal  currents,  with  deep  perils  rife, 
Rush  on  and  on,  without  one  sheltering  lee, 
Bearing  me  deathward  to  eternity ! 

Dreary  the  night !  deep  thunders  sullen  roll , 
O'er  frowning  heaven  from  pole  to  angry  pole  ;  — 
While  through  the  gloom,  fierce  lightnings  glaring  dart, 
Striking  wild  terror  to  my  sinking  heart. 

Around  me  flaming  billows  roar  and  dash, 
And  my  frail  bark  with  ceaseless  fury  lash ; 
Thus  riding  on  the  waves  and  tempest-tost, 
My  doom  is  written  —  to  be  wrecked  and  lost ! 

But  should  this  be,  —  would  not  the  ocean  bed 
Give  sweet  repose  unto  my  aching  head  ? 
Would  not  the  melancholy,  moaning  surge, 
Above  my  pillow,  be  most  fitting  dirge  ? 


84  ESPERANCB. 

Oh,  could  I  hope  for  any  place  of  rest 
Where  stilled  would  be  the  anguish  of  this  breast, 
Glad  would  I  welcome  all  the  frowns  of  Fate, 
And  calmly  drink  her  cup  of  deadliest  hate  ! 

Yet  not  this  hope  can  cheat  me  of  the  pain 
Which  madness  drives  into  my  burning  brain, 
When  I  look  forward  to  that  shoreless  sea, 
On  which  a  drifted  soul- wreck  I  may  be. 

Oh,  for  a  friendly  hand  my  bark  to  guide 
O'er  the  dark  billows  of  Tune's  rushing  tide,  — 
To  land  my  spirit  on  some  kinder  shore, 
Where  waves  of  sorrow  will  disturb  no  more  ! 

I  have  read  better  poetry,  that  is  certain.  But  consider 
ing  this  was  spun  out  of  the  very  fibres  of  my  heart,  it 
seems  cruel  to  criticise  it.  I  must,  however,  keep  the  veil 
drawn  close  about  my  private  griefs. 

November  10.  "  I  am  going  to  be  frank,  Hope  Frazer," 
said  Eleanor  to-day.  "  I  am  an  orphan,  under  the  care  of  a 
detestable,  straight-laced  guardian.  Not  but  that  he  is  good 
enough  in  his  way,  but  I  abhor  sanctimoniousness.  His 
only  son  and  I  took  it  into  our  heads  to  fall  in  love  with 
each  other.  Mr.  Granger,  for  some  reason,  was  dead  set 
against  this,  and  sent  me  here  to  be  out  of  the  way.  But 
he  can't  help  himself,  for  Orlando  and  I  have  our  own  way 
of  correspondence.  And  after  a  time  —  that  is,  when  my 
ladyship  sees  fit  to  be  sufficiently  persuaded  —  he  will  find 
himself  completely  outwitted.  Don't  look  shocked.  I  be 
lieve  in  the  supremacy  of  love  over  all  other  claims.  So 
much  for  sentiment.  And  now  I  am  bound  to  reveal  my 
principles.  I  see  that  you  are  a  natural  doubter,  but  you  can 
not  yet  swing  yourself  clear  of  old  notions.  You  have  read 


ESPERANCE.  85 

poetry  and  romance  of  the  right  sort,  but  you  need  argument 
also.  I  have  some  books  safely  concealed  from  all  prying 
eyes,  and  you  shall  read  them.  They  will  take  you  up  into 
a  freer  air." 

This  was  the  substance  of  her  talk.  But  enough  for  to 
night. 

November  11.  I  have  been  reading  Paine's  "  Age  of  Rea 
son,"  one  of  Miss  Cottrell's  books,  which  now  lies  locked  up 
in  the  bottom  of  my  trunk.  It  is  attractive  in  style,  and 
specious  in  argument.  I  have  not  read  it  without  many 
qualms  of  conscience,  yet,  in  spite  of  them,  I  am  now  in 
the  last  chapter.  My  doubts  before  were  occasional  and 
floating.  Shall  I  become  a  settled  unbeliever?  Oh,  my 
mother!  *  *  *  * 

November  12.  A  singular  love-letter !  Eleanor  came 
rushing  to  my  room,  with  her  cheeks  in  a  burning  glow,  and 
putting  it  in  my  hands,  said,  triumphantly,  "  See  how  we 
cheat  the  old  man  !  I  can  trust  you  so  far  as  to  say  —  " 

"  I  beg  you  not  to  give  me  any  troublesome  confidences," 
said  I,  holding  my  hand  before  her  mouth.  "  I  think  you  are 
on  a  perilous  road,  and  if  I  know  too  much,  I  may  be 
tempted  to  warn  your  teachers." 

"  If  you  do,  I  will  curse  you  ;  but  I  fear  nothing.  How 
ever,  it  may  be  wisest  to  keep  my  own  counsel.  But  read 
that,  and  I  will  show  you  my  answer." 

And  she  vanished,  leaving  a  part  of  Orlando's  letter  in  my 
hands.  It  is  a  passionate  epistle,  yet  not  such  a  one  as 
would  suit  me.  It  is  not  intellectual  or  high-toned  enough. 

November  13.     Eleanor  has  just  left  her  reply  with  me. 
Neither  do  I  like  that.     It  is  not  what  a  true  woman's  love- 
letters  ought  to  be.     Hovr  can  she  enjoy  tantalizing  him  so  ? 
8 


86  ESPERANCE. 

And  yet  I  feel  as  if  I  had  it  in  me  to  be  sufficiently  tanta 
lizing  on  occasion. 

As  to  this  intimacy  with  Eleanor,  it  is  an  awkward  affair, 
and  not  exactly  to  my  mind.  I  am  not  satisfied,  either,  with 
my  underhanded  manner  of  reading  her  books,  but  they  in 
terest  me,  and  so  I  foolishly  yield  to  her  persuasions. 

Evening.  I  have  been  taking  a  long,  solitary  walk,  hav 
ing  declined  Eleanor's  company.  I  was  too  gloomy  to  bear 
anybody's  presence.  The  mysteries  of  life  press  upon  me 
painfully.  Whence  am  I,  and  whither  am  I  bound  ?  I  look 
up  to  the  far-off  sky,  but  no  answer.  I  stretch  my  yearning 
glance  over  the  misty  river  ;  I  call  to  the  shadowy  forms  on 
those  distant  shores  ;  but  not  even  an  echo  is  returned.  A 
thick,  visible,  tangible  darkness  shuts  down  close  around  me. 

November  17.  I  wish  I  could  feel  the  smallest  interest  in 
Mr.  Gilbert's  sermons.  But  he  is  dreadfully  prosy.  He 
might  just  as  well  string  passages  together  from  the  "  Com 
mon-School  Reader."  Strange  that  one  believing  as  he 
does,  cannot  find  more  to  say !  But  I  doubt  whether  any 
Christian  really  believes  all  he  professes.  There  must  be  a 
latent  infidelity  in  the  heart,  or  the  life  would  be  more  fully 
moulded  by  the  faith. 

This  is  a  dreary  November's  day.  How  the  wind  sweeps 
round  these  bleak  prison  walls !  It  makes  me  shiver,  and 
yet  I  am  in  strange  sympathy  with  it.  Now  it  comes  shriek 
ing  down  the  chimney  as  though  it  were  an  evil  spirit  in 
torment.  And  who  knows  but  it  is?  There  is  occasion 
ally  a  fierce  spite  in  its  voice,  as  if  the  imp  were  bent  on 
mischief.  Suppose  it  should  tear  down  this  great  building 
with  one  mighty  blast,  and  bury  us  all  beneath  its  walls ! 
There,  would  be  an  end  of  all  my  weariness  and  sorrow. 


ESPEBANCE.  87 

Yet  would-  it?  Would  not  these  waves  of  troubled  life 
wake  up  again  on  the  eternal  shores  ?  Who  can  tell  me  that 
knows  any  better  than  I?  The  Bible?  Ah,  yes  !  But  if 
the  infidel  be  right,  what  is  this  Bible  ?  The  oracle  in  our 
own  hearts  may  be  as  safely  trusted.  And  that  differs  in 
every  man ;  so  I  am  again  afloat.  But  do  I  really  doubt 
the  Bible,  on  which  my  mother  rested  all  her  hopes  ?  I  cau 
hardly  tell.  In  some  moods,  it  seems  to  me  like  the  ever 
lasting  rock  ;  but  in  others,  all  is  drear  uncertainty. 

November  18.  After  Dinner.  I  have  just  got  possession 
of  Dana's  "  Poems  and  Prose  Writings  ; " — a  precious  waif  to 
be  cast  on  this  desert  shore.  It  is  a  shame  I  could  not  have 
had  it  all  these  holidays.  Only  to-day  and  to-morrow ! 
Well,  I  must  swallow  it  whole. 

Evening.  I  have  devoured  the  poetry,  and  am  entranced, 
though  most  of  it  is  in  a  strain  that  makes  me  dreadfully  blue. 

I  am  just  going  to  begin  with  the  prose.  Trust  my  lamp 
is  freshly  filled,  for  I  am  determined  not  to  close  my  eyes  till 
I  have  seen  the  last  page. 

Two  o'clock,  Tuesday  Morning.  I  must  have  been  sitting 
here  all  of  an  hour,  too  much  oppressed  to  move,  or  scarcely 
breathe.  When  I  had  finished  "  Paul  Felton,"  horror  con 
gealed  me.  The  next  minute,  I  wanted  to  scream  loud 
enough  to  waken  every  sleeper  in  Crawford.  When  this 
impulse  was  over,  I  burst  into  tears,  and  cried  like  a  baby, 
as  I  am.  I  felt  as  if  I  couldn't,  and  wouldn't  have  it  end  so. 
But  at  last  I  fell  into  an  ominous  silence,  during:  which  the 

'  O 

room  seemed  full  of  evil  spirits,  ready  to  strangle  me  if  I 
made  the  smallest  movement.  Finally,  with  a  desperate 
effort,  I  seized  my  pen,  and  the  spell  is  broken.  And  now 
I  must  lay  my  aching  head  on  the  pillow. 


88  ESPEBANCE. 

Eleven  o'clock,  A.  M.  But  I  could  not  sleep.  My  light 
waned  away  and  died.  And  then  "  Abel,"  with  sunburnt 
hair,  leprous  skin,  glaring  eyes,  and  long  yellow  teeth,  began 
to  dance  madly  round  me,  brandishing  aloft  a  rusty  knife.  It 
was  so  vivid,  so  frightful  an  image,  that  I  was  glad  to  cover 
up  my  head  in  the  bed-clothes.  And  there  I  lay,  shuddering, 
till  the  flush  of  morning  dispelled  the  hideous  phantom. 

But  I  can't  get  that  harrowing  story  out  of  my  head.  It 
would  be  a  sort  of  grim  relief  if  I  could  avenge  myself  in 
some  way  on  the  narrator.  But,  with  all  that  is  horrible  in  the 
tale,  —  and  in  that  element  Mr.  Dana  perfectly  riots,  —  there 
is  yet  something  marvellously  fascinating  about  Paul.  What 
touches  of  exquisite  beauty  and  delicacy  soften  the  harsh 
outlines  of  his  portrait !  What  strength  and  stern  truthful 
ness  give  it  character !  And  what  tender,  protecting,  and 
reverent  affection  weaves  a  bright  halo  around  it ! 

Ah  !  there  is  something  potent  beyond  all  other  charms  in 
this  capacity  for  intense  and  concentrated  affection !  But 
I  am  not  fit  to  discuss  such  a  subject,  certainly  not  now,  with 
my  nerves  all  on  fire. 

Afternoon.  The  Philistines  be  upon  me.  And  the  Actual 
is  again  seizing  me  with  its  iron  grasp. 

Belinda  Lawson  has  returned,  and  is  at  this  moment  sys 
tematically  emptying  her  trunk.  I  feel  a  strong  temptation 
to  scatter  her  neatly-folded  clothes  all  over  the  room  !  What 
dire  astonishment  would  take  hold  upon  her  !  I  wonder  if 
she  would  be  very  much  vexed.  I  have  a  good  mind  to  make 
the  experiment.  She  is  leaving  the  room,  and  now  is  my 
chance. 

Poor  Belinda  has  no  sooner  closed  the  door,  than,  with 
irresistibly  itching  fingers,  I  fly  about,  and,  dispersing  her 


ESPERANCE.  89 

things  pell-mell,  open  the  window.  As  I  sit  writing  gravely 
as  before,  she  returns.  I  bend  my  head  low,  but  can 
catch  her  look  of  amazement.  A  strong  current  of  wind  is 
setting  in  at  the  open  window,  giving  her  scattered  garments 
a  fluttering  motion.  She  evidently  suspects  it  has  been  tricky 
in  her  absence.  She  gazes  about  in  a  bewildered  fashion, 
occasionally  eying  me  askance,  but  my  undisturbed  gravity 
nips  her  suspicion  in  the  bud. 

"  Miss  Frazer,  do  you  wish  to  have  that  window  open?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  Miss  Lawson,  not  in  the  least,  if  it  incommodes 
you."  All  these  words,  uttered  most  blandly,  and  with  a 
good-natured  closing  of  the  window. 

Then,  looking  about,  I  jump  from  my  chair  and  assist  her 
to  pick  up,  refold,  and  lay  on  the  bed  her  dishevelled 
wardrobe. 

"  Thank  you,  Miss  Frazer." 

This  was  said  so  cordially,  that  I  was  instantly  visited  with 
compunction,  and  should  have  confessed  my  sin,  had  I  not 
opportunely  recollected  that  she  knows  nothing  about  me, 
and  would  conclude  that  I  am  a  much  more  vicious  character 
than  I  admit  myself  to  be.  And  the  idea  of  explaining  my 
sudden  freak  to  her  satisfaction,  or  comprehension,  even, 
seemed  preposterous.  Wherefore,  I  forbore,  and  have  the 
gratification  of  standing  as  high  in  her  esteem  as  ever, 
though  with  some  little  drawback  in  the  consciousness  of 
having  practised  an  imposition  on  the  honest  soul. 
8* 


90  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER    XIII. 

TRAVELLING  in  a  treadmill!  How  tiresome  it  was,  I 
never  conjectured  until  I  had  the  experience.  Now,  I  should 
not  be  surprised  to  see  any  beast,  thus  toiling  on  without  a 
goal  in  view,  stop  short  out  of  sheer  desperation,  and  abso 
lutely  refuse  to  take  another  step.  But  I  did  no  such  thing ; 
for  I  knew  that  after  my  appointed  number  of  rounds,  I 
should  be  set  upon  another  road  —  the  mistress  of  my  own 
destiny.  So  I  toiled  on,  learning,  reciting,  reviewing,  day 
after  day,  week  after  week,  'month  after  month. 

As  to  my  intimate  friend,  Eleanor  Cottrell,  who  told  me 
all  her  secrets,  but  to  whom  I  told  none,  she  was  not  without 
talent.  But  she  had  no  fondness  for  study,  and  would  have 
been  a  hinderance,  had  I  not  plainly  told  her  to  let  me  alone 
in  term  time.  In  our  occasional  crossings  during  the  busi 
ness-hours  of  school,  she  gave  me  to  understand  by  her  sig 
nificant  winkings  and  other  freemasonries,  that  her  love 
matters  were  going  on  prosperously. 

One  memorable  day,  while  I  was  reciting  a  lesson  in  alge 
bra,  I  was  summoned  to  Miss  Carey.  Her  serious,  tender 
look  smote  upon  my  heart,  but  I  could  ask  no  question. 

"  I  have  sad  news  for  you,  my  dear.     Your  little  sister  —  " 

"  Not  dead?"  I  almost  shrieked. 

"  No,  my  dear,  but  she  is  very  sick,  and  your  father  has 
sent  for  you." 


ESPERANCE.  91 

As  I  made  no  reply,  she  put  her  hand  softly  on  my  head  ;  — 

"  Lift  up  your  heart  to  God,  and  he  will  help  you." 

Alas  !  I  was,  perhaps,  about  to  lose  my  sweet  Ada,  and  I 
had  no  God  to  comfort  me.  I  felt  stunned,  and  stood  with 
out  asking  a  question. 

"  Your  father's  man,  John  Biley,  as  he  calls  himself,  has 
come  for  you,  and  will  be  here  again  with  the  stage  in  half 
an  hour.  You  will  put  up  what  is  necessary  as  soon  as 
possible,  and  be  ready  to  go  with  him." 

I  had  thought  myself  indifferent  to  everybody,  but  the 
pangs  I  endured  on  my  way  to  my  room  proved  how  fondly 
I  loved  my  sister. 

Ill  tidings  travel  on  wings.  Miss  Lawson  had  evidently 
heard  mine,  for,  as  I  entered  the  room,  she  came  towards  me, 
saying,  — 

"  I  will  put  up  your  things,  dear  Hope.  Just  sit  down 
and  rest  yourself." 

I  obeyed,  and  mechanically  watched  her.  She  seemed  to 
know  exactly  what  I  might  want,  and  scarcely  asking  a 
question,  she  had  everything  in  readiness  by  the  time  I  was 
summoned. 

"  Tell  me  all,  John,"  said  I,  when  we  were  on  our  way. 

"  "Well,  Miss  Hope,  there  ain't  much  to  tell.  Little  Miss 
Ada  has  seemed  all  along  growing  more  and  more  of  an 
angel.  She  took  your  absence  hard,  and  it's  my  private 
opinion  that  she's  been  kind  o*  pining  ever  since.  When  I've 
been  to  work,  she'd  come  and  talk  with  me,  and  such  wise 
things  as  she'd  say,  was  enough  to  make  me  scared.  I  tolled 
Nancy  we  should  sartin  be  hearing  the  death-tick. 

"  Well,  nobody  knows  what  ails  hep.  She's  jest  growed 
whiter  and  thinner.  And  lately  she's  talked  about  you  all 


92-  ESPEBANCE. 

the  time,  and  begged  to  have  you  come  home.  Your  pa 
didn't  seem  to  favor  it,  but  Dr.  Belden,  he  set  in,  and  got  his 
consent." 

We  were  up  to  this  time  alone,  but  as  we  now  began  to 
take  in  passengers,  our  talk  ended.  I  had  no  want  of  bitter 
food  for  thought  during  that  long,  painful  journey.  At  length 
we  reached  Fairmount,  the  town  opposite  Clydeville,  where 
John  took  my  father's  horse  and  sleigh,  which  he  had  left  at 
the  hotel,  and  drove  me  across  the  frozen  river.  He  called 
for  Dr.  Belden,  who  got  into  the  sleigh  directly,  and  we  soon 
entered  our  avenue.  The  naked  arms  of  the  trees  were  hung 
with  glittering  pendants,  making  a  gorgeous  pathway. 

"  What  mockery  !  "  was  on  my  lips,  but  I  did  not  say  it. 
The  doctor  must  have  surmised  that  I  felt  like  a  stranger, 
for  when  we  stopped  before  the  door,  he  led  me  into  a  little 
ante-room,  saying^  "Take  off  your  things,  and  wait  here  till 
I  return."  He  soon  came  back,  trying  to  look  cheerful,  but 
with  telltale  tears  in  his  eyes.  I  softly  followed  him  up 
stairs  into  Ada's  room.  * 

How  her  wan  face  brightened  !     I  knelt  down  by  the  bed, 
and  laying  my  face  to  hers,  my  pent-up  sorrow  broke  forth 
in  a  torrent. 
^i  Don't  cry,  darling  Espy  —  I'm  going  to  mamma." 

"  Control  yourself  for  her  sake,"  whispered  the  doctor. 
So  I  put  an  iron  curb  upon  my  sorrow,  and  wiping  away  my 
tears,  told  the  dear  child  I  had  come  to  tak£  care  of  her.  And 
as  I  said  this,  the  memory  of  her  tender  nursing,  and  of  my 
selfishly  sending  her  from  my  room,  smote  me  to  the  heart. 
But  I  choked  down  all  these  recollections,  and  determined 
that  she  should  never  have  another  moment's  pain  on  my 
account. 


ESPEBANCB.  93 

The  sick  room  was  of  course  no  place  for  my  father,  ex 
cept  for  an  occasional  call ;  and  Ednah,  being  out  of  health, 
left  her  own  room  but  little.  Katy  and  Joy  were  kept  by 
their  governess  in  a  distant  part  of  the  house,  so  that,  under 
Nancy's  superintending  care,  it  was  my  privilege  alone  to  be 
with  the  gentle  sufferer  by  day  and  night.  The  record  of 
that  sacred,  tender  season  is  written  on  my  heart.  ,  I  sang 
her  favorite  hymns,  and  read  to  her  from  her  own  Bible. 
And  when  she  begged  me  to  pray  with  her,  —  telling  her  I 
could  do  it  better  out  of  the  Prayer  Book,  —  I  would  kneel 
down,  and  holding  her  little  hand  J9  mine,^wouh^repeat  fer 
vently  those  immortal  prayers  of  the  church,  which  for  cen 
turies  have  comforted  and  strengthened  so  many  hearts. 
"We  often  talked  together  of  God  and  heaven,  or,  rather,  she 
talked  with  me,  and  I  made  answers  as  I  best  could. 

One  day  she  asked  me  to  read  something  about  heaven. 
Turning  to  the  seventh  chapter  of  Revelation,  I  complied. 
As  I  finished,  she  repeated  after  me,  "  And  God  shall  wipe 
away  all  tears  from  their  eyes,"  and  then  lay  a  long  time 
silent.  At  last  she  turned  towards  me  with  an  expression  I 
shall  never  forget ;  — 

"  I  was  thinking  of  you,  darling  Espy,  and  how  glad  you 
will  be  to  get  to  heaven.  The  dear  Lord  won't  ever  let  you 
cry  any  more." 

How  I  was  able  to  restrain  my  feelings  I  know  not,  but  I 
did,  quietly  asking  her  if  she  would  not  pray  that  I  might  go 
there.  So  she  folded  her  waxen  hands,  and  prayed  for  her 
poor,  unworthy  sister,  whose  heart  fervently  joined  in  those 
childish  petitions.  But  what  had  become  of  my  doubts?  I 
know  not.  In  that  hallowed  sphere  they  could  not  stay. 
The  presence  of  the  saintly  child  was  like  that  of  an  angel. 


94  ESPERANCE. 

After  this  scene,  she  failed  rapidly.  During  the  evening 
of  that  same  day,  she  said  to  me  earnestly,  "  I  want  to  see 
them  all."  The  family  was  summoned,  and  one  by  one  Ada 
bade  them  good  by.  From  this  time  she  took  no  notice  of 
anything  about  her.  Her  large  blue  eyes  were  fixed  upon 
the  ceiling  with  an  earnest  gaze,  as  if  she  saw  something 
hidden  from  our  view. 

Suddenly  an  expression  of  angelic  rapture  irradiated  her 
pale  face,  while  her  lips  parted  ;  — 

"  I  see  her,  I  see  mamma.  She  stretches  out  her  arms  to 
me.  And  beautiful  children  are  all  around  her." 

The  child  lifted  up  her  hands  as  if  to  embrace  that 
mother.  The  next  moment,  and  without  a  shudder,  her 
little  feet  entered  the  cold  river. 

Oh,  who  can  tell 

What  words  of  love  were  whispered  to  her  heart, 
Or  what  pure  rays,  from  out  the  rainbow  throne, 
Streamed  through  the  wide-flung  crystal  gates  of  heaven, 
Illumining  the  depths  of  that  dark  stream  ? 
Bright  shone  her  "  silver  thread,  "  as  on  she  moved, 
E'en  to  our  tear-dimmed  eyes.    But  soon,  alas ! 
The  blazing  radiance,  blinding  mortal  sense, 
Like  a  bright  veil,  enwrapped  her  from  our  sight. 

From  the  conservatory  I  gathered  white  and  fragrant 
flowers,  and  strewed  them  around  her,  as  she  lay  in  her 
little  rose-wood  coffin.  The  sweet  hands,  that  had  so  short 
a  time  before  been  clasped  in  prayer  for  me,  I  reverently 
kissed,  and  then  folded  them  across  her  silent  bosom.  I 
wonder  my  heart  did  not  break  as  I  did  all  this,  but  I  went 
about  like  one  in  a  dream.  Over  the  whole  household 
brooded  the  hush  of  Death,  and  all  were  humbled,  as  well  as 


.ESPERANCB.  95 

mute  in  his  presence.  It  was  no  mock  solemnity  that  sat  on 
my  father's  face,  and  the  tears  which  stood  unshed  in  Ednah's 
eyes,  as  well  as  those  which  rolled  down  the  poor  children's 
cheeks,  were  genuine  tears.  And  no  wonder.  The  sweet 
bird,  that  had  enchanted  every  one  by  its  beauty  and  its  song, 
had  broken  from  its  cage,  and  soared  forever  out  of  our 
sight. 

The  day  after  the  funeral  saw  me  on  my  melancholy  return 
to  Crawford.  The  parting  from  my  father  and  Ednah  was, 
perhaps,  somewhat  less  formal  than  our  meeting  had  been ; 
for  it  is  impossible,  even  for  the  most  obdurate,  to  resist  the 
subduing  influence  of  affliction.  Yet  I  left  with  an  added 
weight  of  sorrow  on  my  heart.  In  losing  Ada,  I  had  lost 
the  only  one  who  loved  me.  She  had  drifted  out  into  the 
darkness,  and  I  should  never  see  her  more.  But  was  there 
no  unseen  land  where  are  gathered  the  loved  and  lost? 
What,  then,  was  it  she  beheld  in  those  last  solemn  moments  ? 
This  question  pressed  upon  me  continually.  There  could  be 
no  superstition  about  such  a  child.  "Was  heaven  actually 
opened  to  her  vision?  But  if  there  was  a  reality  in  all  this, 
what  would  become  of  me  ? 


96  BSPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XIV. 

WHEN  we  were  a&out  half  way  between  Clydeville  and 
Crawford,  we  took  in  a  gentleman  who  at  once  attracted  my 
attention.  He  was  apparently  about  fifty,  of  medium  height, 
stout-built,  and  with  a  profusion  of  short  brown  hair.  His 
large,  honest  mouth  was  compressed,  denoting  the  energetic 
working  of  his  mind,  while  his  gray  eyes  told  of  fire  as  well 
as  kindness.  His  abrupt  movements  bespoke  decision,  and 
his  quick  glances  round  upon  his  fellow-travellers  were  in 
dicative  of  a  benevolent  interest.  He  immediately  commenced 
a  conversation  on  religions  subjects  with  one  of  the  passen 
gers,  with  whom  he  seemed  acquainted.  But  while  talking 
with  him,  his  eye  frequently  rested  on  me,  as  if  noting  my 
mourning  attire.  At  length  he  requested  some  one  to  change 
seats  with  him  —  a  movement  which  brought  him  to  my 
side.  Bending  towards  me,  he  said  in  a  low  voice,  — 

"  So  the  Lord  has  been  laying  his  hand  upon  you,  my 
young  friend." 

No  reply. 

"  Do  not  be  offended  at  my  frankness,  Miss.  We  are  all 
brothers  and  sisters,  and  I  speak  only  from  my  interest. 
God,  it  seems,  has  removed  some  beloved  one  from  you. 
Are  you  submissive  ?  " 

"  No,  sir,"  I  answered,  shortly. 

"  Ah !  I  am  truly  sorry ; "  and  I  saw  that  he  ivas  so. 
"  Your  peace  then  is  not  made  with  God." 


ESPERANCE.  97 

"No,  sir." 

"But  have  you  no  penitence  for  your  obduracy?" 

"  No,  sir." 

"  God  have  mercy  upon  you  !  "  he  exclaimed  with  fervor. 
Then  after  a  pause,  "  Where  are  you  going?" 

"  To  Crawford." 

"  To  the  Female  Seminary?" 

"  Yes,  sir." 

"Have  you  heard  what  a  glorious  work  is  going  on  in 
that  town?" 

"  No,  sir." 

"  The  Spirit  of  the  Lord  is  there,  and  may  your  proud 
will  be  subdued !  It  is  a  fearful  contest  in  which  you  are 
engaged." 

He  talked  with  me  very  earnestly,  setting  clearly  before 
me  my  great  wickedness,  the  righteous  claims  of  a  holy 
God,  and  the  dreadful  consequences  of  my  persistency.  I 
was  much  agitated,  but  my  heart  rose  fa  opposition  to  the 
infinite  Being  whose  cause  he  advocated.  When  about  leav 
ing  the  coach  after  our  arrival  in  Crawford,  he  warmly 
grasped  my  hand. 

"  I  shall  see  you  again,  and  in  the  mean  time  you  will 
have  my  prayers." 

We  left  him  and  hastened  on.  Grimly  rose  the  walls 
of  the  old  building  before  my  eyes.  A  flood  of  thoughts 
rushed  over  me.  Alas !  what  should  I  do  with  those 
tender  memories  of  my  departed  darling,  which  gushed 
warm  into  my  heart  ?  I  could  not  'have  them  subjected  to 
the  cold  scrutiny  of  my  companions  ;  I  would  not  have  them 
even  guessed  at  from  my  quivering  lip,  or  my  heavy,  swollen 
eyelids.  So,  with  a  stern  hand,  I  crowded  them  down  into 
9 


98  ESPEBANCE. 

the  burying  places  of  memory,  drawing  the  grave  curtains 
close  about  them.  Then  I  put  on  that  immobile  face  to 
which  I  was  accustomed,  and  without  even  dropping  my 
veil,  I  walked  firmly  up  the  broad  steps,  prepared  to  encoun 
ter  scores  of  curious  eyes. 

I  was  mistaken.  A  great  change  had  passed  over  the 
school.  A  strange  hush  had  fallen  upon  the  stirring,  busy 
air.  On  every  face  sat  an  unwonted  solemnity,  while  many 
a  hand,  formerly  indifferent,  was  extended  in  tender  sym 
pathy  and  welcome.  And  my  room-mate,  the  self-possessed 
Belinda  Lawson,  was  greatly  moved  in  meeting  me. 

"  I  am  so  glad,  dear  Hope,  that  you  have  come  back  at 
this  time !  " 

I  made  no  reply  to  this,  or  any  similar  remark,  but  not  a 
token  of  the  wonderful  change  escaped  me.  I  could  hardly 
believe  that  I  was  really  in  Crawford  Seminary.  The  or 
dinary  stringent  business  pressure  which  so  distinguished  it, 
was  relaxed,  and  tfife  whole  school  was  broken  up  into  little 
groups,  engaged  in  earnest  talk. 

Meeting  Eleanor  Cottrell  the  next  day,  I  inquired  what  all 
these  changes  meant. 

"  They  mean  that  we  are  cast  among  a  set  of  fools.  Such 
a  ridiculous  fuss  !  It  is  nothing  but  meeting,  meeting,  all  the 
time.  Mr.  Gilbert  has  had  a  wonderful  hurricane  in  his 
soul,  and  there  is  a  corresponding  increase  of  violence  in  his 
manner.  Then  a  famous  gun,  Dr.  Kendrick,  has  been  here, 
helping  him  to  get  up  a  gale,  and  is  to  return  again,  when 
they  are  to  have  protracted  meetings  for  the  preaching  of 
protracted  nonsense,  which  we  shall  all  be  expected,  alias,  re 
quired,  to  take  in  large  doses.  It  is  Z»os/i,  and  of  the  worst 
sort.  Take  care  that  you  escape  the  contagion." 


ESPERANCE.  99 

I  was  silent,  for  while  conscious  of  inward  opposition,  I 
had  no  heart,  certainly  while  the  loss  of  Ada  was  fresh  in 
memory,  to  make  light  of  sacred  things.  The  next  day 
the  meetings  commenced.  Partly  out  of  curiosity,  and  partly 
from  some  indefinable  impulse,  I  attended  the  first  service. 
What  was  my  surprise  to  discover  in  the  pulpit  my  faithful 
fellow-passenger  !  Turning  to  Belinda,  I  whispered,  — 

"Who  is  he?" 

"  Dr.  Kendrick.     Hush  !   he  is  speaking." 

A  breathless  silence  reigned  over  the  assembly  as  he  an 
nounced  his  text,  "  The  carnal  mind  is  enmity  against  God." 
Whoever  might  have  been  an  indifferent  hearer  during  that 
powerful  discourse,  I  certainly  was  not.  Indeed,  I  felt 
almost  assured  that  the  preacher  had  singled  me  out,  that  he 
might  concentrate  the  whole  weight  of  his  terrible  charges 
on  my  devoted  head.  Tearing  asunder  the  flimsy  veil  I  had 
flung  over  my  heart,  he  pierced  the  subtlest  disguise,  ruth 
lessly  scrutinizing  every  thought  and  feeling,  and  analyzing 
and  condemning  every  motive,  till,  by  a  strain  of  resistless 
logic,  he  had  proved  me  the  very  vilest  of  God's  creatures.  As 
I  sat  there,  trembling  under  the  consciousness  of  God's 
wrath,  he  held  me  over  the  pit  till  the  flames  of  hell  seemed 
devouring  me.  I  wonder  that  I  was  able  to  keep  from 
shrieking  aloud  in  my  agony. 

In  that  hour  began  a  terrible  conflict  between  me,  a  mis 
erable  worm  of  the  dust,  and  my  offended  Maker  and  Judge. 
Day  after  day  found  me  in  my  seat  at  church,  and  I  was  even 
persuaded  to  attend  the  inquiry  meeting  ;  —  and  still  the  con 
flict  went  on.  It  was  at  a  time  when  the  churches  had  but 
little  experience  as  to  the  final  results  of  what  were  called 
new  measures,  and  extreme  devices  were  resorted  to,  for 


100  ESPERANCE. 

the  purpose  of  arresting  the  attention  and  impressing  the 
heart. 

So  intent  were  my  companions  on  my  conversion,  that  on 
one  occasion  I  was  literally  dragged  to  the  anxious  seat, 
where  I  was  publicly  prayed  for,  almost  by  name. 

My  mind  was  in  a  state  of  unnatural  excitement,  and 
seemed  doomed  to  grapple  with  every  form  of  difficulty. 
Many  an  hour  did  the  zealous  Dr.  Kendrick  spend  in  labor 
ing  with  me.  At  one  time,  after  a  long  struggle  with  the 
doctrine  of  election,  when  he  told  me  that  my  heart  was  full 
of  rank  rebellion,  and  that  I  was  drawing  down  on  myself 
the  severest  judgments  of  heaven,  I  exclaimed  in  anguish,  — 


"  Submit  yourself  wholly  to  God.  Be  entirely  willing 
that  he  should  do  with  you  exactly  what  will  most  promote 
his  own  glory,  even  if  that  should  be  your  destruction." 

"  I  cannot,  I  never  can." 

"  But  Grod,  in  his  sovereign  power,  can  make  you  willing." 

"  Not  without  crushing  my  mind  and  heart,  and  making 
me  a  mere  machine." 

He  pressed  the  point  till  I  grew  excited,  and  angrily  re 
plied,  — 

"  And  what  would  be  gained  by  persuading  me  to  be  will 
ing  to  be  lost?  Nothing  but  an  indifference  to  salvation, 
which  would  render  me  insensible  to  your  most  powerful 
pleas." 

"But  God  —  ."     . 

I  was  in  torture,  and  quickly  interrupted  him  :  "  There's 
no  use,  Dr.  Kendrick,  in  argiiing  the  matter.  I  am  not 
willing  to  go  to  hell  ;  and  I  should  not  be,  if  all  the  angels 
in  heaven  were  to  get  down  on  their  knees,  and  entreat  my 


ESPEBANCE.  101 

consent.  And  if  God  requires  such  a  willingness,  as  a  con 
dition  of  helping  me,  he  is  not  a  God  of  love,  but  of  malevo 
lence.  You  look  shocked,  but  I  may  as  well  speak  out  Avhat 
I  think."  And  I  burst  into  tears,  while,  with  a  deep  sigh,  he 
withdrew. 

At  my  request,  Miss  Lawson  left  me  alone  that  night. 
Through  its  long  hours  I  walked  back  and  forth,  hopelessly 
battling  with  the  mysteries  which  hemmed  me  in  on  every 
hand.  Struggling  in  the  strong  coils  of  the  Necessitarian 
scheme,  I  reasoned  with  myself:  If  God  has  so  made  us 
that  we  are  compelled  to  choose  according  to  the  strongest 
motive,  —  since  he  himself  has  ordered  all  the  circumstances 
which  precede  and  induce  every  action,  I  could  not  have 
chosen  otherwise  than  as  I  have,  and  as  it  was  from  all  eter 
nity  ordained  that  I  should  choose.  And  this  being  so,  how 
can  I  be  chargeable  with  guilt?  In  this  reasoning  I  forti 
fied  myself  by  recalling  remarks  I  had  read  on  the  same 
subject  in  the  notes  to  Shelley's  "  Queen  Mab,"  —  arguing 
that  God  is  the  author  of  evil  as  well  as  of  good.  But  here 
my  awakened  conscience  protested,  sharply  accusing  me  of 
innumerable  and  aggravated  sins. 

At  this  point  I  was  plunged  into  the  most  painful  and  pro 
found  of  all  mysteries  —  the  origin  of  evil.  •  In  answer  to  a 
question  on  this  subject,  Dr.  Kendrick  had  told  me  that  God 
ordained  the  existence  of  sin,  because  he  foresaw  that  it 
would  conduce  to  the  greatest  good  of  the  universe.  But  if 
sin,  I  reasoned,  is  promotive  of  the  highest  good,  then  its 
commission  is  not  only  justifiable,  but  desirable,  and  sinners 
do  more  to  further  the  interests  of  God's  kingdom,  than  do 
the  angels  in  heaven.  In  this  view  it  is  not  strange  that 
Dr.  Kendrick  should  urge  upon  me  a  willingness  to  be  lost. 
9* 


102  ESPEEANCE. 

If,  however,  my  sins  have  been  more  instrumental  in  mani 
festing  God's  glory  than  my  holiness  could  have  been,  I 
surely  am  undeserving  of  eternal  punishment.  I  have  a 
right  to  rebel  at  God's  commands.  I  cannot  love  him,  and, 
not  loving,  I  will  not  submit  to  him.  Let  him  destroy  me, 
then,  if  he  chooses  !  . 

Terrified  by  my  own  blasphemy,  and  almost  expecting  an 
immediate  answer  to  my  dreadful  imprecation,  I  threw  my 
self  on  the  floor  and  groaned  aloud.  As  soon  as  it  was  day, 
I  went  over  to  Mr.  Gilbert's,  and  asked  for  Dr.  Kendrick. 
He  had  not  risen,  but,  being  told  that  I  had  called,  sent  word 
that  he  would  come  down  directly.  When  he  entered  the 
room,  I  rose,  but  was  scarcely  able  to  stand. 

"  Sit  down,  poor  child,  sit  down,"  said  he,  placing  me  in 
a  chair,  and  taking  a  seat  beside  me.  "  You  look  sick.  I 
fear  you  did  not  sleep  last  night." 

"  I  can  neither  sleep  nor  eat,"  I  impetuously  exclaimed. 
"  And  I  may  as  well  speak  out — I  hate  God." 

"  Ah,  poor  child,  I  know  you  do.  '  The  carnal  mind  is 
enmity  against  God.'  But  sovereign  grace  can  change  that 
heart." 

"  It  will  do  nothing  for  me.  I  am  given  over  to  a  repro 
bate  mind.  These  dreadful  struggles  are  worse  than  death, 
and  I  gain  nothing  by  them.  What  is  the  use  of  striving 
longer  ?  My  doom  is  sealed."  And  overcome  by  exhaus 
tion,  I  wept  passionate  tears. 

"  I  believe  God  has  designs  of  mercy  towards  you,  Miss 
Frazer.  He  has  put  it  into  the  hearts  of  many  to  plead  for 
you.  There  are  two  little  meetings  for  prayer  every  day  on 
your  account." 

This  information  greatly  affected  me ;  and  when  the  good 


ESPERANCE.  103 

Doctor  said,  "  Let  us  pray,"  I  readily  knelt  by  his  side. 
What  earnest  petitions  were  those  !  Spreading  out  my  re 
bellion  before  the  Lord,  he  cried  out,  "  '  Shall  the  thing 
formed  say  to  Him  that  formed  it,  Why  hast  thou  made  me 
thus  ?  Hath  not  the  potter  power  over  the  clay,  of  the  same 
lump  to  make  one  vessel  unto  honor,  and  another  unto  dis 
honor?'  But  is  this  maiden,  then,  as  she  affirmeth,  a  vessel 
of  wrath  fitted  to  destruction  ?  Hast  thou  not  purposes  of 
infinite  mercy,  even  towards  her,  O  our  Father  ?  " 

In  the  most  fervent  tones,  he  pleaded  that  I  might,  then 
and  there,  cease  from  the  unequal  contest,  and  submit  my 
self,  without  reserve,  to  Him  who  loved  me  and  died  to 
redeem  me.  As  he  prayed,  my  obdurate  heart  was  softened. 
I  began  to  feel  that,  in  spite  of  all  my  reasoning,  God  was 
infinitely  holy  and  just  in  all  his  requirements,  and  that  I 
stood  before  him  without  a  single  excuse  for  my  innumerable 
transgressions.  Acknowledging  his  perfect  right  to  uncon 
ditional  submission,  I  resolved  that  I  would  no  longer  resist 
his  will,  and  that,  henceforth,  whether  happy  or  miserable, 
I  would  live  to  his  glory. 

When  we  rose  from  our  knees,  the  eyes  Dr.  Kendrick 
turned  on  me  were  moistened  with  tears. 

"  Ah,  my  dear  child,"  he  said,  laying  his  hand  upon  my 
head,  "  I  see  it  in  your  countenance  ;  you  have  submitted." 

When  I  replied,  "  I  hope  I  have,  sir,"  his  face  beamed 
with  joy.  I  listened  reverently  to  his  words  of  counsel,  and 
then  left  the  house.  As  I  walked  back,  it  seemed  to  me  that 
the  morning  sunlight  wore  an  air  of  peculiar  solemnity.  My 
emotions  were  profound,  though  not  joyful.  Yet  I  was 
conscious  of  great  relief,  for  I  had  ceased  striving  with  my 
Maker.  Reentering  my  room,  I  wrote  down  my  determina- 


104  ESPERANCE. 

tion  to  lead  a  new  life,  and  in  the  strength  of  this  purpose, 
experienced  a  satisfaction  I  had  never  known  before.  This 
must  have  been  expressed  in  my  face,  for  many  were  the 
congratulations  I  received.  Eleanor  Cottrell,  however,  passed 
me  in  silence,  eying  me  with  a  half-curious,  half-disdainful 
glance.  But  this  gave  me  no  disturbance.  I  had  made  a 
resolve,  to  fulfil  which,  would  tax  every  energy  of  my  being, 
and  I  had  no  time  for  sensitiveness  to  the  comments  of 
others.  Duty,  henceforth,  was  to  be  my  mainspring  —  the 
alpha  and  omega  of  my  life.  And  the  more  disagreeable 
and  the  harder  I  found  it,  the  better,  I  thought,  for  self- 
mortification. 

The  first  thing  I  undertook  was  a  plain  talk  with  Eleanor. 
She  indignantly  refused  to  hear  me,  exclaiming,  — 

"  I  did  hope  better  things  of  you,  Hope  Frazer ;  but  you 
have  proved  yourself  a  sham.  From  this  time,  I  forswear 
your  friendship.  If  you  recant,  well  and  good ;  but  till 
then,  farewell ;  for  come  what  may,  I  won't  have  you  whin 
ing  and  crying  over  me." 

The  time  had  now  come  for  my  faithful  friend,  Dr.  Ken- 
drick,  to  leave  town.  Previously  to  this,  however,  he  had  a 
long,  parting  conversation  with  me. 

"  I  am  sorry,  Miss  Frazer,  that  you  derive  no  more  satis 
faction  from  your  religious  duties.  But  your  case  is  not  an 
uncommon  one.  We  must  do  right,  and  leave  the  rest  to 
God." 

"  But  I  sometimes  find  my  devotions  exceedingly  burden 
some." 

"  I  know  all  about  it.  But  never  allow  yourself,  on  this 
account,  to  relax  in  them.  Ask  God's  forgiveness  for  your 
remissness  and  indifference  ;  and,  at  all  events,  persevere  in 


E8PERANCB.  105 

every  duty,  waiting  the  Lord's  time  for  his  promised  bless 
ing."  Then  grasping  my  hand,  he  added,  "  We  may  never 
meet  again  in  this  life,  but  I  shall  expect  to  find  you  on 
Mount  Zion.  Farewell,  my  dear  young  friend,  and  may 
God  bless  you." 

As  I  watched  his  retreating  figure,  I  fancied  that  I  felt 
something  as  Elisha  did,  when  he  saw  Elijah  borne  up  by  a 
whirlwind  into  heaven.  And  I  could  not  restrain  the  fer 
vent  exclamation,  "  My  father,  my  father !  " 

The  old  business  aspect  of  the  school  had  now  been  re 
sumed,  yet  a  striking  change  continued  to  be  observable. 
Nor  did  the  manifest  influence  of  the  revival  cease,  while  I 
continued  a  member  of  the  Seminary. 

As  the  days  and  weeks  glided  away,  I  met  with  many 
discouragements,  and  found  frequent  occasion  to  lash  myself 
for  neglected  duties,  and  for  wrong  feelings  and  actions.  It 
seemed  to  me  that  I  wrote  out  full  lists  of  specific  resolutions, 
only  to  break  them.  But,  disheartened  as  I  often  was,  the 
purpose  I  had  formed,  in  that  solemn  interview  with  Dr. 
Kendrick,  remained  good.  In  looking  forward  to  the  long 
summer  vacation  which  I  was  to  spend  under  my  father's 
roof,  I  determined  strenuously  to  discharge  all  my  obliga 
tions,  and,  at  whatever  cost,  to  make  my  temporary  residence 
at  home  useful  to  every  member  of  the  family.'  How  en 
tirely  did  I  blind  myself  to  the  secret  self-complacency  by 
which  I  was  unconsciously  influenced ! 


106  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XV. 

As  I  entered  the  familiar  hall  door,  saddening  memories 
of  my  lost  Ada  were  mingled  with  the  satisfaction  I  felt  in  the 
course  of  conduct  on  which  I  had  determined.  To  my  sur 
prise,  —  for  home  tidings  had  rarely  been  communicated,  I 
found  a  new  and  vastly  important  addition  to  our  family  cir 
cle.  It  was  a  little  pet,  by  the  name  of  Ednah,  an  infant  of 
rare  beauty,  the  miniature  of  her  mother.  Never  had  I  seen 
my  father  display  such  doting  fondness  as  that  which  he  now 
exhibited  towards  both  mother  and  child.  His  worship  of 
Ednah  was  marvellously  increased  by  the  new  link  formed 
between  them. 

As  to  Ednah  herself,  she  wielded  her  despotic  sceptre  with 
even  more  apparent  recklessness  than  formerly,  as  if  con 
scious  that  she  held  it  with  a  firmer  grasp.  From  the  little 
I  saw  of  them,  I  felt  assured  that  she  was  as  far  from  recip 
rocating  his  affection  as  ever.  But  the  fair  child  !  —  there 
could  be  no  doubt  it  was  the  very  apple  of  her  eye.  And 
as  she  and  my  father  were  so  fully  and  consciously  in  har 
mony  on  this  point,  there  was  a  semblance  of  greater  union 
than  formerly. 

Little  was  the  notice  that  I  received  from  them,  or  from  any 
member  of  the  household,  except  Nancy.  Yet  I  firmly  adhered 
to  my  purpose,  and  under  a  sense  of  my  responsibilities,  I 
looked  about  to  see  what  family  reforms  I  should  undertake. 


ESPERANCE.  107 

Ednah  always  had  an  eye  to  the  tout  ensemble;  but,  be 
yond  that,  she  gave  herself  little  concern  about  housekeep 
ing.  Consequently,  there  was  great  waste  in  the  whole 
domestic  department.  Here,  then,  was  the  Rubicon  which  I 
must  not  hesitate  to  cross.  Vigorously  bent  upon  a  revolu 
tion,  I  sallied  into  the  kitchen,  and  dealt  about  my  rebukes 
for  extravagance  and  mismanagement.  This  I  continued  for 
a  few  days,  receiving,  as  the  reward  of  my  well  doing,  im 
pertinence  without  stint.  Finding  that  I  effected  nothing  by 
my  zealous  interference,  and  knowing  that  complaint  was 
useless,  I  felt  myself  at  length  compelled  to  relinquish  my 
efforts  in  this  department. 

After  much  consideration,  I  concluded  that  my  next  inva 
sion  must  be  of  the  nursery.  Raty  was  a  rude,  blustering 
boy,  of  ordinary  appearance,  and  altogether  behindhand  in 
his  studies.  Neither  head  nor  heart  had  been  properly  cul 
tivated,  and,  greatly  to  the  annoyance  of  my  father,  he  was 
addicted  to  low  company.  Joy  was  very  pretty,  but  entirely 
untrained.  Miss  Jenkins,  their  governess,  was  a  well-mean 
ing,  but  inefficient  body,  entirely  wanting  in  discrimination 
and  energy,  and  with  but  little  faculty  of  interesting  children. 
But  she  suited  Ednah,  and  so  she  remained.  Perhaps  she 
suited  her  better  for  her  want  of  acuteness. 

To  Miss  Jenkins  I  went,  complaining  of  the  children's 
rudeness  and  ignorance,  and  begging  she  would  require  more 
of  them  in  their  studies.  She  took  my  interference  in  good 
part,  but  said  she  had  tried  her  best,  and  wished  I  would 
make  some  effort  with  them,  if  I  felt  so  disposed.  Encour 
aged  by  her  reception,  I  gladly  assented,  and  told  her  that 
I  would  assume  her  office  for  one  day,  as  an  experiment. 

Without  having  entered  into  the  children's  amusements,  or 


108  BSPEBANCE. 

* 
taken  any  pains  to  remove  their  long  indifference,  if  not  dislike 

to  me,  I  went  into  the  school-room.  With  great  plainness 
of  speech,  I  remonstrated  with  them  on  their  short-comings, 
telling  them  that,  as  I  had  determined  to  take  them  in  hand, 
I  should  expect  very  different  conduct.  Raty  indignantly 
rebelled,  saying  he  wouldn't  recite  to  me ;  that  I  was  a 
great,  old,  homely  girl,  and  had  no  right  to  order  him ; 
while  Joy  opened  her  eyes  in  astonishment,  but  prudently 
waited  to  see  what  was  coming  next. 

Convinced  that  I  was  in  the  path  of  duty,  and,  though  a 
New  Yorker,  having  some  Yankee  grit  about  me,  I  looked 
Raty  full  in  the  face,  and  told  him  if  he  did  not  get  his 
lesson  quickly,  I  should  shut  him  up  in  the  closet.  Some 
what  abashed,  and  presuming,  doubtless,  from  my  assured 
manner,  that  the  authority  I  so  valiantly  displayed  had  been 
properly  delegated,  he  took  up  his  book,  and  with  a  cloud  on 
his  face,  sat  down  to  his  task.  Joy  also  obeyed,  and  I  began 
to  congratulate  myself  on  my  triumphs. 

In  a  short  time,  however,  symptoms  of  insurrection  ap 
peared.  Raty  began  to  hunt  flies,  and  deposit  them  in  a 
paper  fly-box,  while  Joy  laid  her  face  on  the  seat,  and  lazily 
watched  him.  I  admonished,  but  in  vain.  So,  not  daring  to 
annul  the  threatened  penalty,  I  left  my  throne,  and,  taking 
hold  of  Raty,  attempted  to  enforce  it.  But  not  quite  suc 
cessfully,  as  it  proved.  Though  my  brother's  charge  of  my 
being  "  great "  was  entirely  unfounded,  yet  I  was  not  wanting 
in  physical  power.  But  till  I  coped  with  it,  I  had  no  suspi 
cion  of  the  strength  of  an  untamed  boy. 

I  had  by  this  time  disproved  another  of  his  charges,  for  I 
found  I  was  not  so  "  old"  as  he  or  I  had  fancied.  Indeed,  I 
might  with  good  reason  have  sympathized  in  David  Copper- 


ESPERANC 


E.  109 


field's  disagreeable  sensation  of  extreme  youth,  in  the  pres 
ence  of  the  knowing  waiter. 

In  the  mean  time  our  contest  increased  in  vigor,  until  Raty, 
finding  I  would  not  relinquish  my  hold,  doubled  his  fist,  and 
dealt  strokes  to  the  right  and  left,  at  the  same  time  setting  up 
the  most  doleful  shrieks,  in  which  Joy  accompanied  him. 
The  loud  noise,  bringing  not  only  Miss  Jenkins,  but  some  of 
the  servants,  to  the  rescue,  I  was  forced  to  surrender. 

"  I  dunno  what's  got  into  Miss  Hope,"  said  the  cook,  with 
a  very  red  face.  "  It's  my  'pinion  she  oughter  be  put  into  a 
strait  jacket." 

The  indignant  victor  continued  to  scream  at  the  top  of  his 
voice,  while  Miss  Jenkins  stood  by  with  a  woe-begone  coun 
tenance,  striving  to  pacify  him.  Leaving  the  scene  of  my 
inglorious  defeat,  I  retreated  to  my  room,  where  I  gave 
free  vent  to  my  disappointment  and  vexation.  With  other 
zealous  reformers,  in  the  heat  of  failure,  I  pronounced  this  a 
most  ungrateful  world,  on  which  it  was  worse  than  useless  to 
expend  one's  benevolent  efforts. 

The  days  of  my  self-inflicted  martyrdom  were  now  ac 
complished,  for  that  same  evening  the  following  note  was 
put  into  my  hands  :  — 

"  For  some  days  I  have  known  of  your  offensive  conduct, 
and  have  kept  silence.  But  your  unsisterly  treament  of 
Horatio  renders  it  necessary  for  me  to  interpose.  During 
the  remainder  of  your  stay,  I  forbid  the  smallest  interference 
on  your  part  with  the  children,  or  the  servants.  At  the  first 
violation,  you  will  leave  the  house. 

"  HORATIO  FRAZER." 
10 


110  ESPERANCE. 

Thus  summarily  ended  my  virtuous  schemes  of  reform. 
Disgusted  and  indignant,  I  was  almost  ready  to  resolve  that 
I  would  never  make  another  effort  to  do  good.  But,  while 
out  of  humor  with  the  world  at  large,  and  with  my  father's 
family  in  particular,  I  could  not  escape  some  latent  con 
sciousness  of  my  own  stupidity,  and  was  unable  entirely  to 
silence  a  mocking  whisper  in  my  ears,  "  You  have  got  just 
what  you  deserved." 

Adelaide  Campbell  was  out  of  town,  and  I  kept  carefully 
away  from  Dr.  Belden,  to  avoid  his  catechising.  The  only 
company  I  sought  was  that  of  the  quiet  dead.  It  is  true 
that  deep  shadows  still  hung  about  the  grave ;  yet,  when 
lingering  near  the  dust  of  my  mother  and  sweet  Ada,  blessed 
memories  fell  like  balm  on  my  perturbed  spirit.  It  seemed 
as  if  it  would  be  very  pleasant  to  lie  beside  them,  and  to 
have  the  soft  sunshine  sleep  on  my  resting-place,  and  the 
green  grass  wave  above  my  head. 

At  the  commencement  of  the  next  term,  I  returned  to 
Crawford,  carrying  with  me  no  small  amount  of  well-merited 
chagrin,  which,  though  lost  upon  me  for  the  time,  was  not,  I 
trust,  wholly  without  benefit  in  the  end.  During  this — the 
last  year  of  my  school-course — I  devoted  myself  more  assidu 
ously  than  ever  to  my  studies,  and  earnestly  endeavored, 
though  still  in  a  legal  way,  to  perform  all  my  religious 
duties. 

The  only  event  of  any  importance  which  occurred  was 
the  elopement  of  Eleanor  Cottrell  with  Orlando  Granger. 
They  went  to  the  South,  and  as  man  and  wife,  sought  her 
guardian's  forgiveness.  It  was  rumored  that  they  were  re 
pulsed,  and  forbidden  his  presence,  but  I  heard  no  further 


ESPERANCE.  Ill 

particulars.  Poor  misguided  Eleanor  !  She  possessed  some 
fine  traits ;  but,  destitute  of  principle,  and  even  of  womanly 
propriety,  it  could  only  be  expected  that  she  should  become 
a  wreck. 

The  closing  day  of  my  academical  career  arrived,  bringing 
with  it,  besides  my  diploma,  sufficiently  high  testimonials  to 
my  attainments.  But  my  health  had  suffered  from  pro 
tracted  application  and  the  neglect  of  exercise,  and  my 
spirits  were  depressed  from  constant  failures  in  duty.  It 
was  therefore  in  no  promising  mood  that  I  bade  farewell  to 
Crawford,  and  went  forth  alone  to  seek  my  fortune  in  a 
world  whose  chill  had  already  reached  my  heart. 


112  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER   XVI. 

Miss  CAREY  had  procured  me  a  situation  as  assistant  in 
an  academy  at  Muscoda,  a  town  in  Vermont,  lying  east  of 
the  Green  Mountains.  Passing  Clydeville  without  even  a 
call,  I  proceeded  on  my  solitary  journey,  taking  the  canal 
from  Albany  to  Whitehall,  and  completing  the  distance  by 
the  stage-coach. 

In  my  desolate  mood,  I  hardly  troubled  myself  to  look  at 
the  beautiful  country  through  which  I  was  passing,  but  sat 
absorbed  in  the  past,  and  wondering  whether,  with  all  the 
knowledge  I  might  have  acquired,  I  was  really  any  better 
prepared  for  life,  than  when  I  was  first  sent  out  from  under 
my  father's  roof.  But  the  Green  Mountains,  suddenly  rising 
in  their  glorious  beauty,  aroused  me  from  my  reverie.  They 
recalled  the  friends  of  my  childhood  —  my  beloved  Catskills 
—  the  only  friends  I  could  still  claim. 

As  I  first  caught  sight  of  these  mountains,  stretching 
along  the  horizon  in  wavy  outline,  and  seeming  almost  to 
float  in  the  purple  haze  that  hung  over  them,  they  looked 
fair  as  the  hills  of  Beulah.  It  was  a  toilsome  ascent  up 
their  steep  sides ;  but  I  was  never  weary  of  gazing  at  the 
magnificent  trees  which  crowned  their  slopes,  or  of  watching 
the  silvery-footed  streamlets,  as  they  tripped  down  the  pre 
cipitous  pathway,  singing  their  own  mountain  songs. 

When  we  had  gained  the  summit,  and  were  descending 


ESPBBANCE.  113 

on  the  other  side,  a  bend  in  the  road  suddenly  brought  ns 
face  to  face  with  a  splendid  panorama.  As  far  as  the  eye 
could  reach,  the  fields  and  meadows  were  covered  with  an 
emerald  carpet,  over  which  were  scattered  lovely  villages, 
while  here  and  there  glittering  sheets  of  water  lay  dimpling 
in  the  sunlight. 

"Can  you  tell  me  in  what  direction  Muscoda  lies?"  I 
ventured  to  ask. 

"  That  is  it,  Miss,  lying  right  down  there,"  and  he  pointed 
to  the  fair  village  which  nestled  at  the  mountain's  side. 

We  had  crossed  the  mountains  in  a  strong,  open  wagon  or 
cart ;  and  in  this,  it  seems,  I  was  destined  to  make  my  debut. 
How  vividly  I  recall  my  emotions  as  the  driver  urged  his  tired 
beasts  towards  something  akin  to  a  gallop,  while  we  rattled 
through  the  main  street !  And  with  what  eager  curiosity 
did  I  look  for  the  first  glimpse  of  my  sojourning-place ! 
Throwing  out  his  mail-bag  at  the  small  store,  likewise 
labelled  "  POST  OFFICE,"  while  I  silently  wondered  whether 
any  letters  directed  to  Miss  Hope  Frazer  would  ever  be  car 
ried  in  that  same  leathern,  padlocked  bag,  our  accomplished 
Jehu  called  next  at  the  tavern,  where  all  the  passengers, 
except  myself,  alighted. 

"  Where  do  you  go,  Miss  ?  " 

"  To  the  Academy." 

At  a  renewed  flourish  of  his  whip,  our  steeds  once  more 
lifted  their  weary  legs,  and  speedily  brought  me  in  front  of  a 
long,  three-storied,  yellow,  wooden  tenement.  Most  uncom 
fortably  contemptible  and  forlorn  did  I  feel,  as  he  stopped 
at  the  broad  flight  of  steps,  and  assisted  me  to  descend  from 
the  wagon.  Innumerable  eyes  were  gazing  down  upon  me 
from  multitudinous  windows ;  so  I  instinctively  let  fall  my 
10* 


114  ESPERANCE. 

veil,  and,  climbing  the  steps,  waited  for  the  driver  to  lift  the 
huge  knocker.  Its  loud  echo,  which  strangely  startled  me, 
brought  an  untidy  Irish  girl  to  the  door,  a  tall  man  appear 
ing  behind  her. 

"Here  she, is,  I  suppose,"  said  the  driver,  pointing  to  a 
card  which  labelled  the  trunk.  "  That's  the  same  name,  I 
take  it,  you  had  in  your  advertisement." 

And  he  was  away. 

I  was  well  aware  that  the  tall,  black-eyed  man  was  sur 
veying  me  from  bead  to  foot ;  and  I  felt  the  consciousness, 
running  like  cold  water  all  over  me,  that  he  considered  him 
self  cheated  —  fairly  humbugged  in  the  article  he  had  be 
spoken.  With  this  consoling  reflection,  I  was  ushered  into 
the  parlor. 

"  Miss  Frazer,  Mrs.  Jones ; "  and  his  wife  advanced  to 
shake  hands  with  me. 

"With  a  woman's  tact  she  divined  my  feelings,  and  saying 
she  was  sure  I  must  be  tired,  she  guided  me  to  my  cham 
ber —  a  pleasant,  though  not  spacious  room  in  the  third 
story. 

"  If  you  prefer  to  have  your  tea  sent  you  to-night,  I  will 
excuse  you  to  Mr.  Jones." 

I  gladly  assented,  and  in  a  moment  found  myself  alone, 
when  I  sat  down  on  a  hard  chair,  and  laying  my  head  on  a 
red  pine  table,  took  the  liberty  to  indulge  in  a  good  cry.  But 
fearing  lest  I  should  become  wholly  unfitted  for  the  ordeal 
before  me,  I  at  length  bathed  my  face,  and  took  a  survey  of 
my  quarters.  The  appointments  seemed  rather  small  for  the 
principal  female  assistant,  but  I  determined  to  make  the  best 
of  them,  and  having  learned  some  useful  lessons  from  Be 
linda  Lawson,  I  set  about  unpacking  my  trunk. 


ESPERANCE.  115 

x^ 

When  the  large  bell  rang  out  loud  and  shrill,  succeeded 
by  the  quick  tramp  of  feet,  I  congratulated  myself  that,  at 
least  for  this  time,  I  was  reprieved.  Not  long  after,  a 
servant  appeared  with  a  tea-tray. 

"  Mrs.  Jones  says  she  hopes  you'll  feel  better  in  the  morn 
ing;"  which  kind  message  was  a  drop  of  comfort  to  my 
lonely  heart. 

Night  soon  wrapped  the  large  household  in  slumbers, 
though  one  pair  of  eyes  was  hardly  closed  through  those 
tedious  hours.  Morning  came.  I  followed  the  multitude 
to  the  dining-hall.  There  stood  the  principal,  solemnly 
awaiting  my  appearance. 

"  Miss  Frazer,  you  will  take  the  head  of  the  fourth  ta 
ble  ;  "  and  he  pointed  to  my  place. 

Wishing  myself  out  of  the  room,  under  the  table,  any 
where  most  remote,  I  dragged  my  unwilling  frame  to  the 
designated  spot,  and  slood,  while,  in  a  stentorian  voice,  grace 
was  said.  I  then  slunk  into  my  chair,  with  the  miserable 
consciousness  that  I  was  proving  myself  an  outright  coward. 

Breakfast  over,  I  heard  that  same  sonorous  voice,  "  Miss 
Frazer  will  please  walk  into  my  study  and  receive  her  in 
structions." 

Where  the  dreaded  study  was  located,  I  had  no  idea  ;  but 
I  inquired,  and  softly  tapped  at  the  door.  Immediately  Mrs. 
Jones  came  from  an  adjoining  room,  and  taking  me  by  the 
hand, — 

"  I  hope  you  find  yourself  rested  this  morning,"  and  ac 
companied  me  into  the  study. 

The  two  eyes  looked  down  upon  me,  and  into  me,  till  I  felt 
myself  growing  still  smaller  and  more  insignificant  in  their 
piercing  light. 


116  ESPERANCE. 

"  Mrs.  Jones,  I  desire  to  see  Miss  Frazer  alone ; "  and 
the  meek  spouse  retired  from  the  presence  of  her  lord. 

"I  wish  you  to  make  yourself  familiar  with  this  pro 
gramme."  t- 

While  saying  this,  he  handed  me  a  paper  on  which  my 
assigned  duties  were  spread  out  at  length  in  a  large  hand. 
As  I  glanced  over  them,  it  seemed  to  me  that  almost  every 
hour  of  the  day  was  occupied  ;  but  I  made  no  comment. 

"  You  are  requested  to  be  extremely  particular  with  the 
French  and  music  classes,  as  thoroughness  in  those  depart 
ments  is  of  the  utmost  importance  in  sustaining  the  high 
reputation  of  Symmington  Academy.  You  are  smaller  than 
I  expected,"  added  he,  with  a  reproving  glance.  Pausing  a 
minute,  he  added,  "  And  it  is  rather  unfortunate ;  still,  we 
will  hope  for  the  best.  In  half  an  hour  a  bell  will  ring. 
Let  me  find  you  here,  ready  to  accompany  me  to  the  music- 
room." 

At  the  appointed  time  I  was  introduced  into  the  Euterpean 
department.  In  front  of  the  piano  were  ranged  twenty-two 
girls,  who  were,  every  week,  to  receive  two  lessons  of  an 
hour.  In  addition,  two  French  classes  were  to  have  a  daily 
lesson.  To  these  engagements,  Mr.  Jones  graciously  super- 
added  the  correction  of  sixty  weekly  compositions,  instruction 
in  calisthenics,  and  various  miscellaneous  exercises.  Though 
bewildered  by  this  long  array,  I  screwed  up  my  courage,  and 
entered  upon  my  task. 

I  might,  perhaps,  have  had  tolerable  success,  had  not  Mr. 
Jones  considered  it  one  of  his  prerogatives  to  appear  before 
me  suddenly  —  I  was  about  to  say,  sneakingly  —  at  any  mo 
ment.  It  was  hard  enough,  under  ordinary  circumstances, 
for  a  diffident,  inexperienced  teacher  to  establish  her  author- 


ESPERANCE.  117 

ity ;  but  these  frequent  apparitions  well  nigh  paralyzed  me ; 
and  it  took  all  the  intervals  between  his  exits  and  entrances 
to  recover  myself.  Sensible  that  this  first  day  was  nearly  a 
failure,  at  half  past  seven,  I  reluctantly  made  my  appearance 
in  the  study,  as  requested.  "  Those  devouring  eyes ! " 
thought  I ;  "  they  will  certainly  swallow  me,  some  day." 

"  You  need  energy,  Miss  Frazer,  or  you  will  be  overrun 
by  your  classes.  But  let  to-day  pass.  You  will  have  an 
opportunity  to  retrieve  your  character.  In  regard  to  all  our 
arrangements,  I  wish  to  have  everything  understood  in  the 
beginning.  How  old  are  you  ?  " 

My  face  indignantly  flushed,  as  I  replied,  — 

"  I  shall  be  eighteen  next  month,  sir." 

"  Worse  than  I  supposed.  I  was  about  to  say  that,  al 
though  you  are  small  and  inexperienced  (I  must  now  add, 
and  young,  likewise),  I  wish  to  deal  generously  by  you.  I 
shall  therefore  allow  you  your  board,  and  washing,  and 
lights,  with  the  use  of  the  fire  in  the  study-hall.  In  addition 
to  this,  if  you  prove  yourself  a  faithful  and  efficient  teacher, 
I  shall  present  you,  at  the  end  of  the  year,  with  the  sum  of 
fifty  dollars." 

Although  this  salary,  so  patronizingly  offered,  struck  me 
as  exceedingly  small,  yet  I  was  too  little  acquainted  with 
such  matters  to  realize  the  amount  of  overreaching  involved 
in  his  bargain.  But  I  had  perception  enough  to  dislike  the 
man  more  and  more,  —  so  much  so,  that  I  shrank  even  from 
asking  the  small  favor  I  had  in  mind.  I  mastered  this  feel 
ing,  however,  and  ventured  to  request  that  no  one  should 
visit  my  classes  till  I  became  a  little  familiar  with  my  duties. 

"A  singular  request,  Miss  Frazer !"  and  those  hawk's 
eyes  were  fastened  on  me  with  an  expression  of  astonish- 


118  ESPE  RANGE. 

ment.  "  When  I  inform  you  that  Symmingtou  Academy  is 
my  child,  that  I  devote  my  whole  energies  to  its  welfare, 
and  hourly  visit  every  part  of  this  large  establishment,  you 
will  see  that  you.  have  made  a  great  mistake  —  a  great  mis 
take,  Miss  Frazer." 

With  elevated  head  I  bowed  and  withdrew.  Fortunately, 
vexation  gave  me  the  courage  I  needed,  and  constantly 
goaded  by  renewals  of  this  stimulus,  I  succeeded  beyond  my 
expectations  —  succeeded,  I  mean,  in  controlling  my  pupils. 
I  was  too  reserved  to  gain  their  affections. 

Mrs.  Jones  did  all  she  dared  to  make  my  situation  tolera 
ble.  Her  lord  and  master  considered  her  a  part  of  his  grand 
institution,  and  did  not  omit  her  in  his  hourly  inspection  of 
proceedings.  But  whenever  and  wherever  she  could,  she 
dropped  a  kind  and  sympathetic  word.  Poor  soul !  she  had 
sold  her  birthright ;  for  what,  I  never  was  able  to  discover. 
But  like  many  another,  she  stilled  the  cravings  of  her  heart, 
and  meekly  endured  her  destiny. 

"  Dr.  Preston  has  been  in  to  see  you,"  said  she,  one  day, 
with  a  flurried  manner.  "  He  is  an  excellent,  fatherly  man, 
and  I  want  you  to  call  there." 

As  was  usually  the  case,  when  she  undertook  to  commu 
nicate  with  me,  his  majesty  just  then  emerged  from  some 
recess. 

"  I  was  speaking  to  Miss  Frazer  of  Dr.  Preston's  call," 
said  she,  with  a  deprecating  air. 

With  a  frown  directed  to  her,  — 

"  You  have  no  time  to  make  calls,  Miss  Frazer,  and 
you  had  better  not  think  of  it." 

I  was  but  little  inclined  to  seek  new  acquaintances,  and 
probably  should  not  have  thought  of  calling,  except  for  a 


ESPERANCE.  119 

spice  of  contrariness  in  my  nature.  Mr.  Jones's  opposition 
was  sufficient  to  determine  me ;  and  after  tea,  one  pleasant 
evening,  I  set  out  for  the  minister's  abode.  I  had  heard 
much  of  Dr.  Preston,  but  he  had  been  out  of  town ;  and 
the  previous  Sabbath  —  the  first  after  his  return  —  I  had  not 
attended  church,  consequently  I  had  never  met  him. 

An  air  of  repose  pervaded  the  ancient  parsonage,  and  as  I 
lifted  the  shining  knocker,  I  inwardly  said,  "  Here,  at  least, 
is  peace."  A  neatly-dressed,  middle-aged  woman  appeared, 
and  took  me  into  the  cosy  parlor,  where  sat  Mrs.  Preston, 
busy  at  her  knitting.  She  had  one  of  those  faces  that  you 
invariably  trust,  and  it  gave  me  a  feeling  of  satisfaction  to 
receive  her  greeting. 

"Has  Mr.  Preston  returned  ?"    she  inquired  of  the  wo-* 
man. 

"  He  is  just  coming  in." 

At  that  moment  the  door  opened,  and  the  good  Doctor 
made  his  appearance.  At  a  glance  I  took  in  his  singular 
personnel ;  —  a  large  head,  short,  thick  neck,  a  body  of  un 
usual  corpulence,  and  small  legs  and  feet,  set  off  by  tightly- 
fitting  small-clothes,  which  increased  the  peculiarities  of  his 
physique. 

"  Miss  Frazer  has  called,  Mr.  Preston." 

He  advanced  quickly,  with  short,  mincing  steps,  stopping 
suddenly  in  front  of  me. 

"Ah!  Miss  Frazer,  is  it?"  And  giving  me  a  rapid 
shake  of  the  hand,  he  continued,  "How  d'do,  child?  Glad 
to  see  you.  Sit  down,  sit  down." 

"  You  are  tired,  Mr.  Preston,"  said  his  wife,  drawing  out 
his  large  arm-chair. 

"  Rather  so.     Been  taking  a  long  walk." 


120  ESPEBANCE. 

And  he  puffed  away  as  if  still  quite  out  of  breath,  fre 
quently  wiping  the  drops  from  his  broad  face.  Suddenly 
turning  to  me,  — 

"  Well,  child,  do  you  keep  up? " 

"Not  very  well,  sir,"  I  replied,  glad  of  a  chance  to  express 
my  mind. 

"  Ah  !  Sorry  to  hear  it.  Get  along  with  Mr.  Jones  tol 
erably,  I  hope." 

"  Not  at  all,  sir." 

"  Sorry.  —  Must  make  the  best  of  it.  —  All  come  right  in 
the  end.  —  Meantime,  good  to  bear  the  yoke." 

"  I  hope  so,  sir."  Then,  with  one  of  those  sudden  im 
pulses  to  frankness  which  sometimes  come  over  reserved 
natures,  I  added,  "  But  I  fear  I  shall  prove  refractory  before 
the  year  is  out." 

"How  is  that?"  asked  he,  hitching  nearer,  and  with  an 
expression  of  increased  interest.  "  Made  a  hard  bargain 
with  you  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,  sir ;  but  there  are  no  possible  points  of 
harmony  between  us  ;  consequently,  it  is  all  friction." 

"Very  sorry.  —  Afraid  it  can't  be  mended." 

"  He  has  the  reputation  of  being  pretty  sharp,"  said  Mrs. 
Preston.  "  If  you  have  no  objection  to  confide  in  us,  we 
should  like  to  know  what  contract  he  has  made  with 
you." 

I  simply  related  what  had  passed  between  us  the  evening 
after  my  arrival. 

"  Hard  man  !  "  exclaimed  the  doctor,  energetically  stamp 
ing  his  foot.  "  Mrs.  Preston,  have  we  a  catalogue  ?  " 

"  I  believe  there's  one  in  the  cupboard,"  said  she,  getting 
up  to  look  for  it. 


ESPERANCE.  121 

She  soon  brought  it  to  the  Doctor,  who  carefully  adjusted 
his  spectacles,  and  then  turned  over  the  leaves  till  he  came 
to  the  expenses  of  the  school.  Fumbling  laboriously  in  his 
pocket,  he  at  last  brought  out  a  lead  pencil  and  a  letter, 
from  which  he  tore  an  unwritten  corner. 

"  French,  six  dollars  per  term.     Pupils?  " 

"  Thirty,  sir." 

"  Thirty  multiplied  by  six  —  one  hundred  and  eighty." 

"  Shall  I  help  you,  Dr.  Preston?"  I  asked,  observing  that 
it  was  as  much  as  he  could  do  to  manage  the  catalogue, 
paper,  and  pencil. 

"  No,  no.  Can't  trust  you.  Fear  you  don't  know  when 
you're  cheated. — Music,  twelve  dollars  per  term.  Number  ?  " 

"  Twenty-two,  sir." 

"  Twenty-two  multiplied  by  twelve  —  two  hundred  and 
sixty-four  ;  added  to  one  hundred  and  eighty — four  hundred 
and  forty-four.  Three  terms  per  year.  Four  hundred  forty- 
four  multiplied  by  three,  comes  to  thirteen  hundred  thirty- 
two.  Thirteen  hundred  and  thirty-two  dollars  per  year  for 
music  and  French,  understand.  Anything  more?" 

"Teach  calisthenics,  correct  compositions,  &c.,"  said  I, 
falling  into  his  laconic  style.  . 

"  Boards  you  and  finds  you  —  one  among  a  multitude  —  a 
trifling  matter,  and  —  fifty  dollars  in  cash."  A  peculiar  smile 
stole  over  his  face,  succeeded  by  a  cloud.  "  A  hard  case, 
child !  If  you  need  sharp  corners,  good  for  you.  Danger 
of  souring  you,  though.  Don't  let  it,  I  say,  don't  let  it" 
putting  down  his  foot  emphatically,  probably  observing  my 
eye  kindle  at  the  thought  of  being  thus  egregiously  duped. 
"  We'll  make  a  fuss  about  it,  if  you  say  so." 

"  No,  sir  !     I  will  stay  my  year  out  —  if  I  can" 
11 


122  ESPERANCE. 

"  Come  often,  child.  —  Keep  up  good  heart.  —  All  for  the 
best." 

As  it  was  still  early,  I  bent  my  steps  towards  Mount  Tryon, 
which  I  had  been  longing  to  .  do  ever  since  I  came.  Slowly 
I  climbed  its  fair  slope,  till,  finding  an  attractive  resting- 
place,  I  threw  myself  on  the  grass,  and  leaning  against  a 
straight  old  pine,  gazed  in  admiration  at  the  prospect  spread 
out  before  me.  Above,  fairy  clouds  were  chasing  each  other 
over  the  broad  blue  plains  of  heaven,  reduplicating  them 
selves  in  their  own  soft  shadows,  which  played  a  similar 
charming  game  on  Mount  Tryon's  verdant  sides.  Below,  lay 
silver  sheets  of  water,  broad  green  meadows  with  grazing 
cattle  studding  their  smooth  surface,  dark  expanses  of  forest, 
gentle  slopes,  and  beautiful  valleys  with  white  villages  nest 
ling  in  their  hearts.  And  the  floods  of  rich  sunshine  glori 
fied  the  scene  to  an  almost  perfect  beauty. 

"How  charming  would  it  be,"  were  my  musings,  "to 
dwell  on  this  mountain  height,  and  never  descend  to  the  sor 
did  world  below  ! "  And  fancy,  guided  by  legends  of  the  old 
Mystics  and  Eremites,  pictured  a  still,  contemplative  life, 
softened  and  elevated  by  the  beauties  of  nature  and  thoughts 
of  God,  and  unjarred  by  the  turmoil  of  this  bustling  world. 
"  But  that  would  not  be  my  happiness,"  was  my  second 
thought.  "  I  should  die  with  only  my  own  thoughts  to  feed 
upon.  I  must  have  action,  and  the  stir  of  excitement,  or 
lose  my  reason." 

The  fading  light  woke  me  from  my  reveries,  and  warned 
me  homeward,  —  no  !  not  homeward,  but  prisonward. 
"  Always  '  sharp  corners'  for  me,"  I  exclaimed  with  bitter 
ness,  as  I  bent  my  steps  towards  the  ungainly  building. 
"  But  there  is  no  use  in  flinching ;  so  let  me  learn  to  '  brass  it 
out,'  as  Dr.  Preston  says." 


ESPERANCE.  123 

As  I  entered  the  hall  door,  my  ubiquitous  overseer  encoun 
tered  me. 

"  This  way  a  moment,  Miss  Frazer ; "  and  the  odious  study 
was  entered.  "  The  reputation  of  Symmington  Academy  "  — 
were  the  first  words  I  caught.  What  he  previously  said,  I 
had  not  heeded.  I  looked  up  interrogatively. 

"  You  understand  me,  Miss  Frazer.  I  must  absolutely 
protest  against  your  walking  out  alone  at  improper  hours. 
Indeed,  it  is  expected  that  your  whole  time  will  be  devoted 
to  your  academical  duties." 

"  I  shall  take  the  liberty  to  walk  when  and  where  I  please, 
Mr.  Jones  ;  and  if  my  ways  displease  you,  you  may  seek 
another  teacher.  But  as  to  any  further  imposition  on  your 
part,  I  will  not  bear  it." 

Alas  for  my  tongue !  Could  it  never  learn  moderation  ? 
Must  I  always  vacillate  between  cowardly  shrinking  and 
downright  resistance  ?  But  this  time  my  temper  did  me  a 
good  turn.  Mr.  Jones  instantly  drew  in  his  horns. 

"  I  ought  not  to  doubt,  my  dear  Miss  Frazer,  that  you  will 
be  very  tender  of  the  reputation  of  Symmington  Academy, 
and  that  you  will  take  every  precaution  that  no  indiscretion 
on  your  part  shall  occur  to  reflect  upon  it.  My  zeal  was 
well  meant,  but,  I  dare  say,  unnecessary  in  your  case.  At 
any  rate,  '  Sat  verbum.'  I  presume  you  are  enough  of  a 
classical  scholar  to  recall  the  proverb." 

With  a  smile  at  his  own  attempt  to  be  funny,  and  a  stiff 
bow,  which  he  intended  for  a  gracious  one,  he  opened  the 
door  for  my  exit. 


124  ESPEKANCE. 


CHAPTER    XVII. 

IT  was  long. a  problem  with  me  how  a  man  of  Mr.  Jones's 
small  calibre  and  peculiar  characteristics  could  be  tolerated 
at  the  head  of  so  large  an  establishment.  Arriving  at  no 
satisfactory  solution,  I  one  day  ventured  to  propound  the 
question  to  my  kind  friend,  the  simple-hearted,  but  shrewd, 
Dr.  Preston. 

"Great  executive  force.  —  Knows  what  he's  about.  —  Se 
cured  first-rate  teachers  at  the  smallest  possible  prices  —  for 
instance,  my  young  friend  here.  Astounding  quantity  of 
brass.  — The  man  to  make  anything  go,  if  he  has  determined 
it.  —  Excellent  wife.  —  Sorry  for  her. —Worse  case  than 
yours,  child. — What  would  you  do?" 

"  Fight  till  I  obtained  my  rights,  or  run  away  in  despair." 

"  Better  not.  —  Unsuitable  for  a  woman. — Neither  amiable 
nor  right.  —  Far  better  love  and  obey  him,  child." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  The  only  way.  —  Hard  contest.  —  He  has  an  iron  will." 

"  So  have  I.  I  never  could  love  such  a  man,  and  obey 
him,  I  never  would" 

"  Poor  child.  —  Battles  before  you.  —  Cultivate  meekness. 
—  Best  treasure  for  a  woman.  —  The  only  way  ;  but  you 
don't  believe  it."  And  the  good  man  looked  at  me  over  his 
glasses  with  a  compassionate  gaze. 

It  was  Mr.  Jones's,  policy,  so  far  as  possible,  to  prevent 


ESPERANCE.  125 

mutual  acquaintance  among  his  teachers.  He  had  his  own 
motives  for  this,  upon  which  I  do  not  presume  to  speculate. 
For  myself,  shrinking  as  I  did  from  riew  faces,  I  had  no  ob 
jection.  Nor  did  I  seek,  much  intercourse  with  my  pupils, 
many  of  whom  were  considerably  older  than  I.  With  my 
recluse  habits,  it  was  cause  for  self-gratulation  that  the 
people  of  the  village  were  not  in  the  habit  of  calling  upon 
the  teachers.  Doubtless,  our  dignified  preceptor  was  in 
some  way  at  the  bottom  of  this  non-intercourse  regime. 
But  whatever  was  the  occasion,  it  so  turned  out  that  I  num 
bered  as  friends  only  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Preston,  and  my  well- 
loved  Mount  Tryon,  unless,  indeed,  I  include  Mrs.  Jones,  of 
whom  it  was  taken  good  care  I  should  see  but  little. 

After  the  multiplied  duties  of  the  day,  I  often  found 
myself  utterly  exhausted. 

"  Your  spirit  is  stronger  than  your  body,  dear  Miss 
Frazer,"  said  Mrs.  Jones,  as  she  bathed  my  aching  head. 

It  was  on  a  Saturday  evening,  when  weariness  and  head 
ache  had  driven  me  to  my  pillow. 

"  My  body  is  pretty  tough,"  I  answered,  "  but  I  am  not 
well  to-night." 

"  You  will  have  a  day  of  rest  to-«norrow." 

"  Yes,  I  suppose  so,"  said  I,  sighing  drearily. 

"  I  fear  you  have  undertaken  too  much." 

"  I  hope  to  spur  myself  through  the  year,  especially  as 
we  are  soon  to  have  a  fortnight's  vacation.  But  you  look 
more  worn  than  I." 

"  I  think  I  am  as  well  as  usual." 

Tap  !  tap  !  tap  ! 

Mrs.  Jones  opened  the  door. 

"  Mr.  Jones  wants  to  see  you,  ma'am." 
11* 


126  ESPERANCE. 

"  Yes,  Bridget,  I  will  go  down." 

And  .the  dutiful  wife  hastily  kissed  my  forehead  and  with 
drew.  Poor  woman  !  My  own  lot  seemed  enviable  in  com 
parison  with  hers. 

I  had  now  been  in  Muscoda  eight  months,  and  my  nerves 
were  unstrung  by  constant  effort,  with  little  exercise.  I  had 
written  to  Miss  Carey,  who  had  treated  me  with  kind  consid 
eration,  that  I  should  leave  at  the  end  of  the  year.  Asking 
her  recommendation  to  some  other  place,  I  told  her  I  should 
like  a  situation  at  the  West.  The  necessity  for  some  change 
became  more  and  more  manifest ;  but  I  made  out  to  drag 
through  the  remainder  of  the  term,  when  the  spring  vacation 
occurred.  I  was  then  obliged  to  put  myself  into  a  physi 
cian's  hands,  and  the  result  was,  confinement  to  my  bed  for 
more  than  a  week. 

The  last  day  of  the  recess  had  come.  Wearied  and  out 
of  spirits,  I  resolved  to  call  at  my  dear  Dr.  Preston's. 
Slowly  I  descended  the  long  flights  of  stairs,  holding  on 
carefully  to  the  balusters.  The  fresh  air  revived  me,  and  as 
I  walked,  I  gained  strength.  The  old  Doctor  extended  both 
hands  to  meet  me. 

"  Welcome,  child  !  —  Sit  down.  —  Stop  and  take  tea  with  us." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  Do,  dear  Miss  Frazer,"  urged  Mrs.  Preston.  "  Indeed, 
we  shall  insist  upon  it.  Ann  shall  go  home  with  you  in  the 
evening." 

So  I  untied  my  bonnet,  as  a  token  of  surrender.  Sitting 
down,  one  on  each  side  of  me,  they  began  to  make  inqui 
ries,  which  I  answered  as  well  as  I  was  able.  Then  I  took 
my  turn  at  catechising,  and  asked  the  Doctor  if  it  was  true, 
as  I  had  heard,  that  he  was  going  to  have  a  colleague. 


ESPERANCE.  127 

"Partly  true,  and  partly  false," . replied  he,  with  a  wise 
look. 

"  I  don't  understand  you,  sir." 

"  You  will,  though,  before  I  get  through.  I  will  tell  you, 
however,  that  Mr.  Dinsmoor  has  received  a  call,  and  ac 
cepted  it.  In  a  few  weeks,  will  be  ordained." 

"  He  is  to  be  your  colleague,  then,"  persisted  I. 

"  We  shall  see,  we  shall  see." 

The  good  Doctor's  peculiarities  were  not  confined  to  his 
family,  or  even  to  private  life.  In  his  public  ministrations 
on  the  Sabbath,  his  brief,  pithy,  energetic  sentences  were 
jerked  out  with  a  nod,  and  sometimes  enforced  by  rapid  and 
violent  gesticulation,  and  a  peremptory  stamping  of  the  feet. 
At  his  weekly  meetings  in  the  vestry,  he  indulged  himself  in 
still  greater  immunities  of  speech  and  action,  sometimes 
bringing  down  his  cane  with  startling  force,  by  way  of  point 
ing  a  charge,  and  again,  stepping  over  one  bench  after 
another,  and  freely  perambulating  hither  and  thither,  as  the 
fancy  took  him,  yet  never  ceasing  to  discourse  vehemently 
through  the  whole.  I  well  remember  the  unfeigned  aston 
ishment  and  anxiety  with  which  I  gazed  upon  him  during 
the  first  exhibition  of  this  kind  I  happened  to  witness.  My 
final  conclusion  was  that  he  had  suddenly  lost  his  wits,  and  I 
looked  round,  expecting  to  see  the  deacons  come  forth  and 
lay  hands  upon  him. 

In  prayer,  his  manner  was  equally  characteristic.  Keeping 
his  eyes  wide  open,  he  would  sometimes  pass  from  petition 
to  exhortation,  and  then  back  again,  without  a  moment's 
interruption.  Nor  did  he  hesitate  to  arrest  himself  in  his 
supplications,  for  the  purpose  of  delivering  a  rebuke  to  some 
irreverent  lad.  On  one  occasion,  as  I  learned,  when  ear- 


128  ESPEKANCE. 

nestly  engaged  in  prayer,  happening  to  notice  for  the  first 
time  a  member  of  the  church  who  had  just  returned  after  a 
long  absence,  he  stepped  over  a  bench,  and  extended  his 
hand,  exclaiming,  "How  d'do?  how  d'do?"  Nor  did  he 
afterwards  awake  to  any  consciousness  of  this  singular  pro 
ceeding. 

Upon  an  unaccustomed  audience,  a  decidedly  ludicrous 
impression  would  have  been  made  by  these  peculiarities. 
But  the  good  Doctor's  people  thought  nothing  about  them. 
In  spite  of  them  all,  and  perhaps,  with  him,  the  more  on 
their  very  account,  he  was  not  only  a  true  shepherd,  skilfully 
guiding  his  flock,  but  a  man  of  undoubted  power  and  re 
markable  influence,  both  in  public  and  private,  with  old  and 
young.  He  had  several  times  requested  a  dismission,  but 
his  people,  one  and  all,  were  unwilling  to  have  the  relation 
dissolved.  He  then  proposed  a  colleague,  to  which  they 
assented,  uniting  in  a  call  to  Mr.  Dinsmoor. 

The  day  of  the  ordination  arrived,  and  as  it  was  a  great 
occasion,  and  Mr.  Jones  made  a  pdint  of  patronizing  all 
praiseworthy  objects,  Symmington  Academy  was  permitted 
to  suspend  its  functions  and  be  present  at  the  public  exer 
cises. 

It  fell  naturally  to  Dr.  Preston  to  deliver  the  address  to 
the  people.  Alluding  to  his  long  and  happy  connection  with 
them,  he  said,  — 

"  I  have  one  request  to  make.  It  is  that  I  may  be  im 
mediately  dismissed  from  my  pastoral  charge.  Those  in 
favor  of  granting  this  request  will  keep  their  seats.  Con 
trary-minded  will  rise.  It  is  a  vote.  The  clerk  will  record 
it  as  unanimous." 

I  now  understood  what  the  good  Doctor  meant,  when,  in 


ESPERANCE.  129 

answer  to  my  inquiry  as  to  his  having  a  colleague,  he  said, 
"  Partly  true  and  partly  false."  It  was  a  complete  ruse  de 
guerre. 

When  the  people  had  sufficiently  recovered  from  their  be 
wilderment  to  realize  that  they  had  actually  voted  for  their 
beloved  pastor's  dismissal,  they  were  confounded.  And 
throughout  the  congregation,  the  universal  wiping  of  eyes 
and  blowing  of  noses  testified  to  their  affectionate  regret. 
But,  however  informally,  the  deed  was  done,  and,  making  a 
virtue  of  necessity,  they  yielded  their  wishes  to  his. 

It  was  now  May,  and  only  ten  weeks  would  elapse  before 
the  completion  of  my  year.  Mr.  Jones  had  become  more 
disagreeable  than  ever,  though  in  a  different  way.  He  had 
been  so  long  accustomed  to  despotic  sway,  that  I  believe  he 
really  enjoyed  the  novelty  of  some  opposition.  It  served  to 
tax  his  wits  lest  he  should  lose  an  iota  of  his  established  au 
thority  ;  and  to  a  man  of  energy,  this  always  brings  pleasure. 
At  any  rate,  he  seemed  to  like  me  all  the  better  for  the  tart 
replies  which  his  rudeness  often  extorted. 

"  You  are  a  smart  little  piece,"  said  he  one  day,  patting 
me  on  the  cheek. 

"What  do  you  mean,  sir?" 

"  No  offence,  dear  Miss  Frazer,"  replied  he,  fawningly. 
"  I  only  mean  that  your  spirit  becomes  you,  and  that — that 
—  in  short,  you  are  r»y  favorite  of  all  the  teachers  I  ever 
had." 

"  You  must  know,  sir,  that  both  your  words  and  mannei 
are  exceedingly  offensivei.  If  you  presume  again  to  trea< 
me  with  such  disrespect,  I  shall  leave  the  school  at  once.' 

With  an  incredulous  smile,  he  replied,  — 


130  ESPERANCE. 

"  You  must  blame  yourself  if  you  choose  to  show  such 
spirit  as  tempts  me  to  retort  by  harmless  gallantries.  I 
intend  conquering  you  .by  kindness,  you  see." 

"  I  will  endeavor  to  control  myself  henceforth,  and  thus 
escape  your  insults."  And  I  walked  loftily  out  of  his 
presence. 

Not  many  days  after,  he  entered  the  room  during  one  of 
my  French  recitations,  and  placed  himself  opposite  me.  His 
fixed,  unpleasant  gaze  was  so  annoying,  that  I  made  several 
blunders,  which,  of  course,  embarrassed  my  pupils.  He  sat 
through  the  lesson,  and  then,  tipping  back  in  his  chair,  coolly 
remarked,  — 

"  I  shall  make  allowance  for  you,  young  ladies,  on  the 
ground  of  your  teacher's  youth  and  inexperience." 

I  retained  my  self-command  till  the  class  had  left  the 
room,  when  I  angrily  exclaimed,  — 

"  Why  did  you  insult  me,  sir,  in  the  presence  of  my 
pupils  ?  " 

"  Do  you  intend  to  dispute  my  right  to  rebuke  you  when 
ever  and  however  I  please  ?  " 

"  I  do,  sir.  And  I  will  not  bear  this  impertinent  inter 
ference." 

"  You  forget  your  resolution  to  control  your  temper,  my 
dear  girl.  So  you  see  you  must  take  the  consequences." 

In  oily  tones  did  these  words  creep  forth.  And  the  inso 
lent  man  actually  dared  — 


ESPERANCE.  131 


CHAPTER    XVIII. 

NOT  half  an  hour  after,  I  was  standing  by  Dr.  Preston,  to 
whom  I  had  fled  in  most  stormy  mood. 

"  Sit  down,  child,  sit  down,"  said  he  kindly,  taking  my 
hand.  "  Now  teU  me  all." 

When  he  arrived  at  a  comprehension  of  the  case,  he  laid 
his  hand  tenderly  on  my  forehead,  saying,  — 

"Be  quiet,  dear,  be  quiet!  — All  in  our  favor.  —  "We  are 
lonely.  —  Want  young  company.  —  Both  love  you.  —  Come 
and  stay  with  us  as  long  as  you  can  be  content.  —  Great 
kindness  to  us,  child,  great  kindness." 

His  delicate  treatment  in  my  utterly  forlorn  condition  com 
pletely  upset  me.  In  the  wamth  of  my  gratitude,  I  seized 
his  hand,  and  pressed  it  to  my  lips.  It  was  all  the  reply  I 
could  make. . 

When  Mrs.  Preston  came  in,  she  cordially  seconded  her 
husband's  proposal,  adding, — 

"  We  shall  be  rich  in  having  such  a  daughter." 
•  And  I  so  unworthy  of  all  this  kindness !     What  could  I 
do  but  throw  my  arms  round  her  neck? 

So  it  was  settled  that  I  was  to  be  domiciled  in  the  pleasant 
parsonage.  Sending  for  my  trunk,  I  wrote  a  line  to  Mr. 
Jones,  requesting  an  immediate  settlement.  He  replied  that, 
as  I  had  left  before  the  year  was  out,  I  had  forfeited  my 
claim  to  any  payment.  I  showed  Dr.  Preston  his  note. 


132  ESPERANCB. 

"Going  to  do,  child?" 

"  Nothing,  sir." 

The  next  day  he  carne  puffing  in,  bearing  a  remarkably 
polite  document  from  Mr.  Jones,  containing  the  very  highest 
recommendations  touching  my  ability  and  success  as  a 
teacher,  and  enclosing  fifty  dollars.  As  I  gazed  in  aston 
ishment,  with  a  merry  twinkle  of  his  eye,  the  Doctor  said,  — 

"  Hard  work. — Screwed  tight. — Fairly  pinched. — Winced 
and  floundered.  —  Couldn't  help  himself.  —  Do  him  good.  — 
Got  more,  but  knew  you  wouldn't  touch  it." 

"  I  thank  you,"  replied  I,  tearing  the  testimonial  into 
fragments,  and  throwing  them  behind  the  fire-board. 

The  Doctor  looked  on,  evidently  quite  amused. 

"  Crazy,  child  !  Crazy  !  —  Help  you  to  another  situation 
when  tired  of  us." 

"  I  could  not  possibly  lay  myself  under  the  smallest'  obli 
gation  to  that  man,"  said  I,  laughing  at  his  affected  dismay. 

Then,  sitting  at  his  desk,  I  wrote  as  follows  :  — 

"To  the  Principal  of  Symmington  Academy. 

tk  MR.  JONES.  Sir  :  Enclosed  is  my  receipt  for  the  sum 
due.  I  acknowledge  your  extraordinary  courtesy  in  furnish 
ing  me  with  so  flattering  a  testimonial.  As,  however,  it  is 
undesired,  and  would  prove  wholly  useless,  I  have  taken  the 
liberty  to  destroy  it.  HOPE  FRAZER." 

Handing  this  note  to  the  Doctor,  I  asked,  — 
"Will  that  do?" 

The  dear  old  man  shook  his  head  with  emphasis. 
"  No.  — Never  do. — Touchy. — Sarcastic.  —  Spiteful  too  ! 
—  And   proud  of  showing   spite.  —  Not   dignified.  —  Not 


ESPEBANCE.  133 

womanly.  —  Not  Christian.  —  Ah,  child  —  meekness  a  sweet 
grace. — Cultivate  it.  —  Cultivate  it,  I  say." 

Thus  ended  my  first  venture ;  —  once  more  I  was  out 
on  the  wide,  wide  sea.  And  yet  not  so,  for  had  not  a  kind 
Providence  brought  me  into  a  quiet  haven  ?  How  precious, 
even  at  this  distance  of  time,  is  the  memory  of  those  peace 
ful  days  spent  under  that  blessed  roof ! 

Not  long  after  my  removal  to  the  parsonage,  a  letter  came 
from  Miss  Carey,  to  whom  I  had  again  written,  saying  that 
she  had  made  an  engagement  for  me  as  assistant  to  a  Mr. 
Northrup,  principal  of  a  Seminary  at  Ironton,  in  Illinois. 

Thus  relieved  of  all  anxiety  for  the  future,  I  gave  myself 
up  to  the  enjoyment  of  the  present.  Rejoicing  in  my  freedom, 
I  strolled  about  whenever  and  wherever  I  pleased,  —  some 
times  passing  hours  in  wandering  over  the  sunny  slopes  of 
Try  on. 

With  the  excellent  couple  my  intercourse  was  always  de 
lightful.  I  read  to  them,  and  talked  with  them,  as  if  I  had 
known  them  all  my  life.  On  matters,  however,  pertaining  to 
my  past  history,  and  my  religious  views  and  feelings,  I  main 
tained  an  unbroken  reserve.  I  hardly  know  why,  but  some 
how  I  could  not  open  to  the  good  man  my  old  bitter  doubts 
and  questionings,  or  my  present  inward  discouragement. 

I  still  felt  that,  while  at  Crawford,  there  had  been  a  certain 
change ;  yet  it  was  not  one  that  had  brought  me  abiding 
happiness,  or  even  serenity.  My  main  purpose  to  live  for 
duty  was  unaltered ;  but  in  my  attempts  to  carry  out  this 
resolve,  I  was  under  the  guidance  of  principle  rather  than 
affection,  and  therefore  took  little  comfort  in  my  endeavors, 
however  sincere  or  earnest. 
12 


134  ESPERANCE. 

Those  genial,  refreshing  days  sped  by  on  rapid  feet.  The 
dreaded  time  of  my  departure  had  arrived.  I  secured  a 
farewell  interview  with  Mrs.  Jones,  who  manifested  no  little 
emotion.  The  next  day  I  must  take  leave  of  those  cherished 
friends,  who  had  given  me  a  home  and  its  sympathies  in  my 
hour  of  need.  Of  my  sad  parting  with  them  I  will  not 
speak.  The  good  Lord  will  reward  them  for  their  generous 
kindness.  I  never  can. 

The  morning  of  my  departure,  I  climbed  my  favorite 
mountain.  For  the  last  time  my  eyes  were  filled  with  the 
fair  landscape  spread  out  beneath  me.  The  last  time  !  And 
then,  with  lingering  look  and  a  saddened  heart,  I  left  behind 
me  all  this  beauty,  and  set  my  face  towards  the  desert  of 
life,  stretching  gloomily  away  before  me.  Once  more,  how 
ever,  when  I  had  reached  the  foot  of  Tryon,  I  turned  back, 
and  lifting  up  misty  eyes  to  its  proud  summit,  I  said  my  .last 
farewell. 

"Clouded  in  morning's  rosy,  liquid  light, 

Thou  standest,  mountain  fair,  once  more  for  me ; 
But  ere  the  pale  stars  of  another  night 
Encircle  thee  with  rays,  —  far  shall  I  be. 

"  How  oft,  with  loving  heart  and  watchful  eye, 

I've  marked  the  changing  beauties  o'er  thee  glide ! 
Bright  autumn's  gorgeous  tints,  in  sadness  die 
To  sombre  brown  upon  thy  sloping  side. 

"  And  in  the  calm,  voluptuous  afternoons 

That  mind  one  still  of  golden  summer-days, 
When  rivulet  and  bird  trill  softer  tunes,  — 
I've  seen  thee  robed  in  melting  purple  haze. 


ESPERANCE.  135 

"  Pure  Dion's  crescent  moon  has  bathed  thy  brow 

With  waves  of  solemn,  pallid,  spectral  light,  — 
Illumed  the  pines  that  climb  thy  sides  e'en  now, 
In  vain  attempts  to  reach  thy  forehead's  height. 

"  And  oft  the  storm  has  dropped  his  veil  of  mist 

Around  thee,  hiding  thy  translucent  blue, 
Till,  all  his  anger  gone,  by  sunshine  kissed, 

'Twas  softly  raised,  and  left  thee  clear  and  true. 

«'  Yes  I  fair  in  all  thy  changeful  forms  thou  art, 

And  near  and  dear  as  human  friend  to  me ;  — 
And  memories  sweet,  though  sad  —  within  my  heart, 
Where'er  I  go,  I'll  carry  still  of  thee." 


136  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER   XIX. 

IT  cannot  be  supposed  that  I  had  lived  to  the  age  of 
almost  nineteen,  with  no  thoughts  about  "  la  grande  pas 
sion"  Indeed,  some  expressions  in  my  Crawford  journal  be 
tray  my  feelings  on  a  subject  universally  associated  with 
one's  teens.  For  general  admiration,  I  cared  little.  But 
this  very  indifference  to  society  at  large,  intensified  my  na 
ture.  An  outcast  from  home,  without  an  intimate  friend 
whom  I  could  take  into  my  soul,  and  with  no  object  of  inter 
est  sufficient  to  enlist  all  my  energies,  my  heart  was  left  to 
prey  on  itself.  And  the  more  I  dwelt  on  my  embittered  past, 
the  greater  was  my  desire  for  a  loving,  happy  future.  Life, 
however,  lay  before  me  in  dark  perspective.  For  the  occu 
pation  of  teaching,  I  had  no  natural  affinity.  Indeed,  dis 
heartened  by  my  unfortunate  experience,  it  had  become 
positively  distasteful.  And  yet,  a  teacher  I  seemed  doomed 
to  be,  to  the  end  of  my  days. 

Into  such  reveries  as  these,  I  unwittingly  fell,  while  trav 
elling  over  the  weary  miles  towards  my  new  destination. 
But  for  my  proud  resolve  to  be  independent  of  my  father, 
and  a  certain  latent  force  of  character,  which,  in  spite  of  my 
timidity,  carried  me  over  great  obstacles,  I  should  have 
fallen  into  my  old  torpor.  As  it  was,  I  kept  up  a  desperate 
struggle,  till  at  length  courage  gained  the  ascendency. 

My  good  friend,  Dr.  Preston,  had  given  me  a  line  of  intro- 


ESPERANCE.  137 

duction  to  a  brother-clergyman  in  Albany,  who  saw  me  on 
board  a  canal  boat,  placing  me  under  the  care  of  a  western 
merchant,  who  was  returning  to  Illinois.  He  was  civil 
enough,  but  not  being  communicative,  I  was  left  mostly  to 
my  own  thoughts. 

My  tedious  days  and  nights  in  the  slow  moving  canal  boat, 
interrupted  only  by  frequent  thumping  collisions  with  other 
boats,  were  at  length  terminated  by  a  willing  return  to  the 
plodding  stage-coach. 

Of  the  western  prairies,  I  had  entertained  a  somewhat 
romantic  idea.  I  was  on  the  watch  for  a  boundless  sea  of 
the  richest  green,  stretching  out  in  interminable  billows,  and 
gemmed  with  fair  islands  of  the  most  superb  flowers.  It  so 
turned  out,  that  having  travelled  all  night  in  the  stage,  I 
was  just  catching  a  stray  nap,  when  Mr.  Smith  touched  me, 
saying,  — 

"  Miss  Frazer,  you  wished  to  see  a  prairie.     Here  is  one." 

Starting  with  eagerness,  I  gazed  long  and  earnestly.  The 
whole  eastern  sky  was  aglow  with  the  crimson  hues  of 
morning,  but  I  saw  nothing  else  of  interest.  Concluding  I 
must  be  looking  in  the  wrong  direction,  I  at  length  asked,  — 

"Where  is  it?" 

"  There,  just  where  you  are  looking." 

I  rubbed  my  eyes  to  be  sure  I  was  awake,  but  nothing 
greeted  my  expectant  vision  except  a  boundless  extent  of 
level  ground,  covered  with  coarse,  brown  stubble. 

"  That  a  prairie  !  "  I  exclaimed,  in  manifest  disappoint 
ment.  "  Why,  I  see  neither  verdure  nor  flowers." 

"  Of  course  not ;  why  should  you?  "  said  he,  a  little  net 
tled.     "  There  has  been  a  long  drought,  and  the  grass  and 
flowers  are  dried  up." 
12* 


138  ESPERANCB. 

"  I  made  no  allowance  for  that,"  replied  I,  lapsing  into 
common-placeism,  and  striving  to  moderate  my  expectations 
in  all  directions. 

"  I  will  prepare  myself  to  see  a  fright  in  my  landlady," 
said  I,  mentally ;  "  indeed,  what  could  reasonably  be  ex 
pected  of  any  one  by  the  name  of  Brimblecum  ?  " 

"  This  is  Ironton,"  remarked  Mr.  Smith,  after  we  had 
travelled  far  enough,  as  I  thought,  to  reach  the  Rocky  Moun 
tains. 

"  A  very  pretty  place,"  said  I,  observing  with  satisfaction 
a  thrifty  village  of  good  size,  and  quite  resembling  the  New 
England  villages  I  had  passed  through. 

In  due  time  we  arrived  at  Miss  Brimblecum's  spacious 
mansion,  which,  as  I  remember,  was  painted  a  light  brown, 
and  adorned  with  pea-green  blinds.  A  bustling  maid  prompt 
ly  answered  my  summons,  and  leaving  me  standing  in  the 
hall,  went  in  search  of  her  mistress. 

"  Miss  Frazer  ! "  said  I,  introducing  myself. 

"  How  are  you,  ma'am?  "  —  with  a  stiff  bow. 

Ushering  me  into  a  large,  dark  parlor,  and  setting  out  a 
chair,  she  went  to  one  of  the  windows,  and  turned  down  the 
blinds,  so  as  to  admit  a  few  horizontal  rays,  thence  proceed 
ing  to  straighten  matters  here  and  there.  Wherever  she 
went,  my  eyes  involuntarily  followed  her,  and,  to  confess 
the  truth,  with  a  strong  inclination  to  laugh  and  cry  at  the 
same  time.  Imagine  a  tall,  lank  figure  (crinoline  was  not 
then  jn  vogue) ,  with  quick,  angular  movements,  arms  that 
hung  like  pump-handles  at  her  side,  a  copper-colored  wig 
setting  off  a  saffron  complexion,  small,  green,  ferreting  eyes, 
and  a  prim,  tight  mouth,  that  looked  as  if  it  opened  only 
to  let  out  thin,  vapid  speeches.  This  notable  maiden  was 


ESPERANCE.  139 

arrayed  in  a  cinnamon  calico,  covered  with  immense  flowers  ; 
while  her  wrinkled  forehead  was  adorned  with  a  pair  of  steel 
mounted  spectacles,  which  seldom  descended  upon  her  nose, 
where  indeed  they  would  have  been  of  little  use,  as,  when 
ever  by  chance  they  happened  there,  she  invariably  threw 
back  her  head  to  peep  under  them.  Eying  me  from  time 
to  time  as  she  moved  about,  she  finally  made  a  sudden  pause, 
inquiring,  — 

"  Would  you  like  to  go  to  your  room?" 

"  I  should,  if  convenient." 

I  had  momently  been  dreading  the  advent  of  the  prin 
cipal,  and  remembering  my  first  encounter  with  Mr.  Jones, 
wished  to  make  myself  a  little  decent  before  I  passed  a  sim 
ilar  review.  So  I  was  glad  to  follow  the  hostess  to  my 
chamber,  which  was  a  large  and  pleasant  room. 

"  Mr.  Northrup  selected  this  for  you." 

"So  he  thought  of  my  comfort,"  said  I,  mentally,  with 
something  like  warmth  at  my  heart. 

Looking  from  my  window  upon  the  fields  and  groves  that 
met  my  sight,  whence  also  I  could  command  the  western 
sky,  I  said  cordially,  — 

"  I  like  his  choice." 

"  Of  course  you  do,"  replied  she,  sharply,  seeming  to  re 
sent  the  expression  of  my  satisfaction  as  wholly  superfluous. 

"  What  is  your  tea  hour?  "  I  inquired,  as  she  was  leaving. 

"  Six  o'clock,  precisely." 

I  looked  at  my  watch,  and  finding  it  already  half  past  five, 
concluded  not  to  change  my  travelling  dress. 

Having  made  the  needful  preparations  for  tea,  I  sat  down 
by  an  open  window,  and  began  to  wonder  what  sort  of  a 
man  Mr.  Northrup  might  be.  Not  for  the  first  time,  how- 


140  ESPEBANCE. 

ever.  But  not  having  the  smallest  data  to  build  upon,  I  had 
indulged  myself  in  conjuring  up  a  great  variety  of  charac 
ters  answering  to  the  name  of  Northrup,  though  taking  good 
care  to  keep  as  far  as  possible  from  the  similitude  of  Mr.  Jones. 

The  ominous  supper-bell !  I  soon  found  myself  at  a  long 
table,  filled  with  strange  faces.  Our  landlady  introduced  me 
to  no  one,  and  which  among  all  the  gentlemen  was  Mr. 
Northrup,  and  why  he  did  not  make  himself  known,  I  was 
unable  to  divine.  When  we  were  nearly  through,  the  lady 
next  me  inquired  of  Miss  Brimblecum,  — 

"'Where  is  Mr.  Northrup?  " 

"  Gone  out  to  tea  ;  " —  a  response  which  put  an  end  to  my 
wonder,  and  relieved  me  from  the  impression  that  he  could 
not  be*a  gentleman. 

I  had  ventured  only  to  cast  my  eyes  furtively  round  the 
table,  and  had  no  distinct  idea  of  any  one  except  my  left- 
hand  neighbor,  whom  our  hostess  addressed  as  Miss  Betts. 
This  same  Hepzibah  Betts  was  a  little  wiry  woman,  with  an 
unattractive  countenance,  ornamented  on  either  side  by  a 
bunch  of  short  curls.  Her  attire  was  youthful,  both  in  color 
and  make,  while  the  highly  juvenile  manners  she  had  adopted 
were  in  strict  accordance  with  her  style  of  dress.  From  all 
I  could  gather,  I  judged  that  she  had  so  long  striven  to  con 
vince  others  that  she  was  young,  that  at  length  she  had  prac 
tised  the  imposition  upon  herself.  She  had  a  quick,  outside 
laugh,  and  bowed  her  head  this  way  and  that,  causing  a 
graceful  flutter  in  her  cherished  curls,  and  the  bright  ribbons 
that  adorned  her  head.  She  was  extremely  affable  to  all, 
and  patronized  poor  little  me  with  wonderful  zeal,  asking 
questions  faster  than  I  could  answer  them,  and  passing  me 
the  various  dishes  with  untiring  assiduity. 


ESPEKANCE.  141 

"  I  shall  come  in  and  see  you  very  soon,"  she  called  out  in 
an  encouraging  voice  as  I  was  leaving  the  dining-hall. 

I  have  not  wished  to  caricature  this  picture,  as  it  lies  pho 
tographed  in  memory.  At  first  I  regarded  Miss  Betts  as 
well  meaning,  though  weak-minded  *and  frivolous,  but  subse 
quent  acquaintance  obliged  me  somewhat  to  modify  my 
opinion.  Doubtless  she  had  her  good  points,  though  unfor 
tunately  they  did  not  come  under  my  notice. 

Most  thankful  was  I  to  escape  to  my  own  room,  where  I 
again  seated  myself  at  the  window,  too  tired  to  unlock  my 
trunk,  and  glad  that  Belinda  Lawson  was  not  there  to  set 
me  working.  How  many  things  I  thought  of  in  that  long, 
weary  hour ! 

Twilight  was  still  lingering,  when  the  chambermaid  brought 
a  message. 

"  Mr.  Northrup  sends  his  compliments,  and  would  be  glad 
to  see  you  in  the  parlor,  if  you're  not  too  tired  to  come 
down." 

"  Tell  him  I  will  be  there  directly." 

I  slowly  descended  the  stairs,  and,  with  a  sudden  feeling 
of  shyness,  paused  before  entering  the  room.  But  finding 
delay  had  no  tendency  to  increase  my  courage,  I  opened  the 
door.  A  young  man  instantly  rose,  and  with  an  agreeable, 
though  assured  air,  came  forward,  and  cordially  offering  his 
hand,  set  out  a  rocking-chair  for  me  by  the  window. 

"  It  was  hardly  generous  to  request  your  presence  this 
evening,  Miss  Frazer,  for  I  know  you  must  be  very  weary, 
but  I  was  —  "  and  he  paused,  as  if  at  a  loss  how  to  finish. 

"  Somewhat  curious  to  see  me?"  I  ventured  to  add. 

"  I  plead  guilty,"  replied  he,  smiling  with  evident  satisfac 
tion  that  the  ice  was  thus  effectually  broken.  "  But  in  order 


142  ESPEBANCE. 

that  I  may  satisfy  my  curiosity,  and  Miss  Frazer  hers,  we 
must  have  a  better  view  of  one  another ;  "  and,  rising,  he 
ordered  lights. 

"  What  a  ridiculous  blunder  I  have  made  !  "  was  my  disa 
greeable  reflection.  "  A*nd  now,  instead  of  the  pleasant  chat 
we  might  have  had,  he  will  be  staring  at  me  in  disap 
pointment." 

But  there  was  no  retrieving  my  mistake.  The  lights  were 
brought ;  and  placing  them  where  they  would  fall  on  my  face, 
Mr.  Northrup  sat  down  opposite,  and  playfully  fixed  his 
smiling  eyes  upon  me.  Resisting  a  strong  temptation  to 
extinguish  the  lights,  but  with  a  feeling  of  chagrin  which  I 
could  not  wholly  conceal,  I  made  out  to  say,  — 

"  Since  I  have  dared  you  to  the  encounter,  I  will  not 
flinch." 

Whether  he  too  felt  that  he  was  cheated,  or  whether  he 
was  sorry  for  my  embarrassment,  I  could  not  tell ;  but,  with 
an  entire  change  of  manner,  he  began  to  inquire  about  my 
journey.  Bent  on  sociability,  I  told  him  of  my  prairie-dis 
appointment,  at  which  he  heartily  laughed,  assuring  me, 
however,  that  another  June  would  restore  my  early  idea. 

Not  a  word  about  "  programmes,"  or  "  prescribed  duties," 
or  "  undivided  attention,"  or  even  Granville  Seminary  till  we 
parted,  when  he  simply  said,  — 

"  I  will  not  trouble  you  with  business  till  you  find  your 
self  rested." 

What  a  weight  was  lifted  from  me  !  And  how  I  thanked 
him  in  my  heart,  as  I  returned  to  my  chamber  ! 

Let  me  recall  that  first  picture  of  Mr.  Northrup,  as  it  still 
lingers  in  my  mind.  Of  medium  height,  well  proportioned, 
and  of  easy,  sprightly  address ;  a  profusion  of  curly  brown 


ESPERANCE.  143 

hair  upon  a  smooth,  open  forehead ;  kindly  eyes,  of  deep 
blue,  which  readily  laughed  ;  and  a  mouth  denoting  sweetness 
and  mobility,  rather  than  firmness.  In  my  own  room  that 
first  night,  I  thought  over  this  sketch,  as  young  girls  will 
sometimes  do.  And  I  felt  a  grateful  emotion  for  the  -relief 
and  satisfaction  so  pleasant  a  picture  afforded  me.  More 
than  that,  I  projected  it  into  the  future,  wondering  if  it  would 
ever  be  any  less  agreeable. 

'  The  following  morning  I  was  seated  at  the  breakfast  table, 
next  to  Miss -Setts,  when  Mr.  Northrup  made  his  appearance. 

"  Good  morning,  Miss  Frazer !  Good  morning,  Miss 
Setts  !  Miss  Brimblecum,  I  intended  to  have  begged  a  seat 
beside  Miss  Frazer.  Please  make  the  change  this  noon,  if 
she  does  not  object." 

"  But  I  have  claimed  her,"  said  Miss  Setts.  "  Suppose 
you  should  sit  the  other  side  of  me." 

"  I  will  take  a  seat  between  you,"  replied  he,  with  a  sly 
glance  at  me.  "  I  shall  then  be  able  to  protect  you  against 
each  other." 

"  That  will  do,  and  we  will  be  quite  a  social  set  among 
ourselves." 

"  No  doubt  of  that,"  replied  he,  laughing. 

From  that  time  he  sat  between  us,  warding  off  Miss 
Setts'  volleys  of  gay  talk,  and  always  seeing  that  I  was  well 
provided  for. 

Miss  Brimblecum  had  her  favorites,  of  whom  I  proved 
not  to  be  one ;  indeed,  they  were  mostly  of  the  masculine 
gender.  Among  these,  Mr.  Northrup  stood  preeminent  —  a 
fact  which  he  well  understood.  In  his  general  kindliness, 
therefore,  I  felt  secure  against  marked  neglect  from  our 
hostess. 


144  ESPERANCE. 

From  Miss  Belts'  persistent  determination  to  be  intimate 
with  me,  she  was  becoming  more  and  more  of  an  annoyance. 
In  spite  of  my  attempts  to  distance  her,  she  made  me  frequent 
calls,  in  which  she  invariably  posted  me  up,  not  merely  in 
all  the  gossip  relating  to  our  fellow-boarders,  but  also  in  that 
of  the  whole  neighborhood.  Her  insatiable  curiosity  would 
not  allow  her. to  rest  content  without  knowing  every  person 
who  called  at  ''our  boarding-house,  and  for  what  purpose. 
Even  now,  I  behold  her  stretching  her  neck  clear  over  the 
balusters,  to  see  who  might  be  entering  the  door ;  and,  fail 
ing  in  this,  putting  down  her  ear  to  catch  the  voice  floating 
upward.  And  I  seem  once  more  to  note  the  glow  of  triumph 
which  never  failed  to  brighten  her  face  when  successful  in 
her  experiment. 

But  I  must  not  close  this  chapter  without  alluding,  to  my 
situation  as  a  teacher.  The  whole  atmosphere  of  the  school 
was  in  striking  contrast  to  that  of  Symmington  Academy. 
Our  pupils  were  expected  to  behave  like  young  ladies  and 
gentlemen.  Thrown  thus  on  their  own  responsibility,  and 
treated  with  uniform  kindness  and  courtesy  by  Mr.  Northrup, 
who  was  a  great  favorite  with  them,  the  result  was,  what 
might  be  anticipated  —  an  orderly  and  agreeable  school. 
Under  these  circumstances,  teaching  assumed  a  different 
aspect ;  indeed,  I  found  myself  coming  to  feel  a  positive 
pleasure  in  the  employment.  And  as  the  gentlemanly  prin 
cipal  took  good  care  that  my  labors  should  not  be  onerous,  I 
had  every  reason  to  be  content.  This  I  was,  in  full  measure, 
so  far  at  least  as  the  externals  of  life  were  concerned. 

But  I  had  come  more  and  more  to  neglect  my  religious 
duties,  and,  in  consequence,  my  conscience  was  ill  at  ease. 
To  quiet  its  accusations,  I  took  a  class  in  the  Sunday  School, 


ESPEBANCE.  145 

to  which  I  endeavored  to  be  faithful.  All  these  outward 
observances,  however,  lacked  vitality,  and  were  thence  weari 
some  and  profitless.  And  my  heart  was  depressed  by  the 
occasional  return  of  my  former  gloomy  moods.  At  these 
times,  my  soul  was  so  tortured  by  the  old  agonizing  doubts, 
that  it  longed  —  oh,  how  intensely!  —  to  utter  itself  in  some 
human  ear. 

13  • 


146  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER    XX. 

/ 

"  I  HAVE  invited  our  friend,  Miss  Frazer,  to  take  a  walk 
after  tea,"  said  Miss  Betts  one  day,  at  the  supper-table. 

"  And  has  she  accepted?  "  asked  Mr.  Northrup,  with  one 
of  his  sideway  glances  at  rny  face. 

"  She  seems  to  hesitate,  but  I  thought  perhaps  you 
might  persuade  her." 

Turning  towards  me  with  one  of  his  fascinating  smiles ; 
"  Miss  Frazer,  will  you  not  give  Miss  Betts  and  myself  the 
pleasure  of  your  company  in  our  anticipated  walk  ?  " 

"  I  believe  I  must  be  excused,"  I  replied,  for  having  man 
ifested  a  reluctance  to  accept  of  her  invitation,  I  felt  some 
scruples  in  allowing  myself  to  be  persuaded  by  him. 

"  Do  not  condemn  me  to  go  without  you,"  whispered  he, 
in  a  tone  of  entreaty,  and  with  such  a  laughable  look  of 
distress,  that  I  made  no  further  objection. 

It  proved  a  pleasant  walk,  notwithstanding  Miss  Betts' 
constant  flow  of  words.  The  frank  good  humor  and  spor- 
tiveness  of  Mr.  Northrup  played  like  sunlight  upon  my 
serious  nature,  kindling  me  to  unwonted  gayety.  Perhaps 
my  enjoyment  of  his  society  was  the  greater,  because  I  had 
been  so  little  accustomed  to  anything  of  the  sort.  At  any 
rate,  this  free  and  kindly  intercourse  was  a  new  and  pleasant 
chapter  in  my  history. 

Leaving  the  village,  we  strolled  onward  till  we  reached 


ESPEBANCE.  147 

the  banks  of  the  Mississippi,  where  we  stood,  watching  the 
easy  flow  of  its  clear  waters.  The  meadows  stretching  at 
its  side,  usually  so  verdant,  now  lay  scorched  and  brown. 

"  In  all  the  time  you  have  lived  here,  did  you  ever  know 
such  a  dry  season,  Miss  Betts?" 

"  I  believe  not ;  but,  Mr.  Northrup,"  added  she  with  a 
sudden  accession  of  sentiment,  "  I  should  think  one  who  had 
known  me  so  long  might  call  me  by  my  Christian  name." 

"  But  would  you  allow  me  that  privilege  ?  "  asked  he,  with 
one  of  his  mischievous  looks. 

"  Certainly  I  would ;  how  can  you  doubt  it?" 

"  Henceforth,  then,  I  may  venture  to  address  you  as  Miss 
Hepzibah  ;  "  and  lifting  his  hat,  he  made  her  a  courtly  bow. 

"  That  is  delightful,  it  is  so  home-like." 

Not  long  after,  in  crossing  a  brook,  he  offered  his  hand, 
saying,  — 

"  Miss  Hepsy,  shall  I  have  the  pleasure  of  assisting  you?" 

"  That  is  better  yet,"  replied  she,  blushing,  as  she  gave  him 
her  hand,  and  finally  adding,  "  you  seem  very  much  like  an 
old  friend." 

"And  such  I  beg  you  always  to  consider  me,  Miss 
Hepsy." 

The  scene  was  now  becoming  quite  romantic.  Miss  Betts 
blushed  and  giggled,  as  she  ventured,  — 

"  Would  you  like  me  to  call  you  Walter?" 

"  The  fates  forefend  ! "  replied  he,  shaking  his  head  with 
an  expression  of  dismay.  "  No,  no,  excuse  me ;  but  as  I 
have  the  misfortune  to  be  young,  and  have,  therefore,  need 
of  all  the  dignity  I  can  assume,  I  could  poorly  afford  to 
exchange  any  title  of  respect,  even  for  the  familiar  household 
name  of  my  boyhood,  and  that  from  the  lips  of  a  valued 


148  ESPERANCE. 

friend  like  yourself.  But  do  not  hesitate  to  command  me  in 
any  other  way  in  which  I  can  serve  you." 

Miss  Hepsy  looked  mystified,  while  Hope  Frazer  turned 
away  to  hide  her  face,  being  so  naughty  as  to  find  enjoyment 
in  Mr.  Northrup's  tantalizing  wickedness. 

"You  seem  charmed  with  the  prospect,  Miss  Frazer," 
said  he,  stealing  to  my  side,  and  looking  under  my  bonnet 
with  a  comical  expression.  "  Are  you  studying  the  Mis 
sissippi  ?  " 

"  0  no  !  A  far  more  insignificant  study  —  that  of  human 
nature." 

"  I  trust  you  do  not  consider  me  deserving  of  a  rebuke," — 
pointing  to  Miss  Betts,  who  was  just  then  wandering  off  by 
herself. 

"  I  am  not  quite  sure.  I  certainly  should,  if  she  were  a 
trifle  less  —  " 

"  Youthful,  and  vain,  and  silly." 

"  I  did  not  say  that." 

"  But  I  did." 

"  And  I  ought  to  resent  the  charge,  and  defend  my  sex." 

"  Miss  Frazer  has  too  much  sense,  as  well  as  candor,  to 
advocate  an  unworthy  cause." 

"  Do  you  mean,  sir,  by  flattery,  to  buy  off  a  merited  re 
buke?  "  asked  I,  looking  into  his  face. 

"  If  I  had  intended  this,  I  should  never  make  the  attempt 
again." 

"Shall  we  rejoin  Miss  Betts?  I  fear  she  may  consider 
herself  slighted." 

"  I  have  no  wish  to  do  so,  but  will  obey  your  commands." 

"  Suppose  you  find  her  —  " 

"  Resentful?     I  will  take  a  peace-offering." 


, 


ESPEEANCE.        .  149 

And,  breaking  off  a  branch  from  a  tree,  we  overtook  her. 
She  turned  upon  us  her  smiling  countenance,  unsuspicious 
that  there  had  been  any  joking  at  her  expense. 

"A  dreadful  waste ?"  observed  he,  sotto  voce,  throwing 
away  the  branch.  "  But  I  owe  you  an  amende." 

And  gathering  a  cluster  of  autumnal  leaves,  he  brought 
them  to  me. 

"  Not  as  an  apology,"  said  I,  withholding  my  hand. 

"  As  un  gage  d'amitie  ?  " 

"  What,  the  sere  and  dead  leaf?  " 

"It  is  the  best  offering  in  my  reach.  The  other,  you 
would,  of  course,  have  rejected." 

Looking  a  little  chagrined,  he  was  on  the  point  of  throw 
ing  them  away. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  I  want  them." 

He  hesitated. 

"I  always  thought  the  autumnal  leaf  more  beautifully 
emblematic  than  any  other,"  I  added,  continuing  to  hold  out 
my  hand  till  he  placed  them  in  it. 

Opposite  me  at  the  table  sat  a  middle-aged  bachelor,  a 
merchant,  in  good  circumstances  and  highly  esteemed,  but  a 
decided  oddity.  He  had  an  unusual  share  of  the  milk  of 
human  kindness  in  his  composition,  and  this,  I  think,  was 
what  led  him  to  take  to  me.  For  he  saw,  or  could  have 
seen,  that  I  was  self-distrustful,  and  apt  to  get  on  a  long 
face.  After  his  own  fashion,  he  treated  me  with  great 
politeness,  furnished  me  with  hot-house  flowers,  tickets  to 
concerts,  books,  pieces  of  music,  and  similar  et  ceteras,  and 
all  in  such  a  matter-of-course  way  that  I  never  thought  of 
refusing  them.  Thus  Philander  Benedict  and  I  had  come 
13* 


150  ESPBBANCE. 

to  be  on  the  best  possible  terms.  For  his  many  favors,  I 
took  pleasure  in  making  the  best  returns  in  my  power,  mend 
ing  his  gloves,  hemming  and  marking  his  handkerchiefs,  play 
ing  and  singing  to  him,  and  chatting  with  him  whenever  we 
were  both  in  the  mood.  For  he  had  his  silent  turns,  as  well 
as  I. 

But  in  spite  of  his  friendship  and  all  my  other  pleasant 
surroundings,  the  blue  demons  sometimes  attacked  me  with 
more  force  than  ever.  Mr.  Northrup  frequently  rallied 
me  on  my  sober  face.  And  one  evening,  when  we  had  been 
singing  together,  he  suddenly  turned  towards  me,  — 

"  Miss  Frazer,  may  I  ask  if  you  have  always  been  as 
subject  to  the  blues  as  since  you  came  here  ? ' 

"  You  may,  sir." 

"Well?" 

"And  I  suppose  I  may  take  the  liberty  to  decline  an 
answer." 

"  Perhaps  you  think  me  obtrusive,"  said  he,  as  a  shade  of 
vexation  crossed  his  face. 

"  By  no  means,  Mr.  Northrup,  but  I  prefer  not  to  talk  of 
myself.  Life  was  early  poisoned  for  me,  and  I  have  only  to 
battle  it  as  I  best  can.  So  much  I  say  in  answer  to  your 
question,  but  please  not  allude  to  this  subject  again." 

He  looked  serious,  and  more  than  that — almost  sorrow 
ful.  At  last  he  continued,  — 

"Your  mind  is  preying  upon  itself,  and  needs  a  tonic. 
Have  you  ever  studied  Greek  ?  " 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  Have  you  any  objection  to  the  undertaking?  " 

• i  None  at  all,  if  I  can  master  it." 

"  Will  you  let  me  assist  you?" 

"  Gladly,  if  you  can  find  time." 


ESPERANCE.  151 

I  was  speedily  immersed  in  Greek  roots,  and  I  think  I 
never  went  into  anything  with  more  enthusiasm.  Having 
conquered  the  verbs,  Mr.  Northrup  put  me  into  the  "  Cyro- 
paedia."  And  with  his  help  I  soon  read  a  little  of  old  Homer. 

Midwinter  had  now  come,  but  the  weather  was  still  mild. 
During  the  long  evenings  I  made  rapid  progress  in  my  now 
favorite  study.  How  much  I  owed  to  the  interest  taken  in 
the  matter  by  my  teacher,  I  cannot  say ;  but  it  were  vain 
to  deny  that  I  looked  forward  to  my  evenings  as  the  most 
attractive  part  of  the  day.  Yet  I  was  dissatisfied  with  my 
self  for  even  so  much  as  this.  I  had  sounded  Mr.  Northrup, 
and  found  him  wanting  in  depth,  in  consistency  of  character, 
and  in  stability  of  feeling  and  purpose.  Of  this  I  was  en 
tirely  satisfied.  But  there  was  a  strange  attraction  for  rue 
in  his  smiling  eye,  his  easy,  nonchalant  air,  and  his  impres 
sible  nature.  Besides,  —  let  me  plead  what  excuses  I  may,  — 
I  was  at  the  susceptible  age,  we  were  constantly  thrown  to 
gether,  and,  more  than  all,  my  heart  was  starving ;  —  is  it  a 
shame  to  own  the  truth?  Yet  all  this  time  I  tenaciously 
hugged  my  self-respect ;  all  this  time  I  waged  the  old  war 
fare,  feeling  that  I  was  doomed  to  be  miserable. 

As  I  was  arranging  my  hair  one  well-remembered  Satur 
day  morning,  I  leaned  my  head  on  my  hands,  and  looked 
long  and  earnestly  into  the  mirror.  I  saw  there  a  thin,  care 
worn  face,  old  before  its  time  ;  folds  of  dark  hair  shading  a 
pale  forehead,  and  simply  braided  round  the  head  ;  features, 
certainly  of  no  Grecian  type  ;  no  rich  bloom  on  cheek  or  lip  ; 
and  large  eyes,  neither  violet  nor  black,  but  a  gray  which 
alternately  resembled  both.  Even  to  me  they  looked  so 
melancholy  !  And  I  pitied  myself  as  I  gazed  into  their  sad, 
inquiring  depths.  Ah,  how  unlike  another  face  which  I 


152  ESPERANCE. 

beheld  every  day,  and  which  sometimes  looked  so  kindly  upon 
me  !  How  fresh  it  wafb  !  —  and  how  full  of  life  and  hope  ! 
vitalizing  every  one  who  came  within  its  sphere. 

Awaking  from  my  profitless  reverie,  I  unsparingly  rebuked 
my  own  folly.  Even  as  a  mere  friend,  Mr.  Northrup  did 
not  come  up  to  my  ideal.  A  friendship  between  us  must  of 
necessity  be  a  one-sided  affair,  in  which  I  should  never 
receive  the  half  I  gave.  But  then  —  so  I  reasoned  —  this 
might  be  owing  to  the  difference  between  man  and  woman. 

Dissatisfied  alike  with  the  subject  of  my  thoughts  and 
with  myself,  I  turned  to  my  Greek.  But  the  pages  were 
blurred,  and  I  could  not  reafl.  Angry  at  my  own  absurdity, 
I  went  down  into  the  parlor,  (there  was  no  school,  and 
Mr.  Northrup  was  out  of  town,)  and  began  to  play  some 
lively  tunes. 

Not  long  after,  Miss  Brimblecum  and  Miss  Betts  came 
in,  and  sitting  down  by  the  fire,  put  their  heads  confidentially 
together.  As  I  continued  listlessly  to  drum  on  the  piano,  I 
overheard  the  young  old  maid  say  to  the  old  old  one  in  sup 
pressed  tones,  — 

"  Yes,  I  think  Mr.  Northrup  is  a  real  gentleman,  and  the 
most  patient  man  I  ever  knew." 

"  So  he  is.  He  waits  on  that  Miss  Frazer  as  if  he  con 
sidered  it  a  real  pleasure." 

"  Yes,"  chimed  in  Miss  Betts,  "  and  that,  when  we  all 
have  the  best  of  reason  to  know  it  is  only  compassion  he 
feels  for  her." 

"  She's  dreadful  homely,"  remarked  Miss  Brimblecum. 

"  Yes,"  echoed  Miss  Betts,  "  and  old-looking."  And 
glancing  into  the  mirror,  I  could  see  her  bridling  and  tossing 
her  head  as  if  she  knew  somebody  that  was  young-looking. 


E8PERANCE.  153 

"  He  says  she's  a  good  teacher,"  remarked  the  elder. 

"  I  know  he  does,  and  on  that  account  he  would  be  sorry 
to  lose  her.  And  so,  as  she's  such  a  touchy  piece,  he  has  to 
give  in  to  many  things,  for  fear  of  vexing  her." 

"  But  if  she  only  knew  what  a  bore  he  considers  her  —  " 

"  And  how  much  he  thinks  of  beauty  —  " 

"  She's  pride  enough  to  untie  him  from  her  apron- 
strings  —  " 

"  And  to  keep  out  of  his  way." 

"  Can't  you  advise  her?" 

"  I  would,  if  I  didn't  hate  to  hurt  her  feelings." 

"  Yes,  I  believe  you  would,  Miss  Betts,  for  you've  always 
been  kind  to  her." 

"  I  don't  know  why,  but  I  really  have  taken  a  sort  of 
fancy  to  her.  But  then  beauty  in  one  woman  is  nothing  to 
another,  nor  ugliness  either."  And  she  giggled,  as  if  de 
lighted  at  her  own  wit. 

I  gave  no  sign  or  token  that  I  had  caught  one  word,  but 
after  thrumming  on  for  a  while,  commenced  the  performance 
of  a  brilliant  piece,  which  completely  drowned  their  voices. 
I  had  heard  enough.  They  might  go  on  now  till  doomsday, 
if  they  listed.  What  a  dull,  aching  pain  had  their  words 
driven  down  deep  into  my  heart ! 

That  same  evening  Mr.  Northrup  invited  me  to  attend  a 
concert.  I  coolly  declined.  The  next  day  I  told  him  I  was 
not  in  the  mood  for  Greek,  and  should  therefore  suspend  it. 

"  Have  I  offended  you,  Miss  Frazer?" 

"  No,  sir  ;"  and  fearing  to  trust  myself  further,  I  hastened 
from  the  room. 

So  matters  went  on  till  a  comfortless  formality  was  in 
duced  between  us.  Under  these  circumstances,  finding  my 


154  ESPERANCE. 

seat  next  him  somewhat  embarrassing,  I  took  advantage 
of  the  arrival  of  a  new  boarder,  and  removed  to  the  other 
end  of  the  table.  My  friend,  Mr.  Benedict,  took  his  place 
beside  me,  saying  that  I  could  not  get  along  without  some 
body  to  quarrel  with. 

Never  was  Miss  Betts  more  gracious,  or  more  disagreeable 
than  now.  Not  that  I  bore  her  any  conscious  ill  will.  But 
she  was  always  offending  my  taste,  as  well  as  my  nicer  in 
stincts.  She  continued  to  bestow  on  Mr.  Northrup  her 
abundant  benignities,  which  he  received  with  his  usual  non 
chalance. 

Time  wore  on,  and  I  became  more  silent  and  repulsive, 
while  Mr.  Benedict  grew  more  communicative  and  complai 
sant.  On  a  sweet  midsummer  evening,  he  invited  me  to  take 
a  drive.  As  this  was  not  an  unusual  attention,  I  did  not 
hesitate,  and  besides,  I  hoped  it  would  put  me  into  better 
humor.  So  I  made  myself  ready,  and,  driving  rapidly,  we 
were  soon  beyond  the  limits  of  the  town.  Coming  into  the 
forest  road,  Mr.  Benedict  slacked  the  reins,  and  the  horse, 
falling  into  a  walk,  moved  lazily  on. 

The  golden-footed  fairies  continued  to  play  at  bo-peep 
through  the  leafy  branches  of  those  magnificent  old  trees, 
the  merrier,  as  it  would  seem,  the  nearer  their  bed-time. 
And  the  rich  old  autocrat,  their  father,  lighted  up  the  prime 
val  woods  with  an  utter  lavishness  of  splendor,  such  as  any 
other  monarch,  at  half  the  cost  of  his  kingdom,  would  vainly 
seek  to  imitate.  The  breath  of  that  August  evening  was 
spicy  with  fir  and  piny  odors,  while,  across  the  silvery  tink 
ling  of  a  distant  waterfall,  broke,  now  and  then,  the  strange 
wail  of  the  whippoorwill,  the  melody  of  the  thrush,  or  the 
droning  of  the  insect  world. 


ESPEBANCE.  155 

My  companion  had  not  spoken  for  some  time  —  a  silence 
I  fully  appreciated ;  for  at  such  an  hour,  who  would  not 
rather  feel  than  talk  ?  But  suddenly  I  was  jolted  out  of 
Dreamland  by  his  abrupt  remark,  — 

"  Miss  Frazer,  I  have  never  expected  to  marry." 

"  So  I  supposed,"  said  I,  looking  innocently  into  his  face, 
and  wondering  to  what  his  singular  affirmation  was  the 
prelude. 

"  And  I  have  never  desired  to,"  continued  he,  tying  the 
reins  into  a  knot,  and  then  pausing. 

"  So  I  concluded,"  replied  I,  still  more  perplexed. 

"  Till  since  I  knew  you." 

Those  words  cost  him  effort.  And  having  uttered  them, 
he  grew  very  red.  I  gazed  at  him  with  more  wonder  than 
ever.  For  an  exuberance  of  kindness,  I  had  given  him  full 
credit,  but  to  attach  to  it  any  such  significance,  never  entered 
my  head. 

"  You  look  as  if  you  doubted  my  capacity  to  feel.  But 
you  don't  know  me.  I  have  thought  of  this  matter  a  long 
time.  I  am  alone  in  the  world,  and  you  seem  so.  Why 
cannot  we  be  something  to  one  another?  I  know  I  am 
much  older,  but  —  "  And  he  worked  away  vigorously  at  his 
knot. 

The  idea  of  Philander  Benedict's  seriously  wooing  any 
one,  most  of  all,  my  insignificant  self,  seemed  very  ludicrous. 
And  yet  my  heart  consciously  warmed  towards  him ;  and 
the  thought  came  over  me  —  I  frankly  avow  it  —  that  it  was 
without  doubt  the  only  offer  of  marriage  I  should  ever  have. 
I  knew  that,  if  I  accepted  it,  I  should  be  most  tenderly  cared 
for.  But  this  self-parleying  did  not  amount  to  a  temptation. 

I  soon  contrived  to  let  Mr.  Benedict  understand  the  real 


156  ESP  E  RANGE. 

state  of  the  case.  He  looked  very  sober,  nay,  more  than 
that ;  and,  for  some  little  time,  there  was  an  awkward  si 
lence.  At  length  with  a  sigh,  which,  I  must  admit,  some 
what  touched  me,  he  remarked,  — 

"  Then  I  never  shall  marry." 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  will.     I  have  now  great  hopes  of  you." 

"  If  you  would  only  give  me  the  smallest  word  of  encour 
agement,  I  could  serve  patiently  as  long  as  Jacob  did." 

"I  assure  you  that  I  appreciate  your  interest,  but  I  could 
not,  in  sincerity,  give  such  a  word."  He  looked  so  pained, 
that  I  immediately  added,  "  But  why  need  our  friendship  be 
interrupted  ?  " 

"You  mean  that,  after  this  great  piece  of  presumption, 
you  will  be  my  friend  as  much  as  ever  ?  " 

"  Presumption,  I  am  far  from  considering  it.  But,  to  be 
sure,  I  mean  just  what  I  said  ;  why  not  ?  " 

"And  you  won't  change  your  seat  at  the  table?  And 
you  will  ride  and  walk  with  me  the  same  as  ever  ?  " 

"  With  the  greatest  pleasure,  provided  we  fully  understand 
each  other." 

"  I  do,  —  I  will.  But  I  see  I  was  a  fool  for  fancying  you 
might — " 

"  I  shan't  allow  you  to  scandalize  Mr.  Benedict,  for  he  is 
one  of  my  best  friends.  And  we  are  bound  to  keep  on  good 
terms." 

"  So  we  are  ; "  and  he  paused  a  minute.  Then  opening 
an  old-fashioned  pocket-book,  he  took  out  a  folded  piece  of 
tissue  paper,  saying,  with  a  forced  smile,  "  I  bought  this, 
vain  fellow  that  I  was,  expressly  for  you.  And  now  you'll 
wear  it,  won't  you,  as  a  token  of  my  friendship  ?  " 

The  last  word  came  out  with  something  very  like  a  sob, 


ESPEEANCE.  157 

but,  affecting  not  to  notice  it,  I  opened  the  paper,  and,  be 
hold  !  a  glittering  diamond  ring  ! 

"  This  is  fit  for  a  duchess,"  said  I,  playfully,  "  but  you 
must  put  it  away  for  that  future  fair  one  who  is  destined  to 
cross  your  orbit." 

He  shook  his  head  vigorously,  saying,  "  I  am  perfectly 
confident  I  shall  never  want  it." 

"  Wait  a  while,  and  we  shall  see.  Besides,  this  is  rather 
too  sentimental  a  token  for  me.  If  you  are  determined  to 
give  me  a  present,  and  if  a  recipient  may  ever  be  a  chooser, 
I  should  prefer  some  book  of  poems." 

"  You  shall  have  your  choice,"  replied  he,  taking  back  the 
ring  with  a  disappointed  look. 

"  When  the  time  comes  for  you  to  dispose  of  it,  you  must 
allow  me  to  laugh  at  you." 

"  As  much  as  you  please.  But  I  do  assure  you  that  you 
will  never  have  the  chance."  And  his  countenance  was  dis 
tressingly  solemn  and  protesting. 

"  Eemember !  "  and  I  shook  my  finger  at  him. 

So  that  act  in  the  drama  was  closed. 
14 


158  ESPERANCE 


CHAPTER   XXI. 

TIME  wore  on,  but  brought  no  relief  to  my  restless  and 
unhappy  moods.  In  the  light  of  those  zealous  purposes 
which  I  had.  once  so  resolutely  formed,  how  miserably 
dwarfed  did  my  every-day  practice  appear  !  I  was  severe  in 
my  self-scrutiny,  constantly  analyzing  my  hidden  motives, 
and  taking  my  imagination  to  task  for  its  ceaseless  vagaries. 
But  all  my  efforts  availed  me  nothing.  In  this  state  of  dis 
couragement  and  gloom,  I  felt  that  if  I  could  have  secured 
heaven  by  daily  acts  of  penance,  or  by  some  long  and  pain 
ful  pilgrimage,  the  conditions  would  have  been  most  easy, 
compared  with  what  was  actually  required. 

One  afternoon  I  was  invited  to  take  tea  at  Mr.  Richard 
son's,  the  pastor  of  the  Presbyterian  church,  who  had  a 
daughter  in  the  Academy.  I  was  so  depressed,  that  I  should 
have  declined,  but  for  a  sudden  resolve  to  seek  an  opportu 
nity  for  religious  conversation  with  him.  He  was  an  earnest 
and  eloquent  preacher,  and  I  felt  as  if  he  might  do  me  good. 

In  the  course  of  the  evening  he  took  a  seat  near  me. 
After  some  general  conversation,  I  said  to  him,  — 

"  Mr.  Richardson,  I  am  tossing  on  a  stormy  sea ;  can  you 
help  me  ?  " 

"  I  would  gladly  do  so." 

"  When  may  I  come  and  talk  with  you? " 

"Any  hour  Saturday  afternoon  I  shall  be  at  liberty." 


ESPEEANCB.  159 

The  appointed  time  arrived,  and  with  the  most  shrinking 
sensitiveness,  I  went  to  the  parsonage.  Mrs.  Richardson 
met  me  at  the  door,  and,  evidently  understanding  my 
object,  led  me  into  the  study,  where  her  husband  cordially 
received  me. 

How  much  had  I  anticipated  from  this  visit !  Perhaps  I 
was  leaning  too  confidently  on  a  human  arm,  and  needed 
disappointment.  At  any  rate,  I  found  it.  Mr.  Richardson 
was  a  truly  good  man,  and  was  manifestly  disposed  to  assist 
me.  But  it  soon  became  evident  that  there  was  a  wall 
between  us.  Not  to  every  one  can  we  give  the  key  to  our 
souls,  confident  that  our  hidden  troubles  will  be  rightly 
grasped. 

In  my  desire  to  conceal  nothing,  I  told  Mr.  Richardson 
some  of  my  dreadful  questionings  and  doubts.  His  face 
assumed  a  grave  and  almost  forbidding  expression,  while 
he  made  some  reply  that  I  could  not  quite  understand, 
but  in  a  tone  which  was  far  from  putting  me  at  ease.  As 
the  interview  proceeded,  I  felt  hurt,  though  I  could  not 
have  told  exactly  what  inflicted  the  pain.  If  Mr.  Richard 
son  supposed  himself  to  be  probing  my  wounds,  I  can  only 
say  it  was  in  a  way  that  tended  to  aggravate,  rather  than 
to  heal,  them.  It  had  been  at  a  great  cost  of  feeling  that 
I  had  laid  open  my  heart.  With  bitter  regret  that  I 'had 
made  so  useless  a  sacrifice,  I  rose  to  leave,  when  he  said,  — 

"  I  don't  think  I  can  do  you  any  good.  I  have  neither 
time  nor  inclination  to  argue  with  one  disposed  to  unbelief. 
Indeed,  there  is  no  encouragement  for  you,  till  you  abandon 
those  foolish  speculations  to  which  you  have  given  yourself." 

I  looked  up  as  if  he  had  struck  me. 

"  I  repeat  it,  Miss  Frazer.     Your  questionings,  as  I  fear, 


160  ESPERANCE. 

spring  from  an  unwomanly  ambition  to  be  wise  above  what 
is  written.  Correct  this,  be  willing  to  take  your  proper 
place,  and  there  may  possibly  be  hope  for  you." 

I  could  not  utter  one  word,  but  walked  away  with  a 
swelling  heart,  feeling  that,  when  I  had  asked  for  bread,  he 
had  given  me  a  stone.  There  it  lay  on  my  soul  —  that 
stifling  weight  against  which  I  cried  out  instinctively.  For 
a  time  I  was  indignant  against  Mr.  Richardson  for  his  harsh, 
and,  I  think,  unmerited  charge.  But  at  length  I  consoled 
myself  by  reflecting,  that  between  certain  minds  there  are 
subtle  antagonisms  which  prevent  a  full  comprehension,  and 
which  no  amount  of  mutual  good  will,  or  labored  reasoning, 
can  overcome.  And  why  should  it  not  be  thus?  If  in 
the  world  of  matter  there  are  chemical  substances  which 
refuse  to  unite,  why  may  there  not  be  impassable  gulfs 
between  one  soul  and  another? 

There  was  a  young  lady  of  Ironton,  a  Miss  Helen  "Ware, 
whom  I  had  met  once  or  twice  in  company,  and  to  whom  I 
had  felt  instinctively  attracted.  But  she  had  shortly  after 
left  town,  so  that  we  had  formed  but  little  acquaintance. 

One  morning,  a  few  weeks  after  my  call  at  the  parsonage, 
I  went  out  for  a  solitary  stroll.  Nature  was  full  of  buoyancy 
and  brightness,  but  not  one  of  her  glad  voices  reached  my 
heart.  Wandering  into  the  primeval  forest,  I  found  a  place 
of  deep  seclusion.  As  I  gazed  upwards  into  the  topmost 
branches  of  those  regal  trees,  I  thought  how  near  they  were 
to  heaven,  how  far  removed  was  I.  Should  I  ever  be  any 
nearer?  I  threw  myself  on  the  grass,  and  buried  my  face  in 
my  hands.  Suddenly  I  heard  footsteps,  and  raising  my 
head,  Helen  Ware  stood  before  me.  She  started  as  she  came 
upon  me  in  my  solitude. 


ESPERANCE.       "^9  161 

*"%** 
"  Miss  Frazer,  I  believe."  ' '&^ 

I  simply  bowed.  « 

"  I  trust  I  am  not  an  intruder ; "  and  then,  in  a  gentle 
voice,  as  if  asking  a  favor,  "  may  I  take  a  seat  in  your 
hermitage  ?  " 

"  I  have  no  right  to  exclude  any  one,  but  I  recommend 
you  to  seek  more  agreeable  company." 

"  I  shall  make  the  most  of  your  permission,"  said  she, 
seating  herself  beside  me,  "  for  there  must  be  some  affinity 
between  us  to  draw  us  both  to  this  spot." 

"  The  same  kind  of  affinity  that  there  is  between  bitter 
and  sweet,  I  presume,"  answered  I,  a  little  sharply,  "or 
between  the  polar  and  the  tropical  climes." 

"  A  union  of  which  may  be  better  than  either  alone.  So 
you  see  I  am  not  to  be  repelled." 

Then  reaching  up,  she  broke  off  a  blossoming  branch, 
playfully  adding,  — 

"  Shall  I  crown  you,  Miss  Frazer?" 

"  With  thorns,  if  it  is  to  have  any  significance." 

"  Nay,  for  there  is  One  who  has  worn  a  crown  of  thorns, 
that  he  might  win  for  us  a  crown  of  rejoicing." 

"  Not  for  me." 

"  And  why  not,  dear  Miss  Frazer?" 

"  Because,"  said  I,  moved  by  one  of  my  sudden  impulses, 
"  there  is  no  help  for  me  on  earth,  or  in  heaven." 

"  Ask  and  ye  shall  receive." 

Gradually  she  had  drawn  nearer,  and  now  she  put  her 
arm  round  me.  Involuntarily  I  laid  my  head  on  her 
shoulder,  while  the  tears  began  to  drop.  She  said  nothing, 
but  let  me  weep  in  silence. 

We  had  not  been  together  long,  before  her  gentle  hand 
14* 


162  ESPEBANCE. 

lifted  the  veil  from  my  sorrowing  heart.  There  was  no  wall 
between  «s,  —  not  so  much  as  the  shadow  of  one.  Intui 
tively  she  divined  my  meaning,  even  before  the  thought  or 
feeling  was  half  expressed.  And  her  words,  so  low  and  ten 
der,  fell  on  me  with  the  most  soothing  influence.  There, 
under  the  trees,  we  sat  and  talked  till  my  heart  was  knit  to 
hers.  And  when  we  parted,  I  went  home  with  the  feeling 
that  I  had  gained  a  friend. 


ESPEBANCE.  163 


CHAPTER   XXII. 

How  vividly  does  the  image  of  Helen  Ware  rise  before 
me,  with  that  sweet  Madonna  face,  lighted  up  by  the  softest 
hazel  eyes  !  She  had  strangely  stirred  my  wayward  nature. 
But  it  was  not  by  her  external  loveliness,  in  striking  contrast 
with  that  of  the  bewitching  Ednah,  who  was  my  ideal  of 
superb  beauty.  There  was  a  subduing  influence  about  her, 
which  it  cost  me  some  study  to  account  for.  She  was  a 
true,  pure-minded  woman,  with 'lofty  aims.  Yet  this  was 
not  the  secret  of  her  spell.  It  was  a  wonderful  power  of 
appreciation  and  of  sympathy,  which  fitted  her  to  be  a  com 
forting  angel.  She  wore  a  mantle  of  charity  broad  enough 
to  inwrap  the  meanest  and  most  miserable  of  her  fellow- 
beings.  But  her  general  kindliness  did  not  interfere  with  her 
particular  friendships.  In  that  respect  she  met  all  my  de 
sires,  and  that  is  saying  not  a  little  for  so  ardent  and  exclu 
sive  a  nature  as  mine. 

I  soon  found  that  Helen  had  early  been  put  to  school  to 
that  cross-grained  dame,  Sorrow.  Indeed,  one  would  know 
this  instinctively.  Without  some  such  experience,  the  rich 
minor  chords,  so  essential  to  the  highest  harmony  of  the 
soul,  must  inevitably  be  wanting.  But  in  her,  those  sweeter, 
softer  tones  came  out  so  fully  as  to  indicate  that  she  had 
experienced  some  great  adversity. 

I  had  promised  to  spend  the  coming  Saturday  with  my 


164  ESPERANCE. 

new  friend.  And,  after  a  good  deal  of  parleying  with  my 
self,  I  concluded  to  open  my  heart  still  more  fully ;  which  I 
found  easier  than  I  anticipated.  I  told  her  how  utterly  all 
my  purposes  had  failed,  and  how  I  had  become  convinced 
that,  for  all  the  good  I  had  so  strenuously  attempted,  my 
motives  were  wholly  selfish.  I  also  added,  that  God  seemed 
to  me  a  hard  Master,  exacting  of  miserable  human  nature 
what  it  was  impossible  to  render. 

Tenderly  pressing  my  hand,  — 

"  You  are  not  cold  and  indifferent,  as  you  imagine,  dear 
Hope.  On  the  contrary,  you  feel  intensely.  But,  in  some 
way,  I  think  you  misconceive  the  character  of  God.  And 
you  will  never  gain  light  or  peace  by  dwelling  on  the  terrors 
of  the  law,  or  by  dissecting  your  own  emotions.  Have  you 
read  Isaac  Taylor's  '  Natural  History  of  Enthusiasm '  ?  " 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  Then  you  must  let  me  give  you  some  extracts." 

Leaving  the  room,  she  soon  returned  with  the  book,  from 
which  she  read  aloud  several  passages,  which  went  straight 
to  my  heart.  Some  of  these  I  cannot  forbear  copying. 

"  There  are  anatomists  of  piety  who  destroy  all  the  fresh 
ness  and  vigor  of  faith,  and  hope,  and  charity,  by  immuring 
themselves  night  and  day  in  the  infected  atmosphere  of  their 
own  bosoms.  Let  a  man  of  warm  heart,  who  is  happily 
surrounded  with  the  dear  objects  of  the  social  affections,  try 
the  effect  of  a  parallel  practice ;  let  him  institute  anxious 
scrutinies  of  his  feelings  towards  those  whom,  hitherto,  he 
has  believed  himself  to  regard  with  unfeigned  love ;  let 
him  use  in  these  inquiries  all  the  fine  distinctions  of  a  casuist, 
and  all  the  profound  analyses  of  a  metaphysician,  and  spend 
hours  daily  in  pulling  asunder  every  complex  emotion  of 


EBPEBANCB.  165 

tenderness  that  has  given  grace  to  the  domestic  life ;  and 
moreover,  let  him  journalize  these  examinations,  and  note 
particularly,  and  with  the  scrupulosity  of  an  accomptant, 
how  much  of  the  mass  of  his  kindly  sentiments  he  has 
ascertained  to  consist  of  genuine  love,  and  how  much  was 
selfishness  in  disguise  ;  and  let  him,  from  time  to  time,  sol 
emnly  resolve  to  be,  in  future,  more  disinterested  and  less 
hypocritical  in  his  affection  towards  his  family.  What,  at 
the  end  of  a  year,  would  be  the  result  of  such  a  process  ? 
What,  but  a  wretched  debility  and  dejection  of  the  heart, 
and  a  strangeness  and  a  sadness  of  the  manners,  and  a  sus 
pension  of  the  native  expressions  and  ready  offices  of  zealous 
affection  ? 

"  If  the  heart  be  a  dungeon  of  foul  and  vaporous  poisons, 
—  if  it  be  a  cage  of  unclean  birds,  —  *  *  *  let  the  vault  of 
damp  and  dark  impurity  be  thrown  open  to  the  purifying  gales 
of  heaven,  and  to  the  bright  shining  of  the  sun ;  so  shall  the 
hated  occupants  leave  their  haunts,  and  the  noxious  exhala 
tions  be  exhausted,  and  the  death-chills  be  expelled." 

As  Helen  read,  I  listened  with  almost  breathless  interest. 
When  she  closed  the  book,  I  remained  silent. 

"  Our  Lord  has  no  pleasure  in  self-torture,  dear  Hope. 
But  it  seems  to  me  you  make  your  cross  an  intolerable  bur 
den,  and  then  lash  yourself  because  you  sink  under  it.  Your 
duties  are  distasteful,  because  performed  upon  compulsion. 
Is  it  not  so  ?  " 

"  It  may  be." 

She  continued  earnestly,  — 

"  You  do  God  injustice  in  believing  that  your  discomforts 
and  self-inflicted  penances  can  give  him  pleasure.  What 
doth  he  '  require  of  thee.  but  to  do  justly,  and  to  love  mercy, 


166  ESPERANCE. 

and  to  walk  humbly  with  thy  God '  ?  Can  you  not  take  him 
at  his  word  ?  '  He  will  not  break  the  bruised  reed,  nor 
quench  the  smoking  flax.' " 

I  could  only  falter  out,  "  My  way  is  very  dark ;  help  me 
to  understand  myself." 

"  It  is  not  light,  but  love,  you  need,  my  dear  friend.  I 
wish  you  would  take  into  your  heart  the  tender  promises  of 
God,  in  all  their  richness  and  extent." 

As  she  continued,  I  began  to  see  how  useless  had  been  my 
most  earnest  efforts,  —  how  wasted  my  self-introspection,  — 
how  barren  all  my  years  in  His  sight  who  "  measures  life 
by  love."  But  this  very  consciousness  only  increased  my  dark 
ness  and  discouragement ;  for  what  could  insure  me  against 
a  similar  failure  in  the  future?  So  I  could  only  answer, — 

"  I  cannot  see  my  way.  The  state  you  describe  is  as  far 
off  from  me  as  the  serene  depths  of  ether,  to  which  I  look 
up  despairingly." 

In  a  low  voice,  she  repeated  those  touching  words  of 
Scripture, — 

"  '  He  was  wounded  for  our  transgressions,  he  was  bruised 
for  our  iniquities,  and  with  his  stripes  we  are  healed.' 
'  Hereby  perceive  we  the  love  of  God,  because  he  laid  down 
his  life  for  us.'  Ah,  Hope  !  here  is  love  —  the  infinite  God 
assuming  our  nature,  that  he  might  come  near  to  us,  and, 
reconciling  us  to  himself,  win  us  back  from  sin  and  ruin,  to 
holiness  and  heaven.  In  this  ineffable  mystery  of  the  Incar 
nation  is  infolded  our  redemption.  You  have  been  striving 
to  purify  and  perfect  yourself.  Can  you  not  commit  your 
soul  to  Him  who  is  able  to  cleanse  it  from  all  sin  ?  " 

"  He  is  so  glorious  that  I  cannot  freely  approach  him." 

"  But  he  is  infinitely  tender  in  his  sympathy.     '  For  we 


E8PEBANCE.  167 

have  not  a  High  Priest  who  cannot  be  touched  with  the 
feeling  of  our  infirmities,  but  was  in  all  points  tempted  like 
as  we  are.'  Will  you  not  trust  him? " 

"  I  will  try." 

"  God  bless  you,  my  dear  sister,  and  make  you  to  know 
his  love  which  passeth  knowledge." 

The  day  which  I  spent  with  my  friend  formed  one  of  those 
crises  to  which  the  soul  ever  looks  back.  Her  desire  to  do 
me  good  was  not,  I  presume,  any  more  sincere  than  that  of 
Mr.  Richardson.  But  she  had  met  my  difficulties  with  a 
more  intimate  knowledge  of  the  heart,  and  with  a  tenderer 
sympathy,  if  not  a  diviner  skill.  And  I  think  her  labor  was 
not  altogether  in  vain.  The  hard,  stony  soil  had  been  before 
ploughed  in  deep  furrows,  and  in  them,  as  I  trust,  were  now 
scattered  a  few  seeds  of  that  supernal  plant,  blossoming  so 
richly  in  her  own  life. 


168  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER   XXIII. 

ONE  evening,  as  I  was  leaving  the  dining-room,  after  tea, 
Mr.  Northrup  met  me  at  the  door,  — 

"  Miss  Frazer,  I  have  been  waiting  to  beg  a  song  from 
you.  I  hope  you  will  not  refuse  me,  for  it  is  an  age  since  I 
have  had  that  pleasure." 

Without  better  reasons  than  any  I  might  offer,  I  could  not 
well  decline.  So,  as  I  had  stood  sufficiently  long  upon  my 
dignity  to  relieve  him  from  the  necessity  of  irksome  civili 
ties,  I  yielded,  and  went  into  the  parlor.  After  I  had  played 
and  sung  a  few  pieces,  I  rose  to  go. 

"  Miss  Frazer,"  asked  he,  with  his  old  playfulness,  "  why 
are  you  afraid  of  me  ?  " 

"Afraid  of  you!"  I. echoed, — with  some  anger,  I  doubt 
not,  in  my  tone. 

"  Well,  anything  to  get  at  the  truth.  I  have  made  up  my 
mind  not  to  be  repelled  by  you  any  longer." 

"  Indeed !  " 

"  I  will  endure  all  your  mocking  words  and  tones  till  I 
have  finished,  but  you  must  hear  me.  For  a  long  time  we 
were  good  friends.  I  was  not  conscious  of  doing  anything 
to  displease  you,  or  of  persecuting  you  with  my  attentions, 
but  took  the  liberty  to  treat  you  with  the  freedom  of  a  friend. 
Something,  however,  has  come  between  us."' 

"  Very  complaisant,  truly !     So  you  cannot  conceive  of  a 


ESPEEANCE.  169 

lady's  falling  out  with  you,  or  being  wearied  of  your  com 
pany  ! " 

"I  cannot  conceive  that  Miss  Frazer  is  one  to  treat  a 
friend  capriciously  or  unjustly." 

"  You  may  have  been  mistaken  in  her." 

*'  Why  do  you  persist  in  treating  me. thus?  If  I  were  su 
ing  for  your  hand,  and  were  unpleasantly  urgent,  you  might 
deem  me  presumptuous,  and  scorn  me,  if  you  chose.  But 
surely  it  is  little  that  I  ask — only  that  the  natural  intercourse 
between  associate  teachers  may  continue  as  it  was  in  the  be 
ginning." 

How  humiliated  I  felt  to  have  these  words  thrown  at  me 
thus !  For  a  moment  I  was  unable  to  reply,  and  he  con 
tinued  :  — 

"  Even  a  rejected  lover  you  treat  with  more  favor  than 
you  do  me  ;  though  I  am  utterly  unconscious  of  having  lost 
my  claim  to  your  friendship." 

"What  do  you  mean?" 

"  Just  what  I  say.  But  I  don't  intend  to  take  offence,  so 
you  had  better  reserve  your  indignation  for  some  less  amiable 
person.  Indeed,  what  possible  use  is  there  in  our  quarrel 
ling,  Miss  Frazer?  If  you  will  convict  me  of  any  naughty 
deeds,  I  will  ask  pardon.  And  more  than  that,  I  am  gener 
ous  enough  to  forgive,  unsolicited,  all  your  disdainful  treat 
ment.  Now,  please  answer  me  honestly.  Has  this  affair 
been  a  mere  woman's  caprice  ?  Or  has  any  one  made  mis 
chief  between  us?  Or,  again,  have  you  really  anything 
against  me  ?  "  And  he  looked  at  me  earnestly. 

Feeling  that  I  could  no  longer  evade  the  question,  I  deter 
mined  to  deal  with  him  frankly. 

"  I  have  nothing  against  you,  Mr.  Northrup  ;  but  I  heard 
15 


170  ESPERANCE. 

that  your  friendly  attentions  were  dictated  by  compassion, 
and  as  such,  I  scorned  to  receive  them." 

"  'Twas  she  !  'twas  that  meddlesome  old  Betts,  who  is  as 
false  as  her  hair,"  replied  he,  with  a  good-natured  laugh. 

I  was  annoyed  at  the  coolness  with  which  he  said  this,  but 
could  not.  deny  his  inference. 

"  I  understand  all.  Now  let  us  shake  hands  and  be 
friends." 

I  struggled  down  my  tingling  pride.  It  was,  in  his  case, 
an  open,  hearty  good  will,  without  the  smallest  shade  of  sen 
timent  ;  whereas,  my  friendship  for  him,  like  my  few  other 
friendships,  was  strongly  tinged  with  romance. 

"  Is  all  made  up?  "  asked  he,  looking  at  me  with  an  arch 
expression. 

"  All,  so  far  as  I  am  concerned,"  replied  I,  carelessly. 

"  Then  will  you  come  back  to  your  old  seat  at  the  table?" 

"  I  prefer  to  rerfiain  where  I  am,"  I  tartly  made  answer, 
glad  of  a  chance  to  thwart  him  in  something. 

"  So  you  really  prefer  Mr.  Benedict's  vicinage  to  mine," 
commented  he,  with  provoking  indifference.  "  Well,  he  cer 
tainly  need  not  despair." 

Thus  the  old  manner  of  things  again  came  about  between 
us.  We  returned  to  our  Greek,  and  in  one  way  and  another, 
were  thrown  much  together.  To  set  myself  more  at  ease,  I 
dropped  the  slightly  confidential  air,  which  formerly  had  sto 
len  between  us,  and  took  pains  to  exhibit  my  native  perverse- 
ness.  I  contradicted  him ;  I  treated  him  to  badinage  and 
ridicule  ;  I  often  refused  his  requests  ;  and  was  in  every  way 
captious  and  unreasonable.  Thus  I  met  indifference  with  in 
difference,  protecting  myself  against  him  with  a  barricade  of 
bristling  words.  But  what  was  my  surprise  when  I  found 


ESPEBANCE.  171 

that  by  this  instinctive  warfare  I  was  making  undesigned 
aggressions  upon  my  neighbor's  territory. 

In  the  course  of  three  months  our  positions  were  respec 
tively  changed,  though  I  think  Mr.  Northrup  was  hardly 
conscious  of  it.  But  my  saucy  tongue  had  won  me  some 
victories  which  did  more  to  cure  my  self-distrust  than  would 
Avhole  days  of  argument.  I  could  not  shut  my  eyes  to  the 
fact  that  my  influence  with  my  fellow-teacher  was  daily  in 
creasing. 

As  the  weeks  flew  away,  this  game  between  two  hearts 
made  rapid  progress.  There  came  to  be  an  eager  lighting 
of  Mr.  Northrup's  eye,  and  a  quick  flushing  of  his  cheek, 
which  I  could  not  well  misunderstand.  Judging  him  as  I  did, 
I  ought  instantly  to  have  changed  my  mode  of  treatment. 
But,  mingled  with  a  certain  feeling  of  dissatisfaction  and 
anxiety,  was  also  a  strange  content.  Affection  was  the 
thing  I  most  coveted.  It  would  be  soon  enough  to  de 
termine  whether  I  should  reject  it,  when  it  was  offered 
me.  In  the  mean  time,  I  would  sun  myself  in  this  pleas 
ant  friendship.  Thus  speciously  did  I  shut  the  mouth  of 
reason. 

I  think  Helen  Ware  began  to  feel  a  little  solicitude,  though 
she  said  nothing.     It  was  a  subject  on  which  I  could  not 
speak,  and  perhaps  she  felt  that  interference  would  do  no  ' 
good.     In  love,  as  in  other  matters,  every  one  prefers  to 
acquire  wisdom  for  himself,  at  whatever  cost. 

My  twentieth  birthday !  How  Mr.  Northrup  ascertained 
this,  I  cannot  say,  but  I  was  surprised,  after  our  Greek  read 
ing  the  evening  before,  to  hear  him  ask,  — 

"  Did  you  know  I  had  taken  the  liberty  to  give  the  school 
a  holiday  to-morrow  ?  " 


172  ESPEBANCE. 

"But  why  take  a  holiday  this  warm  weather,  when -you 
can't  make  any  use  of.it?" 

"  Do  you  suppose  I  know  nothing  about  your  red-letter 
days  ?  I  have  been  presuming  enough  to  order  a  horse  and 
carriage,  relying  on  your  granting  me  a  favor  on  which 
I  have  set  my  heart." 

"  What  may  that  be,  Mr.  Presumption? " 

"  The  pleasure  of  taking  you  to  Greenwood  Pond." 

"  I  have  a  great  mind  to  do  no  such  thing." 

"  But  I  am  sure  you  will  not  disappoint  me,"  said  he,  with 
a  beseeching  look. 

"  No  gentleman  has  any  business  to  engage  a  horse  for 
such  a  purpose  till  he  knows  the  lady's  mind.  But  since  you 
have  done  so,  I  recommend  you  to  invite  Miss  Betts." 

"  Do  not  mock  me,  Miss  Frazer,"  said  he,  with  an  angry 
flush.  "  Unless  you  go  with  me,  of  course  I  shall  not  go 
at  all." 

"  Then,  to  save  your  credit  at  the  livery  stable,  I  will  go." 

"  And  not  in  the  least  to  please  yourself,  or  me  ?  I  pray 
you,  do  not  keep  me  on  such  spare  diet,  but  drop  a  gracious 
word,  once  in  a  month,  at  farthest." 

"  You  get  as  much  grace  as  you  deserve." 

"  That  may  be,  but  from  you  I  crave  more.  At  what  hour 
shall  we  start  ?  " 

"  I  will  be  amiable,  and  leave  that  to  you." 

"  It  will  be  cooler  and  pleasanter  riding  before  the  dew  is 
off  the  grass.  "Will  you  think  me  crazy  if  I  propose  to  leave 
before  breakfast  —  at  six  o'clock  ?  " 

"  At  six,  then,  let  it  be  ;  but  now  good  night,  for  I  have  a 
call  to  make." 

"  May  I  not  accompany  you  ?  " 


ESPEBANCE.  173 

*     £,      .': 

"  No,  thank  you." 

Mr.  Northrup's  room  was  above  mine,  and  I  could  hear 
him  walking  back  and  forth  to  a  late  hour.  But  for  all  that, 
he  was  up  at  five,  for  I  caught  his  quick  step.  At  the  ap 
pointed  time,  I  heard  a  carriage  drive  up.  Then  a  slight  tap 
at  my  door,  and  I  was  escorted  down  stairs.  While  he  was 
adjusting  the  harness,  I  jumped  in. 

"  You  always  cheat  me  thus,  but  I  hope  to  be  revenged 
some  day.  But  look  up  at  that  front  window,  slily." 

I  cast  my  eye  towards  Miss  Betts'  window,  and  there 
stood  the  veritable  lady,  peeping  at  us  through  her  blinds. 
She  had  not  the  smallest  idea  that  we  could  see  her,  or  she, 
of  all  persons,  would  never  have  stood  there  in  her  robe  de 
soir,  and  —  without  her  wig.  After  Mr.  Northrup  had  taken 
his  seat,  he  looked  up,  and  roguishly  raising  his  hat,  made 
one  of  his  most  graceful  bows,  whereat  she  instantly  dodged, 
and  we  saw  her  no  more. 

"  Now,  Jupiter,"  said  my  companion  to  his  spirited  horse, 
"  we  will  shortly  be  out  of  the  highway  ;  "  and  putting  him 
to  a  rapid  trot,  we  were  soon  on  the  forest  road,  when  the 
reins  were  slackened. 

What  a  superb  morning  that  was  !  And  with  what  charm 
ing  coquetry  did  the  gay  sunbeams  peep  through  the  leafy 
branches  of  those  magnificent  old  trees,  lighting  up  the  gems 
that  night  had  heaped  upon  them  into  a  splendor  of  beauty. 
We  rode  more  and  more  slowJy.  At  length  I  took  hold  of 
the  reins,  and  stopping  the  horse,  was  out  before  Mr. 
Northrup  had  any  idea  of  what  I  was  doing.  In  a  moment 
he  was  beside  me. 

"  I  must  stand  here  and  gaze  up  through  these  trees." 

"  Always  self-sufficient,  never  willing  to  depend  on  another, 
15* 


174  ESPEEANCE. 

—  what  would  you  do,  Miss  Frazer,  if  you  should  sprain 
your  ankle  ?  " 

"  Let  you  wait  upon  rne  to  your  heart's  content." 

"  I  could  almost  wish  then  —  " 

"  Is  not  this  enchanting?  "  —  I  broke  in. 

He  looked  pleased  with  my  enjoyment,  but  as  if  not  quite 
satisfied. 

"  I  think  I  have  never  before  delighted  in  nature  as  I  have 
this  summer,"  I  remarked. 

"  I  have  noticed  the  improvement  in  your  spirits,  but  have 
attributed  some  of  it — and  I  have  no  doubt  correctly  —  to 
your  pleasure  in  tormenting  me." 

"  You  are  right  there,  and  I  hope  to  have  a  great  deal 
more  such  pleasure." 

"  Now  admit  honestly,  was  not  that,  after  all,  your  chief 
inducement  for  accepting  my  invitation  ?  " 

"  What  if  it  was  ?     I  don't  intend  to  be  disappointed." 

"  But  have  you  then  no  spot  of  tenderness  in  your  heart?  " 
asked  he,  with  a  searching  glance. 

"  I  challenge  you  to  find  any,"  answered  I,  composedly 
meeting  his  gaze. 

He  sighed,  and  was  silent  for  a  moment,  but  presently 
resumed,  — 

"  I  suppose  you  know  there  are  other  pleasant  places 
awaiting  our  presence." 

"Then  I  will  go  at  once  ;  "  and  declining  his  offered  hand, 
I  got  back  into  the  carriage. 

At  length  we  reached  Lindenville,  Avhere  we  stopped  for 
breakfast  at  a  charming  house,  kept  for  the  entertainment  of 
those  who  came  to  visit  the  pond.  What  a  pleasant  meal 
that  was !  The  cosy  table  with  its  snowy  cloth,  the  hot 


E8PEEANCE.  175 

muffins,  the  nice  eggs  boiled  to  perfection,  and  the  delicious 
coffee,  which  I  told  the  maid  to  place  on  the  tablfe  in  the 
urn,  —  every  thing  is  still  vividly  before  me. 

"  Will  you  walk  or  ride  to  the  pond?  " 

"Walk,  to  be  sure  ;  "  and  we  were  soon  on  our  way. 

We  rambled  on  like  children,  running  after  butterflies,  and 
stopping  to  gather  flowers,  with  which  we  merrily  pelted  one 
another.  But  play  as  we  might,  the  road  was  at  length 
travelled  over,  and  we  stood  on  the  borders-  of  Greenwood 
Pond.  Then  we  amused  ourselves  with  skipping  stones,  and 
watching  the  eddying  circles  they  made.  When  tired  of 
this,  we  sat  under  the  spreading  trees,  and  gazed  at  the 
placid  waters.  Leaving  me  a  moment,  Mr.  Northrup  re 
turned  with  a  forget-me-not. 

"  Will  you  be  gracious  enough,"  said  he,  playfully  bending 
his  knee,  "  to  accept  my  flower  and  grant  its  petition?  " 

"Neither,"  replied  I,  carelessly  tearing  it  to  pieces.  "  I 
have  no  faith  in  vows  of  everlasting  remembrance." 

"You  have  no  heart,  I  verily  believe,"  exclaimed  he,  with 
an  air  of  vexation,  presently  adding,  "  but  have  you  then  no 
faith  in  me  f  " 

"  Faith  in  your  good  intentions,  much ;  but  in  your  ever 
lasting  remembrance,  not  a  bit  of  it." 

"  And  are  you  absolutely  determined  —  " 

"  I  am  absolutely  determined  to  secure  that  lily,"  said  I, 
interrupting  him. 

Running  down  to  the  water,  I  stepped  on  a  log,  and 
was  trying  to  reach  the  lily,  when  my  foot  slipped.  Mr. 
Northrup,  who  had  not  moved  since  I  left  him,  now  sprang, 
but  too  late  to  prevent  my  falling.  That  was  the  last  thing 
I  remembered. 


176  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXIV. 

WHEN  I  became  conscious,  I  found  myself  lying  on  the 
grass,  while  my  knight  was  drenching  my  forehead  with  a 
wet  handkerchief.  His  face  was  full  of  concern  as  he  bent 
over  me.  , 

"What  is  it?"  asked  I;  but  attempting  to  rise,  the  pain 
in  my  ankle  soon  brought  everything  to  my  recollection. 

Faint  as  I  was,  I  could  not  help  smiling  as  I  recalled  our 
morning  conversation.  I  saw  that  he  thought  of  it  also?  but 
was  too  generous  to  note  his  advantage. 

"  Now,  the  next  question  is,  —  what  am  I  to  do  ?  " 

"  I  don't  see  but  you  will  have  to  wait  upon  me,"  said  I, 
trying  to  submit  cheerfully  to  what  was  inevitable. 

His  eye  lighted  with  pleasure,  but  in  a  moment  he  became 
grave. 

"  If  I  could  only  relieve  your  suffering  ankle  and  make 
you  comfortable.  But  to  take  you  home  now,  and  lose  all 
this  anticipated  enjoyment ! " 

"Nonsense!  Do  you  take  me  for  so  poor  a  heroine? 
You  noticed  that  little  house  where  we  turned  in.  If  you 
will  go  there  and  beg  some  arnica,  or  laudanum,  and  a  strip 
of  flannel,  all  will  be  right.  Fortunately,  you  insisted  on 
taking  my  large  shawl." 

He  returned  sooner  than  I  expected,  bringing  what  I  had 
named,  and  a  pair  of  pillows  besides,  so  that  he  was  able  to 


ESPERANCE.  177 

make  me  quite  a  comfortable  couch  on  the  sloping  lawn.  I 
hardly  know  Avhy  I  dwell  on  these  particulars,  and  yet  it  is 
natural,  I  suppose.  The  slight  pain  I  had  endured,  together 
with  my  sense  of  dependence,  must  have  softened  my  words 
and  tones,  or  else  my  time  had  come. 

Having  done  everything  he  could  think  of  for  my  comfort, 
even  to  the  plucking  of  the  identical  lily  I  had  so  vainly 
sought,  Mr.  Northrup  seated  himself  on  the  grass  beside  me. 
Then  stole  in  one  of  those  strange  silences  we  all  have 
known. 

I  can  scarcely  tell  how  it  happened.  But,  opposed  as  my 
judgment  had  been  to  his  suit,  I  was  not  in  the  mood  longer 
to  resist  him.  There  were  certain  magnetic  passages  be 
tween  our  eyes,  when  he  whispered,  —  "  Forever?" 

And  I  answered,  —  "  Forever." 

After  a  brief  silence,  —  "I  fear  I  am  not  so  sorry  about 
your  sprain  as  I  ought  to  be." 

"  You  don't  look  very  sorry." 

"  How  can  I  ?  But  I  should  really  like  to  know  how  long 
the  siege  would  have  lasted,  but  for  your  misfortune,  which 
is  my  good  fortune." 

"  I  might  never  have  surrendered." 

"  "Well,  now  that  you  belong  to  me,  I  suppose  I  may  call 
you  Hope,  without  fear  of  your  displeasure." 

"  You  can  make  the  trial  if  you  choose.  But  at  home,  I 
was  often  called  Esperance,  and  sometimes  Espy." 

"  Then  I  shall  experiment  with  that,  dear  Esperance,  for  I 
like  it  much.  But,  do  you  know,"  added  he  playfully, 
"  what  I  thought  of  your  face  when  I  first  saw  you  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  know  very  well.     Do  you  suppose  I  have  for- 


178  ESPEBANCE. 

gotten  daring  you  to  the  encounter  the  evening  of  my  arrival, 
or  your  ill-concealed  look  of  disappointment  ?  But  of  course 
you  think  me  a  beauty  now." 

"Well  —  yes  —  this  very  minute,  I  do  think  exactly  so. 
You  have  been  growing  less  plain  in  rny  eyes  till  I  had 
ceased  to  think  anything  about  it,  natural  worshipper  of 
beauty  as  I  am.  But  to-day — now  —  you  are  really  — " 

"  All  in  your  eyes." 

"  It  is  not  in  my  eyes.  Independent  of  everything,  you 
are  at  this  present  moment  — " 

"  Nay,  not  independent  of  love,"  —  again  interrupting  him. 

I  got  a  forfeit  for  that  speech,  and  then  he  went  on  with 
his  flatteries,  which,  I  must  admit,  were  not  at  all.  unpala 
table. 

"  Now,"  said  I  at  length,  "  we  have  both  been  dreaming. 
But  it  is  time  to  wake  up,  and  behave  like  reasonable  peda 
gogues  as  we  are.  What  would  our  scholars  —  what  would 
Miss  Brimblecum  and  Miss  Betts  say  to  this  scene  ?  " 

"  Truly  ;  and  what  would  friend  Benedict  say?" 

"  They  must  not  have  a  chance  to  say  anything,  for  you 
must  get  me  h^he  as  fast  as  you  can." 

"  It  is  only  half  past  two,  and  it  will  be  better  to  reach  our 
boarding-house  when  it  is  nearer  twilight.  So  do  grant  me 
another  hour." 

"  Agreed,  if  we  can  spend  the  time  in  returning  to  com 
mon  life." 

"  Very  well.  And  since  I  have  spoken  of  my  first  impres 
sions,  I  have  a  claim  to  know  yours." 

"  Do  you  really  wish  to  know  them?" 

"  Certainly,  provided  you  think  well  enough  of  me  now." 

"Better  than  you  deserve,  I  fear." — Here  he  put  his  hand 


ESPERANC.E.  179 

over  my  mouth.  "  I  have  read  you  as  a  true  gentleman,  of 
noble  and  generous  impulses,  but  as  wanting  in  depth  and 
stability,  and  therefore  not  one  to  be  unhesitatingly  relied  on. 
Shall  I  proceed?" 

"  Of  course,"  replied  he,  looking  rather  hurt. 

"  Not  if  it  pains  you." 

"  I  prefer  you  would  ;  so  please  go  on." 

"  Some  considerable  love  of  approbation,  with  a  good 
measure  of  self-assurance  —  amiability  —  let  me  see  — 
what  else?" 

"  And  what  must  I  think  of  Miss  Frazer,  to  trust  herself 
with  such  a  character  ?  " 

"  Think  that  she  has  her  weaknesses,  as  well  as  you  ;  that 
she  has  all  along  resisted  your  attractions,  and  repelled  you 
to  the  utmost  of  her  power ;  but  that,  with  a  woman's  gen 
uine  inconsistency,  she  now  gives  herself  to  you,  heart  and 
soul,  and  in  spite  of  her  former  opinion,  puts  entire  faith  in 
you." 

"  You  shall  never  repent  your  confidence,  dear  Hope." 

"  But  will  you  always  feel  as  now?  " 

"  Always,  dearest." 

"But  suppose  I  should  grow  uglier  than  I  was  in  your 
eyes  when  we  first  met?" 

"  You  could  not  look  ugly  to  me." 

"And  blind?" 

"  I  would  be  eyes  to  you.  But  Heaven  forbid  such  a  mis 
fortune  ! " 

"And  deaf?" 

"  I  would  find  some  way  of  communion." 

"  But  suppose  a  younger,  fairer  face  should  come  in  your 
way?" 


180  ESPEBANCE. 

"  No  face  could  attract  me  from  you." 

" But,  Walter,  what  do  you  love  me  for?" 

"  Because,  to  begin  with,  I  cannot  help  it.  Then  I  have 
felt  that  I  could  rely  implicitly  upon  you.  I  am  forced  to 
admit  that  your  opinion  of  me  is  not  incorrect.  I  am,  by 
nature,  changeable  and  irresolute.  Your  decision  of  charac 
ter  first  surprised  me  as  a  new  experience  of  woman  ;  then, 
it  interested  me  ;  and,  at  last,  I  came  to  feel  that  it  was  just 
what  I  needed  as  a  complement  to  my  own  nature.  But  I 
did  not  argue  thus  till  I  found  myself  in  love.  I  cannot  tell 
how  it  happened,  for  it  was  a  result  contrary  to  all  my  expec 
tations.  I  am  not  worthy  of  you ;  but,  such  as  I  am,  dear 
Esperance,  take  me,  and  make  me  as  much  better  as  you 
can.  You  shall  be  my  good  angel." 

"  May  God  help  us  both,  and  may  we  never  wander  from 
him!" 

"  Amen  ! "  and  there  was  another  sweet  silence. 


ESPEEANCE.  181 


CHAPTER    XXV. 

THE  hour  had  passed,  and  again  the  question  came, — how 
was  I  to  be  moved  ?  After  some  consultation,  it  was  con 
cluded  that  Walter  should  go  to  the  little  house  near  by,  and 
send  some  one  for  the  carriage. 

The  ride  being  at  length  safely  accomplished,  my  hero 
assisted  me  to  my  own  room.  Further,  he  took  upon  him 
self  all  the  explanations  and  arrangements,  procuring  a  little 
girl  expressly  to  wait  upon  me.  In  the  course  of  the  next 
day,  I  sent  her  out  with  the  following  note  :  — 

"  DEAR  HELEN  :  A  great  wonder  has  happened.  Every 
thing  ,is  rose-color,  and  life  bounds  joyously  in  my  veins. 
Can  you  not  guess  why  ?  I  am  sure  you  can. 

My  beloved  Helen,  dearer  this  moment  than  ever,  I  am 
unworthy  of  this  great  boon.  And  yet  I  have  a  feeling  that 
you  may  not  be  satisfied  ;  that  you  may  think,  as  I  did  until 
yesterday,  that  we  are  unsuited  to  one  another.  I  have  long 
resisted  what,  it  seems,  is  my  destiny,  fearing  that  Mr. 
Northrup  —  for  of  course  you  know  it  must  be  he  —  was  too 
much  of  a  surface-man,  that  he  was  not  capable  of  so  pas 
sionate  and  exclusive  an  affection  as  I  felt  to  be  necessary ; 
in  short,  that  he  was  not  strong  enough  to  support  and  guide 
so  impulsive  and  wayward  a  being.  But  I  have  changed 
my  mind,  though  I  cannot  explain  why.  And  what  is  the 
16 


182  ESPERANCE. 

use  of  reasoning?  He  has  wooed  and  he  has  won  ;  and, 
Heaven  helping  me,  he  shall  never  regret  it.  I  will  not  deny 
that  I  have  moments  of  sadness.  I  should  not  be  7,  if  it 
were  not  so  ;  and  indeed,  is  not  sorrow  always  more  or  less 
remotely  allied  to  joy  ?  Yet,  notwithstanding  such  moments, 
I  am  only  too  happy  in  loving  and  being  beloved.  And  if 
you  knew  what  clouds  had  hung  over  all  my  life,  you  would 
not  wonder  that  this  happiness  has  something  of  exultation 
in  it. 

But  I  have  not  told  you  of  my  sprained  ankle,  which  had 
no  small  share  in  what  has  come  to  pass,  and  which  will 
confine  me  prisoner  for  some  days.  My  company  is  claimed 
this  evening,  but  I  shall  expect  you  without  fail  to-morrow. 

Now,  I  can  heartily  subscribe  myself 

ESPEBANCE." 

"  DEAR  FRIEND  :  I  rejoice  immeasurably  in  your  joy, 
and  pray  that,  through  your  happiness,  many  may  be  made 
happy.  If  I  have  had  an  impression  that  Mr.  Northrup  was 
not  suited  to  you,  I  waive  it  all,  and  yield  to  your  judgment. 
Besides,  I  really  know  him  but  little. 

My  heart  breathes  the  earnest  wish  that  you  may  be  happy 
in  each  other,  happier  in  doing  good  together,  and  happiest 
in  the  love  of  God. 

Faithfully, 

Your    HELEN." 
» 

What  delightful  days  were  those  of  my  confinement !  To 
be  sure,  Miss  Brimblecum  was  rather  crabbed,  evidently  not 
liking  the  aspect  of  affairs  ;  and  Miss  Betts,  who  liked  it 
still  less,  bridled  and  giggled,  and  "  guessed  she  knew  one  or 


ESPERANCE.  183 

two  tilings,"  and,  by  sundry  dark  hints  and  surmisings, 
seemed  endeavoring  to  dash  iny  happiness.  But  in  vain. 

Helen  came  in  almost  every  day,  and  entered  with  her 
usual  unselfish  interest  into  all  my  feelings  and  plans.  But 
the  evenings  —  those  Elysian  evenings  !  How  I  watched  for 
his  step  on  his  return  from  school !  And  when  I  heard  him 
lightly  climbing  the  stairs,  sometimes  two  at  a  time,  how 
strangely  were  the  throbs  of  my  heart  multiplied  !  I  would 
listen  to  that  rapid  step  above  my  head  till  it  descended 
again ;  then  a  light  tap,  and  he  was  kneeling  at  my  couch 
with  some  offering  of  fruits,  or  flowers  which  exhaled 
fragrance  as  a  censer  its  perfume.  But  it  was  the  fra 
grance  of  the  love  that  gave  them  which  wrapped  me  in 
silent  joy. 

In  those  days,  when  my  heart  went  out  towards  every 
thing,  I  thought  of  my  sainted  mother  and  my  sweet  Ada. 
And  then  I  thought  of  my  father,  towards  whom  I  had  so 
long  cherished  an  unforgiving  spirit.  After  all,  he  was  my 
father  ;  and  did  I  owe  him  no  filial  treatmen^  ?  I  pondered 
long  as  to  what  was  my  duty  in  the  case,  and  finally  resolved 
to  consult  Helen.  To  no  human  being  had  I  ever  told  my 
history,  nor  did  I  now  intend  to  do  it.  But  by  stating  a  few 
general  facts,  I  thought  I  might  secure  her  opinion. 

The  next  time  she  came,  I  opened  the  subject.  I  told  her 
that  my  father  was  proud  and  reserved,  and  that,  in  an  ex 
cited  mood,  I  had  several  times  forgotten  what  was  due  to  a 
parent,  and  had  so  conducted  as  to  bring  upon  me  his  dis 
pleasure.  Nor  did  I  conceal  the  fact,  that  I  had  met  his 
severity  with  a  resentment  and  defiance,  which  had  never 
wholly  died  out  of  my  heart.  After  a  long  conversation,  she 
advised  me  to  write  to  my  father,  fully  acknowledging  every- 


184  ESPBJtANCE. 

thing  that  had  been  wrong  on  my  part,  and  then  to  ask  for 
giveness,  and  beg  for  his  affection. 

"  But  I  have  reason  to  suppose  that  any  such  communica 
tion  may  only  displease  him." 

"  Then  you  will  have  done  all  that  you  can  now  do,  and 
must  leave  the  rest  with  God.  But  I  am  sure  you  will  be 
happier  for  having  taken  such  a  step ;  and  that  if,  uncon 
sciously,  a  little  of  the  old  leaven  is  still  hidden  in  your  soul, 
there  is  no  better  process  for  purging  it  out." 

"  I  have  no  doubt  there  is  plenty  of  such  leaven.  It  has 
always  been  very  hard  for  me  to  bear  with  any  measure  of 
injustice." 

"  It  is  one  of  the  hardest  lessons  for  any  of  us,  dear  Hope. 
But  there  is  One,  on  whom  injustice  and  indignity  of  every 
sort  were  heaped,  who  is  our  tender  Helper,  and  who  can 
instil  into  us  his  own  forgiving  spirit." 

"  I  fear  my  letter  may  appear  as  if  constrained  by  a  sense 
of  duty." 

"  The  only  way  to  avoid  that,"  replied  she,  smiling,  "  is  to 
have  the  heart  just  right,  and  then  let  it  overflow.  And 
you  know  as  well  as  I,  that  to  become  right,  it  must  be 
bathed  in  the  fulness  of  divine  love,  so  that  it  shall  regard 
even  unlovely  characters  with  tender  interest  and  affection." 

I  had  a  long  struggle  with  myself  that  night ;  but  my 
earnest  cries  were  heard,  and  I  was  enabled  to  obtain  the 
victory  over  that  resentful  spirit  which  I  had  so  long  in 
dulged,  and  to  rejoice  in  a  new  baptism  of  love  — •  a  love 
which  could  embrace  even  him  who  had  most  injured  me. 

After  many  unsuccessful  attempts,  I  succeeded  in  writing 
to  my  father,  adding  at  the  close  of  my  letter  that  some  time, 
if  agreeable  to  him,  I  should  be  happy  to  visit  home.  I  con- 


ESPERANCE.  185 

sidered  it  doubtful  whether  I  should  have  any  reply,  but  it 
was  not  long  before  I  received  the  following :  — 

"Your  letter  arrived  in  due  season.  As  you  have  come 
to  a  sense  of  your  mistakes,  I  am  quite  willing  to  forgive 
you.  I  may  have  been  unduly  severe,  but  of  that  I  will  not 
now  speak,  except  to  say  that  I  was  deceived  when  I  charged 
you  with  being  untruthful. 

"  Your  aunt  Drummond,  with  whom  Joy  has  been  stay 
ing  for  more  than  a  year,  is  dead,  and  Joy  has  returned 
home,  but  it  is  not  the  place  for  her.  Horatio,  I  am  sorry 
to  tell  you,  has  been  expelled  from  college. 

"  I  will  only  add,  come  home  as  soon  as  you  please,  and 
stay  as  long  as  you  feel  inclined.  Let  me  know  beforehand, 
and  John  shall  meet  you." 

I  shrank  from  speaking  to  Mr.  Northrup  of  this  corre 
spondence,  though  I  at  once  made  known  the  plans  I  formed 
in  consequence.  I  could  not  disregard  the  voice  which  told 
me  I  ought  to  visit  home.  At  the  end  of  the  school-year 
"Walter  was  to  leave  teaching,  and  complete  his  law  studies. 
I  had  been  solicited  to  fill  his  place,  and,  after  talking  it 
over,  concluded  to  do  so.  But  we  both  felt  that  it  would  be 
best  for  me  to  take  the  next  summer  for  my  journey  and 
visit. 

"  I  will  come  on  in  August,"  said  Walter,  "  and  we  will 
spend  a  month  in  travelling,  returning  by  way  of  Canada  and 
Niagara.  And  some  time  before  you  leave,  we  must  go  down 
the  Mississippi  to  St.  Louis.  But  I  shall  be  widowed  indeed 
without  you." 

"  You  will  learn  to  appreciate  my  great  value." 
16* 


186  ESPEBANCE. 

"  True,  but  at  an  expense  which  I  cannot  willingly  incur. 
However,  I  will  try  to  imitate  your  bravery.  And,  besides, 
there  are  long  months  of  enjoyment  before  we  need  think  of 
separation." 

It  seemed  to  me  that  old  Tempus  must  have  taken  to  him 
self  a  new  pair  of  wings  to  have  "fugited"  so  rapidly  as 
he  did.  Certainly,  the  long  winter  days  melted  away  like 
snow-flakes  in  the  sun.  Nor  was  it  strange,  for  we  were  in 
the  sunniest  clime  on  earth  —  the  clime  of  Love,  whose  skies 
are  always  fair,  and  its  verdure  bright.  So  I  found  myself 
borne  onward  into  the  future,  long  before  I  had  done  with 
the  joyous  present.  If  any  misgivings  as  to  my  betrothal 
stole  over  me,  I  arraigned  them  as  traitors,  and  sentenced 
them  to  immediate  execution.  My  own  Walter  !  it  was  un 
grateful  to  doubt  his  steadfastness  or  his  worth ! 


ESPERANCE.  187 


CHAPTER    XXYI. 

ON  a  certain  balmy  morning,  in  the  month  of  June,  we 
took  the  steamer  which  passes  Ironton  on  its  way  to  St. 
Louis.  Finding  a  quiet  corner  on  deck,  we  secured  posses 
sion  of  it. 

"  It  is  like  a  dream  to  be  here,"  said  I  to  "Walter.  "  From 
my  childhood,  I  have  longed  to  sail  on  the  broad  bosom  of 
this  Father  of  "Waters.  In  one  respect,  however,  I  am  agree 
ably  disappointed.  I  used  to  hear  of  the  muddy  Mississippi, 
but  I  have  seen  nothing  to  give  significance  to  that  name  ;  on 
the  contrary,  its  waters  are  clear  and  placid." 

"  Wait  till  you  have  passed  Alton,  before  you  make  up 
your  mind." 

"We  soon  fell  into  silence.  My  thoughts  were  of  our  ap 
proaching  separation,  and  yet  they  were  not  so  sad  as  to 
prevent  my  deep  happiness  in  the  present.  Suddenly  "Walter 
broke  the  lull. 

"  What  would  become  of  me,  Esperance,  if  you  should 
prove  unfaithful?" 

"I  unfaithful!  —  " 

"  I  don't  suppose  there  is  any  danger,  and  yet  — " 

"  You  have  some  fears,  perhaps,  as  to  your  own  con 
stancy." 

"  Pray,  spare  your  sarcasm  ;  you  know  my  heart." 

"  In  all  its  windings  ?  " 


188  ESPERANCE. 

"  I  have  concealed  nothing,"  replied  he,  with  a  little  vexa 
tion  in  his  tone.  "  Do  you  begin  to  repent  your  trust  in  me  ?" 

"  Not  in  the  least,  Walter.  And  no  one  but  yourself  can 
ever  induce  me  to  distrust  you.  But  look !  " 

We  were  nearing  the  junction ;  and  it  was  to  me  a  re 
markable  spectacle.  The  Mississippi  was  flowing  on  in 
tranquil  majesty  and  purity,  when  the  boiling,  turbid  Mis 
souri  approached  it.  Then  ensued  a  strange  and  desperate 
contest.  The  smoothly  flowing  stream  at  first  withstood 
the  fierce  onset  of  the  swift,  infuriated  waters,  —  gentle, 
transparent  eddies  resisting  raging  and  impure  gurges.  But, 
after  a  time,  the  latter  caught  the  former  in  their  mad  sweep, 
and  whirled  them  round  and  round,  till  at  length  they  were 
swallowed  up  in  one  vast,  foul,  and  furious  whirlpool,  when 
they  rolled  on  in  dark  wedlock,  a  turbid,  wrathful,  and  gi 
gantic  flood.  Not  a  word  had  been  spoken  as  we  watched 
the  strange  phenomenon  ;  but  now  Walter  asked,  — 

"  Why  do  you  sigh  so  profoundly?  " 

"  I  did  it  unconsciously ;  but  that  is  a  sight  of  mournful 
interest." 

"  Moralizing,  as  usual,  my  little  preacher.  But  why  is  it 
a  mournful  sight  ?  " 

"  Because  it  symbolizes  the  conflict  between  right  and 
wrong, — purity  and  impurity.  And  I  am  sad  that  the  latter 
should  get  so  easy  and  complete  a  victory.  Look  !  There 
is  not  the  smallest  resistance  now.  The  Mississippi  rolls 
along  with  its  great,  filthy  burden,  just  as  contentedly  as  if  it 
had  never  known  anything  better." 

"  You  must  not  scandalize  this  glorious  river,  or  you  will 
draw  down  vengeance  upon  your  head.  Why,  it  is  the  very 
Thor  of  these  Western  people.  And  its  muddy  water  is  de 
lightful  to  their  taste." 


ESPEEANCB.  189 

"  You  don't  mean  that  they  drink  it." 

"  Certainly  I  do,  and  with  downright  gusto.  And  why 
should  they  not  ?  It  is  as  pleasant  a  drink  as  the  far-famed 
and  equally  turbid  waters  of  the  Nile.  And  as  to  that,-  you 
know  there  is  a  saying  among  the  Mohammedans,  that  if 
their  prophet  had  but  tasted  them,  he  would  have  asked  of 
God  immortality  upon  the  earth,  that  he  might  drink  of  them 
forever." 

"  "Well,  I  can  believe  anything  after  such  a  story." 

"  I  will  order  you  the  delicious  draught,  if  you  like." 

"  Never,"  said  I,  shaking  my  head  in  disgust. 

"  All  association,  Esperance." 

Our  point  of  destination  was  St.  Louis.  So  we  disem 
barked  at  the  landing,  and  taking  a  carriage,  drove  up  over 
the  noble  quays  into  the  thriving  city,  where  we  made  several 
detours  for  the  sake  of  passing  through  the-  principal  streets. 
At  length  we  reached  the  hotel  where  we  were  to  dine. 
Alighting,  Walter  gave  me  his  arm,  and  we  were  ushered 
into  a  private  parlor.  I  untied  my  bonnet  and  threw  myself 
into  a  comfortable  chair.  Walter  went  to  the  door  with  the 
servant,  who  soon  appeared  with  a  tray,  containing  a  large 
glass  pitcher  of  what  I  judged  to  be  iced-lemonade.  Walter 
filled  a  goblet,  and,  being  quite  thirsty,  I  was  not  long  in 
emptying  it. 

"  Allow  me,"  said  he,  lifting  the  pitcher  to  refill  it.  I 
gave  him  the  glass,  remarking,  — 

"  It  is  not  lemonade,  as  I  thought ;  but  a  still  pleasanter 
drink.  What  is  it?" 

"  Sandarony,"  replied  he,  with  the  utmost  gravity,  touch 
ing  his  glass  to  mine,  while  he  added,  "To  your  health,  Miss 
Frazer." 


190  ESPERANCE. 

"  As  I  was  leisurely  sipping  it,  he  looked  at  me  with  a  de 
cidedly  mischievous  expression." 

"  What  makes  you  look  so  wicked?" 

"  Oh,  nothing ;  only  I  am  glad  you  find  the  muddy  Missis 
sippi  so  charming  a  drink." 

I  instantly  set  down  my  goblet,  making  a  wry  face,  while 
Walter  laughed  at  me  without  mercy.  But  in  spite  of  all 
my  faces,  I  am  obliged  to  report  myself  as  being  beguiled  by 
that  naughty  man  into  drinking  of  that  same  muddy  water 
with  my  dinner. 

In  the  afternoon,  we  visited  some  of  the  public  buildings, 
and,  among  them,  the  Roman  Catholic  Institution,  with  its 
fine  library.  A  priest  —  a  Jesuit,  as  I  believe — did  the  hon 
ors.  He  was  an  old  man  of  such  urbanity  and  kindness, 
that  I  ventured  to  assail  him  with  questions.  He  answered 
them  with  marked  courtesy,  and,  when  we  left,  made  several 
bows,  expressing  his  assured  hope  of  seeing  me  again. 

"  The  good  man  thinks  he  has  half  converted  you." 

"  It  would  take  the  whole  college  of  cardinals,  and  the 
pope  in  the  bargain,  to  do  that." 

"  But  you  often  express  a  peculiar  interest  in  certain 
things  connected  with  Romanism." 

*'  Oh,  yes  !  I  should  like  to  worship  in  a  solemn,  old  cathe 
dral,  with  its  dim,  religious  light,  and  its  grand  orchestral 
music.  And  I  am  fond  of  a  ritual.  In  certain  moods,  our 
simple  Congregational  service  seems  rather  barren.  And  I 
do  not  wonder  that  those  who  are  brought  up  in  the  Episco 
pal  church,  become  strongly  attached  to  its  forms  and  ob 
servances.  But  a  great,  dead,  cumbersome  machinery,  —  a 
splendid  body  with  no  soul,  such  as  I  have  supposed  the 
Romanist  system  to  be,  —  it  would  take  something  little 
short  of  a  miracle  to  make  me  a  convert  to  that." 


ESPERANCE.  191 

"Yet  Thomas  a"  Kempis  and  Madame  Gnyon  are  favorites 
with  you." 

"  To  be  sure  they  are.  Who  can  help  loving  such  spirits, 
by  whatever  name  they  are  called  ?  " 

"  I,  on  the  contrary,  must  own  to  the  feeling  that  Madame 
Guyon  was  fanatical,  if  not  insane." 

"  I  wish  such  insanity  was  multiplied  a  hundred  fold. 
But  nowadays,  there  is  such  a  noisy  pressure  of  external 
duties,  that  the  still  voice  of  the  Spirit  is  often  drowned." 

"  You  are  an  enthusiast,  dear  Espy.  I  almost  wonder  you 
were  never  impelled  to  take  the  veil,  and  spend  your  days  in 
some  cloistered  shade." 

"  Oh,  but  I  believe  in  work,  too.  However,  if  I  were  a 
Roman  Catholic,  I  have  no  doubt  my  vocation  would  be  a 
convent-life."  . 

"  And  mine,  then,  to  scale  the  wall,  and  persuade  you 
back  to  life  and  love." 

Thus  we  chatted  as  we  walked  down  to  the  landing,  and 
found  our  morning's  corner  upon  deck.  The  next  day  I  was 
to  start  for  the  East,  and  as  I  sat  there,  fancy  strove  to  con 
struct  a  bridge  between  our  parting  and  our  next  meeting. 
Walter,  too.  was  unusually  taciturn,  so  that  at  length  I  felt 
it  incumbent  on  me  to  break  the  silence. 

"  Could  anything  be  more  delightful  than  this  brilliant 
sunset  on  the  water?" 

"  One  thing  only  —  the  re-union  after  our  separation." 

"  Oh,  but  that  is  a  great  fall.  In  plain  view  of  such  a 
glorious  spectacle,  it  is  treason  to  think  of  ourselves." 

"  But  my  heart  is  full  of  you,  dear  Espy.  I  know  not 
how  to  let  you  go.  You  cannot  imagine  how  miserably 
weak  I  am  without  you." 


192  ESPERANCE. 

"  Nonsense  !    If  you  are  weak,  what  is  to  become  of  me  ?  " 

"  You  are  strong  enough  to  stand  alone.  You  were  made 
expressly  for  a  heroine.  And  —  " 

"  You  are  a  lucky  man  to  have  secured  so  inestimable  a 
prize  ?  Was  that  what  you  intended  to  say  ?  " 

"  Do  not  speak  in  mockery  now." 

And  looking  up,  I  saw  a  tender  mist  over  his  eyes.  The 
contagion  seized  me,  but  for  his  sake  I  controlled  my  emotion, 
and  laying  my  hand  on  his  arm,  I  said  cheerfully,  — 

"  We  will  be  faithful  to  each  other,  Walter,  and  God  will 
bless  our  love." 


ESPE  RANGE.  193 


,      CHAPTER    XXVII. 

I  HAD  not  been  an  hour  in  the  home  of  my  childhood, 
before  I  saw  that  a  great  change  had  taken  place.  My 
father,  who  had  met  me,  not  affectionately,  as  I  had  hoped, 
but  very  courteously,  looked  considerably,  older  and  more 
care-worn  than  when  I  last  saw  him.  Ednah  was  beautiful 
as  ever ;  but  an  unyielding,  defiant  air  had  taken  the  place  of 
that  bewitching  softness  I  so  well  remembered.  She  was 
barely  civil.  Joy  was  out  when  I  arrived,  but  returned  in 
the  evening,  appearing  on  my  vision  a  very  dream  of  loveli 
ness.  Petite,  slender,  and  buoyant,  a  head  that  moved  with 
a  bird-like  motion,-  soft  violet  eyes,  a  complexion  which,  at 
the  risk  of  being  termed  sentimental,  I  shall  liken  to  rose 
leaves  crushed  on  ivory,  with  lips  that  looked  as  if  made  on 
purpose  to  be  kissed.  This  witching  picture  was  set  in  a 
frame  of  rippling,  golden  hair.  What  this  fair  casket  held, 
I  had  yet  to  determine.  But  I  was  glad  to  discover  that  Joy 
was  quite  favorably  disposed  towards  her  long  absent  sister. 

It  seemed  to  me  that  no  effort  or  sacrifice  would  be  too 
great  if  I  could  only  prove  a  blessing  to  my  father's  family. 
But  my  past  miserable  failures  had  taught  me  my  own  weak 
ness  and  want  of  wisdom,  and  often,  during  those  days,  did 
I  lift  up  my  heart  to  heaven  for  guidance.  I  think  God 
helped  me,  for  my  father  treated  me  with  more  and  more 
confidence.  And,  to  my  great  surprise,  he  proposed  that  Joy 
17 


194  ESPERANCE. 

should  return  with  me,  and  attend  the  Seminary  at  Ironton, 

—  a  proposition  with  which  my  sister  seemed  quite  pleased. 
Under  the  circumstances,  I  did  not  care  to  invite  Mr. 

Northrup  to  my  home.  So  it  was  arranged  that  he  should 
meet  me  at  Fairfield,  my  sister  joining  us  afterwards  at 
Saratoga. 

The  morning  I  left,  my  father  sent  for  me  into  the  library. 
As  I  entered,  he  met  me  with  a  bill  of  a  large  amount  in  his 
hand,  saying,  — 

"  I  hope  your  unwillingness  to  receive  anything  from  your 
father  has  passed  away." 

"  My  salary  is  ample  enough  for  all  my  wants  ;  and  as  it 
is  so,  I  trust  you  will  excuse  my  love  of  independence. 
Besides,  I  shall  one  of  these  days  be  drawing  on  you  for  a 
trousseau" 

His  face  darkened,  and  I  continued,  "  But  with  all  my  in 
dependence,  whenever  I  can  be  any  comfort  to  you,  I  will 
leave  everything  and  come  home." 

"  If  you  are  too  proud  to  receive  a  small  favor  from  me,  I 
certainly  shall  never  send  for  you." 

"  Then  I  yield." 

As  I  took  the  bill,  I  ventured  to  press  his  hand  to  my  lips 

—  the  first  token  of  filial  affection  I  ever  remembered  to 
have  given  him.     I  fancied  he  was  moved,  though  he  said 
nothing. 

From  the  library  I  proceeded  to  Ednah's  private  parlor, 
the  place  of  so  many  varied  associations,  and  which  I  had 
not  entered  since  I  so  fatally  displeased  her. 

"  Ednah',  I  have  taken  the  liberty  to  come  here  to  say 
good-by.  If  I  have  wronged  you  in  anything,  forgive  me, 
and  let  us  part  in  peace." 


ESPERANCE.  195 

"  It  is  I  who  have  been  wrong  ;  but  my  destiny  was  upon 
me.  I  am  miserable,  and  am  plunging  into  still  deeper 
misery." 

"  Dear  Ednah,  it  is  not  too  late  to  begin  a  new  life,  and 
God  will  help  you." 

"Don't  speak  that  name,"  —  she  exclaimed  fiercely;  — 
"  It  is  too  late,  Espy.  My  doom  cannot  be  averted.  Your 
father  —  I  loathe  him."  , 

"  I  ought  not  to  hear  this,  dear  Ednah,  but  my  heart  is 
full  of  tenderness  and  pity  for  you.  I  implore  you  not  to 
yield  to  temptation.  May  God  forgive  and  bless  you." 

She  clasped  me  for  one  moment  in  her  arms,  then  turned 
away,  and  I  left  her. 

The  stage  stopped  at  the  Fairfield  Hotel,  and  in  a  moment 
those  laughing  eyes,  now  brimful  of  joy,  met  mine.  Why 
should  I  ever  have  feared  for  him  ? 

"You  precious  little  Hope,"  said  he,  hurrying  me  into  the 
parlor.  Then  lifting  up  my  face,  he  gazed  at  me  steadily. 

"  It  seems  to  me  you  are  a  trifle  thinner.  I  do  believe 
you  have  been  pining  for  me." 

He  thereupon  began  a  series  of  demonstrations. 

"  Be  quiet,  you  savage  man,  or  you  will  spoil  my  new 
cottage  straw." 

"  Take  it  off,  then,  and  let  me  come  nearer." 

And  without  waiting,  he  untied  it,  and  drew  me  close 
beside  him. 

"Am  I  not  faithful  and  trustworthy,  and  all  that?  And 
aren't  you  glad  you  concluded  to  confide  in  me  ?  " 

"  You  haven't  been  through  fire  and  water  yet,  so  I  can't 
tell  how  you  would  endure  the  trial." 


196  ESPERANCE. 

"  Nonsense !  you  little  infidel.  Now  do  comfort  me  by 
saying  that  you  are  delighted  to  see  my  face." 

"  You  must  discover  that  for  yourself." 

"  Look  straight  at  me  then,  so  that  I  can  gaze  down  into 
those  depths.  Well,  that  is  a  satisfactory  answer." 

In  a  few  days  we  reached  Saratoga.  I  had  told  Walter 
about  my  little  sister,  who  was  to  be  with  us  the  next  day. 

"  I  fear  she  will  come  between  us,  and  engross  your 
time.  And,  after  such  a  dearth  of  your  society,  I  want  a 
monopoly." 

"  That  is  a  naughty  selfishness.  Besides,  Joy  is  only  a 
child,  and  will  not  interfere  with  our  enjoyment." 

At  the  expected  time  my  sister  arrived.  Walter,  as  he 
afterwards  told  me,  was  silent  from  amazement,  saying  that 
he  had  prepared  himself  to  see  a  little  girl  of  ten  or  twelve. 

"  She  is  but  fifteen,"  I  replied,  "  and  I  always  think  of 
her  as  a  child." 

After  a  week  or  two  at  Saratoga,  we  started  in  the  stage 
coach  for  the  North,  being  joined  in  our  excursion  by  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Mordecai,  —  a  Jewish  gentleman  and  lady,  —  and 
a  gallant  young  Southron,  Benjamin  Nelson  by  name.  We 
were  a  merry  company,  and  contrived  most  thoroughly  to 
spice  our  enjoyment  of  the  country  through  which  we  passed. 
We  took  an  early  supper  at  Glenn's  Falls,  and  then  left  for 
Lake  George.  A  heavy  thunder  shower  came  up  suddenly, 
which  so  terrified  Joy  that  it  took  both  Walter  and  myself  to 
quiet  her.  We  stopped  for  a  transient  refuge  at  the  sign  of 
"  The  Golden  Ball,"  where  the  gentlemen  made  an  arch  for 
us  of  umbrellas,  thus  gallanting  us  to  the  house.  There,  for 
the  lack  of  chairs,  we  sat  on  cider-barrels  and  boxes  —  an 
odd-looking  group. 


ESPEBANCE.  197 

X 

As  there  seemed  no  prospect  of  cessation  from  showers, 
and  our  quarters  were  uncomfortable,  we  soon  returned  to  the 
coach,  and  rode  leisurely  through  the  forests.  There  was 
just  enough  of  obscurity  to  give  that  indefiniteness  of  view 
which  affords  so  fine  a  play  for  the  imagination.  We  revelled 
in  the  enchantment  produced  by  the  soft  light  reflected  from 
our  —  (must  I  say  it  ?)  —  lanterns,  causing  the  drops  of  rain 
on  the  dark  green  foliage  to  glitter  like  so  many  jewels. 
The  shadowy  openings  into  the  woods,  with  their  rich 
canopy  of  glistening  branches,  seemed  like  bowers  of  the 
wood-nymphs.  But,  beautiful  as  this  was,  we  were  not  sorry 
to  arrive  at  Caldwell,  on  Lake  George. 

The  next  morning,  on  looking  from  my  windows,  I  found 
that  the  village  was  as  fresh  and  blooming  as  if  spring  had 
just  flung  over  it  her  bridal  attire.  After  breakfast  we  strolled 
through  the  place,  coming  down  finally  to  the  shores  of  the 
lake,  where  we  all  got  into  a  sail-boat.  Young  Nelson 
devoted  himself  to  my  sister,  while  Walter  and  I  sat  together, 
looking  down  into  the  crystal  waters,  in  which  Avere  mir 
rored  the  surrounding  lofty  hills. 

"  This  is  indeed  a  beautiful  lake,"  said  Walter.  "  Our 
landlord  tells  me  it  is  thirty  or  forty  feet  deep  ;  and  yet,  look 
at  that  yellow,  glistening  sand  on  its  bottom.  I  think  it 
should  retain  its  Indian  name,  Horicon,  or  Silver  Water." 

"  I  like  the  name  of  Lac  Sacrement,  also.  And  I  hardly 
wonder  at  the  Catholics  having  used  it  at  the  Eucharist 
instead  of  wine." 

We  had  but  one  day  for  Lake  George,  and  the  next  morn 
ing  were  awaked  at  four,  to  take  passage  in  the  Mountaineer 
for  Ticonderoga,  Avhere  we  were  duly  thrilled  with  patriotic 
emotions.  We  found  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mordecai  agreeable 
17* 


198  ESPEBANCE. 

fellow-travellers,  while  our  chivalrous  Southron  abounded  in 
all  manner  of  fun.  He  was  evidently  charmed  with  Joy's 
lovely  face,  and,  naturally  enough,  had  become  her  constant 
attendant.  I  felt  a  little  disturbed,  and  the  more  so,  when 
Walter  asked  me  if  I  observed  the  admiring  glances  which 
the  young  stranger  bestowed  on  her. 

"  I  cannot  let  this  go  on,"  said  I. 

"  But  how  can  you  help  it? " 

"  I  see  no  way  but  for  us  to  be  self-sacrificing,  and  part 
company  for  a  time.  You  must  take  charge  of  my  little  Joy, 
and  Nelson  will  have  to  content  himself  with  me." 

"But,  dear  Espy  —  " 

"You  must  make  no  objection.  I  was  anticipating  too 
much  from  this  journey,  and  must  bear  my  disappointment 
patiently.  It  won't  do,  either,  for  my  sister  to  be  regretting 
Nelson's  company  ;  —  so  you  must  make  yourself  as  agree 
able  as  possible." 

"  And,  in  return  for  my  self-denial,  will  you  promise  me 
an  hour's  recompense  every  evening  ?  " 

"  I  dare  not  promise.  We  must  forget  ourselves,  and  take 
our  chance  for  enjoyment." 

The  next  day  Walter  commenced  with  his  new  programme. 
Joy  was  evidently  surprised,  and  not  over  pleased.  But 
Walter  exerted  himself,  and  I  soon  had  the  relief  of  seeing 
her  satisfied  with  the  exchange.  Indeed,  how  could  she  help 
liking  him  ? 

Nelson  saw  through  our  ruse,  as  he  told  me  a  few  days 
after. 

"I  dare  say  you  were  wise,"  said  he,  "that  is,  if  you 
were  bound  to  dispel  the  enchantment.  For,  on  my  word,  I 
was  getting  enamoured.  But  pray,  what  objection  have  you 
tome?"  . 


ESPERANCE.  199 

"  Not  the  smallest.  But  two  such  children  as  you  and 
Joy  ought  not  to  enter  on  such  a  game  these  many  years." 

"  What  a  Minerva  you  are !  "  replied  he,  giving  me  an 
amused  look.  "  But  I  wonder  how  Mr.  Northrup  could  obey 
you.  I  declare  I  have  almost  ceased  to  regret  that  bewitch 
ing  face,  you  make  yourself  so  entertaining.  If  I  were  only 
a  little  older,  I  do  believe  I  could  fall  in  love  with  you." 

"  You  might  do  a  worse  thing,  Mr.  Nelson.  It  would  be 
an  admirable  idea  to  secure  such  an  experienced  friend  and 
wise  counsellor  as  I.  Just  consider." 


200  ESPERANCE. 


\ 

CHAPTER    XXVIII. 

WE  were  now  on  Lake  Champlain,  that  mirror  of  poetry 
and  beauty.  But  I  could  not  talk  romance  with  Nelson,  for 
he  had  not  a  particle  of  sentiment  about  him.  So  I  chatted 
gayly,  admiring  in  silence  whenever  I  could  get  a  chance. 

From  St.  John's  to  La  Prairie  and  beyond,  the  roads  were 
wretched,  while  the  rain  poured  in  torrents.  The  side  cur 
tains  were  down,  but  through  the  window  on  the  middle  seat, 
Nelson  caught  glimpses  of  the  barren  country,  as  we  were 
whirled,  or  rather  jerked,  from  one  ditch  to  another.  He 
glowingly  described  the  miserable  shanties,  as  if  they  were 
superb  mansions,  pretending  to  be  in  raptures  with  the 
curious  faces  he  saw  peering  out  of  the  windows.  Especially 
did  he  expatiate  upon  the  merits  of  a  large  waste  of  moor 
land,  entitling  it  "her  majesty's  royal  park." 

On  reaching  Montreal,  we  mounted  caleches,  and  made  a 
grand  debut  into  the  city,  driving  through  mud  and  mire  till 
we  brought  up  on  the  square,  in  front  of  Goodenough's  hotel. 

That  same  evening  I  was  sitting  in  an  alcove  in  the  parlor, 
rather  weary  and  dispirited.  For  some  reason,  I  was  not  in 
the  mood  for  joining  the  merry  group  gathered  around  the 
table,  among  whom  Walter's  clear  laugh  was  distinguishable. 

"Where  is  Miss  Frazer?  "  at  length  asked  Nelson. 

"To  be  sure,  where  is  she?"  repeated  Walter,  glancing 
round  the  room. 


ESPEBANCE.  201 

"  There  she  is,  in  that  alcove,  half  concealed  by  the 
drapery,"  said  Nelson. 

As  I  saw  Walter  approaching,  I  left  my  retreat. 

"  You  look  weary,"  observed  Nelson,  kindly. 

"  I  am  so,  and  think  I  had  better  seek  for  rest  in  some 
more  quiet  spot.  So  good  night  to  you  all." 

I  had  no  sooner  left  the  room  than  I  felt  a  hand  on  my 
shoulder. 

"  You  look  sad,  Esperance.     Have  I  displeased  you?" 

"  I  am  tired,"  replied  I,  coldly.     "  Please  let  me  pass." 

"  I  cannot,  till  you  have  answered  my  question.  I  have  a 
right  to  know  if  I  have  offended  you." 

As  I  continued  silent,  Walter  looked  so  troubled  that  I 
relented.  He  saw  the  change,  and  leading  me  into  a  little 
ante-room,  made  me  sit  down  beside  him. 

"  Are  you  displeased  because  I  comply  with  your  request, 
and  endeavor  to  be  agreeable  to  your  sister  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not.  On  the  contrary,  I  feel  under  great  obli 
gations." 

"  What  is  the  matter,  then? " 

"  I  have  told  you.     I  am  tired,  and  my  head  aches." 

"  We  should  both  have  been  happier,"  said  he,  in  a  half 
tender,  half  reproachful  tone,  "  if  you  had  left  your  sister  at 
home.  You  see  she  does  come  between  us,  as  I  feared.  This 
way  of  living  really  saddens  me." 

Seeing  that  he  was  sincere,  I  put  aside  my  own  feelings  of 
discomfort,  not  to  say  of  injury,  and  responded  frankly,  — 

"  It  saddens  me  too,  Walter." 

Clasping  my  cold  hands  in  his,  he  exclaimed,  — 

"  Give  yourself  to  me  for  a  few  days  at  least.  You  would 
not  hesitate  could  you  read  my  whole  soul.  I  need  you,  I 
must  have  you,  dear  Espy  ;  "  and  tears  stood  in  his  eyes. 


202  ESPEBANCE. 

I  was  surprised,  for  I  had  never  seen  Jiim  in  such  a  mood. 
But  his  sorrowful  clinging  to  me  went  straight  to  my  heart, 
and  banished  every  feeling  of  distrust  and  coldness. 

"  Hope,"  said  he,  after  a  few  minutes'  silence,  "  I  am  un 
worthy  of  you  ;  but  do  not,  I  beg  you,  let  any  one  come  be 
tween  us  again.  It  makes  me  miserable. 

"  But  I  have  often  heard  your  gay  laugh,  and  thought  you 
in  unusual  spirits." 

"You  were  mistaken,  however.  I  have  had  no  peace 
since  I  left  your  side." 

As  I  went  to  my  room  that  night,  the  load  was  lifted  from 
my  heart.  Joy  was  asleep,  her  golden  hair  rippling  over 
her  shoulders  down  the  snowy  pillow,  and  a  bright  flush  on 
her  cheek.  I  softly  kissed  the  fair  sleeper,  and  commending 
myself  and  those  I  loved  to  Heaven,  I  lay  down  beside  her. 

But  not  to  sleep.  Was  he  then  so  covetous  of  my  exclu 
sive  affection  ?  It  was  plainly  not  my  duty  to  send  him  from 
my  side  just  now. 

"  Do  you  feel  better?"  asked  Joy,  as  she  opened  her  eyes 
the  next  morning. 

I  had  been  sitting  by  a  window,  leaning  on  my  elbow, 
while  my  hair  fell  round  my  face.  Her  question  roused  me, 
and  I  replied,  though  with  an  absent  mind,  — 

"  Yes,  I  believe  so." 

Then,  moving  to  the  side  of  the  bed,  I  bent  over  her  till 
my  jet-black  locks  blended  with  those  sunny  waves  of  hers, 
forming  as  great  a  contrast  as  existed  between  her  buoyant, 
careless  nature,  and  my  earnest,  brooding  one. 

"What  makes  your  eyes  shine  so,  Esperance?  Ah,  I 
know.  You  sat  a  long  time  with  Mr.  Northrup  last  night." 

"  I  will  not  deny  it,  darling." 


ESPEBANCE.  203 

"  Sometimes  you  are  so  gloomy,  and  then  again  in  such 
fine  spirits  !  And  for  a  day  or  two,  Mr.  Northrup  has  seemed 
quite  depressed.  I  wonder  if  I  shall  ever  be  in  love?" 

And  those  violet  eyes  had  an  unquiet  look,  as  if  already 
disturbed  with  some  prescience  of  the  tempest-god. 

"  Do  you  suppose  I  shall  have  lovers?" 

"  Yes,  dear  Joy,  for  beauty  always  wins  hearts ;  but  re 
member,  my  pretty  sister,  that  it  is  only  goodness  that  retains 
them." 

"  He  is  almost  my  brother,"  she  suddenly  exclaimed,  "  and 
I  will  call  him  Walter." 

"I  had  rather  you  would  not,  for  he  is  not  your  brother 
yet,  and  you  are  but  a  child." 

"  A  child,  am  I  ?  "  And  she  pouted,  and  tossed  back  her 
curls  ;  then,  in  a  changed  voice,  "  Well,  I  shall  tell  him  what 
you  say,  and  that  he  need  not  treat  me  so  formally." 

"  Any  way  to  suit  yourself.  But  take  care,  or  you  will 
be  late  for  breakfast." 

That  morning  we  walked  through  some  of  the  principal 
streets,  and  visited  the  Sceurs  Noires  and  the  Hotel  Dieu, 
and  then  went  into  the  chapel  connected  with  the  latter. 

I  had  indulged  in  many  dreams  about  young  and  graceful 
nuns,  robed  in  innocence  and  white,  and  must  own  to  some 
thing  of  a  shock  when  a  long  procession  of  old  women, 
dressed  in  coarse  gray  bombazet,  and  some  of  them  suffi 
ciently  ugly,  passed  in  file  before  me,  chanting  their  Ave 
Marias. 

In  the  afternoon,  while  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mordecai  were  vis 
iting  some  of  their  Jewish  friends,  Mr.  Evans,  an  acquaint 
ance  of  young  Nelson's  father,  took  us  out  for  a  drive.  This 
was  quite  to  our  advantage,  for  he  was  able  to  give  us  many 


204  ESPERANCE. 

items  of  information  about  the  place.  From  him  we  learned 
that,  as  early  as  the  middle  of  the  sixteenth  century,  a  reli 
gious  association  was  organized  in  France  for  the  express 
purpose  of  colonizing  the  Island  of  Montreal,  or  Mount 
Royal,  as  it  was  then  called,  and  that  the  king  ceded  it  Avith 
this  intent.  The  superior  of  the  Jesuits  consecrated  the 
spot  selected  for  the  city,  and  it  was  at  first  named  La  Ville 
Marie,  in  honor  of  the  virgin  mother.  The  whole  of  this 
delightful  domain,  the  "  garden  of  Canada,"  soon  came  into 
possession  of  the  St.  Sulpicians  of  Paris,  and  was  by  them 
conveyed  to  the  seminary  of  their  order  established  at  Mon 
treal.  When  Great  Britain  made  the  conquest  of  Canada, 
the  property  and  revenues  of  the  seigniories,  and  the  estates 
connected  with  the  religious  institutions,  were  guaranteed  to 
the  possessors.  . 

It  was  a  charming  landscape  that  was  spread  out  before 
us  as  we  drove  round  the  mountain  ;  —  the  priests'  gardens, 
the  very  choicest  of  the  land,  and  under  the  richest  cultiva 
tion  ;  the  mountains  in  the  distance  softened  in  the  purple 
haze  that  lay  upon  them  ;  the  St.  Lawrence,  with  its  myriad 
isles  of  witchery  and  romance  ;  and  then,  adding  beauty  by 
variety,  the  city  with  its  lofty  spires,  and  its  plated  roofs 
glistening  in  the  sunlight. 

On  Sunday  we  went  to  the  church  of  Notre  Dame.  The 
gentlemen  were  obliged  to  go  into  the  galleries,  while  we 
mesdames  followed  the  beadle  in  his  uniform  through  one  of 
the  many  aisles  of  this  vast  cathedral.  After  what  seemed 
an  interminable  walk,  we  were  bestowed  in  one  of  the  front 
pews,  with  a  fine  view  of  the  altar  before  us.  There  was  so 
much  to  bewilder  in  the  grand  tout  ensemble,  that  it  was  some 
time  before  I  could  take  a  deliberate  survey  of  anything. 


ESPEBANCE.  205 

As  I  gazed  round  the  building,  lifting  my  eyes  to  its  triple 
rows  of  galleries,  and  looking  across  from  one  end  to  the 
other,  it  seemed  to  me  that  more  than  half  the  people  col 
lected  were  children — an  illusion  owing  to  the  immense  size 
of  the  church. 

There  was  much  to  interest  in  the  service,  and,  with  many, 
there  was  an  appearance  of  devotion.  But  what  a  contrast 
was  the  whole  to  the  simple  worship  of  the  primitive  church  ! 
"  And  is  it  necessary,"  I  said  to  myself,  "  to  interpose  all  this 
gorgeous  ceremonial  —  these  vain  traditions  of  men  —  be 
tween  the  sinning  soul  and  its  Redeemer?  Nay,  let  me 
come  near  to  Him,  as  did  Mary  Magdalene,  and  bathe  his 
feet  with  my  repenting  tears.  And  let  me  hear  —  not  my 
absolution  pronounced  by  an  erring  mortal  like  myself,  but 
those  blessed  words  from  his  own  divine  lips,  '  Go  in  peace  ; 
thy  sins  are  forgiven  thee.' " 
18 


206  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXIX. 

ON  leaving  Montreal,  our  faces  were  turned  towards  Niag 
ara.  For  some  time  we  made  frequent  exchanges  from  the 
stage-coach  to  the  steamboat,  and  then  Hack  again,  but 
either  way  of  travelling  had  its  attractions. 

After  riding  for  some  time,  I  suddenly  missed  my  large 
shawl,  which  event  procured  me  many  expressions  of  regret. 

"  You  shall  have  my  overcoat  as  a  substitute,"  said 
Walter. 

A  moment  after,  our  gallant  Southron  was  missing,  nor 
did  we  see  him  till  we  were  about  embarking  in  the  Great 
Britain,  when  he  suddenly  reappeared,  waving  aloft  my 
missing  shawl.  After  tea,  when  the  young  people  were  col 
lected  for  a  dance  upon  deck,  I  quietly  withdrew  to  a  little 
distance,  and  gazed  at  the  long  wake  of  the  vessel. 

When  we  came  upon  Lake  Ontario,  I  felt  almost  as  if  we 
were  on  the  boundless  ocean.  The  evenings,  especially,  were 
charming. 

"  Blue  rolled  the  watef  s,  blue  the  sky 
Spread  like  an  ocean  hung  on  high, 
Bespangled  with  those  isles  of  light, 
So  wildly,  spiritually  bright. 
Who  ever  gazed  upon  them  shining, 
And  turned  to  earth  without  repining, 
Nor  longed  for  wings  to  flee  away, 
And  mix  with  their  ethereal  ray  ? " 


ESPERANCE.  207 

In  answer  to  this  last  poetical  question,  I  suppose  I  ought 
to  except  lovers.  At  that  time,  certainly,  I  had  no  wish  for 
wings  on  which  to  soar  from  earth. 

"  I  am  so  tired !  "  exclaimed  Joy,  as  we  began  to  climb 
Brock's  Monument,  having  landed  at  Queenstown  for  the 
purpose. 

And  she  threw  herself  down,  as  if  completely  wearied  out. 
Although  Nelson  was  with  her,  yet  Walter  sprang  forward, 
and  then,  as  suddenly,  arrested  himself. 

"  You  had  better  not  try  to  ascend  any  farther,"  said  I, 
"  and  I  will  stop  with  you." 

"  No,  you  shall  go  on,  Hope,"  interposed  "Walter,  "  and  I 
will  remain." 

"  Thank  you,  but  I  am  determined  to  go  up,  if  I  have  to 
creep.  I  must  reach  the  top." 

"  Then,  Walter,  you  can  go  the  other  side  and  assist  her. 
I  am  stronger  than  she,  and  can  manage  alone." 

" Do  you  wish  it?"  asked  he,  with  some  hesitation. 

"  Certainly  I  do." 

As  he  stooped  to  help  her  rise,  Nelson  stood  still  for  a 
moment,  but,  impelled  by  his  chivalric  feeling,  at  length 
said, — 

"  Mr.  Northrup,  I  presume,  is  stronger  than  I,  and  can 
give  all  the  support  you  need.  And  as  to  you,  Miss  Frazer, 
you  must  condescend  to  accept  my  help,  for  you  shall  not 
stir  alone." 

And  he  gave  me  his  arm. 

"  Then,"  said  Joy,  "  you  had  better  pass  on,  for  we  shall 
not  move  as  rapidly  as  you." 

So,  as  she  hung  confidingly  on  Walter's  arm,  we  passed 


208  ESPERANOE. 

them  in  silence.  And  I  caught  his  low  voice,  "  Lean  en 
tirely  on  me,  Joy."  And  as,  even  then,  she  seemed  unable 
to  climb,  he  proposed  her  resting  a  few  minutes.  Nelson  ex 
erted  himself  to  be  agreeable,  and,  to  show  my  appreciation 
of  his  efforts,  I  laughed  and  talked  gayly.  On  reaching  the 
summit,  I  sank  down,  more  weary  in  mind  than  body.  Cast 
ing  my  eye  from  those  heights,  I  saw  the  twain  still  slowly 
ascending.  To  render  the  more  assistance,  Walter  had 
thrown  his  arm  round  her,  and  was,  at  that  moment,  looking 
down  into  the  fair  face  leaning  against  his  shoulder.  At 
length  they  gained  the  summit.  When  he  had  seated  Joy, 
he  said  to  me,  — 

"  Your  sister  is  completely  exhausted.  What  can  we  do 
for  her?" 

"  We  will  improvise  a  couch  on  these  seats,"  replied  I, 
trying  to  forget  my  own  fatigue. 

So  we  prepared  a  place,  and  Walter  tenderly  assisted  her 
there. 

The  next  moment  he  turned  away,  and  seemed  to  be 
gazing  down  those  heights.  Soon  he  came  to  me,  and,  with 
an  assiduous  air,  inquired,  — 

"  Are  you  not  tired,  Espy  ?  " 

"  Not  in  the  least.  I  belong  to  that  tribe  of  women  called 
Amazons,  who  need  no  assistance." 

He  gave  me  a  keen  glance,  as  he  said,  — 

"But  Mr.  Nelson  —  " 

"  Oh,  yes.  I  had  help  enough.  I  was  only  speaking  of 
my  capability." 

On  our  descent  we  found  a  boat  ready  to  ferry  us  over  to 
Lewiston.  That  deep  ravine,  and  those  precipices  hanging 
over  the  water,  clothed  to  their  summits  with  green,  made  a 


ESPERANCE.  209 

fine  spectacle  for  those  who  had  eyes  to  enjoy  it.  "We  had 
been  told  that  at  this  place  we  should  take  the  "  new  green 
coach."  But  we  soon  found  that  it  was  designed  to  beguile 
us  into  another.  Against  this,  Nelson  stubbornly  protested." 
In  vain  did  the  landlord  tell  him  there  was  another  coach 
about  to  start,  which  would  go  empty  unless  we  were  willing 
to  make  the  exchange. 

"  But,"  said  Nelson,  pointing  to  the  rear  of  the  hotel, 
"  that  is  the  renowned  green  coach  of  which  I  have  heard 
so  much." 

The  landlord  could  not  deny  it. 

"  And  it  is  the  best  on  the  line." 

Nor  could  he  deny  that. 

"  And,"  continued  Nelson,  with  one  of  his  most  winning 
smiles,  "  I  always  think  the  best  is  good  enough  for  me. 
Now,  if  you  love  me,  you  will  wish  me  to  ride  in  that  green 
coach,  whose  fame  is  so  illustrious." 

Mine  host  was  fairly  flattered  into  compliance,  and,  with 
alacrity,  put  us  in  speedy  possession  of  the  coveted  green 
coach. 

From  the  time  of  our  leaving  the  monument,  Walter  had 
been  all  devotion  to  me.  And  I  gave  myself  up  to  anticipa 
tions  of  delight  in  the  wonderful  spectacle  we  were  approach 
ing.  "We  passed  an  Indian  encampment,  and  caught  sight 
of  tall,  shadowy  figures  moving  round  the  fire  they  had 
kindled.  But  I  felt  such  an  eagerness  to  behold  Niagara, 
that  I  had  little  concern  for  other  sights. 

It  was  night  when  we  reached  the  hotel ;  and  as  it  was 

cloudy  as  well  as  late,  there  seemed  no  alternative  but  to  be 

quiet  till  morning.     "With  what  impatience  did  I  raise  my 

curtains  at  early  dawn,  and  gaze  upon  the  rapids,  dashing 

18* 


210  ESPERANCE. 

onward  to  the  glorious  leap  !  After  breakfast  we  started  — 
Walter  and  I  first,  then  Nelson  and  Joy,  and  behind  them 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Mordecai.  I  seemed  treading  on  air.  On  we 
went,  in  search  of  the  chainless  flood.  Soon  we  were  on  the 
extremity  of  Terrapin  Bridge,  at  that  time  hanging  just  over 
the  boiling  gulf.  As  I  stood  there,  the  visible  universe 
faded  from  my  thoughts,  and  God  and  eternity  filled  my 
whole  being.  Every  fibre  quivered  ;  every  nerve  was  on  fire  ; 
every  feeling  was  aroused  and  blended  in  one  overpowering 
emotion,  subsiding  at  length  into  a  solemn  sadness.  Then 
came  that  strange  impulse  to  fling  myself  down  the  thunder 
ing  abyss.  Glorious  Niagara !  Yet  — 

"  What  art  thou  to  Him 
Who  poured  thee  from  his  hollow  hand, 
And  hung  his  bow  upon  thy  awful  front  ? " 

Ay!  while  the  waters  beneath,  maddened  by  their  frantic 
leap,  lash  and  foam  in  wild  fury,  there,  serenely  arched 
above  them,  hangs  God's  eternal  bow  —  its  unshorn  beams 
stretching  away  into  a  misty  glory. 

As  I  stood  with  that  voice  of  God  resounding  in  my 
ear,  how  did  the  pomp  and  circumstance  of  life,  its  din 
and  turmoil,  its  vain  pursuits  and  bitter  strifes,  fade  into 
nothingness ! 

Beauty  everywhere  in  that  vicinity  is  strangely  mingled 
with  the  sublime  and  awful.  Blooming  along  the  path 
spring  up  sweet  flowers  of  every  tint,  —  not  only  in  the 
Arcadian  groves,  but  piercing  the  crags,  and  growing  on  the 
very  brink  of  the  mighty  cataract  —  an  august  home,  truly, 
for  the  birth  and  cradling  of  such  delicate  creations  ! 

As  we  were  wandering  about,  there  came  a  familiar  sum- 


ESPERANCE.  211 

rnons,  and  all  our  grand  scenery,  with  its  attendant  raptures, 
was  exchanged  for  a  substantial  dinner,  and  its  attendant 
satisfaction.  After  this  necessary  business  was  accomplished, 
we  recorded  our  names  in  the  book  kept  for  the  purpose, 
Avhile  one  of  our  company  read  aloud  the  following  lines, 
which  had  just  been  written  in  the  same  book :  — 

"  Dash  on — in  thunder  dash —  eternal  flood :. 

My  soul  would  spring  to  meet  thy  spirit-form, 
-    And  share  the  grandeur  of  thy  revelry ! 
But  may  I  dare  to  claim  thy  fellowship  ? 
Niagara  !  I  feel  my  nothingness  ! 
When  he  who  gazes  on  thee  now,  shall  sleep 
Where  not  the  thunders  of  thy  voice  may  break 
His  rest,  thou  wilt,  in  thy  magnificent, 
Unbroken  march,  roll  on  the  same  —  the  same ; 
Thy  form  unchanged  —  thy  voice  as  when  it 
Mingled  with  the  choir  that  sang  Time's  birth,    4 
When  the  Almighty  God  first  struck  the  lyre, 
And  the  grand  chorus  of  created  worlds 
Began  their  song. — 

Thou  form  sublime ! 
The  Spirit  of  Eternity  alone 
May  claim  thy  brotherhood !     His  voice  is  heard 
In  thine.     His  banner  in  thy  rainbow  waves ! 
His  mantle  in  thy  drapery  floats ! 
Unchanging  form  —  unceasing  roar  — 
Niagara  !  what  art  thou  ? 

Spray  —  Thunder  —  Foam  ! 

The  breath  —  the  voice  —  the  robes  of  God  ! " 

The  signature  appended  to  this  poem,  was  F.  Lopdarl,  an 
acquaintance,  as  it  proved,  of  Nelson,  and  a  fresh  graduate 
from  college.  Nelson  soon  found  him,  and  we  had  the  pleas- 


212  ESPERANCE. 

ure  of  an  introduction,  and  a  pleasant  chat  with  the  young 
poet.  He  told  us  he  was  expecting  to  leave  the  next  day, 
but  would  be  happy  to  attach  himself  to  our  party  for  the 
afternoon  if  we  would  allow  it,  which  accession  was  cor 
dially  welcomed. 

While  Walter  was  lounging,  as  he  was  fond  of  doing  at 
this  time  of  day,  I  strolled  off  by  myself  for  an  hour's  soli 
tary  enjoyment.  When  I  returned,  Mr.  Lopdarl  was  in  the 
parlor,  and  all  the  company  were  ready  to  undertake  the 
various  exploits  expected  of  travellers.  Of  course,  we  could 
not  be  content  till  we  were  half  drowned,  and  had  wholly 
lost  our  breath  in  the  far-famed  Cave  of  the  Winds.  Then 
we  crossed  the  Ferry  at  the  foot  of  the  Falls,  in  the  Maid  of 
the  Mist — a  regular  witch,  as  she  proved  herself.  Dis 
guised  in  rubber  garments,  so  that  we  looked  like  a  company 
of  Esquimaux ;  dripping  with  the  spray  that  enveloped  us 
in  thick  clouds ;  running  up  and  down  the  deck  as  if  half 
crazed ;  catching  hold  of  strangers  whom  we  mistook  for 
those  of  our  own  party,  and  dragging  them  along  to  behold 
some  newly  discovered  wonder,  while  quaint  snatches  of 
rhyme  from  our  young  poet,  iind  shouts  of  admiration  and 
laughter,  were  strangely  spiced  with  innumerable  gay  and 
solemn  interjections,  running  from  the  lowest  base  all  along 
through  the  gamut  up  to  the  shrillest  treble  ; — we  presented 
a  merry  and  grotesque  masquerade  that  would  well  befit  the 
maddest  carnival  Rome  ever  witnessed.  I  never  saw 
Walter  in  finer  spirits.  Several  times,  when  his  masked 
figure  was  approaching,  I  took  him  for  a  stranger,  till  some 
sign  or  token,  well  understood  in  our  freemasonry,  taught 
me  my  error. 

We  returned  to   our   hotel,  completely  tired   out.     And 


ESPERANCE.  213 

after  supper  our  company  dispersed,  most  of  them  professing 
themselves  unable  to  sit  up  another  minute.  But  Walter 
would  not  suffer  my  departure.  So  we  strolled  out  till  we 
found  a  rock  that  accommodated  us  both. 

"  Has  it  been  a  happy  day  to  you,  Esperance  ?  " 

"It  could  not  have  been  richer  in  enjoyment." 

"And  which  part  of  it  have  you  found  the  most  pleas 
ant  ?  "  —  asked  he,  \yith  an  arch  look  into  my  face. 

"  It  is  rather  difficult  to  decide." 

"  Your  eyes  belie  your  answer." 

"  Read  for  yourself  then." 

"  I  do,  and  am  proud  of  my  influence." 

"  Pride  goeth  before  destruction,  you  know." 

"  There  is  no  danger  of  such  a  catastrophe  when  I  am 
with  you." 

"But  when  away  —  " 

"  You  must  not  let  me  be  away.  You  are  my  pole-star, 
and  when  out  of  sight,  there  is  no  predicting  what  may 
happen." 

He  must  have  seen  a  shade  settle  on  my  face,  for  instantly 
there  came,  to  silence  my  doubts,  a  series  of  arguments  that 
I  could  not  resist.  And  then  "  we  tore  oursels  asunder." 

"  Only  for  the  night,"  I  said,  to  reassure  myself,  as  an 
ugly,  flitting  doubt  passed  over  me. 

To  shame  it  away,  I  brought  face  to  face  with  it  Walter's 
passionate  tenderness.  And  warming  my  shivering  heart  in 
the  glow  of  these  sweet  recollections,  I  soon  fell  into  a  sound 
and  tranquil  slumber. 


214  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXX. 

NOT  long  after  breakfast,  Joy  suddenly  appeared,  her 
golden  hair  straying  down  beneath  her  gypsy  hat,  and  her 
cheeks  flushed  and  dimpling  with  loveliness.  She  ran  directly 
to  Walter,  saying,  — 

"  I  have  been  walking  all  alone." 

"  Alone  !    How  could  you?  " 

"Because  I  wanted  to  be  independent,  like  Espy.  But 
dear  me  !  I  met  ever  so  many  gentlemen,  and  they  stared  at 
me  till  I  got  frightened." 

"  No  wonder  they  stared.  I  should  have  been  likely 
to  do  the  same  myself,"  replied  Walter,  with  an  admiring 
gaze. 

"  Ah,  but  you  could  not  alarm  me  ;  so  I  have  come  back 
for  you  to  go  with  me,  and  keep  off  all  those  eyes." 

"  But  your  sister  —  " 

"  Hope,  won't  you  spare  him  to  me  a  little  while?  " 

"  Certainly,  as  long  as  you  wish." 

"  There,  she  gives  you  leave." 

He  still  hesitated ;  I  saw  it  plainly.  But  her  persuasive 
look  prevailed,  and,  with  a  quick  glance  at  me,  he  accompa 
nied  her.  I  hastened  to  my  room,  and  watched  them  moving 
slowly  along.  Her  face  was  turned  up  to  his,  and  his  bent 
down  to  hers,  —  and  both  of  them  so  handsome  !  But  Avhat 
of  that?  Was  their  beauty  any  reason  why  they  should  not 


ESPERANCE.  215 

look  at  one  another?  No  !  — I  was  foolish.  She  was  a  mere 
child,  and  he  was  my  betrothed.  How  could  I  doubt  him? 
But  while  I  was  reasoning  thus  with  myself,  the  air  grew 
strangely  close.  I  must  go  out  and  inhale  the  pure  breath 
of  heaven.  I  would  ramble  by  myself  to  Goat  Island ;  in 
those  sweet  shades  I  might  drink  in  repose. 

Passing  the  bridge,  I  strolled  along  till  I  came  to  a  nook, 
protected  from  prying  eyes  by  luxuriant  foliage.  I  seated 
myself  on  a  bank,  and,  leaning  against  an  old  oak,  I  lifted 
up  my  burdened  spirit  to  heaven,  asking  that  the  intensity  of 
my  nature  might  be  tempered— that  my  inordinate  affections 
might  be  moderated. 

Suddenly  a  faint  sound  of  footsteps  and  of  murmuring 
voices  caught  my  ear.  I  kept  quiet  lest  I  should  be  dis 
covered.  The  sounds  grew  nearer,  till  two  figures,  which  I 
at  once  recognized,  were  in  sight. 

"  Let  us  stop  here,"  said  that  voice  I  knew  so  well. 

So  he  placed  her  on  a  rustic  bench,  and  then  seated  him 
self  beside  her.  I  thought  of  our  happy  day  at  Greenwood 
Pond,  and  it  seemed  as  if  years  had  passed  over  my  head 
since  then.  And  yet  he  wore  the  same  look  as  when  he  told 
his  love.  O  Walter,  Walter  ! 

Joy  tried  to  untie  her  hat. 

"  Let  me !  " 

And  his  hands  (I  saw  them  tremble  a.s  they  did  it) 
loosened  the  knot,  and  hung  the  pretty  hat  with  its  flutter 
ing  ribbons  on  a  green  bough.  Then  she  threw  aside  her 
shawl,  and  shaking  her  head,  that  wealth  of  hair  fell  about 
her  face  and  shoulders  like  a  glittering  veil.  Was  it  un 
manlike  that  he  should  be  charmed?  —  he,  such  a  wor 
shipper  of  beauty,  and  she,  so  bent  on  conquest?  I  could  note 


216  ESPERANCE. 

the  effect  of  his  admiration  in  the  delicate  flush  that  stole 
over  her  cheek. 

"May  I?"  asked  he,  lifting  those  golden  threads,  and 
fixing  his  persuasive  eyes  on  hers. 

He  found  there  no  refusal,  for  he  pressed  them  to  his  lips. 
Then  she  coquettishly  snatched  them  away,  saying,  — 

"You  don't  deserve  that  I  should  be  so  good  to  you." 

"What  have  I  done?" 

"  Oh,  you  leave  me  with  Mr.  Nelson,  when  I  like  you  so 
much  better." 

"  But  do  you  like  me  better? " 

"  You  know  it  very  well,  and  that,  I  believe,  is  the  reason 
why  you  do  so." 

"  No,  Joy,  that  is  not  the  reason,  as  you  would  know  if 
you  had  the  least  discernment." 

"What  is  it  then?" 

"  I  don't  think  I  ought  to  tell  you." 

"  Then  I  shall  be  very  unhappy." 

"  Well,  if  I  must  own  it,"  said  he  in  a  low  voice,  "  it  is 
because  I  am  afraid  of  liking  you  too  well." 

"  I  don't  believe  a  word  of  it,  for  when  you  meet  me,  you 
often  turn  away  as  if  I  was  an  ugly,  disagreeable  girl." 

"Instead  of  which,"  he  eagerly  replied,  "you  are  the 
most  beautiful  creature  I  ever  beheld.  Are  you  satisfied 
now?" 

"  Partly,"  she  replied,  her  eyes  falling  beneath  his  gaze. 
"But  how  shall  I  know  it  is  not  all  flattery?" 

"  O  Joy,  why  did  I  ever  meet  you?  If — "  and  he  stopped. 

"  If  what?"  asked  she,  timidly  lifting  her  downcast  eyes. 

"  I  must  not  say  it ;  but  if  I  could,  you  would  be  con 
vinced  that  my  words  are  anything  but  flattery." 


ESPERANCE.  217 

"  I  want  to  be  convinced." 

He  shook  his  head  with  a  gloomy  air. 

"  Please  tell  me,  Mr.  Northrup."  And  putting  her  hand 
on  his  arm,  she  looked  up  in  his  face. 

"  Irresistible  tempter  ! "  exclaimed  he,  in  a  half  desperate, 
half  melancholy  tone.  "  I  have  again  and  again  forced  back 
the  words,  but  if  you  will  have  them,  you  must.  I  was  going 
to  say  that  I  could  easily  convince  you  I  am  no  flatterer,  if  I 
was  only  at  liberty  to  ask  you  to  be  my  Joy.  There — you 
have  it  now." 

And  he  relapsed  into  a  moody  silence,  while  her  face  was 
lighted  by  a  smile.  She  sat  for  a  moment  rolling  her  curls 
over  her  fingers,  and  then,  creeping  nearer  to  him,  she  half 
whispered,  — 

" "Why  are  you  not  at  liberty? " 

"  Don't,  Joy ; — you  know  nothing  of  the  struggles  you 
have  already  cost  me."  And  with  a  shudder  he  turned 
from  her. 

Putting  her  hand  under  his  chin,  she  brought  back  his  face 
towards  her. 

"  You  see  what  I  dare  for  you.  Indeed,  you  shan't  turn 
from  me  so.  What  have  I  done  ?  " 

"  You  have  bewitched  me  out  of  my  reason." 

He  said  this  so  fiercely,  that  Joy  seemed  almost  terrified. 

"  O,  Mr.  Northrup,"  she  exclaimed,  "  I  can't  bear  to 
have  you  displeased  with  me."  And  tears  stole  to  her  eyes. 

"  What  a  brute  I  am  !  Your  gentle  nature  is  frightened 
by  such  vehemence.  Forgive  me  —  will  you  not?  " 

When  I  speak  of  my  sister  as  coquettish,  I  do  not  mean 
that  she  was  essentially  artful  or  deceptive  in  character.  I 
have  not  a  doubt  that  Walter  had  unconsciously  inspired  her 
19 


218  ESPEEANCE. 

with  a  real,  girlish  interest.  And  selfishly,  as  I  must  admit, 
but  thoughtlessly,  she  had  played  upon  him  all  her  insnaring 
arts,  though  with  little  idea  of  the  agony  she  was  causing  to 
a  heart  that  loved  her. 

But  this  is  not  telling  the  story.  "What  was  I  saying  last? 
Ah,  I  remember.  Walter  asked  her  forgiveness.  And,  as 
her  answer,  she  put  her  hand  into  his,  and  looked  kindly  into 
his  eyes.  Is  it  strange  they  glowed  upon  her  as  he  ex 
claimed,  — 

"  O  Joy,  in  mercy  leave  me,  or  I  shall  sin  still  further 
against  my  poor  Espy."  And  he  covered  his  face  with  his 
hands. 

Should  I  rush  to  his  rescue  ?  No  !  he  must  fight  his  own 
battles.  I  could  do  nothing  but  wait  the  issue. 

"  I  cannot  leave  you  till  I  have  made  you  happier.  Tell 
me  how  to  comfort  you." 

"Alas!  what  avail  my  struggles  against  such  a  siren? 
May  I  be  forgiven,  but  I  must  this  once  —  " 

I  saw  his  perjured  lips  press  hers.  And  I  did  not  faint  or 
cry,  but  instead,  sat  spell-borund,  watching  every  look  and 
movement,  listening  for  every  word,  every  breath. 

The  deed  was  done,  and  written  down  in  my  heart's  blood. 
Then  a  deep  sigh  escaped  him,  and  groaning  aloud,  he 
exclaimed,  — 

"  O  Joy,  I  have  done  this  —  I  —  the  betrothed  of  another* 
And  she  is  noble,  and  she  loves  me." 

"  And  don't  I  love  you  ?  " 

"  But  that  only  increases  my  misery.  For  I  am  bound  to 
her  by  every  law  of  honor." 

"  And  have  you  not  just  bound  yourself  to  me,  who  have- 
never  known  sorrow  ?  You  wouldn't  forsake  me  ?  " 


ESPERANCE.  219 

"  Alas  !  what  can  I  do?     I  have  struggled,  as  you  know  ; 

and  now  you  know  how  vainly.     But  I  have  committed  a 

great  wrong  —  against  you,   sweet   one,   against   her,  and 

,  against  God.     How  can  I  repair  it  but  by  returning  at  once 

to  my  plighted  wife  ?  " 

The  tears  were  dropping  from  her  eyes.  He  took  her 
hand,  and  continued, — 

"  Sweet  one,  it  would  be  bliss  to  have  you  for  my  own. 
But  I  am  not  free.  We  have  both  wronged  your  sister. 
Help  me  to  be  strong,  to  flee  from  you,  to  atone  to  poor 
Hope."  Was  not  the  scorn  that  raged  in  my  heart  hot 
enough  to  consume  him  where  he  sat?  "  I  have  never  done 
a  base  thing."  Ha !  "I  cannot  -do  one  now.  I  will  not 
break  my  vow,  though  I  may  die  in  giving  you  up." 

She  lifted  her  drooping  face  to  his,  and  began  to  sob.  He 
smoothed  her  locks,  he  kissed  her  forehead  —  oh,  so  tenderly, 
and  thus  toying  with  temptation,  began  to  hesitate. 

"  If  I  could  only  honorably  free  myself!  Tell  me,  precious 
one,  is  there  any  way?  " 

"  Espy  is  strong,  and  does  not  need  you.  She  can  bear 
suffering  better  than  I ;  don't  you  think  so  ?  " 

"  I  know  she  can.  And  who  can  say  that  I  ought  not  to 
become  your  protector,  and  shield  you  from  all  unhappi- 
ness  ?  " 

"  Why  don't  you,  then?  " 

"  Why  don't  I?  How  little  iny  bird  knows  of  this  terrible 
conflict !  Why  don't  I  ?  It  is  a  very  serious  question,  Joy, 
and  must  be  decided  when  you  are  not  by  to  beguile  my 
judgment." 

As  her  tears  again  flowed,  he  gently  asked,  "  Can  you 
not  wait  till  I  have  time  to  consider?  Will  you  not 
trust  me?" 


220  ESPER A  NCE. 

"  I  am  afraid  of  losing  you.     I  cannot  wait." 

"  And  do  you  really  love  me  so?  That  should  help  my 
decision,  for  your  heart  is  too  tender  to  struggle  with  disap 
pointment." 

"  I  shall  not  let  you  go  till  you  promise,"  said  she,  laying 
her  hand  on  his. 

"Charming  bondage!  I  may  break  the  other,  I  never 
can  this.  On  my  bridal  day,  your  face  would  come  between 
me  and  her." 

"  Promise,  then." 

"Promise?  Don't  you  believe  that  if  there  is  any  pos 
sible  way  to  free  myself,  I  shall  discover  it?  But  if  I 
trample  on  my  vows  for  your  sake,  what  will  you  do  for 
mine  ?  " 

"  I  will  be  your  pet.  Will  not  that  be  reward  enough?  " 
And  she  looked  archly  into  his  face. 

"  Ah,  you  know  your  power  too  well.  You  will  be  a  little 
tyrant.  But  how  will  you  pay  me  now  ?  " 

"  How  can  I  pay  you  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  must  love  me  so  and  so,  and  not  let  me  have 
time  to  repent." 

And  as  he  rained  upon  her  his  fond  caresses,  the  stings  of 
remorse  were  stifled  in  the  sweets  of  his  fresh  sinning. 

"  Are  you  satisfied?"  asked  Joy,  at  length. 

"  I  am  satisfied,  my  darling." 

And  I  —  his  betrothed  —  heard  all.  Did  I  spring  out 
upon  them,  with  reproaches?  No,  none  of  this.  I  only 
clasped  my  hands  closely  over  my  heart  to  still  its  loud 
throbbings.  I  only  stifled  the  groans  of  my  lacerated  soul, 
and  sat  in  a  silence  like  that  of  death. 

How  long  they  lingered  there  I  know  not.     I  only  know 


ESPERANCE.  221 

that  I  outsat  them.  Patiently  ?  Yes,  patient  as  such  agony 
makes  one.  And  when  their  passionate  tones  and  words  had 
died  out  of  my  ears,  and  their  passionate  looks  and  embraces 
out  of  my  eyes,  —  not  out  of  my  heart,  —  they  could  never, 
never  die  out  there  ;  when  ages  seemed  to  have  passed  since 
I  saw  them  sitting  just  in  front  of  me,  I  lifted  myself,  veiled 
my  face,  and  tottered  on  as  best  I  could. 

Once  in  my  room,  I  bolted  my  door,  and  threw  myself — 
not  on  the  bed — the  floor  better  suited  my  mood.  And  there 
I  lay,  with  reeling  senses,  and  a  brain  on  fire,  while  in  my 
trampled  and  bruised  heart  were  wildly  struggling,  tender 
ness  and  scorn,  love  and  hate,  life  and  death.  Oh,  the  unut 
terable  anguish  of  those  hours,  when  no  tears  would  come  to 
my  burning  eyes  !  I  could  only  lie  there  in  my  pitiful  misery 
and  helplessness,  while  stifled  groans  were  forced  from  me, 
which  might  have  moved  an  enemy,  could  he  have  known 
from  what  depths  they  were  wrung. 

The  slow-moving  hours  tolled  a  mournful  requiem,  as  the 
long  procession  of  stricken  hopes  and  joys  were  borne  on 
ward  to  their  death  and  burial.  And  I  —  the  victim  — 
turned  executioner.  Gathering  them  all  together,  my  own 
hand  kindled  the  fire  which  consumed  them  to  a  smouldering 
heap.  And  I  —  the  bereft  —  the  sole  mourner — I  dug  the 
grave,  and  with  trembling,  but  not  unheroic  hands,  en 
tombed  the  happy  past  —  my  one  dream  of  love. 
19* 


222  ESPERANCE 


CHAPTER    XXXI. 

NIGHT  had  departed,  hiding  in  her  faithful  bosom  my 
fearful  secret.  Allowing  no  time  for  vain  regrets,  I  girded 
myself  for  what  remained. 

It  was  a  lovely  morning,  —  so  they  all  said,  —  though  to 
me  the  skies  wore  a  leaden  hue.  After  repeatedly  bathing 
my  eyes  to  efface  all  signs  of  my  vigils,  I  stood  before  the 
mirror,  and  began  to  arrange  my  hair.  I  did  it  with  un 
usual  care,  intent  on  what  would  be  most  becoming. 
Woman-like,  was  it  not?  But  I  had  a  triumph  to  win, 
and  must  make  the  most  of  what  goes  so  far  —  good  looks. 
I  felt  a  sort  of  pity  for  myself  when  I  observed  my  wan  face. 
But  a  certain  thought  brought  a  faint  tinge  to  my  cheeks, 
and  a  light  to  my  dimmed  eyes,  which  I  did  not  note  without 
satisfaction. 

Descending  to  the  parlor,  I  gave  a  careless  good  morning, 
first  to  Nelson,  who  stood  near  the  door,  and  afterwards  to 
the  rest  of  our  company. 

"  I  was  sorry,  Joy,  to  exclude  you  from  my  room,  but  a 
severe  headache  was  my  excuse.  The  chambermaid  took 
my  message  to  you,  I  suppose." 

"  She  did,"  answered  Joy,  with  deepening  color. 

"  I  hope  my  illness  gave  you  no  disturbance,"  —  next  ad 
dressing  Walter,  "  Did  you  pass  a  comfortable  night?  " 

"  No,  I  did  not  sleep  very  well.  But  I  am  glad  to  see 
you  in  such  good  spirits  this  morning." 


ESPERANCE.  223 

I  have  no  doubt  he  felt  so. 

"  Thank  you.  And  you  shall  have  the  benefit  of  them  if 
you  will  take  a  stroll  with  me  after  breakfast." 

"  With  pleasure,"  replied  he,  coloring,  as  he  exchanged  a 
quick  glance  with  Joy. 

Walter  sat  opposite  me  at  the  table,  and  during  breakfast 
I  exerted  every  power  to  be  entertaining.  When  we  left  the 
dining-room,  I  hastened  to  tie  on  my  bonnet,  stealing  a 
glance  at  the  mirror  to  convince  myself  that  my  mask  was 
impenetrable.  In  a  moment  more  my  arm  was  linked  in 
Walter's,  and  we  were  taking  a  lover's  walk.  It  seemed  to 
me  I  must  have  been  breathing  pure  oxygen,  so  elastic  was 
my  step,  so  airy  my  words. 

u  Where  shall  we  go,  Esperance  ?  " 

"  Wherever  you  please  ;  to  Goat  Island,  perhaps." 

He  started,  and  then  pressed  my  arm  closer. 

I  am  not  conscious  of  ever  playing  the  coquette  before  or 
since.  But  I  did  it  that  morning,  and  I  flatter  myself  I 
acted  my  part  well.  I  had  a  sufficient  motive  to  stimulate 
every  energy.  A  proud  woman's  loving  heart  had  been 
flung  back  in  her  face.  I  spurned  the  humiliation,  and  was 
resolved  to  triumph  over  it. 

I  was  well  aware  of  the  strength  of  my  influence  over 
Walter  in  certain  directions,  —  that  I  ruled  in  his  deeper 
nature.  And  that  morning  no  means  were  left  un taxed  that 
might  tend  to  refetter  my  almost  escaped  captive.  I  alter 
nately  piqued  and  flattered  him ;  in  short,  I  made  free  use 
of  all  a  woman's  artillery.  Nor  did  I  remit  my  efforts  till  I 
saw  that  my  lover's  plastic  nature  was  in  my  hands,  ready 
for  the  costly  mould  I  had  prepared.  All  thought  of  ac 
knowledging  his  affection  for  another  had  vanished.  There 


224  ESPEBANCE. 

was  no  longer  any  struggle  to  escape.  Sense  had  yielded  to 
higher  powers,  and  that  hour  he  was  all  my  own. 

He  had  several  times  attempted  to  take  some  accustomed 
liberty,  but  I  had  continued  playfully  to  thwart  him.  At 
length  we  came  to  a  beautiful  little  dingle. 

"  Sit  here  —  will  you  not  ?  " 

"  If  you  wish,"  said  I,  carelessly  tossing  aside  my  hat. 

"  What  makes  you  so  coy  to-day,  dear  Hope?" 

"  Oh,  you  know  woman  is  privileged  to  be  capricious." 

"  But  you  have  never  been  so  with  me  before,  and  I  shall 
not  permit  it  now." 

"  Shall  not?    Let  me  see  you  help  yourself." 

"  What  ails  you,  Esperance?" 

"  Contrariness  ails  me." 

"  Don't  tantalize  me  so  ;  I  have  my  rights." 

"  And  I,  being  a  woman,  have  a  right  to  deny  your  rights 
—  have  I  not  ?  "  And  I  looked  saucily  into  his  face. 

"  You  have  a  right  to  captivate  me,  I  suppose.  Really,  I 
was  never  more  enamoured." 

"  And  you  never  wish  to  break  from  my  charming  thral 
dom?" 

Blushing  at  my  earnest  gaze,  he  yet  unhesitatingly  replied, 
"  Never." 

"And  you  would  be  miserable  without  me?" 

"  I  certainly  should,  and  comparatively  worthless  besides." 

"  And  you  find  me  exactly  what  you  need?" 

"  Exactly  ;  —  that  is  —  of  course  —  when  I  am  myself. 
Are  you  not  satisfied,  dearest  ?  " 

"Perfectly.  I  have  the  utmost  confidence  in  the  sincerity 
of  your  words,  as  expressing  your  present  feelings." 

"Why  turn  from  me,  then?"  And  he  fixed  his  eyes  on 
mine,  with  the  old  winning  expression. 


ESPEBANCE.  225 

For  a  moment  I  faltered.  But  I  lashed  my  swerving  pur 
pose,  and  when  I  next  looked  at  him;  it  was  with  a  cool  eye 
and  a  mocking  smile. 

"  I  cannot  bear  this,  Espy,"  exclaimed  he,  in  an  excited 
tone.  "  Don't  you  believe  me  when  I  say  I  love  you?  " 

"  Certainly." 

"  Then  don't  hold  me  at  such  arms'  length.  Torment  me, 
if  you  must,  at  another  time.  But  now,  give  me  some  token 
of  affection.  Mind,  I  do  not  claim  it  as  a  right,  but  entreat 
it  as  a  favor.  I  hope  I  am  humble  enough  to  suit  you,"  he 
added,  with  some  bitterness. 

It  may  seem  an  inexcusable  weakness,  but  the  wish  to 
grant  his  request  came  over  me.  Yet  I  sternly  denied  it. 

"Walter,"  said  I,  looking  kindly,  but  seriously  into  that 
still  too  beloved  face,  "  we  have  had  some  happy  days  to 
gether  —  have  we  not  ?  " 

"  To  be  sure  we  have." 

"  But  notwithstanding  this,  my  first  impression  that  we 
were  totally  unsuited  to  each  other  has  become  a  settled  con 
viction.  We  must,  therefore,  separate.  From  this  moment 
you  are  free." 

And  how  did  he  receive  the  release  for  which  he  had  so 
longed?  With  an  agony  of  tears  and  supplications. 

"  Dearest  Hope,  I  shall  be  nothing  without  you.  I  am 
unworthy  ;  I  admit  it  freely  ;  but  spare  me  this  blow." 

He  pleaded  long  and  importunately,  and  it  was  very  hard 
to  convince  him  that  I  was  inexorable. 

"If  you  insist  on  this  cruel  step,  what  will  become  of 
me?" 

"  You  will  speedily  find  some  one,  who  will  prove  a  more 
fitting  bride  than  I." 


226  ESPERANCE. 

He  looked  at  my  face  searchingly,  but  could  not  spell  a 
syllable  of  its  meaning.  After  a  brief  silence,  he  threw  him 
self  on  his  knees,  and  confessed  the  whole.  Weak  and 
vacillating  as  he  had  been,  he  was  truthful  to  the  letter  — 
he  palliated  nothing. 

"It  has  been  a  dazzling  of  the  senses  —  a  mere  worship 
of  beauty.  I  confess  it  truly  —  it  has  almost  frenzied  me. 
And  whether  you  have  suspected  my  weakness  or  not,  your 
dismission  is  a  just  penalty.  But  pity  me,  dear  Hope.  I 
feel  this  moment  your  greatly  superior  attractions,  and  I 
conjure  you,  save  me  from  myself." 

"  I  would  do  much  for  you,  Walter  ;  but  I  cannot  do  that. 
The  man  whom  I  could  call  husband,  I  must  respect  above 
all  other  men.  I  always  knew  this,  but  somehow,  for  a 
time,  you  made  me  forget  it.  I  cannot  look  up  to  you,  Wal 
ter  ;  I  cannot  rely  on  you." 

He  winced  under  my  words,  but  humbly  urged,  "  Try  me 
six  months,  or  a  year  even." 

"  And  what  could  you  say  to  Joy  ?  " 

"  Alas !  I  have  hopelessly  involved  myself.  But  don't 
you  think  she  would  soon  be  consoled  in  some  other  love  ?  " 

"I  do." 

"Then?" 

"  It  is  of  no  use  ;  I  know  you  better  than  you  know  your 
self." 

He  bowed  his  head  on  my  shoulder  and  wept.  But, 
though  my  heart  was  gushing  towards  him  with  inexpressible 
tenderness,  I  did  not  waver. 

"  Now,  Walter,  you  must  go  for  my  sister.  Tell  her  as 
much  as  you  think  best,  and  then  bring  her  here.  The 
sooner  you  are  plighted  to  each  other,  the  better." 


ESPEBANCE.  227 

"Plighted  to  another?  And  that  when  I  felt  so  assured 
of  my  own  constancy?  Dear  Espy,  you  have  been  more  to 
me  than  I  can  express.  I  cannot  —  "  Then  he  checked 
himself. 

Walking  back  and  forth  with  folded  arms,  he  at  length 
stood  before  me,  and  in  a  broken  voice,  — 

"  I  am  not  worthy,  but  before  I  go,  I  long  to  hold  you  to 
my  heart  once  more.  It  would  ease  the  bitter  parting." 

"  That  would  not  be  right,  Walter ;  you  belong  to  my 
sister  now." 

He  looked  perfectly  woe-begone,  but  made  no  reply.  Af 
ter  a  moment's  silence,  he  took  my  hand,  kissed  it,  and  then 
slowly  withdrew. 


228  BSPERANCE. 


CHAPTER   XXXII. 

I  HAD  triumphed.  Yet  what  it  cost  me,  the  Infinite  alone 
knew.  I  had  sundered  those  bonds  which  I  once  deemed 
inviolable.  But  my  very  soul  was  sick.  The  dreariness  of 
desolation  stretched  out  into  the  distant  future,  measureless, 
hopeless.  I  thought  of  those  laughing  eyes,  in  whose  light 
my  heart  had  come  to  its  blossoming.  A  thousand  tender 
recollections  rushed  over  me.  All  Walter's  better  traits 
came  to  mind,  —  even  his  weaknesses  seemed  pardonable. 
And  I  was  the  one  he  needed;  of  that  I  readily  persuaded 
myself.  As  to  Joy,  she  was  not  of  the  pining  sort. 

How  many  a  similar  struggle  has  woman's  heart  endured  ! 
—  a  struggle  between  love  and  reason,  desperate  in  propor 
tion  to  the  intensity  of  her  nature.  And  I  wept  far  bitterer 
tears  than  he  had  just  poured  out  before  me. 

Dare  I  relent  ?  No ;  it  would  be  madness.  And  he 
would  presently  be  consoled ;  nay,  was  he  not  this  very  mo 
ment  making  love  to  Joy  ?  But  for  me  !  I  once  more  set 
my  face  towards  the  wilderness. 

The  storm  was  laid  before  they  came  —  the  new  young 
lovers.  I  caught  their  footsteps  on  the  soft  piny  carpet. 
And  then  I  heard  him  say,  — 

"  Have  no  fear,  Joy.     It  is  all  her  own  doing." 

I  believe  I  felt  most  of  all  sorry  for  my  poor,  foolish  sister. 
And  I  determined  to  try  to  make  her  worthy  of  him. 


ESPERANCB.  229 

After  Walter  left,  I  had  walked  along  till  I  reached  that 
rural  seat  where  the  scene  of  yesterday  took  place.  And 
there  they  found  me.  I  saw  them  exchange  wondering 
glances ;  but  without  heeding  this,  I  made  them  sit,  one  on 
each  side  of  me.  Then  I  told  Joy  I  had  become  convinced 
that  Walter  was  not  quite  enough  of  a  man  to  suit  me  (I 
saw  his  eye  flash,  but  I  quietly  continued),  and  that  I  was 
not  beautiful  enough  for  one  of  his  taste,  but  that  I  thought 
both  difficulties  would  be  remedied,  if  they  two  could  make 
an  agreement. 

"  Can  you  love  Walter? " 

Her  eyes  drooped,  as  she  nestled  close  to  me.  And  I  was 
proud  that  I  could  bestow  him  as  my  gift. 

I  took  her  dainty  little  hand.    "  Your  hand,  Walter." 

Clasping  them  together,  I  said,  fervently,  — 

"  God  bless  you,  my  brother  and  sister,  and  help  you 
always  to  be  true  to  one  another  !  " 

Then  motioning  Walter  to  sit  beside  Joy,  my  heart  rose 
to  heaven  for  its  choicest  blessings  on  them  both.  Walter 
was  entirely  overcome. 

"  Don't  feel  so  troubled.  I  do  love  you  very  much,  and  I 
will  try  to  be  as  good  as  Hope." 

He  softly  stroked  her  head  as  he  would  that  of  a  child, 
though  her  words  failed  to  quiet  him.  But  I  had  no  longer 
any  business  there.  So  I  said,  cheerfully,  — 

"  You  must  make  the  most  of  to-day,  for  to-morrow  we 
shall  start  for  Ironton.  Be  sure  to  come  back  by  dinner 
time." 

And  leaving  Joy  in  the  place  of  Hope,  I  departed. 

One  cannot  live  forever  on  heroism.  The  Real  will  at 
times  become  too  strong  for  the  Ideal ;  and  nature,  however 
20 


230  ESPERANCE. 

dexterously  thrust  aside  or  sternly  silenced,  will  continue 
clamoring,  till  she  gets  her  way.  So  I  felt,  as  with  languid 
step,  I  re-trod  that  path  over  which  I  had  so  lately  passed 
with  unfaltering  nerves. 

When  we  left  Niagara,  we  should  separate  from  our  other 
friends.  I  must  not  lose  credit  with  them  ;  so  I  whipped  up 
my  flagging  spirits,  and  sat  down  for  a  lively  chat  with 
Nelson. 

"  "Where  are  Mr.  Northrup  and  Miss  Joy?" 

"  I  will  tell  you,"  I  replied,  in  a  confidential  tone.  "  I 
just  left  them  at  Goat  Island,  a  plighted  pair,  full  of  senti 
ment  and  happiness." 

"  Ah  !  indeed !  —  why,  I  thought  —  " 

Nor  was  he  able  to  read  my  face.     So  he  continued,  — 

"  A  fine  match,  truly,"  with  somewhat  of  a  puzzled,  air. 

When  I  had  helped  him  to  recover  his  faculties,  he  broke 
into  a  hearty  laugh. 

"  Ah !  Madam  Minerva,  what  has  become  of  your  wis 
dom  ?  I  thought  your  sister  was  too  much  of  a  child  to  play 
that  game." 

"  She  is.  But  she  contrived  to  get  the  start  of  me.  Be 
sides,  Mr.  Northrup  is  quite  a  patriarch  compared  with  you, 
so  that  relieves  the  matter." 

"  Well,  you  are  beyond  my  comprehension ;  that  is  all. 
But  will  you  play  chess  with  me?" 

"With  pleasure." 

"  We  were  in  the  midst  of  an  exciting  game  —  exciting,  I 
mean,  to  my  partner  ;  and  my  wonderful  knight  was  contin 
ually  calling  out,  '  Check ! '  '  Check  ! '  to  Nelson's  king,  when 
the  lovers  entered.  His  eye  turned  to  them  with  a  curious 
and  searching  glance. 


ESPERANCE.  231 

"Walter  looked  serious  and  protecting,  as  though  he  had 
just  assumed  a  great  responsibility,  as  indeed  he  had.  But 
when  his  eye  glanced  down  upon  the  graceful  creature  by  his 
side,  lifting  up  her  radiant  face  confidingly  into  his,  an  air  of 
satisfaction  came  over  him,  as  if  conscious  of  the  rare  beauty 
of  his  prize.  It  was  pardonable,  I  thought ;  and  as  I  gazed 
upon  them,  I  could  not  help  acknowledging  that  they  were 
more  fitly  paired  than  he  and  I  had  been.  Joy  seemed  very 
happy  ;  and  I  could  not  but  hope  the  effect  on  her  character 
would  be  favorable.  As  to  myself,  of  what  consequence  — 

I  was  startled  from  my  reverie  by  hearing  Nelson  say,  — 

"  What  a  deep  fit  of  abstraction  !  Here  I  have  been  inti 
mating  in  various  ways  the  desirableness  of  your  making  a 
move.  But  for  all  your  hearing  me,  you  might  as  well  have 
been  in  Canton." 

"Pardon  me,  I  had  forgotten  the  dubious  condition  of 
your  king,  but  will  now  pursue  him  with  my  utmost  vigor. 
'  Check  !  —  check  !  —  check  ! ' " 

"  Fairly  conquered,  notwithstanding  your  absent-minded 
ness.  If  you  achieve  such  conquests  when  indifferent,  what 
would  you  do  if  bent  on  winning  ?  " 

"  Be  foiled  in  my  turn,  probably,  and  cry  out  for  mercy." 

"  I  should  like  to  be  your  antagonist  in  such  a  case." 

"  Unkind  Nelson." 

"  Not  unkind.  To  conquer  you  would  be  a  triumph  in 
deed.  And  if  I  could  make  you  cry  out  for  mercy,  I  should 
have  some  hope  of  crowning  you  as  my  queen." 

"  Nonsense !  You  are  truly  a  gallant  Southron.  But 
now  we  must  go  to  dinner?" 

"  May  I  take  you  in  ?  " 

"  May  you  ?    Don't  you  see  you  must  f  " 


282  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXXIII. 

THE  close  of  that  eventful  day  had  at  length  come.  I 
retired  early,  telling  Joy  that  as  I  had  so  long  been  accus 
tomed  to  sleep  alone,  I  found  it  hard  to  form  a  contrary 
habit,  and  that  I  had  engaged  for  her  a  little  room  adjoining 
mine. 

"  Walter,  I  rely  on  you  not  to  detain  my  sister  after  ten 
o'clock." 

"  I  will  not,"  replied  he,  without  venturing  to  look  at  me. 

There  may  be  those  who  will  say  that  when  I  discovered 
the  weakness  of  Mr.  Northrup,  it  was  unwomanly  longer  to 
love.  They  know  little  of  a  woman's  heart.  I  had  always 
been  aware  that  there  was  an  unfitness  in  our  relation. 
Without  any  assumption  of  superiority,  I  could  not  but 
admit  that  I  was  the  stronger  of  the  two.  And  it  did  not 
suit  me.  So  I  was  fully  convinced  that  a  separation  was 
best.  But  my  heart  ached  none  the  less  at  its  necessity. 
And  in  spite  of  my  complacency  at  my  own  management,  the 
stubborn  fact  remained — I  had  been  forsaken  for  another. 
Is  it  strange  that  I  felt  the  need  of  employment  for  head, 
heart,  and  hands  ?  —  that  I  longed,  with  feverish  impatience, 
to  get  back  to  Ironton  ? 

Having  parted  cordially  with  our  southern  friends,  I 
hastened  on  our  little  company  through  our  long,  tedious 
journey  —  how  tedious  to  me,  my  fellow-travellers  never 


E8PERANCE.  233 

guessed.  Outwardly,  ray  past  relation  to  Walter  was  as 
though  it  had  never  been ;  and,  instead,  I  had  become  an 
older  sister,  to  whom  he  looked  for  counsel.  I  felt  the  re 
sponsibility  in  my  hands,  and  sometimes  feared  his  life  would 
prove  a  failure.  Joy  was  not  the  one  to  stimulate  him,  intel 
lectually  or  morally  ;  and  I  had  some  anxiety  lest  her  easy, 
shallow  nature,  and  her  want  of  sterling  principle,  might 
prove  a  drag  to  him.  But  I  was  resolved,  with  the  help  of 
God,  to  do  all  I  could  to  elevate  and  ennoble  her,  before  she 
became  his  bride. 

"  Walter,"  said  I,  when  alone  with  him  one  day,  "  it  will 
not  do  for  you  to  study  law  at  Ironton." 

"Why  not?" 

"  Joy  is  only  fifteen,  and  her  character  is  still  to  be  formed. 
Indeed,  you  both  need  to  acquire  strength,  and  absence  will 
help  you." 

"  But  when  —  "  and  he  paused. 

"When  may  you  claim  her?  Not  one  minute  before  she 
is  nineteen." 

"  You  are  cruel." 

"  No  !  "  replied  I,  "  only  wise." 

"  And  how  often  will  your  ladyship  permit  me  to  visit  her  ?  " 

"  Oh,  about  three  or  four  times  a  year  ;  and,  to  give  you 
the  whole  of  your  prescription,  you  must  exchange  letters 
but  once  a  fortnight." 

"  How  extremely  gracious  you  are  ! "  with  an  air  of  great 
vexation. 

As  he  met  my  eye,  a  blush  of  confusion  stole  over  his 
face,  but  I  took  no  notice  of  it. 

At  length  Ironton  was  reached,  and  my  fair  sister  fol- 
20* 


234  ESPERANCE. 

lowed  me  oul  to  tea  at  Miss  Brimblecum's  long  table.  Every 
one's  eyes  were  fastened  upon  her,  and  upon  Walter  also, 
who  sat  between  us,  and  attended  to  her  wants  as  if  he  had 
a  right  to  • —  continuing,  however,  as  polite  as  ever  to  me.  I 
have  no  doubt  that  Miss  Brimblecum  and  Miss  Betts  put 
their  heads  together  in  many  a  nightly  conference,  to  discuss 
the  momentous  question,  whether  Mr.  Walter  Northrup  was 
still  betrothed  to  Miss  Hope  Frazer,  or  whether,  having  be 
come  wearied  of  her,  he  had  plighted  his  faith  to  Miss  Joy 
Frazer.  How  they  settled  it,  of  course  I  could  not  tell ;  but 
so  that  they  had  something  to  expend  their  wits  upon,  I  was 
content. 

The  excitement  of  opening  the  school,  of  arranging  classes 
for  myself  and  assistant,  and  of  getting  Joy  pleasantly  set 
tled  in  the  little  room  next  mine,  was  of  essential  service. 
Those  busy  days,  following  upon  my  long,  sleepless  nights, 
helped  me  to  drown  the  voices  of  memory,  and  that  sense  of 
wrong  and  desolation  which  came  upon  me  in  solitude. 

With  my  one  successful  attempt,  my  coquetry  was  ended ; 
and  having  purposely  laid  aside  my  old  teasing  manner,  as 
well  as  my  playful  vivacity,  and  assumed  the  kindly  gravity 
of  a  solicitous  friend,  —  any  points  of  contrast  between  me 
and  my  sister,  in  my  favor,  were  entirely  removed.  So  that 
in  all  my  private  interviews  with  Walter,  of  which  we  had 
many  in  reference  to  the  future,  nothing  occurred  to  recall 
that  brief  dream.  Most  easily  did  he  fall  into  the  new  state 
of  things,  congratulating  himself,  I  doubt  not,  that  in  addi 
tion  to  all  the  advantages  he  once  hoped  from  my  affection, 
and  realized  without  abatement  in  my  friendship,  he  had 
won  for  his  own  a  young  girl,  than  whom  there  could  be  no 
fairer. 


ESPERANCE.  235 

The  fact  that  I  felt  it  wise  to  limit  their  intercourse 
undoubtedly  strengthened  her  influence  with  him.  For  them 
I  thought  and  planned,  taking  pains  to  bring  out  Joy's  best 
traits,  and  in  every  way  possible,  to  rivet  the  chain  which  I 
had  unbound  from  myself,  that  I  might  fling  it  over  her. 
For,  having  made  up  my  mind  to  the  necessity  of  the  sacri 
fice,  I  had  pride,  if  not  principle  enough,  not  wilfully  to  mar 
it  by  any  petty  want  of  magnanimity. 

But  did  it  require  no  effort  to  meet  my  former  lover's 
quiet  eye,  and  his  cool  indifference  of  manner,  in  contrast 
with  his  impassioned  devotion  to  my  sister  ?  Was  it  nothing 
to  note  his  eager  glances,  his  tender,  protecting  manner?  I 
was  no  stoic.  And  this  was  the  ashes  of  bitterness,  on 
which,  for  dreary  days  and  weeks,  I  was  obliged  to  feed. 

And  what  did  Helen  Ware  say  to  this  change  in  my  pros 
pects  ?  From  the  pressure  of  my  cares,  it  was  some  time 
after  my  return  before  we  had  an  opportunity  for  free  con 
versation.  But  one  Saturday  afternoon,  when  "Walter  and 
Joy  were  at  Greenwood  Pond  (I  wondered  if  he  recalled  our 
eventful  day  there) ,  Helen  came  to  sit  with  me  in  my  pleas 
ant  chamber.  I  was  exhausted  by  the  week's  labors,  and  my 
heart  ached  for  human  sympathy.  And  when  I  met  her,  I 
threw  myself  into  her  arms,  and  gave  way  to  my  emotion. 

"  It  is  hard,  Esperauce,"  she  said,  at  length,  "  but  be 
assured  it  is  for  the  best.  I  was  always  more  dissatisfied 
than  I  was  willing  to  have  you  know.  You  will  see,  at  last, 
how  much  better  our  Father  orders  our  affairs  than  we  can 
do,  and  will  bless  him  for  the  sorrow  which  I  trust  will 
ripen  your  Christian  character  as  prosperity  could  never 
have  done." 

"  This  is  where  I  am  most  troubled,  dear  Helen.     I  have 


236  ESPEBANCE. 

pride,  or  self-respect,  enough  to  treat  the  case  so  as  to  merit 
my  OAVU  approval,  but  the  higher  fruits,  I  fear,  will  be 
wanting.  How  can  the  sweet  blossoms  of  charity  spring  up 
in  such  a  seared  heart  ?  " 

"  There  is  One,  you  know,  who  can  make  the  desert  blos 
som  as  the  rose.  And  your  heart,  dear,  is  not  the  hardest 
that  ever  was,"  added  she,  kissing  me  affectionately. 

"  But  I  have  suffered  so  much  in  the  past !  And  now  the 
iron  hand  of  fate  is  again  upon  me.  Ah,  Helen,  why  is  it 
that  life  plays  us  so  false  ?  that  everything  disappoints  us  ?  " 

"  Dear  Espy,  it  is  not  the  iron  hand  of  fate,  but  the  loving 
hand  of  a  wise  Father.  All  will  be  made  clear  in  the 
bright  hereafter.  Be  patient  till  then." 

"You  talk  of  patience,  who  know  nothing  of  these  strug 
gles.  Forgive  me,"  I  presently  added,  "  but  I  sometimes 
chafe  so  at  my  bitter  destiny  !  " 

She  tenderly  pressed  my  hand,  saying,  in  a  low  voice, 
"  Shall  I  tell  you  of  myself,  Hope  ?  " 

"  Not  if  it  will  give  you  pain,"  replied  I,  struck  with  a 
sudden  self-reproach. 

"  It  is  but  a  short  tale.  Not  many  years  since,  Lyndon 
Seymour,  a  man  in  every  respect  my  superior,  wooed  and 
won  me.  A  few  Eden-days,  and  suddenly,  in  the  act  of 
saving  a  drunkard  from  a  watery  grave,  he  sacrificed  his 
own  life.  At  first  my  heart  was  full  of  rebellion,  but  God 
forgave  me,  and  at  last  sent  me  peace.  You  see  that  I  know 
how  to  sympathize  with  the  sorrowful,  for  dear  Lyndon  was 
all  that  woman's  heart  can  ask." 

I  could  only  press  her  hand  in  silence,  wondering  at  this 
great  mystery  of  sorrow,  which  contrives  ever  to  entangle 
itself  in  the  web  of  our  mortal  life. 


ESPEBANCE.  237 

"  One  thing  more,  and  I  have  done,"  resumed  my  friend. 
"  After  God  gave  me  the  grace  of  submission,  he  inspired 
me  with  the  desire  to  do  good,  if  in  ever  so  humble  a  way. 
I  could  not  bear  to  think  that  the  poor  wretch  for  whom 
such  a  sacrifice  had  been  made,  should  continue  in  his  degra 
dation.  God  blessed  my  efforts  in  his  behalf,  and  he  is  now 
a  sincere  Christian." 

This  talk  gave  me  courage ;  and  in  my  moments  of  de 
spondency,  the  remembrance  of  Helen's  patient  endurance 
sometimes  brought  me  strength  and  good  cheer.  Was  I  not, 
by  my  trials,  more  closely  united  to  the  great  brotherhood  of 
man? 

So  I  tried  to  believe,  and,  in  this  fact,  to  find  fresh  cause 
for  acquiescence.  I  sought  to  banish  all  morbid  memories  of 
the  past,  to  meet  bravely  every  duty  of  the  present,  and  to 
wait  patiently  for  the  revelations  of  the  great  future.  But 
it  was  often  only  a  dreary  endeavor,  a  sickening  failure. 

"  Oh,  life  at  cross  with  will !     My  senses  pine  ; 
Upon  my  narrow  wall  no  sunbeams  shine, 

Nor  branching  trees  send  gladness  through  my  glass ; 
I  yearn,  I  sob,  I  faint,  in  sorrow  bound, 
And  tread  with  burning  step  my  weary  round, 

Too  drunk  with  discontent  to  let  it  pass." 


238  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXXIV. 

ONE  busy  Saturday,  as  I  was  bound  on  a  shopping  expe 
dition,  I  saw  a  large  boy  snatch  an  orange  from  a  little 
ragged  lad  of  not  more  than  three  years,  who,  thereupon,  set 
up  a  loud  cry.  Being  quite  given  to  interfere  in  such  mat 
ters,  I  bestowed  an  admonition  on  the  large  boy,  and  another 
orange,  which  I  bought  for  the  purpose,  on  the  little  one.  A 
certain  expression  in  his  face  interested  me,  and  after  a  few 
questions,  I  was  impelled  to  accompany  him  to  his  forlorn 
home.  His  mother,  in  the  faded  remnants  of  what  had 
once  been  a  lady's  garments,  sat  by  the  window,  looking  list 
lessly  out,  and  occasionally  jogging  a  cradle.  On  seeing  me 
she  started  up,  gazed  sharply  into  my  face,  and  then,  with  a 
sudden  rush,  threw  her  arms  round  my  neck,  exclaiming,  — 

"  It  is  my  old  friend,  Hope  Frazer." 

I  looked  hard  at  her  in  return,  but  could  find  nothing  to 
identify  her  with  any  one  I  had  known. 

"  Have  you  forgotten  Eleanor  Cottrell?" 

Then  recognition  came,  and  I  sat  down  to  hear  her  story. 
She  had  eloped  with  Orlando  Granger,  as  may  be  remem 
bered.  When  cast  off  by  his  father,  they  came  into  Illinois, 
and  being  forced  to  live  on  her  narrow  income,  without  fore 
sight  or  economy,  they  fell  from  bad  to  worse,  all  the  while 
making  their  case  more  desperate  by  mutual  recriminations. 
Their  infidel  principles  precipitated  their  downward  course. 


ESPEEANCE.  239 

Neglecting  her  family,  Eleanor  spent  her  time  in  reading 
pernicious  books,  while  her  husband,  in  desperation,  resorted 
to  drinking.  At  length,  after  a  violent  quarrel,  he  embarked 
as  a  sailor  to  a  distant  port,  leaving  her  with  little  Orlando 
and  an  infant.  Through  the  influence  of  a  friend,  she  had 
recently  removed  to  Ironton,  not  far  from  her  first  married 
home. 

"  Notwithstanding  all  our  quarrels,"  said  Eleanor,  "  we 
really  did  love   each  other,  and  since  he  left   me,  I  have 
been  a  wretched  woman.     But  you,  Hope,  how  well  you 
look  !     You  must  have  had  prosperous  times." 
"  God  has  dealt  very  kindly  with  me,  Eleanor." 
"  So  you  still  believe  in  that  nonsense?" 
"  Have  you  been  better  or  happier  for  your  unbelief?  " 
"  No  !  but  that  fact  cannot  alter  my  convictions." 
What   a   singular   providence   it   seemed   that  had  thus 
brought  my   old   friend  into   a  renewed    relation   to   me ! 
Earnestly  did  I  resolve,  that,  God  helping  me,  she  should 
not  remain  in  her  miserable  scepticism.     But  my  zeal  was 
not  according  to  discretion.     Taking  up  various  points,  I 
entered  into  argument  vdth  her.     The  more  I  argued,  how 
ever,  the  more  she  argued.     The  better  to  prepare  myself,  I 
went  to  Mr.  Richardson,  begging  the  loan  of  books  on  the 
various  subjects  of  our  discussion.     I  did  not  tell  him  my 
motive,  but  he  kindly  lent  himself  to  the  matter,  and  always 
had  some  volume  to  offer  in  exchange  for  what  I  returned. 
But  fortify  myself  as  I  might,  I  made  no  progress.     When 
pressed  for  argument,  Eleanor  used  ridicule  and  wit  unspar 
ingly,  and  at  the  end  of  three  months  I  found  her  only  con 
firmed  in  her  rejection  of  the  truth. 

Helen  Ware,  who  had  been  absent  from  town,  now  re- 


240  ESPEBANCE. 

turned ;  and  in  my  discouragement,  I  sought  her  counsel, 
telling  her  the  course  I  had  pursued,  and  with  what  results. 

"  Don't  you  think  it  possible  that  if  her  heart  should  be 
touched,  these  speculative  objections  might  vanish  of  them 
selves  ?  " 

"  Perhaps  so.  But  I  had  supposed  her  reason  must  be 
convinced  before  her  heart  could  be  reached." 

"  It  was  only  yesterday  that  I  was  looking  over  a  sermon 
which  has  some  relation  to  this  subject.  I  should  like  to 
read  you  two  or  three  passages." 

"  Whatever  we  talk  about,  you  always  have  something 
apropos  at  hand.  But  I  should  like  to  hear." 

"  '  There  is  an  evidence  of  Christianity  ;  not  an  argument, 
but  an  apprehension ;  not  a  balancing  of  affirmations  and 
negatives,  but  a  direct  sight.  *  *  *  Without  reasoning 
upon  it,  without  deduction,  or  premise,  or  analysis,  we  con 
sent.  By  faith,  we  say  it  is  so  ;  it  is  borne  in  upon  us  as  a 
conviction,  like  the  goodness  of  the  friend  we  love ;  and  no 
dialectics  will  make  it  more  true.' 

"  '  This  doctrine  will  remove,  if  we  suffer  it,  many  of  those 
hinderances  to  setting  in  earnest  about  the  Christian  life, 
which  spring  from  a  mistaken  impression  that  the  teachings 
of  religion  must  first'  be  encased  in  the  formulas  of  reason 
ing,  or  seen  through  by  the  understanding,  instead  of  hum 
bly  welcomed  by  faith.  That  mistake  will  only  confuse, 
darken,  and  cripple  the  soul.  If  we  put  the  reason  where  faith 
belongs,  we  shall  fail  of  our  highest  glory,  miss  the  heavenly 
peace,  *  *  *  and  stay  ignorant  of  the  first  wisdom.'  " 

As  she  read,  a  new  train  of  thought  was  awakened,  and  I 
began  to  have  a  clear  vision  of  what,  it  then  seemed,  I  must 
have  been  very  dull  not  to  see  before.  Closing  the  book, 
Helen  said,  — 


ESPEBANCE.  241 

"  According  to  your  account,  your  friend  has  fortified  her 
brain  against  your  most  formidable  assaults.  But  she  has 
not  thought  to  barricade  her  heart,  if  indeed  she  is  able  to 
do  it.  If  you  can  only  get  possession  of  that,  you  will  be 
sure  of  reaching  this  divine  instinct.  And  should  the  love 
of  God  be  kindled  in  her  soul,  her  sceptical  difficulties  would 
melt  away  at  once." 

"  I  see  that  I  have  made  a  great  mistake,  and  have  only 
rivetted  her  chains  the  tighter,"  exclaimed  I,  thoroughly 
vexed  with  myself. 

"  You  have  no  reason  for  self-reproach,  dear  Hope.  Any 
one  would  have  been  likely  to  fail  in  the  first  attempt.  But 
you  have  begun  a  good  work,  and,  with  divine  help,  will,  I 
have  no  doubt,  complete  it." 

"  I  shall  make  no  further  miserable  experiments,  but  shall 
yield  the  case  to  your  more  skilful  hands." 

Helen  demurred,  and  I  persisted,  until  at  length  she  prom 
ised  to  call  with  me. 

When  I  notified  Eleanor  of  my  intention  to  bring  a  friend 
to  see  her,  an  angry  flush  overspread  her  cheek,  as  she 
exclaimed,  — 

u  I  suppose  you  have  enlisted  her  to  help  convert  me.  I 
hate  the  whole  canting  race."  As  I  made  no  reply,  she 
added,  "  But  I  know  you  meant  it  in  kindness,  so  I  will  bear 
the  infliction  as  well  as  I  can." 

When  I  introduced  Miss  Ware  to  Mrs.  Granger,  she 
bowed  coldly,  assuming  her  most  repulsive  manner.  Helen 
took  no  notice  of  this,  but  was  intent  on  making  the-  ac 
quaintance  of  Orlando.  Lifting  him  upon  her  lap,  she  told 
him  stories  till  the  little  fellow  was  charmed.  She  then 
talked  with  Eleanor  a  few  minutes  on  the  most  general 
21 


242  ESPERANCE. 

topics,  and  finally,  with  the  promise  of  soon  bringing  a  jack- 
knife  to  Orlando,  we  left  together. 

After  this  she  called  frequently ;  and  as  I  ran  in  from 
time  to  time,  I  perceived  a  gradual  softening  of  Eleanor's 
defiant  spirit,  till  one  day,  a  few  weeks  after  Helen's  first 
call,  I  found  her,  to  my  great  amazement,  reading  the  Bible. 
Of  her  own  accord,  she  spoke  of  the  change  in  her  feelings, 
expressing  the  hope  that  she  had  commenced  a  new  life. 

I  thought  it  now  time  to  speak  to  Mr.  Richardson.  He 
went  to  see  her  immediately,  and  entered  into  her  case  with 
great  interest.  Nor  did  he  confine  his  efforts  to  her,  but 
wrote  to  the  missionaries  at  the  port  for  which  Mr.  Granger 
had  sailed,  making  inquiries  concerning  him.  When  tidings 
of  the  long  absent  wanderer  at  length  came  back  to  Eleanor, 
she  sent  him  a  letter  which  might  have  moved  the  .coldest 
heart.  And  before  the  year  was  ended,  she  was  folded  in 
the  arms  of  her  repentant  husband. 

It  was  not  long  after  this  that  old  Mr.  Granger's  forgive 
ness  was  obtained,  and  his  house  offered  to  them  as  their 
future  home. 

"  What  a  marvellous  power  there  is  in  religion  !  "  thought 
I,  as  I  sat  with  Eleanor,  not  long  before  she  was  to  leave 
for  her  southern  abode.  The  whole  expression  of  her  coun 
tenance  was  changed,  and  she  had  lost  that  bitterness  of  tone 
and  feeling  which  I  had  observed  in  her  from  her  first  call 
on  me  in  the  old  Crawford  days. 

"  You,  dear  Hope,  have  been  the  instrument  of  my 
earthly,  as  well  as  of  my  spiritual  salvation,"  said  Eleanor, 
looking  up  from  her  work.  "  And  how  can  I  ever  repay 
you?" 

"  Precious  little  do  you  owe  me.  It  is  Miss  Ware  and 
Mr.  Richardson  that  have  done  everything  for  you." 


ESPERANCE.  243 

"  But  it  was  through  you  that  they  took  any  interest  in 
me,  so  you  cannot  evade  my  thanks." 

She  was  silent  a  moment,  and  then,  with  an  earnest  look, 
she  continued,  — 

"  When  you  came  in  that  first  day^  I  thought  everything 
had  been  prospering  with  you.  But  I  soon  perceived  that  I 
was  mistaken  —  that  you  had  your  trials,  bravely  as  you 
bore  yourself  under  them.  I  have  no  wish  to  pry  into  your 
secrets,  but  I  remember  well  what  you  were  in  our  Crawford 
days.  I  used  then  to  fancy  that  your  pride  would  stand  in  the 
way  of  your  happiness,  and  I  will  confess  to  something  of  the 
same  fear  now." 

"  To  what  is  all  this  the  prelude?" 

"  I  will  tell  you  frankly.  I  have  my  heart  set  on  your 
marrying  Dr.  Bentley,  who,  I  aiu  sure,  is  attached  to  you." 

"  Indeed !     Has  he  made  you  his  confidant,  then?  " 

"  Not  at  all.  But  when  I  was  sick,  he  came  here  often. 
And  knowing  our  former  acquaintance,  he  had  some  talks 
with  me  about  you,  from  which  I  divined  his  interest.  He 
has  fine  taste  and  culture,  and  one  of  the  best  hearts  in  the 
world.  And  what  you  value  more,  he  has  true  piety." 

"  I  admit  all  you  say,  and  have  the  highest  esteem  for 
him.  But  your  kind  wishes  are  doomed  to  disappointment. 
My  mission  is  not  to  one  man  in  particular,  but  to  mankind 
in  general.  So  you  have  no  right  to  undertake  any  mo 
nopoly  of  me." 

"  I  must  say  I  never  saw  a  woman  so  completely  inde 
pendent,  so  entirely  sufficient  for  herself." 

How  often  since,  in  my  hours  of  heart-hunger,  have  I 
recalled  Eleanor's  speech ! 


244  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXXV. 

TIME,  which  fleets  by  for  the  sorrowing,  as  truly  as  for  the 
rejoicing,  had  passed  on  his  way.  It  was  now  more  than  a 
year  since  those  scenes  occurred  which  had  shaken  my  being 
to  its  foundations.  And  coming  to  know  more  of  Walter,  — 
to  study  him  impartially,  —  I  had  become  more  than  resigned 
to  our  separation.  With  all  his  excellences,  he  could  never 
permanently  have  filled  my  vision,  or  satisfied  my  heart. 
"  Better  no  object  of  exclusive  love,"  I  now  often  said  to 
myself,  "yes,  far  better  a  lonely  though  not  barren  life,  than 
an  uncongenial  union." 

I  ought,  perhaps,  to  have  stated  long  ago,  that,  at  the  time 
of  the  change  in  our  relations,  I  had  smoothed  over  the  mat 
ter  as  plausibly  as  possible  to  my  father.  He  expressed  his 
concurrence,  and  left  all  the  arrangements  regarding  Joy  in 
my  hands,  saying  that  he  felt  entire  confidence  in  my  judg 
ment. 

Notwithstanding  my  wise  suggestions,  Walter  was  set  on 
attaining  to  his  legal  ownership  of  Joy  at  the  first  possible 
moment.  And  he  had  left  his  studies,  and  come  all  the  way 
to  Ironton  on  purpose  to  persuade  me  to  relent.  He  was  the 
more  urgent,  because  I  had  not  concealed  from  him  that  Joy's 
many  attractions  exposed  her  to  constant  admiration.  In  spite 
of  my  careful  duennaship,  more  than  one  heart  had  already 
been  laid  at  her  feet,  which,  with  her  girlish  impressibleness, 


ESPERAHCE.  245 

she  had  some  hesitation  in  declining.  As  I  wrote  of  these 
things  to  Walter,  with  the  natural  reflection  that  he  was  paid 
in  his  own  coin,  I  had  a  good  opportunity  to  indulge  my  love 
of  sarcasm,  had  I  been  so  disposed. 

But  in  spite  of  her  weakness  on  this  point,  Joy  had  greatly 
improved.  And  though  I  did  not  expect  her  to  develop  into 
a  strong  character,  yet  I  felt  more  and  more  encouraged 
that  if  she  could  only  run,  unharmed,  the  gantlet  of  her 
long  train  of  admirers,  she  and  Walter  might  yet  prove  a 
well-paired  and  happy  couple. 

But  this  was  not  the  only  affaire  du  cceur  in  which  I  felt  a 
genuine  interest.  It  so  happened  that  there  was  in  Ironton  an 
intelligent  and  comely  widow,  usually  spoken  of  as  Dame 
Margaret  Weatherwax.  Owing  to  the  loss  of  property,  she 
and  her  daughter  Peggy,  a  pretty  girl  of  seventeen,  had 
taken  humble  lodgings,  where  they  supported  themselves 
by  needlework.  It  was  in  their  sewing  for  me  that  I  became 
acquainted  with  them,  and  formed  thereupon  certain  nice  little 
plans,  which,  however,  I  carefully  kept  to  myself.  When  I 
had. occasion  to  give  them  work,  I  sometimes  took  with  me 
my  good  friend,  Philander  Benedict,  who  was  ready  at  all 
times  to  be  my  attendant.  And  I  usually  remained  a  little 
while,  drawing  Dame  Weatherwax  into  conversation,  that  I 
might  show  her  off  to  advantage.  While  this  was  going  on, 
her  young  daughter  sat  by  in  silence,  working  away  most 
industriously,  and  hardly  lifting  up  her  head,  even  when 
we  took  our  leave.  She  was  so  excessively  bashful  that  no 
one  could  look  at  her  without  her  blushing.  But  she  was  a 
dutiful  daughter  and  a  good  girl,  as  one  could  tell  by  her 
face. 

I  was  soon  encouraged  by  noticing  one  or  two  acts  of 
21* 


246  ESPERANCE. 

kind  consideration  on  friend  Benedict's  part.  For  instance, 
one  day  when  the  mother  was  naming  the  time  in  which  she 
would  send  Peggy  home  with  the  work,  he  offered  to  come 
for  it  himself.  Mrs.  Weatherwax  hesitated,  saying,  — 

"  But  Peggy  needs  the  exercise." 

"  She  can  find  pleasanter  walks  than  through  the  streets." 

"  That  is  the  sure  way  to  the  mother's  heart,"  I  thought 
to  myself. 

Next  I  began  to  notice  beautiful  bouquets,  which  Peggy 
was  careful  to  keep  in  fresh  water,  and  arrange  in  the  little 
tidy  sitting-room  to  the  best  advantage.  Soon  followed  rare 
plants  set  out  in  tasteful  pots,  denoting  a  still  higher  rise  in 
the  social  temperature.  Then  I  noticed,  on  the  small,  square, 
red  pine  stand,  a  splendid  family  Bible,  and  not  long  after,  a 
handsome  edition  of  the  British  Poets,  with  two  or  three 
dainty  little  volumes  beside  it.  It  was  something  stronger 
than  a  suspicion  that  I  now  felt.  But,  whatever  it  was,  it 
increased  to  a  moral  certainty  one  day,  when  I  saw  a  large 
basket  of  oranges  and  a  hamper  of  Madeira  standing  in  the 
tiny  front  entry,  which  they  almost  filled. 

"  Dame  Weatherwax  is  in  delicate  health,"  I  soliloquized. 
"  She  is  to  be  strengthened  by  this  cordial,  and  what  is  left 
will  do  for  the  wedding." 

Not  having  been  to  the  cottage  in  company  with  Mr.  Bene 
dict  for  some  time,  I  made  an  errand  there  the  next  day,  in 
viting  him  to  accompany  me.  I  was  glad  to  find  that  he  had 
made  a  commendable  progress  in  sociability  with  the  good 
lady,  though,  with  my  sharpest  vision,  I  was  unable  to  dis 
cern  an  iota  of  sentiment  in  their  intercourse.  This  quite 
disappointed  me,  but  I  reconciled  myself  by  reflecting  that 
this  was  not  necessary  at  their  age. 


ESPEBANCE.  247 

In  the  midst  of  my  cogitations,  little  Peggy,  who  had  been 
out  of  an  errand,  suddenly  returned.  On  seeing  us,  her  face 
was  covered  with  blushes.  Indeed,  had  she  been  detected 
doing  something  very  naughty,  she  could  not  have  looked 
more  guilty.  A  little  perplexed,  I  glanced  at  my  old  bach 
elor,  and  was  thoroughly  provoked  to  find  him  in  the  same 
predicament.  And  in  spite  of  all  my  efforts,  he  sat,  during 
the  rest  of  our  call,  completely  tongue-tied. 

"  Ah,"  thought  I,  "  the  pretty  witch  has  completely  out 
witted  me.  That  is  not  at  all  the  match  on  which  my  heart 
was  set.  It  is  by  no  means  so  appropriate.  But  since  I 
cannot  have  what  I  wanted,  I  must  take  what  I  can  get. 
And  after  all,  what  is  the  harm?  People  always  have 
chosen  for  themselves,  and  always  will,  I  suppose.  And 
really,  I  wonder  I  never  thought  of  this  before.  It  will 
turn  out  to  be  something  quite  romantic ;  and  as  for  senti 
ment,  their  blushes  are  full  of  it." 

Such  were  some  of  my  meditations  on  our  way  home,  for 
Philander  hardly  opened  his  mouth.  The  next  day,  however, 
he  begged  a  private  interview ;  but  when  I  granted  him  a 
gracious  audience,  he  sat  for  full  two  minutes  at  his  old  trick 
of  making  knots,  without  uttering  a  single  word. 

"  Did  you  have  anything  to  say  to  me? " 

He  started,  as  if  suddenly  waked,  grew  red,  and  then  ven 
tured,  — 

"  Do  you  remember  my  saying  that  I  should  never  marry?" 

"  Perfectly  ;  and  do  you  recall  my  reply  ?  " 

"  I  do,  Miss  Frazer.  But  I  hope  you  won't  think  it 
strange  if  I  should,  after  all,  want  to  get  married." 

"Is  it  possible  you  have  such  a  treacherous  thought?" 
asked  I,  with  a  mischievous  glance  at  him,  as  he  sat  tying 
the  corner  of  his  red  silk  handkerchief. 


248  ESPEBANCE. 

He  looked  up  gravely,  but,  meeting  my  eye,  blushed  and 
smiled  at  the  same  time. 

"  You  don't  think  —  " 

"  Oh,  no  !  I  don't  think  anything,  except  that  it  is  very 
man-like.  You  know  I  never  placed  much  faith  in  those 
vows  of  everlasting  remembrance.  So  you  have  my  best 
wishes  for  your  success." 

"  Do  you  think  she  —  do  you  think  I  —  "  and  he  stopped. 

"  Yes,  I  rather  think  you  both  do." 

He  resolutely  tied  another  knot. 

"  Miss  Frazer,  will  you  be  kind  enough  to  speak  to  her  for 
me?" 

"To  whom,  sir?" 

"  I  thought  you  knew.     To  —  to  —  your  friend." 

"  I  happen  to  have  several  friends.  To  which  of  them  do 
you  refer?  I  may  guess,  however.  Dame  Weatherwax  is 
the  fortunate  woman  —  is  she  not  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  no  I " 

"  Indeed !  Why,  I  thought  you  had  a  high  regard  for  her." 

"And  so  I  have  —  the  very  highest;  but  —  but  —  it's 
Miss  Peggy  that  I  want  you  to  speak  to." 

"  And  what  do  you  wish  me  to  say  ?  " 

"  Tell  her  I —  ask  her  if — if — she  will  be  my  wife,"  at 
length  broke  from  him  in  desperation. 

"  No,  Mr.  Benedict.  You  must  make  your  own  offer,  and 
let  little  Peggy  have  the  pleasure  of  softening  her  refusal." 

"  Do  you  think  then  —  ?"  began  he,  in  an  alarmed  tone. 

"  What  do  you  think  ?  " 

"  I  have  dared  to  hope,  sometimes." 

"  I  am  glad  of  it,  for  you  know  the  old  adage — '  Faint 
heart  never  won  fair  lady.'  So  make  the  trial  with  good 


E8PERANCE.  249 

courage.  But  suppose  you  should  conclude  to  offer  your 
hand  to  the  mother ;  would  not  that  be  more  suitable,  and 
your  chance  of  success  greater  ?  " 

"  I  can't,  Miss  Frazer,  indeed  I  can't." 

"And  why  not?" 

"  Because  I  love  dear  Peggy,"  he  exclaimed,  with  sudden 
energy. 

"  That  alters  the  case.  By  all  means,  then,  try  for  '  dear 
Peggy.'" 

"  But  you  can't  think  how  I  dread  it.  "Won't  you  say  one 
word  to  embolden  me  ?  " 

"  I  can  only  say  that  if  little  Peggy  always  blushes  when 
she  meets  you,  as  she  did  yesterday,  she  will  probably  blush 
harder  than  ever  when  you  ask  her  to  become  Mrs.  Ben 
edict." 

"  And  what  then?  "  said  he,  coloring  as  if  he  had  received 
a  proposal  himself. 

"  Why,  that  you  must  take  for  your  answer,  for  she  is  too 
bashful  to  say  she  loves  you.  And  it  would  distress  her  to 
have  you  insist  upon  it." 

"  But  what  then  am  I  to  do  ?  "  asked  he,  with  a  very  red 
face,  while  he  twisted  his  handkerchief  into  knot  third. 

"  I  will  tell  you,  if  you  will  stop  tying  knots,  and  wait  till 
Mr.  Richardson  can  tie  one  for  you." 

He  obeyed,  looking  anxiously  into  my  face. 

"  Why,  then,  you  must  kiss  her,  to  be  sure." 

"But  can  I? — may  I? — "will  she?"  he  asked,  with  the 
greatest  trepidation. 

"  Oh,  yes  !  You  can,  you  may,  and  she  will ;  that  is,  if 
she  loves  you,  as  I  half  think  she  does." 

The  blood  rushed  in  torrents  to  his  honest  face. 


250  ESPEBANCE. 

"  When  had  I  better  go  ?  " 

"  This  evening,  straight  from  the  tea-table."  For  I  longed 
to  have  the  good  man  through  with  the  agonies  of  suspense. 

The  next  morning,  for  a  wonder,  Mr.  Benedict  was  late  at 
breakfast.  And  when  he  came,  he  evidently  had  no  idea 
what  he  was  about.  He  began  with  bidding  everybody 
good  night.  He  put  salt  and  pepper  into  his  coffee,  sprin 
kled  sugar  over  his  baked  potatoes,  and  poured  cream  on  his 
beefsteak.  Then  he  tipped  over  my  cup,  and  knocked  the 
cream-pitcher  into  my  plate,  with  a  hearty  "  Thank  you, 
Miss  Weatherwax."  I  did  my  best  to  cover  his  awkward 
ness,  but  fortunately  he  was  unaware  of  his  own  blunders. 
He  persisted,  however,  in  so  many  out-of-the-way  things, 
that  I  felt  confident  he  had  made  his  proposals,  and  was  be 
wildered  at  his  success. 

"  I  don't  need  to  inquire  as  to  the  result  of  your  call,"  said 
I,  in  a  low  voice,  as  we  left  the  table. 

"  No,  no  !     Come  into  the  parlor." 

So  I  followed  him  at  his  own  hurried  pace. 

"  She's  an  angel,  Miss  Frazer." 

"  So  are  all  girls  when  betrothed." 

"  But  —  but  —  you  don't  know  —  why  —  in  short,  I'm  the 
happiest  man  in  Christendom.  I  did  everything  exactly  as 
you  told  me.  And  when  I  asked  her,  you  never  saw  any 
one  blush  as  she  did.  I  thought  I  couldn't  be  mistaken,  and 
that  I  oughtn't  to  distress  her  by  pressing  for  an  answer. 
Besides,  I  really  couldn't  help  myself.  So  I  ventured 
to  do  it." 

"  Quite  right,"  said  I,  scarcely  able  to  control  my  risibles. 
"  And  she  did  not  reprove  you?" 

"  Not  at  all.     By  this  time,  you  must  know,  I  had  grown 


ESPERANCE.  251 

quite  bold,  and  so  I  — .  But  I  shan't  tell  you  any  more,  ex 
cept  that  she  has  consented  to  be  married  in  a  month,  —  that 
is,  if  you  think  best.  She  insisted  on  that  condition." 

"  If  it  was  the  mother,  as  it  ought  to  have  been,  I  should 
have  no  difficulty ;  but  Peggy  is  altogether  too  young  to  be 
come  a  married  woman." 

"  You  mustn't  put  any  difficulties  in  the  way." 

"  I  suppose  it  would  be  of  no  use  if  I  should  ;  so  I  yield." 

"I  knew  you  would,  and  I  told  her  so.  You  remember 
that  house  of  mine  in  High  Street.  Well,  we  are  to  live 
there  —  Mrs.  Weatherwax,  Peggy,  and  all  of  us." 

"  By  which  ail,  I  conclude  you  mean  yourself  and  myself." 

"  You  are  joking ;  but  never  mind.  We  will  all  be  so 
happy  —  on  my  word  we  will ;  and  my  little  Peggy  shall 
have  everything  she  wants." 

"  Don't  go  to  spoiling  her,  pray.  She  is  now  an  amiable, 
sensible  girl ;  but  if  you  indulge  every  whim,  who  knows  ?  " 

"Whim?  She  has  no  whims.  She  couldn't  have  a 
whim.  She's  a  darling,  and  she  shall  be  petted  in  every 
thing,"  exclaimed  he,  warmly.  "  And  she  can't  be  spoiled ; 
she's  too  good  to  be  spoiled.  Oh,  Miss  Frazer,  I  thank  you, 
more  than  I  can  ever  express,  for  taking  me  to  Dame 
Weatherwax's.  Did  you  think  of  such  a  result?" 

"  And  suppose  I  did  ?  " 

"  You  are  a  true  friend,  a  very  true  friend  ; "  and  he  caught 
up  my  hand  and  kissed  it.  A  strange  liberty  for  him,  but  he 
was  well  nigh  beside  himself. 

"That  is  altogether  gratuitous.  It  was  my  plan  to  have 
you  marry  the  mother." 

"  Ha,  ha !  And  so  not  marry  my  dear  little  Peggy — my 
poor  little  Peggy,  who  loves  me  so  ! " 


252  ESPEBANCE. 

"  But  I  am  reconciled.  On  the  whole  you  have  chosen 
better  than  I." 

Again  he  caught  my  hand,  saying,  — 

"  She's  an  angel.  And  I  only  wish  you  might  be  just  as 
happy  as  I  am." 

"  If  I  could  marry  an  angel,  there  would  be  some  hope. 
But  it  is  the  women  who  are  angels,  and  unfortunately,  I 
can't  marry  a  woman.  If  I  could,  I  should  know  whom  to 
choose  very  quickly.  But  I  must  leave  you  now." 

"  And  will  you  call  and  see  her  to-day?  And  will  you 
consent  to  my  plan?" 

"  Oh,  yes !  I  will  call,  and  I  will  consent,  and  I  will  do 
everything  I  can  to  forward  the  affair.  I  congratulate  you 
and  her,  and  the  neglected  dame,  with  my  whole  heart.  You 
do  not  doubt  it,  with  all  my  badinage." 

"  No,  Miss  Frazer,  you  have  always  been  a  real  friend, 
God  bless  you."  And  the  tears  stood  in  his  eyes. 

When  I  had  reached  the  door,  he  called  me  back. 

"  Just  one  minute  —  I  may  as  well  confess,  for  you  will 
see  it  on  her  finger  —  that  ring,  you  know." 

A  laugh  involuntarily  broke  from  me,  as  I  exclaimed,  — 

"  What !  that  splendid  diamond  ring  which  you  were  so 
sure  jop.  should  never  want ! " 

He  looked  a  little  abashed  as  he  replied, — 

"Don't  reproach  me,  for  I  was  perfectly  sincere." 

"  And  equally  so  now,  I  take  it." 

"  To  be  sure  I  am.  But  I  told  her  all  about  that  old 
affair;  so  I  think  you  might  spare  me." 

"  Do  you  forget  our  agreement,  that  if  such  an  impos 
sibility  should  ever  happen,  I  was  to  laugh  at  you  as  much 
as  I  pleased  ?  " 


ESPERANCE.  253 

"  "Well,"  said  he,  resignedly,  "  I  suppose  I  must  submit. 
It  is  very  natural  you  should  feel  like  laughing,  for  I  was 
so  certain  about  it,  I  could  have  taken  my  oath  that  I  should 
never  marry.  But  I  had  not  seen  Peggy  then.  And  I  don't 
mind  so  much  your  bantering  me  for  my  fickleness  when  I'm 
alone,  if  you  won't  doit  in  her  presence.  She  is  very  sensi 
tive  you  know,  and  it  might  worry  her,  and  perhaps  make 
her  distrustful." 

"  I  have  brought  no  charge  of  fickleness  ;  indeed,  I  totally 
absolve  you  there.  You  have  proved  yourself  a  most  honor 
able  man,  upright  in  intention  and  deed.  So  I  shall  heartily 
congratulate  your  Peggy  on  the  prize  she  has  won.  And  you 
may  rest  assured,  Mr.  Benedict,  that  I  shall  never  torment 
her,  but  shall  reserve  that  pleasure  exclusively  for  your  pri 
vate  benefit." 

As  I  closed  the  door,  I  glanced  back,  and  was  well  pleased 
with  the  satisfaction  that  glowed  in  his  honest  features.     As 
for  myself,  I  felt  a  gladness,  an  exultation  even,  as  if  I  alone 
had  wrought  out  that  sweet  idyl. 
22 


254  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXXVI. 

AND  so  it  came  to  pass  that,  on  a  bright  summer  morning, 
Joy  and  I  entered  the  neat  little  parlor  of  Dame  Margaret 
Weatherwax,  where  a  very  few  friends  and  neighbors  were 
gathered.  It  was  not  long  before  Mr.  Benedict  appeared, 
with  Peggy,  in  her  neat,  fawn-colored  travelling  dress,  nes-* 
tling  timidly  but  trustingly  to  his  side,  even  as  the  delicate 
violet  hides  beneath  some  protecting  shrub.  As  I  looked  at 
her,  I  could  not  forbear  soliloquizing,  "  What  can  be  more 
lovely  and  lovable  than  a  pretty  young  girl  ?  Nor  is  it  mar 
vellous  that  bachelors  and  widowers  are  so  apt  to  become  cog 
nizant  of  this  fact."  Then  I  recalled  the  story  related  of  a 
good  Scotch  minister  who  was  arraigned  by  his  presbytery 
for  the  offence  of  marrying  a  young  lady,  he  being  some 
what  advanced  in  years.  In  answering  to  the  charge,  he 
pleaded, — 

"  Can  any  of  you  point  me  to  the  chapter  and  the  varse 
wherein  an  old  man  is  forbidden  to  marry  a  young  w.oman  ? 
And  indeed,  brethren,  I  put  it  straight  to  yer  own  con 
sciences,  whether,  under  similar  circumstances,  ye  wouldn't 
every"  one  'of  ye  do  the  same  thing,  if  ye  could  I " 

But  I  must  recall  these  stray  thoughts..  As  Mr.  Richard-  • 
son  proceeds  to  tie  the  knot,.  Peggy's  drooping  face  is  suf 
fused  with  a  succession  of  blushes.  Mr.  Benedict,  on  the 
contrary,  stands  more  erect  than  I  ever  before  saw  him,  his 
eyes  fairly  dancing  with  happiness  and  pride. 


ESPEBANCE.  255 

What  a  charming  contrast  !  —  he,  in  the  strength  of  a 
somewhat  rough  but  truly  noble  manhood,  exulting  in  the 
conscious  power  of  his  protecting  love ;  she,  timidly  but 
fondly  clinging  to  him,  happy,  proud  even,  in  the  entireness 
of  her  surrender,  —  a  true  woman's  sweetest  lot,  her  most 
blessed  destiny.  There  may  be  honest  protesters  against 
this  doctrine,  but  so  long  as  the  world  endureth,  it  will  still 
remain  a  fact,  that,  except  the  holy  ministries  of  the  "  sis 
terhood  of  charity,"  no  other  fate  so  befits  and  ennobles 
woman. 

Dreaming  again  !  —  But  I  could  not  help  it.  With  some 
little  complacency  as  to  my  own  agency  in  the  matter,  my 
eyes,  which  had  been  fastened  on  a  small  figure  in  the  faded 
carpet,  returned  to  the  bridal  pair.  "  She  is  a  pretty,  gentle,, 
loving  creature,"  said  I  to  myself,  "  and  Philander  well  de 
serves  her.  No  more  wearisome  days  and  anxious  nights 
for  her  and  her  mother  !  They  have  a  friend  who  will  bring 
sunshine  enough  to  banish  every  sad  memory.  God  bless 
them ! " 

It  was  Mr.  Eichardson  who  took  up,  first  Mrs.  Weather- 
wax,  and  then  me  and  my  sister,  to  greet  the  couple.  I  cor 
dially  kissed  the  bride,  and  next,  since  Philander  would  have 
it  so,  I  cordially  kissed  the  bridegroom  also.  Then  the  cake 
and  wine  were  dispensed  —  that  very  Madeira  I  had  seen  in 
the  little  entry ;  —  after  which,  I  went  up  stairs  into  her 
small  attic  bedroom  with  Peggy,  who  was  trembling  with 
excitement.  The  moment  I  had  her  all  to  myself,  she  burst 
into  tears.  I  made  her  sit  down,  and  lay  her  head  on  my 
shoulder. 

"  Dear  Miss  Frazer,"  she  sobbed  out,,  "-it  seems  so  like  a. 
dream,  and  I  owe  it  all  to  you." 


256  ESPEBANCE. 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it,  dear,  but  to  your  own  sweet  self." 

"  But  he  told  me  he  owed  it  to  you,  and  of  course  I  do.  I 
wish  you  knew  how  happy  I  am.  Yet  I  am  so  unworthy. 
But  you  can't  begin  to  think  how  good  and  noble  he  is." 

"  God  has  been  very  kind  to  you,  Peggy." 

"  Yes,  indeed.  And  I  want  to  be  grateful  and  grow  better. 
Do  you  think  God  is  displeased  because  I  love  Mr.  Benedict 
so  much  ?  " 

"How  much,  dear  Peggy?"  asked  I,  with  a  sly  look  at 
her  demure  face. 

Instantly  that  face  crimsoned  all  over,  while  at  the  same 
moment,  who  should  open  the  door  and  put  in  his  head,  but 
Philander?  Peggy  started,  and  then  hid  her  telltale  face. 

"  You  are  taking  a  husband's  liberties  very  soon,"  said  I. 

"  Her  mother  gave  me  leave  ;  but  is  anything  the  matter  ?  " 
with  a  face  of  the  tenderest  concern. 

"  Your  wife  has  only  been  confessing  that  she  cares  noth 
ing  at  all  about  you,  and  —  " 

Here  Peggy  lifted  up  her  head,  and  gave  him  such  a  look 
that  he  —  but  thereupon  I  made  good  my  retreat,  leaving 
IH'TTI  to  console  her  as  he  best  could. 

In  the  course  of  half  an  hour,  we  —  that  is,  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Benedict,  Mrs.  Weatherwax  and  myself — were  taken  in  a 
carriage  to  their  handsome  new  house  on  High  Street. 
And  in  another  half  hour  the  bridegroom  and  bride  set 
off  on  their  journey.  They  went  in  style,  for  Mr.  Bene 
dict  had  secured  a  bright  new  close  carriage,  into  which,  with 
an  entire  disregard  of  external  scenery,  he  shut  himself  up 
with  his  bride,  allowing  to  his  coachman  an  exclusive  mo 
nopoly  of  all  the  thrifty  farms  and  various  water  privileges 
they  passed.  As  I  stood,  saying  my  adieus  through  the  win 
dow  which  was  let  down,  I  added,  — 


ESPERANCB.  257 

"  You  have  no  idea  what  you  are  going  to  lose  in  that 
close  box." 

"  But  I  know  what  I've  found — don't  I,  Peggy?  "  Where 
upon  he  tantalized  me  with  the  sight  of  his  adoring  glances. 

"As  to  that  matter,  however,  you  real  Orientalist,  you 
might  just  as  well  have  locked  yourself  up  with  her  in  that 
cosy  little  parlor  of  yours.  But  —  de  gustibus." 

"  I  guess  we  shall  survive  our  imprisonment — shan't  we, 
Peggy?" 

As  he  spoke,  he  turned  towards  her ;  and  two  such  pro- 
vokingly  contented  looking  people  gazing  into  each  other's 
faces  I  never  saw.  As  I  knew  well  enough  what  would  fol 
low  such  a  gaze,  and  did  not  care  to  be  any  further  aggra 
vated,  I  kissed  my  hand  to  them,  and  turned  away  just  in 
season  to  escape  the  blissful  climax. 

Ah,  Peggy  !     I  frankly  confess  it  —  I  envied  you,  not 
your  husband,  —  but  I  did  envy  your  fate. 
22* 


258  ESPEEANCE. 


CHAPTER   XXXVII. 

Two  years  since  Joy's  betrothal ! 

She  still  remained  with  me,  and  continued  to  gain  in 
womanliness  of  character.  Her  attachment  to  Walter  had 
become  more  consolidated,  so  that  the  danger  of  her  slipping 
through  his  hands  seemed  past.  Indeed,  he  had  induced  her 
to  join  him  in  persuasions  for  an  earlier  "  consummation  of 
their  happiness,"  as  he  called  it. 

"  And  are  you  not  happy  enough  now? " 

"  Not  quite.  Walter  says  I  am  too  far  off,  and  that  he  is 
impatient  for  the  time  which  will  make  me  his." 

"  Nonsense  !     You  are  that  already." 

"  Oh,  but  that  is  not  what  he  means  ;  he  wants  to  have 
me  always  beside  him." 

"  But  are  you  sure  you  would  like  that?  " 

"  What  if  I  should?     Is  there  any  harm  in  it?" 

"I  don't  blame  you  in  the  "least,"  replied  I,  kissing  her 
rosy  cheek,  "  nor  him  either.  The  feeling  is  very  natural,  I 
daresay,  (how  wisely  I  talked!)  but  then  we  must  consult 
reason  in  such  matters.  And  I  think  you  are  too  young  to 
be  married." 

"  I  am  no  younger  than  Peggy  Weatherwax  was." 

"  The  circumstances  are  very  different.  And  in  the  real 
experience  of  life,  she  was  far  older  than  you." 

"•  But  I  should  get  experience  a  great  deal  faster  if  you 
would  only  let  us  be  married." 


ESPERANCE.  259 

"  Ah,  Joy !  you  are  a  dear  little  ignoramus.  Content 
yourself  and  Walter  to  let  the  sweet  blossoms  hang  a  little 
longer  on  the  tree,  and  ripen  in  the  sunshine.  And  don't 
think  me  a  cross  old  sister,  but  be  a  good  girl,  and  try  to 
make  Walter  feel  that  it  is  best  to  wait." 

Was  /  changed  in  all  this  time  ?  I  can  only  say  that  I 
seemed  to  myself,  now  turned  of  twenty-three,  a  score  of 
years  older  than  on  my  twentieth  birthday.  As  I  looked 
back  over  those  years  to  that  brief,  tropical  season,  when  my 
lonely  nature  suddenly  put  forth  the  quick  blossoms  of  affec 
tion,  I  wondered  over  and  over  again  at  the  intensity  of  feel 
ing  that  had  concentrated  on  Walter  Northrup.  The  contrast 
between  my  present  and  my  former  self  was  almost  painful. 

It  cost  roe  many  a  sharp  pang  to  think  of  the  hot  tears  I 
had  wasted — of  the  bitter  anguish  I  had  endured,  for  the 
sake  of  a  love  which  had  now  wholly  died  out  of  my  life. 
He  who,  in  the  light  of  an  idealizing  affection,  had  stood 
transfigured  before  me,  was,  to  my  cleared  vision,  but  a  man  ; 
nay,  an  ordinary,  a  weak  man. 

My  old  tendency  to  dream  had  forsaken  me.  To  my 
quickened  perception,  there  seemed  no  longer  any  heroes 
upon  the  earth.  And  marvellous,  I  thought,  must  be  the 
combination  of  manly  virtues  that  could  move  my  now  unim- 
pressible  nature. 

"  You  had  no  chance,"  some  one  may  suggest.  Not  so  ! 
But  my  answer,  in  such  cases,  never  cost  me  an  hour's  sleep. 

From  my  father  I  had  heard  only  three  or  four  times  since 
I  left  home.  But  at  length  there  came  sad  tidings. 

"I  am  a  degraded  man.  Not  content  with  embittering 
the  last  three  years,  she  has  fled  with  that  villain.  If  you 


260  ESPERANCE. 

can  forgive  and  forget  the  past,  come  to  me  as  soon  as 
possible." 

I  immediately  informed  the  trustees  of  the  Seminary  that 
circumstances  compelled  me  to  resign  my  situation.  And 
having  sent  a  despatch  to  Mr.  Northrup,  Joy  and  I  began  to 
make  preparations  for  our  journey  homeward. 

The  next  afternoon,  I  went  out  to  make  some  last  calls ; 
for,  oppressed  as  I  was,  I  could  not  take  my  departure  without 
one  more  look  at  a  few  loved  faces.  And  first,  I  found 
myself  at  the  hospitable  mansion  in  High  Street.  Dame 
Weatherwax  met  me  at  the  door,  and  directed  me  to  the 
library. 

It  was  a  charming  picture  that  greeted  me,  and  I  stood 
i  for  a  moment  to  enjoy  it.  Mr.  Benedict  was  in  a  luxurious 

arm-chair,  while  Peggy  sat  on  an  ottoman,  nestling  close  to 
him,  as  usual.  She  was  working  a  pair  of  slippers,  —  and 
very  tasteful  they  were,  —  while  he  held  an  open  book  in  his 
hand,  from  which  he  was  reading  aloud.  He  was  not,  how 
ever,  so  absorbed  by  the  volume  but  that  he  could  oversee 
her  work.  And  occasionally  he  would  pause,  and  looking 
down  upon  her  in  all  the  pride  of  possession,  would  lay  his 
large,  awkward  hand  on  her  graceful  young  head.  I  was 
about  entering  when  he  resumed  reading,  and  I  paused 
another  minute. 

"  She  tell  what  blood  her  veins  and  arteries  fill ! 
Enough  for  her  to  feel  its  burning  thrill. 
She  gaze  upon  the  moon,  as  if  she  took 
An  observation  !     Love  was  in  her  look 
All  gentle  as  the  moon.     Herself  perplex 
With  light  original  or  light  reflex ! 
Enough  for  her,  '  By  thy  pale  beam,'  to  say, 
'  Alone  and  pensive  I  delight  to  stray, 


ESPERANCE.  261 

And  watch  thy  shadow  trembling  in  the  stream ! ' 
O  maid,  thrice  lovelier  than  thy  lovely  dream ! 
And  is  the  race  extinct  ?     Or  where  is  hid 
She  with  the  blushing  cheek  and  downcast  lid, 
Tremblingly  delicate,  and,  like  the  deer, 
Gracefully  shy,  and  beautiful  in  fear  ?  " 

"I  could  answer  the  poet's  question  —  couldn't  I,  little 
wife  ?  "  fondly  patting  her  cheek. 

"  I  fear  not ;  that  is,  if  you  refer  to  any  one  in  particular." 

"  Of  course  I  do  refer  to  somebody  very  particular.  How 
could  he' better  have  described  Peggy  Benedict?" 

I  began  to  feel  that  I  had  no  business  to  stand  there, 
gazing  with  my  profane  eyes  right  into  their  Paradise.  So 
with,  "  I  hope  I  am  not  an  intruder,"  I  ventured  in. 

The  pretty  tableau  was  instantly  broken  up,  for  both  of 
them  rose  to  meet  me.  And  nothing  would  do  but  I  must 
take  off  my  bonnet,  and  stop  to  tea. 

"  I  have  only  an  hour  to  spare,  and  if  you  choose  to  make 
me  drink  a  cup  of  tea  during  that  time,  very  well.  But  what 
were  you  reading,  Mr.  Benedict,  that  has  given  such  a  fresh 
color  to  Peggy's  cheeks  ?  " 

"  A  little  poem,  called  '  Factitious  Life,'  by  Eichard 
Dana.  Why  not  spend  the  evening  here,  and  read  it  to 
us  yourself?" 

"  And  let  you  and  Peggy  personate  old-fashioned  lovers, 
and  illustrate  what  I  read  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  replied  he,  laughing ;  "  that  is,  I  am  willing,  if 
Peggy  is." 

"  It  would  be  a  delightful  drama ;  but,  unfortunately,  I 
have  come  to  say  good  by." 

"  Good  by !     What  do  you  mean  ?  " 


232  ESPERANCE. 

"  That  I  have  resigned  my  place  here,  and  to-morrow 
start  for  Clydeville." 

I  had  no  idea  the  tidings  would  cast  such  a  shadow  over 
their  sunny  faces.  And  when  it  was  communicated  to  the 
mother,  she  seemed  fully  to  share  their  feeling.  With  our 
united  efforts,  we  could  scarcely  keep  up  a  social  tea-table. 

When  I  had  said  my  adieus  to  Mrs.  Weatherwax  and 
Peggy,  I  turned  to  Philander. 

"  Not  now,  by  your  permission.  I  am  going  to  claim  my 
old  privilege." 

"  But  I  go  to  Mr.  Richardson's,  and  from"  there  to  Mrs. 
Ware's,  where  I  expect  to  pass  the  night." 

"  That  makes  no  difference.  I  shall  see  you  safe  to  your 
quarters," 

I  could  not  hasten  him  beyond  a  slow  walk,  for  he  was 
full  of  Peggy  and  Peggy's  mother. 

At  Mrs.  Ware's  door,  I  lingered  a  moment  for  a  few  last 
words. 

"  I  shall  never  find  another  such  friend  as  you,  Miss 
Frazer.  I  don't  mean  Peggy,  of  course,  but  she  is  my  wife. 
And  I  owe  her  entirely  to  you." 

"You  give  me  altogether  more  credit  than  I  deserve. 
And,  besides,  your  friendship  has  been  as  much  to  me 
as  mine  to  you." 

"  I  thank  you  for  that,"  warmly  shaking  my  hand.  "  Now, 
don't  forget  our  claim  on  you  for  a  visit." 

"  I  will  not.  And  some  time,  I  shall  hope  to  see  you  and 
Peggy  in  the  East." 

At  length,  with  a  hearty  "  God  bless  you,"  he  again 
wrung  my  hand,  and  departed. 

"  Good  Philander  Benedict  I  "  I  thought,  "  I  shall  never 
look  upon  your  like  again." 


ESPERANCE.  263 


CHAPTER    XXXVIII. 

MY  last  night  in  Iron  ton.  Most  full  and  comforting  was 
my  communion  with  Helen,  during  its  long,  sleepless  hours. 
Two  or  three  times  she  bade  me  good  night,  saying  that, 
as  I  was  to  journey  the  next  day,  I  needed  rest.  And 
turning  my  head  on  my  pillow,  I  would  resolutely  close  my 
eyes.  But  presently  something  would  suggest  itself  which  I 
knew  not  how  to  repress,  and  we  would  again  set  sail  on 
the  stream  of  confidential  talk. 

At  length  the  first  faint  ray  of  morning  shot  through  the 
window. 

"  And  you  have  not  slept  one  wink  all  night,  dear  Espy." 

"  Nor  you." 

"  But  I  shall  have  a  chance  to  sleep  to-day." 

"  And  I  shall  be  only  too  glad  to  catch  some  naps  in  the 
stage,  and  thus  beguile  the  tedium  of  my  journey." 

Mrs.  Ware  had  an  abundant  breakfast,  but  I  could  take 
nothing  except  a  cup  of  coffee,  after  which  Helen  accom 
panied  me  to  Miss  Brimblecum's. 

"  I  learn  that  Dr.  Bentley  was  here  last  night,"  said  I,  as 
I  returned,  after  having  left  her  for  a  moment.  "  When  you 
see  him,  please  say  that  I  was  very  sorry  to  miss  his  call, 
and  that  I  left  a  special  good  by  for  him." 

We  were  then  in  my  chamber,  the  same  which  Walter 
had  selected  for  me  so  long  ago.  And  now  it  was  to  be 


264  BSPEBANOB. 

occupied  by  a  stranger.  But  would  it  not  be  haunted  by 
the  thoughts  and  feelings  which  I  had  lived  into  it?  And 
in  the  spectral  hours  of  night,  what  if  these  grim  ghosts 
of  the  past  should  come  from  their  hiding-places,  and  look 
the  new  occupant  in  the  face !  This  thought  I  expressed 
to  my  friend,  as  we  sat  hand  in  hand.  She  smiled  at  my 
fancy. 

"  I  have  very  strong  local  attachments,"  I  continued. 
"  The  rooms  which  I  occupy  for  any  length  of  time  seem  to 
grow  so  into  my  being,  that  I  cannot  leave  them  without 
feeling  as  if  something  was  torn  from  me.  And  I  hang  all 
the  nails,  and  fill  every  cranny  and  crevice,  so  full  of  my 
own  thoughts,  that  I  can  never  quite  dispossess  myself  of  the 
idea  that  they  retain  an  occupancy  after  I  myself  have 
deserted  the  spot." 

"  If  I  were  going  to  succeed  you  in  this  room,  I  should 
expect  continual  company  from  these  lingerers." 

"  You  would,  have  it.  The  place  would  certainly  be 
haunted.  But  think,  Helen,  how  startled  we  should  be 
if  our  thoughts  were  suddenly  to  assume  form !  I  have 
sometimes  had  strange  fancies  of  this  kind.  And  were  those 
thoughts  and  feelings  which  spring  up  spontaneously  in 
certain  moods,  —  as  if  to  re-assert  with  emphasis  the  deep 
depravity  of  the  human  heart,  —  were  these  dreadful,  though 
unuttered  breathings  of  our  lower  nature  to  be  project 
ed  into  corresponding  forms,  and  stand  as  it  were  photo 
graphed  in  all  their  ugliness  before  us,  —  it  seems  to  me 
they  would  terrify  and  torture  the  heart  as  no  penal  infliction 
could  possibly  do.  I  can  conceive  of  no  worse,  no  more 
awful  hell  than  forever  to  be  face  to  face  with  these  fearful 
phantoms.  I  remember  being  impressed  with  this  thought 


ESPERANCE.  265 

when  reading  a  poem  of  Dana's,  and  how  long  his  words 
rang  in  my  memory. 

"  '  Look  there,  my  soul !  and  thine  own  features  trace ! 
And  all  through  time  and  down  eternity, 
Where'er  thou  go'st.  that  face  shall  look  on  thee ! '  " 

"  I  don't  know  that  I  ever  had  just  such  a  conception, 
dear  Hope.  And  yet  there  seems  a  philosophy  in  it.  But 
dreadful  as  is  the  view  in  one  aspect,  in  another  it  is  exactly 
the  reverse.  To  be  pure  in  heart,  to  have  only  high  and 
noble  thoughts  and  feelings  to  be  thus  mirrored  before  the 
soul  —  " 

At  this  moment  the  postman's  loud  horn  was  heard,  and 
presently  the  stage  rolled  up  to  the  door.  We  exchanged 
a  parting  embrace,  and  went  below.  Walter,  who  was  to 
ride  out  a  few  miles  with  us  and  Joy,  followed  me  into  the 
stage ;  the  driver  cracked  his  whip,  and  we  were  whirled 
away.  As  I  turned  my  head,  the  last  object  I  caught  was 
my  beloved  Helen  standing  in  the  door-way.  I  waved  my 
handkerchief,  she  waved  hers,  —  and  the  unsympathizing 
vehicle  jolted  us  out  of  her  sight. 

One  moment  ago,  our  hands  were  clasped.  Now,  we 
were  as  actually  sundered  as  though  the  wide  sea  rolled 
between  us.  O  Life ! 

My  fit  of  abstraction  was  broken  by  finding  that  we  had 
stopped  at  the  hotel,  and  that  Dr.  Bentley  was  standing  by 
the  stage  window.  Presenting  me  with  a  beautiful  bouquet, 
he  extended  his  hand  to  say  farewell.  He  did  not  attempt 
to  speak,  but  I  saw  that  his  eye  was  moist  as  he  turned 
away. 

We  too  had  parted. 
23 


266  ESPERANCE. 

The  relentless  wheels  bore  me  onward,  yet  my  heart  lin 
gered.  Dropping  my  thick  veil,  and  hidden  behind  a  broad- 
shouldered  man,  who  occupied  the  middle  seat,  I. took  the 
liberty  to  weep.  Indeed,  I  could  not  help  it.  The  last  silent 
parting  had  affected  me  more  than  any  other  I  had  passed 
through.  I  did  not  love  Dr.  Bentley ;  with  all  his  worth, 
and  with  all  my  own  amiable  efforts,  I  had  failed  to  do  this. 
Yet  my  friendship  for  him  had  something  of  that  tenderness, 
which  we  can  scarcely  help  indulging  towards  one  who  has 
shown  us  a  peculiar  regard. 

Glad  that  Mr.  Northrup  and  Joy  were  absorbed  in  each 
other,  I  fell  into  a  fit  of  musing,  which  was  not  broken 
till  the  stage  stopped,  and  Walter  bade  us  adieu.  I  then 
taxed  my  energies  for  the  consolation  of  my  sister.  But  she 
too  had  been  wakeful  the  previous  night ;  so,  after  a  while, 
she  laid  her  weary  head  on  my  shoulder,  and  fell  asleep. 
Resting  my  own  against  the  side  of  the  stage,  I  also  at 
last  slept  heavily. 

So  we  dragged  on  our  tedious  way  till  we  arrived  at 
Detroit,  where  we  took  the  steamboat  across  the  lake  for 
Buffalo.  This  was  a  delightful  change,  and  refreshed  me 
more  than  all  the  sleep  I  had  had  since  leaving  Ironton. 

As  Joy  and  I  sat  together  on  deck,  I  noticed  a  gentleman 
walking  slowly  back  and  forth,  with  folded  arms,  and  eyes 
bent  upon  the  floor.  As  he  casually  lifted  his  hat,  on  which 
he  wore,  a  broad  weed,  I  involuntarily  remarked,  "  What  a 
fine  head ! " 

"  Whose?  "  asked  Joy. 

"  That  gentleman's  who  is  walking  the  deck,"  I  replied,  in 
a  low  voice. 

"  He's  not  half  as  handsome  as  Walter." 


ESPERANCE.  267 

"  "Walter  is  very  handsome,"  I  replied,  with  a  smile,  and 
we  relapsed  into  silence. 

The  stranger's  face  was  grave,  but  peculiarly  expressive  ; 
and  as  I  had  nothing  to  do  except  to  look  about,  I  came  to 
feel  a  sort  of  pleasure  in  watching  it.  Half  an  hour,  per 
haps,  he  had  thus  promenaded,  when,  as  he  had  just  turned 
from  us  to  go  to  the  other  end  of  the  boat,  I  happened  to  say 
to  Joy,  "  I  w.ish  I  had  a  book  with  me." 

Instantly  my  unknown  stopped  short,  gave  me  a  hasty 
glance,  and  then  said  courteously,  "  I  have  a  book  in  my 
valise  which  may  interest  you  if  you  have  not  read  it.  It  is 
John  Foster's  '  Essays.' " 

"I  have  only  read  the  one  "On  Decision  of  Character," 
but  from  that  specimen,  I  am  sure  I  should  like  the  book." 

He  went  below,  and  presently  returning,  placed  it  in  my 
hand,  and  then  withdrew.  The  first  thing  I  did,  when  sure 
he  was  out  of  sight,  was  to  turn  to  the  fly-leaf.  I  was  not 
disappointed.  In  a  bold  hand  was  written  —  "  Howard 
Ferguson,"  —  H.  F.  —  my  own  initials.  I  could  not  help 
noting  the  singular  coincidence.  But  why  could  he  not  have 
put  down  his  residence,  while  he  was  about  it  ?  So  I  thought ; 
then  smiled  at  my  own  curiosity. 

The  next  thing  was  to  glance  over  the  pages  hastily,  in 
doing  which  I  caught  sight  of  several  pencilled  passages. 
Doubtless  they  were  the  cream  of  the  book,  and  I  must 
secure  them  first.  But  this  indulgence  only  stimulated  my 
curiosity,  for  I  was  conscious  of  a  warm  response  to  every 
passage.  While  thus  employed,  Joy  complained  of  being 
tired,  and  went  down  to  recline  in  the  saloon.  •!  again 
opened  the  book,  commencing  the  essay  "  On  the  Applica 
tion  of  the  Epithet  Romantic."  I  read  till  I  came  to  the  fol 
lowing  passage,  which  was  pencilled  heavily :  — 


268  ESPERANCE. 

"  I  should  deem  it  the  indication  of  a  character  not  des 
tined  to  excel  in  the  liberal,  the  energetic,  or  the  devout 
qualities,  if  I  observed  in  the  youthful  age  a  close  confine 
ment  of  thought  to  bare  truth  and  minute  accuracy,  with  an 
entire  aversion  to  the  splendors,  amplifications,  and  excur 
sions  of  fancy.  This  opinion  is  warranted  by  instances  of 
persons  so  distinguished  in  youth,  who  have  become  subse 
quently  very  sensible  indeed,  but  dry,  cold,  precise,  devoted 
to  detail,  and  incapable  of  being  carried  away  one  moment 
by  any  inspiration  of  the  beautiful  or  the  sublime." 

As  I  was  reading  this  for  the  second  time,  I  heard  a  step 
beside  me ;  and,  looking  up,  I  met  the  stranger's  searching 
glance. 

"  May  I  ask  what  interests  you  so  much  ?  "  .; 

I  pointed  out  the  passage,  though  not  without  slight  re 
luctance.  This  led  to  a  pleasant  discussion,  and  this,  again, 
to  other  subjects,  in  which  both  of  us  happened  to  strike  the 
same  key-note.  Suddenly,  the  chambermaid,  whom  I  had 
requested  to  have  an  oversight  for  me,  appeared,  saying  that 
as  I  had  no  gentleman  with  me,  it  was  time  to  take  my  place 
at  the  supper-table.  I  rose  to  follow  her,  when  the  stranger 
detained  me. 

"  I  ask  pardon,  but  as  you  are  alone,  allow  me  to  attend 
you.  My  name  is  Ferguson." 

"  I  frankly  accept  your  offer.     And  I  am  Miss  Frazer." 

He  too  noticed  the  coincidence,  and,  with  a  smile,  quietly 
remarked,  — 

"  A  good  Scotch  name,  like  my  own,  Miss  Frazer.  Shall 
we  look  up  your  friend  ?  " 

"  My  sister?  Yes,  sir."  And,  taking  his  offered  arm,  we 
went  below,  where  we  found  Joy,  and  proceeded  into  the 
dining-hall. 


ESPEBANCE.  269 

If  any  one  should  pronounce  me  inconsiderate  for  so 
readily  accepting  the  services  of  a  stranger,  involving,  as 
it  did,  subsequent  intercourse,  I  must  plead  as  my  apology 
that  he  carried  in  his  face  the  best  possible  introduction. 
Besides,  his  was  the  instinctive  offer  of  a  gentleman,  in 
seeing  a  lady  who  needed  protection.  Why,  then,  should  I 
have  refused  it  on  the  ground  of  mere  etiquette  ? 

From  this  time  till  we  reached  Buffalo,  my  sister  and  I 
were  well  cared  for.  But  while  attentive  and  courteous,  Mr. 
Ferguson  could  not  be  called  social.  Our  few  conversations, 
however,  while  they  did  not  afford  the  slightest  clew  to  his 
personal  history,  had  the  effect  greatly  to  increase  the  inter 
est  his  thoughtful  air  had  at  first  awakened,  and  there  was 
that  about  him  which  wins  instant  respect  and  confidence  — 
a  kind  of  magnetism,  against  which  one  struggles  in  vain. 
From  his  mourning  weeds,  I  thought  it  possible  that  his 
grave  reticence  of  manner  might  be  owing  in  part  to  some 
peculiar  circumstauces.  Be  that  as  it  may,  I  did  not  learn 
his  residence,  his  profession,  if  he  had  one,  or  his  plans,  — 
except  indeed  one  of  them,  which  incidentally  escaped  at  the 
last  moment. 

23* 


270  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XXXIX. 

I  WAS  glad  that  our  route  did  not  lead  us  through  Niagara. 
The  place  where  we  have  suffered  retains  its  unpleasant  asso 
ciations  even  when  the  suffering  is  over,  and  I  did  not  feel 
strength  to  encounter  again  the  ghosts  of  memory. 

But  as  we  travelled  in  that  general  direction,  I  could  not 
help  speculating  painfully  upon  the  mechanism  of  the  soul, 
over  whose  tempests  of  agony  so  insidiously  steals  the  cold 
breath  of  indifference  and  apathy. 

Not  more  shifting  and  inconstant  are  the  sands  of  the 
desert,  than  are  the  ever-changing  feelings  of  the  human 
heart.  At  every  turn  of  destiny,  the  soul  assumes  a  new 
configuration.  Love,  hate,  scorn,  indifference,  joy,  sorrow, 
remorse,  —  all  its  multiplied  feelings  and  passions,  —  give 
place  one  to  another,  blending,  separating,  appearing,  disap 
pearing,  and  re-appearing  in  kaleidoscopic  fashion.  What  is 
this  thing  which  we  deem  immortal  ?  And  why.  is  such  a 
mysterious  destiny  appointed  it? 

Rapidly  glided  the  boat  across  the  beautiful  lake.  The 
heavens  were  of  the  bluest,  and  the  glassy  waters  mirrored 
their  tranquil  beauty. 

Banishing,  so  far  as  I  could,  all  thoughts  of  the  trying 
scenes  I  was  soon  to  encounter,  I  gave  myself  up  to  the 
mingled  influences  of  the  charming  weather,  the  prospect, 
and  the  occasion.  Every  hour  had  its  pleasure,  every 
moment  its  drop  of  content. 


ESPEBANCE.  271 

But  the  devouring  Past,  hurrying  on  with  frantic  haste, 
tore  from  me  the  Present,  with  its  burden  of  unconscious 
happiness,  and  sent  me  shrinking  into  the  dreaded  Future. 

The  steamboat  was  at  the  wharf.  As  we  stood  on  the 
lower  deck,  watching  the  busy  crowd,  I  handed  Mr.  Fer 
guson  the  "  Essays." 

"  Have  you  been  able  to  finish  the  volume?  " 

"  Not  quite." 

"  "Will  you  not,  then,  do  me  the  favor  to  retain  it?  " 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  But  I  have  read  it  twice." 

I  still  hesitated,  saying  that  I  had  scruples  in  appropriat 
ing  the  book  of  a  stranger. 

"  But  do  you,  then,  regard  me  as  a  stranger?  " 

He  gave  me  such  a  look,  that  the  telltale  blood  rushed  to 
my  face,  as  I  answered,  — 

"  Not  exactly,  sir.  But  I  have  no  claims  on  you  for  such 
a  courtesy.  Besides,  I  see  it  is  an  English  edition,  and  you 
may  not  readily  replace  it." 

"  I  hoped  it  might  prove  a  not  unpleasant  memento  of  the 
brief  journey  we  have  made  together.  It  has  been  truly  a 
pleasant  one  to  me,"  he  added,  in  a  tone  of  peculiar  earnest 
ness,  "  although  I  have  carried  an  absorbed  mind,  as  you 
may  have  noticed.  One  word  to  remove  your  scruple ;  I 
hope  to  see  John  Foster  himself  in  the  course  of  a  few 
months." 

I  looked  at  him  earnestly. 

"  I  expect  to  sail  shortly  for  Europe." 

"For  a  tour  on  the  continent?"  —  almost  unconsciously 
escaped  me. 

"  For  a  few  years'  absence,  in  the  course  of  which  time, 
I  shall,  probably,  travel  somewhat  extensively." 


272  ESPERANCE. 

At  that  moment,  —  I  could  not  tell  why,  —  a  cold  shudder 
passed  over  me,  and  my  head  began  to  swim.  But  with  a 
determined  effort,  I  rallied,  and,  taking  the  volume  which  he 
once  more  held  out,  said,  with  as  much  calmness  as  I  could 
assume,  — 

"  I  will  no  longer  refuse  it." 

One  of  those  smiles  that  we  do  not  easily  forget  crossed 
his  countenance.  Then  he  asked,  playfully,  — 

"  Will  you  not  intrust  me  with  some  commands  for 
Europe?" 

"  My  homage  to  the  sultan,  and  all  crowned  heads,  and  my 
love  to  Switzerland  and  Italy,"  —  in  the  same  playful  tone. 

"  But  will  you  not  let  me  bring  you  back  some  souvenir 
from  the  old  world  ?  " 

My  eyes  dropped  beneath  his,  as  I  replied,  —  .*  . 

"  If  you  put  Aladdin's  lamp  into  my  hand,  I  will,  perhaps, 
venture  to  express  a  single  wish ; "  and  there  I  hesitated. 

"  What  is  it,  Miss  Frazer?  " 

"  That  you  pluck  me  a  flower  from  the  shores  of  Gen- 
nesaret." 

"  I  will,"  —  in  a  voice  that  trembled  a  little. 

Then  he  took  my  hand  in  silence. 

Another  parting ! 

And  what  excuse  can  I  offer  for  the  depression  which  fol 
lowed  it  ?  But  have  you,  then,  never  felt  a  keener  pang  at 
parting  with  a  comparative  stranger,  than  with  a  near  rela 
tive,  or  an  intimate  acquaintance  ?  And  why,  but  that  the 
strong,  recognized  ties,  binding  you  to  the  familiar  friend, 
bring  relief  to  the  farewell-moment  ?  The  separation  is  pain 
ful,  but  your  communion  is  not  interrupted.  You  may  ex- 


•' 
ESPEBANCE.  273 

change  letters  ;  at  all  events,  your  claims  on  each  other  are 
acknowledged,  and  you  confidently  expect  to  meet  again. 

But  between  you  and  this  other,  so  late  a  stranger,  there 
are  no  such  external  bonds.  You  may  have  had  glimpses  of 
each  other's  inmost  soul ;  —  you  may  have  interwoven  pre 
cious  threads  of  thought  and  sentiment.  No  matter !  At 
the  appointed  moment,  the  relentless  Parcas  cut  those  inter 
mingled  threads,  and  you  have  no  expectation  that  they  will 
ever  be  rejoined.  Or,  if  some  sweet  hope  insidiously  nestles 
into  your  bosom,  you  dare  not  look  at  it,  —  you  sternly  order 
it  out, — you  bar  the  door  against  its  return,  and  then,  per 
haps,  sit  down  and  weep  because  it  is  gone. 


274  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XL. 

ONCE  more  I  rode  through  the  old  linden  avenue.  Again 
I  stood  on  those  broad  stone  steps,  and  glanced  hastily 
round.  The  place  was  unchanged,  but  I  was  no  longer  the 
same  being  as  when  I  last  left  it.  The  difference  between 
then  and  now,  was  as  that  between  love's  glowing  dream,  and 
its  cold,  gray  ashes. 

Silently  entering  the  door,  a  chilling  breeze  seemed  to  pass 
over  me,  as  if  there  had  been  a  recent  funeral  in  the  man 
sion. 

"  Miss  Hope,"  said  John  Riley,  after  we  had  exchanged 
salutations,  "  Mr.  Frazer  wishes  to  see  you  in  the  library." 

So,  laying  my  bonnet  on  the  hall  table,  and  opening  the 
door,  I  saw  my  father  as  he  stood  leaning  against  a  high- 
backed  chair.  I  hastened  towards  him,  and  threw  my  arms 
round  his  neck.  And  the  dear  man  stooped  and  kissed  me. 

Never  shall  I  forget  that  moment  —  the  first  time  in  my 
life  that  he  had  given  me  such  a  token  of  affection.  I  had 
long  ceased  to  feel  the  exceeding  bitterness  of  my  dreadful 
early  humiliation.  But  the  scar  had  remained  in  my  heart, 
ineffaceable,  as  I  thought.  By  the  wondrous  magic  of  that 
paternal  kiss,  it  was  instantly,  and  forever,  removed. 

I  helped  him  to  a  seat,  and  then,  standing  beside  him,  tried 
to  give  vent  to  my  sympathy  and  affection.  I  could  feel  him 
tremble,  as  with  tender  reverence  I  put  back  his  silvered 


ESPERANCB.  275 

locks,  and  ventured  to  press  my  lips  on  that  brow,  furrowed 
more  by  trial  than  by  years. 

"  I  have  come,  dearest  father,  to  claim  a  daughter's  privi 
lege  of  ministering  to  you." 

A  tear  dropped  from  his  eyes,  while  he  groaned  aloud.  I 
asked  if  Joy  might  come,  and,  upon  his  assent,  went  in  search 
of  her.  I  told  her  that  our  father  was  greatly  broken  by  his 
trials,  and  that  we  must  treat  him  with  the  utmost  tender 
ness  and  respect.  Then  taking  her  hand,  we  descended  the 
familiar  staircase. 

He  was  sitting  where  I  had  left  him.  Joy  knelt,  and 
put  up  her  lips  to  his.  It  was  a  sweet  picture  —  that 
radiant  young  face  laid  against  his  haggard  and  prema 
turely  wrinkled  cheek. 

Looking  at  her  earnestly,  — 

"*Y"ou  are  the  image  of  your  dear  mother,  as  she  was 
when  I  first  saw  her." 

Ah  !  he  was  beginning  to  do  her  justice  now. 

That  night  John  brought  me  a  letter  which  Mrs.  Frazer 
had  charged  him  to  deliver  into  my  hands.  I  tore  it  open, 
and  hastily  ran  over  the  following  lines  :  — 

"  It  is  all  over,  Esperance.  My  doom  has  at  length  seized 
me.  In  an  angry  moment,  I  mockingly  told  Mr.  Frazer  that 
from  the  very  beginning  of  our  acquaintance,  he  had  been  my 
dupe.  Since  that  moment  he  has  been  a  hateful  tyrant. 
"When  he  found,  by  his  despicable  spies,  —  for  he  was  not  too 
mean  to  employ  them, — that  I  was  corresponding  with  Levere, 
he  set  himself  about  an  application  for  a  divorce.  He  would 
not  have  scrupled  one  moment  to  drag  me  before  the  world, 
and  ruthlessly  to  blast  my  reputation.  And  since,  in  any 


276  ESPERANCE. 

event,  I  must  be  publicly  disgraced,  I  may  as  well  secure 
what  consolation  I  can.  Therefore  I  flee  to  a  freer  land 
with  one;  who,  in  spite  of  my  better  judgment,  has  long 
ruled  in  my  heart.  He  may,  perchance,  break  it  in  the  end, 
for  his  nature  is  cold  and  merciless.  Yet  I  shall  enjoy  a  few 
rapturous  days.  And  when  I  have  thus  inflicted  a  deadly 
wound  on  Mr.  Frazer's  proud  heart,  my  revenge  will  be 
ample. 

But,  Espy,  I  am  truly  sorry  to  grieve  you.  I  know  you 
will  think  me  dreadfully  wrong  —  a  monster  —  thus  to  desert 
my  child.  It  almost  breaks  my  heart  to  think  of  her.  But 
you  are  noble.  You  will  be  a  mother  to  my  little  Ednah, 
and  bring  her  up  to  be  pure  and  good,  as  I,  alas  !  never  was. 
Say  nothing  of  this  to  your  father,  or  he  will  be  sure  to 
'thwart  my  wishes. 

EDNAH." 

"  Where  is  Ednah  ?  "  I  asked  Nancy,  the  next  morning. 

"  She  is  kept  in  the  children's  rooms,  clean  out  of  the  way 
of  your  father.  Somehow,  he  seems  to  have  taken  a  dread 
ful  spite  against  her." 

I  followed  her  to  the  nursery,  where,  taking  a  key  out  of 
her  pocket,  she  unlocked  the  door.  I  looked  surprised. 

"Them's  the  orders,  and  we  darsen't  break  'em.  You've 
no  idee,  Miss  Hope,  what  awful  times  we've  had  here.  And 
I'm  sure  I  never  was  so  thankful  in  my  life  as  to  hear  you 
was  a-coming  home." 

Listless  and  unhappy,  if  one  could  judge  by  her  face,  stood 
the  poor  child,  a  perfect  miniature  of  her  mother,  drumming 
on  the  table.  The  floor  was  strewn  with  dolls  and  broken 
toys,  while,  tipped  back  in  a  rocking-chair  by  the  window, 


ESPERANCE.  277 

with  her  feet  lifted  up  on  a  stool,  sat  Dolly,  her  young  nurse, 
deep  in  a  story  book.  My  sympathies  were  at  once  drawn 
out  towards  my  little  sister  in  her  truly  orphan  condition ; 
and  seating  myself,  I  took  her  into  my  lap,  and  looked  kindly 
into  her  cloudy,  hazel  eyes. 

"  Ednah,  I  am  your  sister  Espy." 

She  gave  back  my  earnest  look,  and  then  threw  her  arms 
round  my  neck,  exclaiming,  — 

"  Take  me  to  mamma,  then.  She  is  angry  when  papa  has 
me  shut  up." 

Gradually  soothing  the  excited  child,  I  told  her  I  had 
come  from  a  great  way  off  to  stay  at  home,  and  that,  if  she 
was  good,  she  should  be  my  own  little  girl,  and  sleep  with 
me.  This  was  an  impulsive  promise,  but  my  heart 
warmed  strangely  towards  her.  And  besides,  was  not  my 
duty  plain? 

Not  long  after,  my  father  told  me  he  had  been  waiting  till 
I  came,  before  he  determined  where  to  send  little  Ednah.  I 
ventured  to  express  my  wish  to  take  charge  of  her  myself. 
As  he  seemed  greatly  displeased,  I  immediately  turned  the 
subject.  So  it  was  left  unnamed  between  us  for  some  weeks. 
I  fulfilled  my  promise  to  the  child,  but  it  required  constant 
watchfulness  to  keep  her  out  of  my  father's  way.  To  him  I 
devoted  most  of  my  time,  reading  the  newspapers  aloud, 
singing  and  playing  for  his  amusement,  and  taking  daily 
drives  with  him.  So  that  I  had  only  odd  moments  to  give 
Ednah.  But  then  she  often  woke  when  I  came  to  my  room 
at  night,  begging  for  "  more  tory." 

When  the  management  of  affairs  had  pretty  much  come 
into  my  own  hands,  I  felt  that  it  was  time  to  decide  about 
24 


278  ESPEBANCB. 

the  child.  So  I  asked  him  one  day, — assuming  that  she  was 
to  remain,  — 

"  Don't  you  think  our  little  girl  can  have  a  wider  range 
without  annoying  you?" 

The  shades  gathered  on  his  face. 

"  You  know  not  how  strong  my  dislike  is  to  that  child." 

"  But,  dear  father —  " 

"And  then,  I  cannot  hear  that  name  uttered." 

"  I  feel  as  you  do  about  that.  But  suppose  \ve  should  call 
her  Vesta ! " 

"  Well,  Hope,"  he  said,  after  a  long  pause,  "  I  have 
thwarted  you  enough.  For  your  sake  I  yield." 

Hoping  for  this  result,  I  had  previously  accustomed  the 
household  and  the  little  girl  herself  to  her  new  name,  and 
also  to  speak  of  he»  father  as  Mr.  Frazer.  That  night  I 
told  her  she  was  to  go  where  she  pleased,  but  that,  as  Mr. 
Frazer  had  not  been  well,  she  must  be  quiet  while  with  him, 
and  not  ask  questions.  Her  joy  knew  no  bounds,  and  she 
would  be  "the  bestest  girl  I  ever  saw."  As  indeed  she  was, 
being  careful  to  put  a  curb  on  her  spirits  in  the  presence  of 
her  father.  I  noticed,  however,  that  she  eyed  him  with  curi 
osity,  and  something  of  dread,  which  at  length  was  softened 
to  pity. 

One  day  after  dinner,  as  my  father,  according  to  his  custom, 
sat  back  in  his  chair,  Vesta  asked  me,  — 

"  May  I  carry  the  little  cricket  and  put  it  under  Mr. 
Frazer's  feet?  I  will  be  so  softly." 

"  Yes,  dear." 

She  went  on  tiptoe,  and  having  placed  it  before  him,  she 
stood  a  moment  looking  wistfully  into  his  face.  Then  she 
turned  to  me,  — 


ESPERANCE.  279 

"  May  I  say  just  one  thing?  " 

"  I  think  you  may."  4 

"I  am  sorry  you  have  been  sick,  Mr.  Frazer.  Mayn't  I 
love  you  a  little  ?  " 

He  was  fairly  overcome ;  and  opening  his  arms,  she 
climbed  into  his  lap,  and  softly  stroked  his  withered  cheek, 
till  the  tears  trickled  down  over  it. 

"Have  I  been  naughty,  Mr.  Frazer?" 

"  No,  child  ;  but  you  must  call  me  papa." 

She  looked  over  at  me  triumphantly. 

"  And  may  I  tell  you  ever  so  many  questions?  " 

"  As  many  as  you  please." 

"  Do  you  hear  that,  Epsy  ?  "  Then  turning  to  him,  "  She 
said  I  mustn't  tell  you  any  questions,  and  that  I  must  call 
you  Mr.  Frazer." 

"  Ask  her  leave,  then." 

"May  I,  Epsy?" 

"  Always  mind  papa." 

So  the  reconciliation  was  sealed.  And  it  bore  sweet  fruits 
for  both  father  and  child. 

I  think  I  have  not  stated  that  after  my  brother  was  ex 
pelled,  he  had  been  sent  on  a  whaling  voyage.  During  that 
winter  the  news  of  his  sudden  death  came  to  us.  I  could 
see  that,  in  addition,  to  my  father's  grief,  he  struggled  with  a 
load  of  self-reproaches.  And  if  he  suffered  from  remorse,  I 
was  by  no  means  exempt,  for  I  had  worse  than  wasted  all 
my  opportunities  of  acquiring  a  sisterly  influence  over  him. 
But  a  subject  so  painful,  and  about  which  there  was  so  little 
to  be  said,  found  no  place  in  our  conversation.  And  from 
that  time,  the  name  of  Horatio  was  dropped  from  among  us. 


280  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XLI. 

HAVING  completed  his  studies,  Mr.  Northrup  had  estab 
lished  himself  in  Refton,  about  thirty  miles  from  Clydeville. 
He  and  Joy  together,  especially  as  my  father  had  been  in 
duced  to  join  them,  were  more  than  a  match  for  me ;  so  it 
was  settled  that  they  were  to  be  married  early  in  the  spring. 
And  a  busy  winter  we  had  in  making  up  pretty  things  for 
the  bride. 

At  length  the  long  anticipated  day  arrived.  The  wedding, 
which  was  a  private  one,  occurred  in  the  morning ;  after 
which  the  happy  pair  took  their  departure.  I  had  become 
tenderly  attached  to  Joy,  and  the  house  seemed  very  lonely 
without  her.  But  I  saw  that  my  father  was  depressed,  and 
for  his  sake  I  made  a  great  effort  to  wear  a  cheerful  counte 
nance.  Under  these  circumstances,  our  little  Vesta  proved  a 
genuine  sunbeam.  If  she  was  long  out  of  his  sight,  my 
father  invariably  missed  her.  The  pretty  creature  well 
understood  her  importance,  and  knew  how  to  turn  it  to  good 
account.  So  that  many  was  the  frolic  into  which  she  drew 
him,  grave  as  he  was. 

"  Whoa,  Jerry ! "  And  Dr.  Belden  reined  in  the  old 
beast,  calling  out,  "How  are  you,  Miss  Epsy?  —  as  the 
little  one  has  it." 

"  All  the  better  for  your  painstaking  to  inquire." 


ESPERANCE. 

"  But  there  you  are  mistaken,  my  young  lady.  I  stopped 
with  no  such  design  at  all." 

"  Excuse  me  ;  I  will  pass  on." 

"  Stop,  I  say.     What  a  smart  piece  you  are  ! " 

"  Did  you  stop  me  to  make  that  assertion?" 

"  I  cannot  do  anything  with  you  in  the  street.  I  might 
talk  all  day,  and  never  come  to  the  point.  Get  in  —  will 
you?" 

"  But  I  am  in  too  much  haste  to  enjoy  a  ride." 

"  I  haven't  asked  you  to  ride.  I  only  want  to  drive  round 
the  corner." 

"  But  I  have  no  wish  for  such  a  drive." 

Instantly  the  still  active  doctor  was  on  the  ground,  when, 
taking  me  by  the  arm,  he  lifted  me  with  an  energetic  "  Get 
,in,  without  any  more  ado." 

Seeing  that  he  was  in  earnest,  I  obeyed,  and  we  were 
presently  in  motion. 

"  What  trouble  you  girls  like  to  give  an  old  fellow  ! "  said 
he,  looking  comically  at  me  over  his  glasses.  "  I  should  like 
to  see  you  under  subjection  —  that's  what  I  should." 

"  That,  you  do  see  at  this  moment.  What  but  your  au 
thority  seated  me  in  this  buggy  ?  " 

"  Is  that  so  ?  Then  I  must  improve  my  chance,  or  your  fit 
of  obedience  will  be  over.  I  was  just  going  to  ride  on  to  the 
hill,  to  invite  you  to  take  tea  with  us  to-night,  when,  fortu 
nately,  the  old  adage  proved  true,  and  you  were  on  hand  to 
answer  for  yourself." 

"  Do  you  still  invite  me  ?  " 

"  Of  course  I  do." 

"  But  have  you  any  particular  reason  for  my  coming  to 
night.     If  not,  I  should  prefer  another  day." 
24* 


282  ESPEBANCE. 

"  But  wife  and  I  do  happen  to  have  the  most  particular 
reasons." 

"  Am  I  permitted  to  ask  for  them?  " 

"  Certainly,  but  you  will  get  no  answer.  You  are  to 
come,  though ;  on  that  point,  I  am  strenuous." 

"  In  full  dress?"  asked  I,  laughing. 

"  No.     Wear  something  half  way  between." 

"  Are  you  particular  as  to  the  time?  " 

"  To  be  sure.  Come  at  five,  precisely.  I  shall  then  be  at 
home." 

"  I  will  be  punctual.  And  now,  if  you  have  done  with  me, 
I  should  like  to  dismount  from  your  buggy." 

"  I  can  take  you  a  little  farther." 

"I  have  some  shopping  to  do,  and  this  is  my  nearest 
point." 

At  the  appointed  hour,  I  stood  at  Dr.  Belden's  door. 
Coming  to  meet  me  himself,  he  took  me  by  both  hands, 
and  was  about  putting  me  into  the  parlor. 

"  Have  you  other  company?"  asked  I,  holding  back. 

"  Only  a  little  —  no  strangers." 

"  But  you  must  let  me  take  off  my  bonnet,  and  look  at 
myself,"  said  I,  resolutely  drawing  away  my  hands. 

"  Oh,  the  vanity  of  women  !  "  And  he  opened  the  door 
into  the  sitting-room,  where  hung  a  small  looking-glass. 
"  Now,  gaze  !  "  —  placing  me  square  before  it. 

"  I  intend  to,"  replied  I,  throwing  off  my  things.  Then 
smoothing  my  hair,  and  arranging  my  collar  and  sleeves,  I 
took  a  general  survey  of  myself  in  the  glass. 

As  soon  as  I  withdrew,  he  took  my  place,  and  having 
coolly  imitated  my  performance,  turned  round  and  gravely 
asked,  "Will  I  do?" 


ESPERANCE.  283 

"  Passably." 

"  Then  let  us  proceed." 

On  entering  the  parlor,  the  first  object  that  I  caught 
sight  of  was  a  venerable  man  sitting  in  an  arm-chair.  He 
was  talking  with  Mrs.  Belden,  and  I  could  not  see  his  face. 
But,  as  he  turned,  great  was  my  amazement  and  delight  at 
encountering  my  dear,  good  Dr.  Kendrick,  of  Crawford 
memory.  He  seemed  equally  glad  to  see  me,  though  not 
surprised,  as  he  was  expecting  my  appearance. 

We  shook  hands  again  and  again,  all  the  time  looking 
earnestly  at  each  other. 

"  You  are  greatly  changed,  Miss  Hope.  If  I  had  not 
been  forewarned,  I  should  hardly  have  known  you." 

"  It  is  several  years  since  those  Crawford  days,  and  I  have 
had  time  to  grow  old.  But  you,  sir,  are  scarcely  altered, 
except,  indeed,  that  your  hair  is  a  little  whiter.  I  should 
have  known  you  in  Jerusalem." 

"  I  should  like  to  meet  you  in  that  place,"  replied  he,  smil 
ing  kindly. 

We  soon  returned  to  the  past ;  and,  in  reply  to  his  ques 
tions,  I  told  him  something  of  my  internal  history,  not 
omitting  to  mention  the  mistake  into  which  I  fell  at  the  time 
I  knew  him. 

"  I  tried  my  best,  sir,  to  make  duty  answer  instead  of  love  ; 
but  I  had  no  spiritual  enjoyment  till  I  learned  another  gospel." 

"It  is  very  likely  I  was  in  part  to  blame  for  such  an 
error,"  said  he,  with  great  candor.  "  I,  too,  have  learned 
more  of  love  since  that  time.  It  is  the  key-stone,  and  noth 
ing  can  take  its  place." 

We  then  made  mutual  inquiries  concerning  some  of  my 


284  ESPERANCE. 

old  .fellow-pupils,  with  many  of  whom  he  had  been  acquaint 
ed.  Among  others,  I  asked  him  if  he  had  ever  heard  of 
Belinda  Lawson. 

"  She  went  out  to  the  valley  of  the  Mississippi  as  a  teacher, 
where  she  married  an  excellent  home  missionary,  and  has 
made  as  energetic,  industrious,  and  self-sacrificing  a  laborer 
as  there  is  in  the  whole  valley." 

"  I'll  venture  to  say  you  found  our  young  friend,  here,  a 
hard  case,"  said  Dr.  Belden,  when  a  pause  occurred. 

"  Rather  a  hard  one,  sir.  She  was  always  trying  to  solve 
mysteries  —  a  very  unsatisfactory  employment.  But  she 
yielded  at  last,  and  I  had  much  hope  of  her." 

"  She  has  a  little  of  the  old  leaven  yet,"  added  the  doctor, 
dryly,  casting  a  sly  glance  at  me. 

"  The  tempter  has  not  deserted  our  earth,  as  you  see,  sir," 
replied  I,  addressing  myself  to  Dr.  Kendrick. 

After  supper,  the  good  man  and  I  sat  down  together  in  a 
cosy  corner,  and  had  a  long,  delightful  conversation,  which 
thoroughly  warmed  my  heart  towards  him. 

"What  do  you  think  of  the  reverend  divine  now?" 
asked  Dr.  Belden,  as  he  went  home  with  me. 

"I  think  him  wonderfully  improved.  He  could  not 
be  better  than  he  was,  but  he  is  far  more  genial  and 
lovable." 

"  And  how  do  you  account  for  the  change,  my  little  lady? 
On  the  principle  that  good  wine  grows  better  as  it  grows 
older?" 

"  Not  altogether.  At  the  time  I  knew  him,  he  had  an 
abruptness,  almost  sharpness  of  manner,  occasioned,  perhaps, 
by  a  kind  of  sternness  in  his  belief.  Indeed,  I  may  as  well 


ESPERANCE.  285 

admit  that  there  was  a  certain  dogmatism  about  him ;  and 
that  is  always  repellent.  But  in  silvering  his  hair,  time 
seems  not  only  to  have  softened  the  sharp  edges  of  his 
theology,  but  to  have  mellowed  his  whole  nature." 

"  The  Spirit  has  long  dwelt  in  his  heart,  and  you  know 
that  among  the  fruits  of  that  Spirit  are  long-suffering,  gen 
tleness,  goodness,  and  meekness." 

"As,  however,  we  sometimes  have  to  take  these  fruits  for 
granted,  it  is  particularly  pleasant  to  get  a  sight  of  them. 
Formerly,  I  liked  Dr.  Kendrick  in  spite  of  himself;  but 
now,  he  is  so  charming  that  one  cannot  help  positively 
loving  him." 

We  walked  on  silently,  till  I  suddenly  exclaimed,  — 

"  But  I  have  not  yet  asked  you  how  you  came  to  know 
Dr.  Kendrick." 

"  Bless  you,  child !  he  was  my  minister,  when  I  was  a 
lad,  and  used  to  hear  me  recite  my  catechise." 

Walter  and  Joy  had  been  home  two  or  three  times ;  but 
my  father  had  never  been  able  to  make  up  his  mind  to  visit 
them  at  Eefton,  and  I  was  unwilling  to  go  without  him. 
Towards  the  last  of  December,  we  received  a  letter  from 
Walter,  informing  us  of  their  welcome  Christmas  gift  in  the 
shape  of  a  son  and  heir. 

"  And  he  is  my  niece,  and  I  am  his  aunty,"  said  Vesta, 
jumping  up  and  down,  and  clapping  her  hands  for  joy. 

"  Your  nephew,  you  mean,"  said  her  grandpa,  who  was 
scarcely  less  delighted  than  she. 

"  Shall  you  not  be  prevailed  on  to  visit  Refton  now  ?  "  I 
inquired. 

"  In  a  few  weeks  we  will  all  go  ;  that  is,  if  the  sleighing 
continues  good." 


286  ESPEBANCE. 

I  wrote  immediately  of  our  intentions,  begging  the  privi 
lege  of  naming  the  child,  which  I  promised  to  do  on  our 
arrival.  In  the  mean  time  they  must  call  him  baby. 

Walter  answered  as  follows  :  — 

"  We  cordially  assent  to  your  request,  dear  Sister,  though 
with  some  curiosity  as  to  your  choice.  I  presume,  however, 
that  you  are  intending  to  honor  our  son  and  heir  with  one  of 
the  most  illustrious  names  that  grace  the  annals  of  history. 
I  only  beg,  in  behalf  of  the  unconscious  child,  that  you  will 
not  select  such  a  one  as  he  will  be  likely  to  eschew  when  he 
arrives  of  age. 

We  shall  be  eagerly  anticipating  your  visit,  and  we 
promise  you  all  the  best  entertainment  for  mind  and  body. 

WALTER  NORTHRUP. 

P.  S.  Be  sure  and  not  choose  Lycurgus,  ^Eschylus, 
or  Demosthenes.  And  if  you  prefer  a  Scripture  name,  be 
ware  of  Jehoiakim,  Nebuchadnezzar,  and  Zebedee.  To 
almost  anything  else  we  will  submit." 

"  Where  is  my  ownty  downty  nephew?  "  was  Vesta's  first 
question,  on  our  arrival  at  Refton. 

The  new  planet  was  speedily  brought  forward,  and  exhib 
ited  to  our  admiring  gaze. 

"  Now  for  his  name,"  said  Walter,  "  for  we  cannot  wait 
another  minute." 

"  His  name,"  said  I,  laying  him  in  my  father's  arms,  "  is 
Horatio  Frazer." 

He  tenderly  kissed  him,  and  then  giving  him  to  Walter, 
he  held  me  to  his  heart,  softly  murmuring,  "  God  bless  you, 
my  child ! " 


E8PERANCE.  287 


CHAPTER    XLII. 

"Miss  HOPE  FRAZER, 

CLYDEVILLE,  N.  Y." 

So  was  the  square,  thin  parcel  directed,  which  had  just 
arrived  by  Express,  pre-paid  from  New  York  city.  When 
Ann  brought  it  up  stairs,  I  was  sitting  by  my  chamber  win 
dow,  writing  to  Joy.  I  took  it  in  my  hands,  and  turned  it 
all  round,  wondering  what  it  could  be,  —  for  I  had  ordered 
nothing,  and  was  expecting  nothing.  I  slowly  untied  the 
string,  and  opened  the  thick  brown  wrapper.  Then  appeared 
another  of  white  drawing  paper,  on  which  the  same  direction 
was  written,  though  in  a  very  different  hand. 

What  was  there  in  my  own  name  that  arrested  my  atten 
tion,  and  quickened  my  pulses  ?  It  was  in  a  handwriting  of 
which  I  had  seen  but  a  single  specimen  —  only  two  words. 
Yet  I  knew  it  in  one  moment.  It  was  the  very  same  capital 
H.  and  F. 

Then  a  feeling  which  had  no  voice,  surged  up  from  the 
depths  of  my  being  —  "  He  has  not  forgotten  thee,  O  wait 
ing  Heart."  It  stirred  me  like  a  touch  from  some  loved 
spirit-hand,  and,  strangely  agitated,  I  bowed  my  head  upon 
my  desk.  Presently  I  lifted  it,  and  looking  again  at  the 
white  wrapper,  I  caught  sight  of  some  lightly  pencilled  words 
in  one  corner.  They  were  simply,  "  From  Italy."  But  they 


288  ESPEBANCE. 

explained  the  whole.  The  parcel  had  been  sent  with  other 
packages  to  New  York,  with  the  request  that  it  should  be 
enclosed  and  forwarded.  But  what  did  it  contain? 

My  trembling  fingers  could  scarcely  loosen  the  knot,  tied 
so  carefully  in  that  far-off  land.  Yet  I  would  not  cut  it. 
So,  resting  a  moment,  I  tried  again,  and  with  better  success. 
Eagerly  removing  the  covering,  my  treasure  was  revealed. 
It  was  the  beautiful  engraving  founded  on  the  legend  of  St. 
Christopher. 

Long  I  sat  gazing  upon  it  with  dim,  tearful  eyes.  At 
length  I  went  to  my  book-shelves,  and,  taking  down  a  familiar 
book,  I  turned  to  the  fly-leaf,  and  compared  the  writing  there 
with  that  on  the  inner  wrapper  of  the  parcel.  Not  that  I 
needed  to  do  it,  but  because  I  found  pleasure  in  re-assuring 
myself  of  what  I  already  knew.  Then,  carefully  cutting  out 
the  direction,  I  laid  it  in  the  book.  I  did  this  to  preserve 
it,  and  with  no  other  design.  But,  having  done  so,  I  could 
not  avoid  an  indefinable  emotion  at  seeing,  side  by  side, 
those  two  names,  with  the  same  initials,  and  written  by  the 
same  hand. 

How  long  my  reverie  lasted  I  know  not.  But  I  was  sud 
denly  roused  by  discordant  words.  Reason  was  sharply  ex 
postulating  —  "  Have  you  not  suffered  enough,  foolish  Heart? 
Would  you  venture  once  more  within  the  fatal  precincts  of 
Dreamland  ?  " 

Then  my  heart  pleaded  that  I  was  still  too  young  utterly 
to  renounce  what  is  dearest  in  life. 

"  But  would  you  cheat  yourself  again  ?  And  now,  you  have 
not  the  slightest  foundation  on  which  to  build." 

"  How  learned  you  that?  There  are  things  in  heaven  and 
earth  not  revealed  to  your  cold  eyes.  What  if  I  should  tell 


ESPERANCE.  289 

you  of  looks  and  tones,  still  treasured  up,  which  I  know 
were  not  false  !  " 

"  Beware,  or  thy  fair  castle  will  be  tumbling,  and  drag 
thee  down  in  its  ruins." 

"In  spite  of  your  warning,  I  shall  cling  to  my  faith. 
There  are  those  who  cannot  deceive." 

In  this  contest,  Instinct  prevailed  over  Reason.  But  a 
sharp  pang  had  suddenly  seized  me,  and  that  not  for  the  first 
time.  It  was  the  memory  of  my  betrothal  to  Walter. 

"  "Would  that  it  had  never  been ! "  was  my  earnest 
thought, —  "that  so,  if  I  should  meet  my  ideal,  I  could 
present  him  a  heart  on  which  no  name  had  been  written. 
Yet  should  my  true  mate  appear,  he  will  find  that,  so  far 
from  being  impoverished  in  my  capacities  of  affection,  I  am 
all  the  richer  for  my  experience." 

Arousing  myself,  I  smiled  sadly  at  my  own  soliloquy.  If 
those  severed  threads  were  indeed  to  be  rejoined,  it  could 
only  be  in  the  far  future.  In  the  mean  time  I  had  plenty  of 
work  to  do. 

So  I  tried  to  set  myself  about  something  ;  but  imagination 
had  got  the  start,  and  it  was  hard  to  fetter  its  wings.  At 
length  it  occurred  to  me  that  it  would  be  a  good  time  to  look 
over  my  Crawford  journal,  which  I  had  long  been  wishing 
to  do,  but  had  deferred  for  lack  of  courage.  I  could  bear  it 
now.  Rapidly  running  over  the  hasty  record,  I  could  no't 
help  contrasting  my  present  condition  with  the  almost  un 
broken  wilderness  of  my  childhood.  The  piece  which 
Eleanor  Cottrell  had  stolen  and  criticised,  was  an  exact 
transcript  of  my  old  morbid  state.  It  was  indeed,  as  I  had 
called  it,  the  "  Cry  of  my  Heart."  And  its  perusal,  some 
how,  seemed  to  bring  me  back  into  my  old,  miserable  mood. 
25 


ESPER ANCE. 

In  order  to  exorcise  this  spirit,  I  hastily  penned  a  few  verses, 
which,  if  no  better  poetry,  at  least  breathe  a  more  Christian 
spirit. 

THE    ANSWERING   VOICE. 

Thou  wanderer  down  Life's  rapid  stream, 
On  whom  shines  no  celestial  beam,  — 
O'er  whose  frail  bark  wild  billows  break,  — 
And  must  thou,  then,  a  shipwreck  make  ? 

Look  yonder,  where,  through  clouds  afar, 
Gleams  on  thee  Bethlehem's  cheering  star. 
Upon  that  star  now  fix  thine  eye, 
And  thou  shalt  know  a  Friend  is  nigh. 

Engird  thy  bark  with  Faith's  sure  band, 
And  place  in  mine  thy  trusting  hand,  — 
So  will  I  guide  thee  to  that  shore,       f 
Where  angry  billows  break  no  more. 

For  thee  has  no  relentless  Fate 
Poured  out  a  poisoned  cup  of  hate  ; 
A  Father's  hand  thy  lot  ordains,  — 
His  heart  thine  aching  heart  sustains. 

In  every  struggling,  doubting  hour, 
Shall  Faith  reveal  her  conquering  power ;  — 
And  in  Affliction's  darkest  night, 
Shall  clearest  shine  her  holy  light. 

Reposing  thus  upon  my  breast, 
In  quietness  thy  soul  shall  rest, 
Till  all  these  storms  of  life  are  o'er, 
And  thou  hast  gained  th'  eternal  shore. 


ESPERANCE.  291 


CHAPTER    XLIII. 

Two  years  and  a  half  since  my  return  from  Ironton,  and 
in  all  that  time  not  a  word  of  tidings  concerning  Ednah ! 
But  I  could  not  banish  her  from  my  mind.  And  of  late  I 
had  thought  of  her  more  than  ever. 

One  night  I  had  a  strangely  vivid  dream,  in  which,  with  a 
haggard  face  and  clasped  hands,  she  appeared  before  me,  im 
ploring  help.  When  I  awoke,  the  sad  image  still  haunted  me. 

About  ten  o'clock,  I  was  summoned  to  the  parlor  to  meet 
Dr.  Belden.  He  wore  so  grave  a  face,  that  I  instinctively 
exclaimed,  — 

"  You  have  brought  news  from  Ednah." 

"  You  are  a  wonderful  diviner,"  replied  he,  handing  me  a 
letter  directed  to  himself  in  her  well-known  writing. 

"  DR.  BELDEN  :  May  I  beg  you,  with  your  own  hand,  to 
deliver  the  enclosed  to  Miss  Frazer? 

EDNAH  HALSTED." 

Greatly  agitated,  I  broke  the  seal,  and,  tearing  open  the 
letter,  devoured  its  contents  at  a  glance. 

"MvsTic,  May  10th. 

"  DEAREST  ESPERANCE  :  I  plunged  into  sin,  which,  in  its 
turn,  has  plunged  me  into  misery  and  want.  We,  too,  have 


292  ESPERANCE. 

parted.  That  basest  of  men  drove  me  wild  with  anger.  I 
vented  it  in  his  face,  and,  leaving  him  in  France,  I  am  here, 
only  twelve  miles  from  you,  —  worn  out,  faded,  sick  and 
poor,  with  but  one  desire  —  to  embrace  my  child.  If  you 
hesitate  to  grant  it,  at  least  come  to  me  yourself,  and  let  me 
beseech  you  on  my  knees.  You  will  not  scorn  me,  Hope. 
You  are  the  only  being  I  can  trust  on  the  broad  earth.  If 
you  could  know  what  I  have  suffered,  bad  as  I  am,  you 
would  pity  me.  But  I  can  write  no  more.  The  thought 
of  being  so  near  my  darling  has  produced  an  excitement 
which  exhausts  my  strength." 

Adding  directions  how  to  find  her,  she  closed  her  unhappy 
letter.  I  handed  it  to  the  doctor.  As  he  read  it,  he  was 
more  than  once  obliged  to  take  out  his  handkerchief,  and 
rub  his  glasses. 

"  You  will  go,"  said  he,  emphatically.  "  I  will  carry  you 
over  myself,  for  she  may  need  medical  advice." 

"  How  soon  ?  " 

"  At  half  past  eleven." 

Finding  my  father,  I  told  him  that,  with  his  permission, 
Dr.  Belden  and  I  were  going  out  for  a  drive,  and  might  not 
be  back  till  night. 

"  Go,  by  all  means,  for  it  will  do  you  good." 

It  was  between  one  and  two  when  we  drove  up  to  the 
Mystic  tayern  and  lunched.  Then  I  walked  over  to  Mrs. 
Parsons's  cottage,  and  inquired  for  Mrs.  Halsted,  as  she  had 
directed.  I  was  shown  into  a  small  room,  where,  lying  on 
a  couch  covered  with  coarse  patch,  reclined  the  once  beautiful 
Ednah.  In  a  moment  she  was  on  the  floor,  with  her  hands 
clasping  my  knees. 


ESPEBANCE.  293 

"  No,  dear  Ednah,  you  must  not  kneel  to  me  ;"  and,  assist 
ing  her  back,  I  stooped  down,  and  tenderly  kissed  her. 

This  overcame  her,  and,  throwing  her  arms  round  my 
neck,  she  clung  to  me  in  silence.  At  length  she  whispered 
the  name  of  her  child. 

"  She  is  very  well,  and  shall  come  and  see  you  to 
morrow." 

She  warmly  pressed  my  hand,  but  could  not  reply.  I 
then  gave  her  a  brief  account  of  what  had  taken  place  since 
she  left,  not  omitting  the  change  of  the  child's  name.  At 
the  recital  of  my  father's  relenting,  and  his  present  great 
kindness,  she  turned  very  pale,  murmuring,  — 

"  If  he  is  kind  to  my  darling,  I  revoke  my  curse." 

She  then  told  me  that,  in  order  to  reach  America,  she  had 
been  obliged  to  dispose  of  her  jewels,  and  was  now  pos 
sessed  of  only  a  few  dollars. 

"  I  suppose  I  shall  end  my  days  in  an  almshouse,"  said 
she,  with  a  bitter  smile  ;  "  that  is,  unless  I  have  the  courage 
to  shorten  them.  But  for  my  child,  I  should  have  floated  out 
into  the  darkness  before  now.  You  remember,  I  don't  bar 
lieve  in  any  hereafter.  Nothing  after  death,  for  me,  but 
oblivion  !  Oh,  how  I  long  for  oblivion  !  " 

She  closed  her  eyes,  but  in  a  moment  sprang  up  with  the 
look  of  a  maniac,  exclaiming,  "  There  they  are  — the  fiends  ! 
They  never  fail  to  come  when  I  talk  of  death.  Dancing 
round  me  !  —  they  come  nearer  !  —  they  clutch  at  my  soul ! 
Oh,  save  me  !  "  And  with  a  piercing  shriek,  she  sank  back 
exhausted. 

The  noise  brought  in  Dr.  Belden,  who  immediately  gave 
her  a  quieting  draught.  In  a  few  minutes  she  was  asleep, 
while  we  sat  in  silence,  noting  her  sunken  eyes,  and  her 
25* 


294  ESPEBANCE. 

worn,  haggard  face.  Then  I  looked  at  the  doctor,  who  sadly 
shook  his  head,  repeatedly  wiping  his  eyes. 

"  She  needs  entire  rest,  and  a  generous  diet,  with  the  best 
of  cordials.  I  have  some  very  old  wine  of  the  first  qual 
ity,  which  I  Avill  bring  over  to-morrow." 

She  was  awake  when  we  left,  and  earnestly  repeated, 
"  You  will  bring  her?  " 

"  Yes,  Ednah,  if  you  will  promise  not  to  talk  in  her  pres 
ence  as  you  have  to-day." 

An  expression  of  pain  crossed  her  face  as  she  replied,  "  I 
do  promise." 

For  a  little  distance  my  companion  and  I  rode  in  silence. 
But  at  length  he  broke  out,  — 

"  My  God,  what  a  wreck  she  is !  "  adding,  presently,  in 
a  more  cheerful  tone,  "  But  we  must  save  her  —  body  and 
soul." 

"  Has  she  any  particular  disease?" 

"  No  ;  her  malady  is  mostly  mental.  But  she  must  have 
the  very  best  of  care."  Then,  turning  to  me,  he  exclaimed, 
"  Why,  how  you  look,  child !  You've  got  on  your  old 
churchyard  face.  It'll  never  do  in  the  world  to  go  home 
to  your  father  in  that  style.  He'll  think  you've  been  robbed 
and  murdered.  So  cheer  up,  cheer  up.  It  will  all  come 
right  in  the  end." 

Making  a  great  effort  to  throw  off  the  weight  which  op 
pressed  me,  I  asked,  "  How  can  we  best  manage  this  mat 
ter?" 

"  Oh,  I've  planned  it  all  out.  Putting  the  present  time  out 
of  the  question,  you  look  miserably." 

"  I  always  did  that." 


ESPEBANCE.  295 

"  Nay,  none  of  your  Cayenne  peppering  now.  The  long 
and  the  short  of  it  is,  you  need  recruiting.  I  shall  see  your 
father  to-night,  and  recommend  that  you  go  to  Saratogy  for 
a  few  weeks.  You  needn't  shake  your  wise  head.  It  is  just 
the  prescription  for  Mrs.  Frazer  —  beg  your  pardon  —  for 
Mrs.  Holster." 

"  Halsted." 

"  Halsted,  then.  It's  rather  early  in  the  season,  but  better 
for  her  than  if  it  were  the  fashionable  time.  And  you  could 
take  Vesty  along." 

"But  my  father?" 

"  Hist !  I  haven't  done  yet.  When  you  are  all  off  at 
Saratogy,  I  reckon  I  can  gradually  break  the  matter  to  him. 
And  I  think  he's  enough  of  a  Christian  now  to  be  persuaded 
to  settle  something  on  the  poor  woman  he  once  thought  so 
much  of.  What  do  you  say  to  my  scheme  ?  " 

"  A  very  good  one,  if  you  can  make  it  work." 

"  It'll  work  fast  enough,  if  you'll  only  put  your  shoulder 
to  the  wheel.  I'll  warrant  that." 

As  we  drove  into  the  avenue,  —  "I  hope  you  are  intend 
ing  to  invite  me  to  tea  to-night,  for  I'm  in  a  hurry  to  begin." 

"  Will  you  stop  and  take  tea  with  us  this  evening,  Dr. 
Belden?" 

"  You  see,  Mr.  Frazer,"  I  heard  him  say,  as  I  was  enter 
ing  the  room,  "  there's  nothing  like  those  mineral  waters  for 
fetching  up  the  appetite  and  strength,  and  for  curing  all  sorts 
of  spleen  ;  "  and  he  gave  me  a  sly  wink. 

"  I  agree  with  you,  doctor.  And  I  wish  you  could  per 
suade  Hope  to  go  and  spend  a  few  weeks  there.  Indeed, 
I've  half  a  mind  to  go  myself." 


296  ESPERANCE. 

The  doctor  knit  his  brows,  and,  with  a  doleful  face,  re 
plied,  — 

"  I  recommend  you  to  keep  in  your  corner  at  home.  Such 
gayeties  are  not  for  men  of  our  age.  But,  for  a  reasonable 
sum,  I'll  engage  to  persuade  this  perverse  daughter  of  yours 
to  start  in  one  week  ; "  and  he  nodded  his  head  energetically. 

"  I  fully  authorize  your  attempt." 

"  And  don't  you  think  Vesty  had  better  accompany  her?" 

"  I  don't  know  how  I  could  spare  them  both  afr  once." 

"  I  thought  the  little  chipper  one  might  keep  up  Hope's 
spirits." 

"  Well,  perhaps  she  had  better  go,  then." 

"  I'll  come  and  see  you  every  day,  sir,  if  my  company  is 
worth  anything." 

"  Thank  you  ;  it  will  be  a  great  comfort." 

"  Suppose  I  should  take  Hope  and  Vesty  out  on  a  drive 
to-morrow  ?  " 

"  A  very  good  plan,  if  you  can  find  time." 

"  Oh,  yes ;  for  I  give  most  of  my  business  to  my  young 
partner.  Well,  my  lady,  shall  we  start  at  nine  ?  " 

Vesta  was  delighted  at  the  proposal  of  a  drive  with  us. 
And  all  the  way  to  Mystic  she  chatted  like  a  magpie.  I  had 
sometimes  talked  to  her  of  her  mother  who  had  gone  over 
the  waters.  When  I  told  her  of  the  long  journey  she  had 
taken  to  see  her,  she  was  wild  with  excitement. 

The  scene  that  took  place  in  the  cottage  I  shall  not  at 
tempt  to  describe.  Sure  I  am  that  no  eye  could  have  beheld 
it  unmoistened.  That  childish,  blooming  face  of  innocence 
by  the  side  of  that  faded,  pallid,  suffering  countenance,  — 
what  a  contrast  they  formed  !  And  it  was  the  more  striking 
from  the  singular  resemblance  between  the  two. 


ESPEBANCE.  297 


Ednah  had  evidently  feared  that  her  child  would  be  alien 
ated  from  her.  And  when  she  found  how  different  it  was, 
she  thanked  me  with  great  emotion.  It  seemed  as  if  she 
could  never  gaze  enough  on  that  sweet  face. 

As  we  were  returning  home,  I  told  Vesta  she  had  better 
say  nothing  about  her  mother. 

"Not  to  papa?" 

"  No,  my  dear." 

She  opened  her  great,  wondering  eyes  upon  me,  as  if  per 
plexed,  but,  at  the  same  time,  readily  assented,  saying,  — 

"  I  will  not  speak  one  word  if  you  will  take  me  to  see  her 
again.  I  will  be  so  careful." 

The  next  day  I  overheard  the  following  colloquy :  — 
"  Did  you  have  a  pleasant  drive  yesterday?  " 
'"  Yes,  papa." 
"  Where  did  you  go  ?  " 

"  I  mustn't  tell,"  —  assuming  a  look  of  vast  importance. 
"  Did  you  call  anywhere?" 

"  You  mustn't  ask,  papa,  because  it's  my  secret." 
"  Where  did  you  put  your  book,  Vesta?"     I  asked,  rush 
ing  to  the  rescue.     "  Run  quick,  and  find  it." 
"  But,  please,  don't  tell  him  the  secret." 
"  No,  no,  child  ;  run  along." 


298  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XLIV. 

THE  next  week,  we  went  to  Saratoga,  taking  the  rooms 
which  Dr.  Belden  had  engaged  for  us  in  one  of  the  most 
retired  houses.  Ednah  was  so  feeble  that,  at  first,  I  had 
serious  fears  concerning  her ;  but,  after  a  time,  she  began 
slowly  to  recruit.  It  was  my  most  earnest  desire  to  see  her  a 
sincere  penitent.  The  obstacles  in  the  way,  however,  were 
great,  and  I  was  far  less  sanguine  as  to  any  efforts  of  my 
own  than  I  had  been  in  the  case  of  my  friend,  Eleanor 
Granger.  Indeed,  I  had  learned  such  self-distrust  from  my 
past  failures,  that  I  shunned  all  argument. 

As  Ednah  gained  strength,  her  mental  conflicts  increased. 
She  did  not,  however,  forget  her  promise,  being  always  care 
ful  how  she  talked  in  the  presence  of  her  child.  But  some 
times,  when  we  were  alone,  the  bitter  unbelief  and  defiance 
of  her  heart  burst  forth  spontaneously. 

One  day,  when  Vesta  had  gone  to  ride  with  some  other 
children,  I  sat  reading  to  her  in  her  chamber.  She  evidently 
paid  no  attention  to  what  I  'read,  and  suddenly  broke  out 
almost  fiercely,  — 

"  Can  you  tell  me,  Esperance,  why  I  was  born  ?  Or,  if 
doomed  to  exist,  why  destiny  has  forever  thwarted  me  ?  — 
No,  you  cannot,"  she  continued  with  vehemence.  "  You  say, 
it  is  God  who  orders  every  event.  Well !  —  grant  there  is 
a  God.  Then,  I  affirm  that  He  is  a  Being  hard  and  inexo- 


E8PERANCE.  299 

rable  as  fate,  —  creating  us  with  passions  which  we  have  no 
power  to  control,  and  then  launching  us  upon  an  existence, 
where  He  has  provided  beforehand  every  variety  of  snare  to 
lure  us  to  destruction.  We  cannot  lift  a  finger  to  help  our 
selves.  If  we  attempt  to  escape,  then  comes  along  some 
fierce  temptation,  —  Providence,  I  suppose  you  would  call  it, 
—  and,  with  resistless  force,  bears  us  down  the  swift  current. 
After  this,  according  to  your  faith,  come  the  consequences, 
viz.,  everlasting  punishment.  We  are  first  doomed  to  sin, 
and  then  doomed  to  punishment,  for  fulfilling  our  doom.  Is 
this  the  boasted  righteousness  of  God  ?  " 

"  Don't,  don't,  dear  Ednah,"  exclaimed  I,  recoiling  from 
her  impious  language. 

"  You  know  that  I  am  uttering  the  truth,  and  I  will  have 
out  my  say.  I  boldly  assert  that,  if  the  reckless  happening 
of  things  in  our  world  has  not  the  excuse  of  mere  chance, 
we  are  driven  to  a  far  more  shocking  supposition.  The 
playthings  of  an  omnipotent  Will,  we  grope  on  blindly,  be 
coming  more  and  more  entangled  in  the  web  of  circumstances 
which  that  Will  has  contrived,  until,  conquered  by  the  evil 
forces  it  has  set  in  motion,  we  sink  to  the  lowest  bottom. 
And  yet,  if,  in  the  madness  of  our  struggles,  we  are  impelled 
to  ask,  "Why  hast  thou  made  me  thus?"  every  hand  is 
lifted  in  horror  at  what  is  stigmatized  as  blasphemy.  Your 
God,  Hope,  is  not  a  whit  better  than  the  destroying  Siva  of 
the  Hindoos." 

"  I  cannot  hear  you,  Ednah.  You  know  not  the  God  you 
revile,  the  love  you  set  at  nought." 

"  You  shall  hear  me.  I  will  not  own  such  a  Being. 
Worship  him !  No,  I  defy  him !  Let  him  do  his  worst !  " 


300  ESPERANCE. 

As  she  spoke,  her  expression  of  scorn  and  defiance  sud 
denly  gave  place  to  that  of  blank  horror.  Such  a  look  I 
never  before  saw  on  the  human  countenance.  It  was  the 
very  agony  of  despair. 

"The  fiends!  —  O  God  —  the  fiends!  They  are  drag 
ging  me  down.  Yes,  I  do  believe  in  a  God.  I  feel  his 
wrath.  It  is  burning,  burning,  burning  hell-fire  in  my 
soul.  I  have  cursed  my  Maker,  and  now  He  is  avenging 
himself.  The  fiends  are  strangling  —  "  And  she  fell  back 
on  the  couch. 

I  stood  there  for  a  moment,  stricken  dumb.  Then,  lifting 
up  my  heart  for  the  guidance  of  Heaven,  I  knelt  beside  her. 
Laying  my  hand  on  her  clammy  forehead,  I  entreated  Him, 
who,  in  the  days  of  his  flesh,  healed  those  that  were  possessed 
of  devils,  that  He  would  cast  out  the  evil  spirit  from  this 
wretched  sufferer,  and  that  He  would  show  himself  to  her,  in 
his  tender  compassion,  as  one  ready  to  forgive,  and  not  willing 
that  any  should  perish. 

If  I  ever  prayed  with  my  whole  soul,  it  was  then.  And 
if  I  ever  had  reason  to  believe  that  prayer  is  answered,  it 
was  then  and  there.  The  terror  in  her  face  softened  into  the 
deepest  sadness,  and  as  the  tears  stole  down  her  cheek,  she 
looked  at  me  earnestly.  , 

"  Do  you  think  He  heard  you?  " 

"  I  am  sure  He  did." 

"  And  will  He  answer  you?" 

"  I  believe  He  will ;  but  you  must  pray  for  yourself,  dear 
Ednah." 

"  I  can't,  Espy." 

"  Unless  you  do,  no  other's  prayers  can  avail." 


ESPERANCE.  301 

"  But  I  don't  know  what  to  say." 

"  You  remember  the  prayer  of  the  publican.     Say  that." 
For  a  moment  her  face  was  full  of  thought.     Then,  clasp 
ing  her  wan  hands  upon  her  breast,  she  lifted  up  her  stream 
ing  eyes,  and  said,  in  tones  that  must  have  come  from  the 
depths  of  a  convicted  heart,  — 

"  GOD   BE   MERCIFUL   TO   ME   A   SINNER  !  " 

It  seemed  to  me  like  a  miracle  —  the  subdued  look  and 
manner  that  stole  over  her.  The  convulsions  of  blasphemy 
were  exchanged  for  the  pleadings  of  penitence  ;  the  agonies 
of  a  hopeless  resistance  and  despair,  for  the  sweet  peace 
of  submission. 

The  bitter  scorn  and  defiance,  just  now  written  on  every 
line  of  her  speaking  face,  had  all  disappeared.  In  their 
stead  was  a  peculiar  lighting  of  the  eye,  and  an  indescribable 
something,  which  I  may,  perhaps,  call  the  restful  expression 
of  a  soul  that  has  ceased  from  its  long  conflict  with  God, 
and  has  gained  that  first  wonderful  revelation  of  his  blessed 
character. 

"  Ah  !  "  she  exclaimed,  "  what  a  miserable,  mistaken 
wretch  I  have  been !  One  earnest  look  to  God  has  taught 
me  what  years  of  argument  could  not  do,  —  the  infinity  of 
my  own  ingratitude  and  guilt,  and  the  infinity  of  the  divine 
love.  Oh,  Esperance,  if  I  may  only  be  spared  to  undo  a 
little  of  the  vast  evil  I  have  done,  and  to  lead  some  poor 
prodigal  to  Christ,  as  you  have  led  me,  —  it  is  all  I  ask ! " 
26 


302  ESPEBANCE. 


CHAPTER   XLV. 

THE  first  evening  after  our  return  to  Clydeville,  I  had  a 
long  conversation  with  my  father.  He  told  me  that,  notwith 
standing  Dr.  Belden's  cautious  preparation,  the  announce 
ment  of  Ednah's  return  was  a  great  shock  to  him. 

"My  old  faults  of  character,"  he  continued,  "are  hard  to 
overcome  !  It  seemed  to  me  that  I  never  could  forgive  that 
woman,  and,  least  of  all,  acknowledge  that  she  had  any  claim 
on  me  for  maintenance.  '  Let  her  go  to  the  poor-house,'  I 
said  in  my  wrath.  But  the  good  man  would  not  give  me  up. 
He  continued  to  argue  the  matter  till  I  was  conquered.  I 
freely  forgive  her,  my  child.  And  I  will  settle  an  income  of 
a  thousand  dollars  upon  her,  for  she  couldn't  live  on  less." 

"  Another  miracle  !  "  I  thought,  as  I  kissed  his  hand. 

"  Since  I  concluded  on  this,  Hope,"  added  he,  wiping  his 
eyes,  "  the  millstone  which  had  been  hanging  round  my  neck 
is  all  gone.  But  let  her  go  off  out  of  the  reach  of  Vesta. 
That  is  the  only  condition  I  make." 

This  was  not  the  time  to  object ;  so,  taking  my  work,  I 
sat  down  by  the  window,  and  gave  myself  up  to  my  own 
thoughts.  But  I  was  not  too  absorbed  to  take  notice  of 
what  was  passing  between  my  father  and  the  child,  who  had 
just  entered. 

"Did  you  have  a  pleasant  time  at  Saratoga,  my  little 
girl?" 


ESPERANCE.  803 

"  Yes,  papa." 

"  And  what  made  it  so  pleasant?" 

"  The  lady  did,  my  own  mamma.  She  loves  me  more  than 
tongue  can  tell." 

When  the  little  gypsy  had  got  off  the  words,  she  looked 
frightened,  saying,  — 

"  Have  I  told  the  secret,  Epsy  ?  " 

"  You  have  done  no  harm,  dear.  Papa  knows  about  the 
lady." 

"  She  cries  a  great  deal,"  said  Vesta,  putting  on  a  face 
of  solemnity.  "  And  she  must  be  comforted,  mustn't  she, 
papa  ?  " 

As  no  reply  was  made,  she  proceeded  earnestly,  "  Did 
you  know  she  had  learned  to  pray,  papa?  But  I  don't  think 
you  did,  for  Epsy  told  her  how  when  we  were  at  —  what  do 
you  call  it  ?  " 

"  She  isn't  the  only  one  your  dear  sister  has  taught  to 
pray." 

"  No,  papa.  She  taught  we.  And  did  she  teach  you  too  ? 
I  know  you  didn't  use  to  pray." 

"  Yes,  Vesta,  she  taught  me,  too." 

"  Well,  papa,  I  know  Epsy  wants  mamma  to  live  where  I 
can  go  and  see  her.  I  heard  her  tell  Dr.  Belden  so.  And 
it's  best  —  isn't  it  ?  —  because  she  taught  us  all  how  to  pray. 
And  so  we  ought  to  do  everything  she  wants  us  to.  Please 
'have  my  mamma  live  in  a  pretty  house,  where  I  can  go  and 
comfort  her." 

"  We'll  see,  child.     Run  away,  now." 

"  See  means  he'll  do  it ; "  and,  clapping  her  hands,  she 
skipped  away. 

He   no   longer   attempted   to  restrain  his  emotion.     And 


304  ESPERANCE. 

when  I  left  my  work,  and  knelt  down  beside  him,  he  said 
brokenly,  — 

"  What  am  I,  that  I  should  be  making  conditions,  when 
God  has  forgiven  me  outright?  So  find  her  a  home  wher 
ever  you  like.  And  if  she  is  a  changed  woman,  and  you 
think  no  harm  would  come  to  Vesta,  she  shall  spend  a  por 
tion  of  the  time  with  her.  God  knows  I  have  reason  to  be 
merciful  to  others,  for  He  has  shown  great  mercy  to  me, 
who  sinned  so  cruelly  against  my  poor  Mary." 

In  a  few  days,  Dr.  Belden  called  to  inform  me  that  in 
Glencoe,  a  small  village  not  seven  miles  from  us,  there  was 
a  beautiful  cottage  offered  for  sale.  With  the  approbation 
of  my  father,  it  was  immediately  secured,  and  neatly  fui'- 
nished.  And  the  good  doctor,  being  the  one  delegated  to 
make  Ednah  acquainted  with  the  arrangements,  reported,  on 
his  return,  that  she  was  entirely  overcome  by  the  generous 
treatment  she  had  received. 

She  felt  that  she  deserved  nothing  from  God  or  man  but 
to  be  a  miserable  outcast.  Yet  the  One  had  manifested  to 
her  the  marvellous  power  of  his  reconciling  love,  and  the 
other,  under  the  transforming  influence  of  that  same  love, 
had  now  provided  for  her  earthly  comfort  in  a  way  that 
showed  all  resentment  to  have  died  out  of  his  heart. 

On  the  appointed  day,  John  Riley  drove  me  over  to 
Mystic,  from  which  place  we  took  Eduah  to  her  new  home. 
In  fitting  up  the  cottage,  I  had  taken  great  pains  to  have  every 
thing  as  tasteful  as  was  consistent  with  the  severe  simplicity 
which,  in  her  present  circumstances,  I  knew  she  would 
prefer.  The  piano,  which  my  father  had  purchased  for  her 
express  use,  was  the  only  article  of  furniture  taken  from  our 


ESPERANCE.  305 

house.  When  she  saw  that  set  up  in  the  pleasant  little  par 
lor,  she  sank  down,  and,  covering  her  face,  wept  aloud. 

"  I  cannot  bear  it,  Espy.  It  is  too  much  kindness  to  such 
a  wretch." 

"  It  is  but  a  faint  imitation,  dear  Ednah,  of  what  our  heav 
enly  Father  is  continually  doing  for  his  ungrateful  children." 

"  I  feel  it.  I  acknowledge  it  freely.  What  a  wonderful 
principle  is  that  which  has  so  changed  a  cold,  vindictive 
nature  like  your  father's,  and  has  enabled  him  to  manifest 
such  a  forgiving  and  delicate  generosity !  I  have  sinned 
against  him,  wickedly  and  cruelly.  Tell  him,  Esperance, 
how  much  I  feel  his  magnanimity,  and  that  I  humbly  entreat 
his  forgiveness.  It  will  not  disturb  him  to  say  so  much. 
After  that,  he  need  never  again  hear  my  name." 

Such  a  time  as  we  had,  loading  my  father's  long  wagon ! 
Quite  a  number  of  small  trees  from  our  grounds  were  first 
laid  in,  and  then  shrubs  and  bushes,  to  almost  any  extent, 
were  stowed  away  among  them,  together  with  such  roots  as 
John  thought  would  endure  removal  at  that  season.  In  the 
whole  process,  Vesta  was  the  busiest  of  busybodies,  making 
her  appearance  suddenly,  and  at  surprisingly  short  intervals, 
from  all  points  of  the  compass,  and  always  with  her  hands  full. 

"Are  you  going  to  carry  over  that  splendid  ivy?  Oh, 
won't  she  be  glad  ?  And  I'll  give  her  my  beautiful  daisy." 

Bounding  away,  she  presently  returned  with  her  little  pot, 
which  she  placed  carefully  in  the  flat  basket  beside  my  large 
one  of  English  ivy,  climbing  up  into  the  wagon  to  do  so. 

"  Whither  now,  I  should  like  to  know?    And  what  in  the 
world  is  all  this  flurry  and  skurry  about  ?  "    And  Dr.  Belden 
stood,  large  as  life,  before  us. 
26* 


306  ESPEKANCE. 

"  It's  for  my  own  mamma,"  cried  Vesta,  taking  the  words 
out  of  my  mouth.  "  And  I  and  John  have  been  digging 
them  up  all  day,  for  papa  said  we  might  have  whatever  I 
and  Epsy  wanted.  And  mamma'll  be  just  as  glad  as  she 
can  be." 

"  Why,  you  look  as  if  you  were  moving  west.  And  who 
is  to  have  the  honor  of  driving  you  over  to  Glencoe?" 

"  John  is.  Papa  said  he  might,  and  help  set  all  the 
things  out." 

"  But,  indeed,  John  is  not ;  for,  with  your  sister's  leave, 
I  shall  take  the  reins  myself." 

"  There  would  be  no  use  in  objecting,"  I  answered,  "  for 
you  always  have  your  own  way." 

"  As  is  right  and  proper.  But  I  should  like  to  have  Jdlm 
notify  wife  of  my  proceedings,  lest  she  advertise  me  as  a 
runaway." 

While  he  was  giving  John  his  message,  Vesta  disappeared, 
but  soon  came  back  with  a  small  covered  basket  in  her 
hands,  gravely  remarking,  — 

"  I  thought  I  would  give  her  Spot,  because  you  know 
I've  got  Tinker  and  Emily  besides  ;  and  she'll  like  Spot." 

"There,  reach  me  your  hand,  little  miss,"  —  and  chirrup 
ing  to  Jenny,  a  handsome  black  horse,  which  my  father  had 
recently  given  me,  we  were  soon  in  motion. 

"  Now,  child,  what  about  Spot,  and  Emily,  and  Timo 
thy  ?  —  for  I  thought  I  was  acquainted  with  every  member 
of  the  family." 

"  You  are  the  funniest  man  I  ever  saw.  It  isn't  Timo 
thy,  but  Tinker.  And  then,  only  think  of  his  not  knowing 
Spot,  Epsy !  Why,  she's  my  dear  little  black  kitty,  with  a 
beautiful  round  white  spot  on  the  middle  of  her  neck."  As 


ESPERANCE.  307 

she  prattled  away,  the  doctor  made  great  round  eyes  of  won 
der,  which  only  increased  her  volubility.  "  And  Emily  and 
Tinker  are  kitties,  too.  And  I'm  carrying  Spot  to  mamma. 
And  if  you  want  to  take  just  one  peep  at  her,  you  may,  only 
you  must  be  very  quick,  or  she'll  spring  out.  There,  I  must 
shut  the  cover,  little  Spot,"  —  looking  cautiously  into  the  bas 
ket,  to  be  sure  the  doctor  hadn't  spirited  her  away.  "  Won't 
mamma  be  delighted  ?  Only,  I'm  afraid  she'll  forget  to  feed 
her.  But  perhaps  she'll  remember,  after  seeing  me  do  it, 
for  we're  going  to  stay  there  two  whole  days." 

"  Whoa,  Jenny  !    Whoa,  I  say." 

And  the  nag  stood  stock  still  in  the  middle  of  the  road, 
while  Vesta  looked  at  the  doctor  in  wondering  inquiry,  who 
looked  back  at  her  without  a  word  of  explanation. 

"What  are  you  stopping  Jenny  for?"  —  with  slight  im 
patience. 

"  Because  you  have  caught  me  in  a  trap.  I  was  antici 
pating  a  pleasant  evening  ride  with  you  back  to  Clydeville, 
when,  lo !  it  appears  that  I  am  doomed  to  go  entirely  alone. 
Do  you  think  that's  right?" 

The  child  looked  very  sober  for  a  minute  ;  then  brighten 
ing,  exclaimed,  — 

"  You  can  stay,  too." 

"  Can  I?  then  go  on,  Jenny,"  —  shaking  the  reins.  "At 
any  rate,  old  fellow,  I  shall  be  sure  of  your  company  back." 

Ah !  but  what  a  different  countenance  appeared  on  the 
threshold  of  the  cottage  from  that  haggard  one  on  which  I 
lately  gazed  almost  with  terror  —  a  countenance  where  hatred, 
agony,  and  despair  were  struggling  for  expression.  If  the 
wretchedness  of  total  unbelief,  and  of  such  a  prodigal  life, 


308  ESPEBANCE. 

had  been  exchanged  for  a  child-like  trust,  with  that  peace 
which  springs  from  forgiving  love,  to  God  be  all  the  glory. 

But  such  reflections  were  speedily  scattered  by  Vesta's 
buoyant  demonstrations. 

"  Mamma,  dear,  we've  brought  you  all  the  bushes  you  can 
think  of,  and  ivy,  and  daisy,  and  everything.  And  I  dug 
them  up,  only  John  helped  me.  And  I  put  them  almost  all 
into  the  wagon,  except  the  big  trees.  And  Dr.  Belden  is 
going  to  help  me  set  them  out,  when  it  isn't  too  hot ;  and  I'm 
going  to  give  you  my  Spot,  and  she's  such  a  beauty  !  And  I 
and  Epsy  are  going  to  stay  two  days.  And  perhaps  Dr. 
Belden  will ;  "  —  dancing  round  the  wagon  all  the  while. 

Ednah  did  not  make  much  reply,  but  her  face  was  elo 
quent  with  her  new  emotions  as  she  sat  down  on  the  doorstep, 
and  held  out  her  arms  to  the  little  capering  girl.  And  when 
Vesta  came  bounding  towards  her,  she  put  both  hands  under 
her  chin,  and  looked  so  tenderly. into  her  eyes,  that  the  child 
was  quite  moved,  and  could  hardly  find  ways  enough  to 
express  her  affection. 

It  was  a  beautiful  picture  in  the  back  yard  of  that  tasteful 
cottage  ;  —  my  pretty  Jenny  daintily  nibbling  the  grass,  and 
the  sweet  sunshine  smiling  on  the  radiant  face  of  that  restored 
mother,  softly  stroking  those  golden  curls.  Nor  must  I  omit 
from  the  scene  our  beloved  doctor,  as  he  walked  back  and 
forth,  trying  his  best  to  look  indifferent,  but  with  a  signal 
lack  of  success.  And  the  loaded,  Christmas-looking  wagon  ! 
how  it  reminded  me  of  that  day  of  the  Nativity,  when  the 
Lord  of  glory  assumed  our  fallen  nature,  not  only  opening  a 
way  to  the  Celestial  City,  but  kindly  planting  that  perennial 
tree  which  is  ever  green,  and  ever  hanging  full  of  all  natural 
and  spiritual  gifts ! 


ESPEEANCE.  309 

But  my  musings  were  again  broken  in  upon  by  Vesta.  And 
presently  Ednah's  rosy-cheeked  damsel  appeared  at  the  kitchen 
door,  and  all  hands  were  employed  in  unloading  the  wagon. 

"While  we  were  at  supper  in  the  cosiest  of  dining-rooms, 
Dr.  Belden  inquired, — 

"  How  is  it,  Mrs.  Halsted?  Have  I  proved  a  true  prophet 
in  regard  to  your  rector  ?  " 

"  Mr.  Spencer  is  one  of  the  very  best  of  men,  and  just  the 
minister  I  need." 

"  I  met  him  when  I  was  travelling  last  summer,  and 
judged  him  to  be  of  the  true  metal.  He  is  not  one  of  your 
rose-water  doctrine  or  white-kid-glove  ministers.  And  I 
reckon  he  isn't  afraid  to  call  things  by  their  right  name,  or  to 
take  hold  of  them  by  their  right  handle,  —  even  though  he 
don't  belong  to  the  '  standing  order,'  as  we  say." 

"  He  doesn't  seem  to  have  much  fear  of  man  in  him." 

"  Our  Hope  here  needs  to  be  preached  to  a  little.  Sup 
pose  I  should  call  on  him  as  I  go  back,  and  ask  him  to  drop 
in  to-morrow  ?  " 

"  'Our  Hope'  would  be  glad  to  see  him,"  I  replied  — 
"  that  is,  if  madam  has  no  objection." 

"  Well,  if  I  am  to  set  out  trees  and  make  a  call  too,  I 
must  be  about  it,  or  midnight  will  be  upon  me  before  I  get 
back." 

Two  or  three  hours  later,  as  we  sat  in  Ednah's  room,  Vesta 
knelt  by  her  side,  and  offered  her  evening  prayer. 

"  O  God,  bless  me,  and  forgive  all  my  wicked  sins.  And 
bless  my  darling  mamma,  and  take  good  care  of  her.  And 
let  me  comfort  her  two  whole  days.  And  bless  my  Epsy  and 


310  ESPEB  A  NCE. 

Joy  and  brother  Walter  and  the  children.  And  bless  dear 
papa,  and  don't  let  him  feel  lonely  while  we're  gone.  And 
bless  Spot,  and  Tinker,  and  Emily,  and  Jenny.  And  bless  all 
the  bodies  I  know  and  all  the  bodies  I  don't  know,  amen  ;  "  — 
closing  with  the  Lord's  prayer. 

When  she  rose,  she  kissed  Ednah  good  night,  whispering 
to  me, — 

"Don't  feel  bad  because  I  sleep  with  mamma;  for  you 
know  she  hasn't  had  any  little  girl  for  a  great  while." 

"  Oh,  no,  darling  !  I  understand  all  about  it,"  —  returning 
her  embrace.  Then  she  crept  under  the  white  counterpane, 
and  was  soon  asleep. 

And  there  Ednah  and  I  sat,  watching  the  western  sky,  as 
its  glowing  tints  gradually  faded  through  twilight  into  dark 
ness.  As  we  gazed,  she  talked  of  her  past  life,  and  of  God's 
peculiar  discipline,  by  which  He  had  brought  her  from  the 
famine  of  her  prodigal-wanderings  to  the  love  and  plenty  of 
the  Fatherly  house.  Then  she  told  me  of  her  plans  for  Vesta 
when  she  might  be  with  her,  and  of  her  desire  to  make  her 
self  useful  in  the  neighborhood. 

"  Mr.  Spencer  invited  me  to  take  a  class  in  the  Sunday 
School,  but  I  couldn't  feel  it  would  be  best.  If,  however, 
there  are  any  neglected  ones,  or  outcasts,  whom  I  could 
gather  into  a  class  at  my  own  house,  I  should  take  great 
pleasure  in  teaching  them,  if  you  think  I  am  fit  for  it." 

My  heart  was  so  filled  at  these  proofs  of  the  wonderful 
change  in  Ednah,  that  I  could  only  reply  by  pressing  her 
hand.  She  then  went  on  to  tell  me  that  although  Mr.  Spen 
cer  was  acquainted  with  her  history,  he  had  urged  her  joining 
a  class  of  instruction,  preparatory  to  confirmation. 

"  I  hesitated  a  longtime  before  I  could  feel  that  it  would  be 


ESPERANCE.  311 

right  for  me  to  do  this.  But  my  doubts  were  removed  when  I 
read  the  account  of  the  '  woman  which  was  a  sinner,'  whom 
Christ  suffered  to  perform  for  him  such  ministries  of  love. 
Surely,  I  also,  who  have  been  forgiven  much,  may  claim  the 
privilege  of  loving  much,  and  of  publicly  consecrating  my  re 
maining  life  to  His  service.  O  Esperance  !  no  language  can 
express  the  view  I  sometimes  have  of  that  love  which  pass- 
eth  knowledge." 

Far  into  the  night  we  sat,  communing  thus  of  earthly  and 
heavenly  things.  And  when  I  sought  my  pillow,  it  was  long 
before  I  could  close  my  eyes  in  slumber. 

After  breakfast  the  next  morning,  we  went  into  Ednah's 
chamber,  while  Vesta  read  in  course  from  her  own  Bible, 
which  she  had  brought  with  her.  She  was  one  of  those  who 
were  never  balked,  or  retarded  even,  by  difficulties  in  reading. 
If  she  knew  the  word,  it  was  well ;  if  not,  it  was  just  as 
well.  Her  chapter  for  the  day  contained  the  following 
verse :  — 

"  And  there  shall  be  wheat,  and  barley,  and  fig-trees,  and 
pomegranates  ;  and  thou  shalt  eat  bread  without  scarceness 
all  the  days  of  thy  life ;  "  which  she  read  with  the  utmost 
fluency,  "And  there  shall  be  wheat,  and  brandy,  and. fir- 
trees,  and  plum-trees ;  and  thou  shalt  eat  bread  without  saucers 
all  the  days  of  thy  life." 

Then  Ednah  read  the  fifty-first  psalm  ;  after  which  we  all 
knelt  down,  while  she  repeated  for  the  day  one  of  those  brief 
prayers  of  the  church,  which  are  so  appropriate,  and  at  the 
same  time  so  comprehensive  and  comforting.  And  under 
such  influences  —  as  widely  sundered  from  those  of  the  old 
Clydeville  times  as  are  the  two  poles  —  did  the  new  day 
begin. 


312  ESPERANCB. 

After  surveying  the  grounds,  and  seeing  that  all  our  shrubs 
had  been  set  out  right  side  up,  we  took  a  pleasant  stroll  into 
some  neighboring  woods,  to  gather  ferns  and  mosses,  as  well 
as  wild  flowers.  The  delight  of  Vesta  knew  no  bounds  as 
she  skipped  here  and  there,  reporting  the  most  astonishing 
discoveries,  and*  heaping  up  her  basket  with  treasures  of  every 
description,  while,  for  myself,  it  seemed  as  if  nature  had 
never  before  unfolded  so  many  beauties. 

During  the  day,  Mr.  Spencer  made  a  call  which  fully  con 
firmed  all  the  good  things  Ednah  and  Dr.  Belden  had  said. 
There  was  in  him  a  union  of  common  sense  and  high-toned 
spiritual  views,  which,  in  my  opinion,  qualified  him  for  un 
common  usefulness,  as  I  was  glad  to  say  to  Ednah  after  his 
departure. 

"  You  don't  feel,  I  trust,  that  my  uniting  with  the  Episco 
pal  church  is  going  to  separate  me  from  you." 

"  Not  in  the  least,  dear  Ednah.  I  should  be  sorry  if  I 
were  so  poor  a  disciple  of  my  Master,  that  I  could  not  have 
true  fellowship  with  Christians  of  every  denomination.  Be 
sides,  Providence  has  made  your  course  plain  by  leading  you 
to  this  place,  where  the  Episcopal,  church  is  almost  next  door 
to  you." 

"  So  I  have  felt.  And  then,  after  my  sceptical  and  undis 
ciplined  manner  of  life,  I  find,  a  great  help  in  the  order  for 
the  daily  reading  of  the  Word.  And  the  liturgy  and  other 
arrangements  of  the  church  seem  to  help  me  in  my  weak 
ness,  and  my  hard  struggles  against  wandering  thoughts  and 
the  wicked  suggestions  sometimes  breathed  into  my  ear." 

"  You  can't  think,  Dr.  Belden,  what  a  £food  time  we've 
had.  And  I  shouldn't  want  to  go  back,  only  for  dear  papa. 


ESPERANCE.  313 

And  I  and  mamma  are  going  to  read  the  same  chapter  every 
day,  and  so  get  through  the  Bible  together ;  won't  that  be 
nice?" 

"  "What  a  rare  faculty  of  talking  does  your  sex  possess  !  " 
replied  the  doctor,  giving  me  one  of  his  comical  looks  over 
his  glasses,  while  Vesta  was  bestowing  on  him  her  most  im 
pressive  hugs.  "  After  two  days'  quiet,  I  don't  know  how 
papa  will  get  along  with  your  noise  and  all  your  other  pro 
ceedings." 

"  I  know  all  about  papa ;  so  you  needn't  try  to  frighten 
me  ;  • —  and,  with  a  final  hug,  she  vanished. 

Ednah  would  not  listen  to  our  leaving  till  we  had  taken 
tea,  after  which,  our  preparations  were  soon  made,  and  we 
were  seated  in  an  open  buggy,  on  our  Avay  homeward. 

"  Who  could  ever  have  believed  that  such  wonders  would 
have  come  to  pass  with  "  —  the  doctor  paused  as  he  caught 
Vesta's  eye  fixed  earnestly  upon  him  ;  and  then,  significantly 
winking  at  me,  he  continued,  —  "well  —  with  —  mankind 
in  general,  for  instance  ;  —  among  whom  I  include  both  sides 
of  the  house,  male  and  female,  you  understand." 

"  Ah  !  you've  got  some  secret  you  want  to  tell  Epsy,  and 
you're  trying  to  keep  it  from  me.  But  I  can  guess  it." 

"  Guess,  then,  little  Miss  Why-why." 

"  I  guess  it's  about  papa's  letting  me  take  over  a  lot  of 
hens  and  chickens  to  mamma." 

"Pretty  good,  though  not  exactly  it.  Still  it  is  near 
enough  for  all  practical  purposes." 

"  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  I  mean  that  you're  a  little  great-grand-daughter  of  old 
Mrs.  Adam." 

27 


314  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XLVI. 

ONE  day  I  entered  my  watch  tower.  Lighting  carefully 
the  torch  of  memory,  lest  some  falling  sparks  might  kindle 
too  suddenly  the  charred  cinders  of  past  joys  and  sorrows,  I 
softly  held  it  up.  Then  came  before  me  the  long  road  over 
which  I  had  -travelled.  And,  out  of  the  confused  mist  and 
darkness,  were  gradually  evolved  distinct  images  and  for 
gotten  scenes. 

Away  back  in  the  distance,  lingered  those  deep  shadows 
which  had  desolated  my  childhood,  and  warped  my  natu 
rally  loving,  trusting  spirit.  The  single  thing  that  bright 
ened  all  that  dreary  waste,  Avas  my  mother's  love ;  and 
when  that  faded  out,  the  bitterness  of  an  unbroken  gloom 
succeeded.  My  father's  unnatural  dislike  of  one,  aggravated, 
by  my  proud  and  defiant  manner,  to  a  vindictive  hatred, 
returned  vividly  to  mind.  In  this  connection,  the  memory 
of  certain  dreadful  passages  in  my  history  rushed  over  me 
with  overwhelming  force. 

The  scene  changed.  Fascinated  by  an  engrossing,  but 
dangerous  friendship,  I  drank  the  poisoned  cup  of  unhealthy 
excitement.  In  that  brief  thraldom,  conscience  was  stifled, 
prayer  forgotten,  the  Holy  Word  doubted  and  denied,  and 
God's  love  set  at  nought.  Then  came  the  sudden  and  violent- 
death  of  my  first  friendship,  causing  a  bitterness  of  disap 
pointment  which  colored  many  years  of  my  life. 


ESPEBANCE.  315 

Over  all  this  period  shone  only  one  pure  star  —  my 
saintly  Ada.  And  that,  alas !  was  speedily  extinguished. 
Soon  followed  long  struggles  and  new  resolves  ;  and  not  long 
after,  the  "  tug  of  war,"  —  the  hard  battles  of  life,  in  which 
the  Actual  waged  deadly  war  against  the  Ideal, — the  Prac 
tical  with  the  Theoretical. 

The  scene  changed.  I  was  thrown  into  new  circum 
stances.  In  my  vague  longings  for  some  satisfying  earthly 
good,  it  was  not,  perhaps,  strange  that  I  mistook  a  phan 
tasm  for  the  beautiful  goddess,  and  surrendered  to  her 
blandishments. 

Upon  this  brief  inebriation,  followed  disappointment, 
chagrin  and  agony.  But,  gradually,  came  submission,  con 
sciousness  of  what,  to  me,  would  have  proved  an  evil, 
escaped,  and  quiet,  if  not  happiness.  And  these  had  not 
left  me.  These  were  still  mine.  More  than  this,  my  father 
was  reconciled,  and  Ednah  was  saved.  I  had  good  cause 
for  gratitude  also. 

But  in  all  the  past,  was  there  nothing  bright  to 
which  I  could  cling,  as  a  token  for  future  happiness? 
Did  not  one  memory  linger  still,  sweet  as  a  dream  of 
Paradise  ? 

If  there  did,  I  told  no  one.  Scarcely  to  my  own  entreat 
ing  heart  would  I  whisper  the  faith  that  had  not  died 
out,  —  that,  somehow,  would  not  die  out.  I  was  reticent  on 
this  subject,  even  with  myself. 

Years  had  passed  since  that  happy  passage  over  the  lake, 
—  since  those  invisible  threads  were  wound  about  my  heart, 
which  still  unconsciously  drew  me,  as  the  magnet  draws  the 


316  ESPE  RANGE. 

unwitting  needle.     Years  had  passed.     Ought  I  not,  then,  to 
wake  from  that  brief  dream? 
But  was  I  forgotten? 

There,  before  my  eyes,  hung  that  dear,  only  memento  — 
the  St.  Christopher,  crossing  the  foaming  waters,  with  the 
Holy  Child  upon  his  broad  shoulders.  And,  although  only 
this  single  token  had  come,  might  there  not  be  reason  for 
this  long,  strange  silence? 

I  could  wait.  I  could  trust  my  Father's  love.  And  if — 
if,  after  all,  the  only  earthly  good  which  I  coveted  was 
denied  me,  —  then  I  could  wait  still  —  wait,  till,  in  the 
heavenly  Jerusalem,  my  heart's  cravings  should  all  be 
satisfied. 


ESPERANCE.  317 


CHAPTER    XLVII. 

MY  hand  fairly  ached  from  his  grasp,  yet  it  seemed  as  if 
Philander  Benedict  would  never  let  it  go.  The  sight  of  his 
honest  face  was  such  a  joyful  surprise,  that,  for  a  moment,  I 
coiild  only  look  at  him  in  amazement.  But,  at  last,  I  found 
voice  to  inquire,  "  How  did  you  come,  and  why  isn't  Peggy 
with  you  ?  " 

"  Because  she  sent  me  off  without  her." 

Then,  in  his  old,  abrupt  way,  "  We  planned  it  long  ago, 
you  know  —  this  journey,  I  mean,  —  that  is,  Peggy  and  I  — 
well,  we  only  waited  till  Miss  Hope  was  ready  for  us,"  — 
straightening  himself,  until  he  seemed  nearly  a  head  taller. 

"  Ready  for  you !  Why,  you  know  I  am  always  ready 
for  you  and  Peggy.  And  I  am  quite  vexed  to  think  you 
left  her  behind." 

"  So  she  has  kept  her  promise,"  —  half  to  himself. 

"  Kept  her  promise ?     What  do  you  mean?  " 

"  Your  friend,  Miss  Ware,  of  course  ;  who  else  could  it  be, 
pray?  And  I  mean  that  I  am  delighted  to  see  you." 

Rubbing  his  hands  and  chuckling,  he  began  to  walk  up 
and  down,  till,  turning  suddenly,  he  faced  me  with  seeming 
gravity,  but  with  lurking  mischief  in  his  eye. 

"  The  long  and  short  of  it  is,  we  wanted  to  surprise  you,  that 
is,  —  I  did,  and  —  well,  I  charged  Miss  Ware  not  to  allude  to 
it,  you  know  —  and  so  —  well,  I'm  glad  she  didn't.  —  very." 
27* 


318  ESPERANCE. 

Then,  giving  my  hand  another  grip,  — 

"  I'm  the  happiest  man  in  the  world,  and  we're  all  so 
happy.  Why,  you've  no  conception." 

"  I  remember  your  rhapsodizing  just  so  once  on  a  time, 
long  ago,  but  supposed  you  had  come  back  to  common  sense. 
Well,  how  is  your  '  angel,'  in  these  days  ?  " 

"  Peggy,  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  Whom  else  could  I  mean?  " 

"Oh,  yes! — Peggy,  to  be  sure.  Why,  you've  no  idea 
anything  about  it,  —  not  the  smallest." 

"  And  I  see  you  have  no  intention  /  shall  know.  But  one 
thing  I  am  resolved  on  :  you  are  to  stop  and'  make  me  a  visit, 
for  I  know  Peggy  wouldn't  object." 

"Not  she!  Why,  it's  the  very  thing  we  —  I  mean,  I — 
came  for." 

"  Where  is  your  trunk,  then?  " 

"  You're  sure  it's  quite  convenient?  And  that  your 
father  won't  mind  my  noise? — for  sometimes  I'm  as  noisy  as 
a  child." 

I  began  to  think  he  was  beside  himself,  but  cordially 
replied,  — 

"  Oh,  no,  he  will  rejoice  in  all  the  noise  you  make." 

"  I  do  believe  he  will,  so  I'll  go  for  my  trunk." 

"  Why  not  wait  till  after  dinner? " 

"  I  can't." 

"  Then  I  will  send  for  it." 

"  Not  for  the  world.  I'll  be  back  soon,  never  fear.  At 
the  Albion,  you  know." 

Making  for  the  door,  he  rushed  down  the  avenue  like  a 
distracted  man,  leaving  me  in  some  concern  lest  his  wits  had 
taken  their  final  departure. 


ESPERANCE.  319 

It  must  have  been  an  hour  after,  that  I  was  still  sitting  in 
the  parlor,  quite  cross  at  Mr.  Benedict's  delay,  when  the  door 
opened. 

Could  I  believe  my  eyes  ?  Or  was  I  dreaming  ?  and  was 
that  beautiful  vision  one  of  the  fairy  folk  ?  If  it  was  a  vis 
ion,  it  was  evidently  one  of  flesh  and  blood,  for  the  next 
minute  two  dimpled  arms  were  hugging  my  neck. 

Looking  into  eyes  that  reminded  me  of  my  lost  Ada's,  I 
exclaimed, — 

"  Where  did  you  come  from,  you  little  witch?  " 
"  I  isn't  a  switch,  —  I  is  papa's  sooder-plum" 
"  But  where  in  the  world  did  you  come  from?  " 
"  I  didn't  turn  from  the  world  ;  I  did  turn  from  my  papa. 
He  did  stweeze  me  so,"  —  giving  me  another  hug,  —  "  and  he 
did  tell  me  to  stweeze  you." 

"  But  what  is  your  name  ?  "  —  in  a  maze  of  bewilderment. 
"  Litty  Eppy  Fazer." 

A  moment  later,  I  found  myself  the  centre  of  as  joyous  a 
group  as  the  sun  ever  looked  down  upon.  How  the  denoue 
ment  was  managed  I  cannot  say.  But  there  I  stood,  with  — 
I  don't  know  how  many  arms  round  my  neck,  receiving  and 
returning  three  sets  of  kisses,  —  not  quite  distinct  sets,  how 
ever,  for  though  they  started  separately,  they  all  converged 
to  a  focus. 

So  the  cat  was  let  out  of  the  bag.  The  secret  so  long 
hoarded,  and  all  for  the  sake  of  this  happy  surprise-party, 
now  danced  before  me  in  the  shape  of  my  little  namesake,  — 
as  lovely  an  apparition  as  ever  blessed  mortal  eyes ! 

Having  exhausted  our  stock  of  embraces,  we  prepared  to 
take  a  good  look  at  one  another. 


320  ESPERANCE. 

Imagine  four  delighted  people  in  a  circle,  their  chairs 
drawn  as  close  together  as  possible  ;  —  Mr.  Benedict  with 
his  homely  face  more  radiant  even  than  on  his  wedding-day, 
his  arm  round  Peggy,  who  reflected  all  his  sunshine,  while 
their  gypsy-queen  —  the  occasion  of  all  this  glad  hubbub  — 
stood  in  the  middle,  looking  from  one  to  another  with  great, 
wondering  eyes.  And  as  I  caught  sight  of  myself  in  a  large 
pier-glass  opposite,  I  was  well  satisfied  with  my  smiling 
image  as  a  part  of  the  rare  group. 

What  the  servants  —  who  had  now  and  then  opened  and 
shut  the  door  —  thought  about  these  strange  theatricals  in 
the  parlor,  I  know  not.  But  at  length,  when  the  tumult  had 
somewhat  subsided,  Ann  ventured  to  approach,  — 

"  Mr.  Frazer  wishes  me  to  say  that  he  fears  the  dinner 
will  be  spoiled." 

"  I  had  forgotten  we  were  on  this  mundane  sphere,  where 
dinners  have  to  be  eaten.  Well,  Ann,  you  can  tell  the  'cook 
not  to  wait  any  longer,  and  to  charge  all  the  mischief  to  me." 

So  I  went  for  my  father,  whom  I  found  impatiently  walk 
ing  up  and  down  the  dining-room,  and  introduced  my  friends 
to  him.  Vesta  happened  to  be  at  Glencoe,  but  her  high  chair 
was  appropriated  to  little  Eppy,  whom  I  placed  beside  Mr. 
Benedict.  For  this  act  I  read  a  hearty  thank  you  in  the 
sweet  face  of  Peggy,  as  she  took  her  seat  at  the  opposite  side 
of  the  table. 

Peggy  was  one  of  those  timid,  confiding  beings,  who  seem 
to  have  a  special  claim  on  the  protection  of  mankind,  and 
who  almost  always  secure  it.  I  was  well  pleased  with  my 
father's  chivalrous  attentions  to  her,  as  also  with  the  grace 
ful  way  in  which  she  received  them. 

When  we  returned  to  the  parlor,  Eppy  climbed  fearlessly 


ESPERANCE.  321 

into  the  lap  of  "  danpa,"  as  she  called  him,  asking  to  see  his 
"  tick-tick,"  which  she  said  "  talked  too  loud." 

Soon  after,  looking  gravely  in  his  face,  — 

"  I  must  doe,  now,  and  tumfort  my  papa." 

Presently  she  had  both  arms  round  Mr.  Benedict's  neck, 
with  her  rosy,  dimpled  cheeks  close  to  his  rough  face,  and 
her  brown  curls  mingled  with  his  stiff,  gray  locks.  The  sight 
reminded  me  of  the  beautiful  cactus,  blooming  on  as  homely 
and  prickly  a  plant  as  one  can  well  find. 

But,  to  my  dear  little  namesake,  her  father  wore  as  fair  a 
face  as  her  mother,  for  it  was  the  face  of  love,  and  love  is 
always  beautiful.  I  never  beheld  a  more  remarkable  affec 
tion  than  existed  between  Philander  and  his  little  girl,  each 
of  them  seeming  uneasy  when  long  out  of  the  other's  sight. 

Yet  Eppy  was  a  genuine  child  ;  and  when  Vesta,  who  had 
been  immediately  sent  for,  opened  to  her  little  guest  the  won 
ders  of  her  play-room,  never  was  child  more  exultant.  The 
wonderful  ark  gave  up  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Noah,  with  Messrs. 
Shem,  Ham,  and  Japheth,  and  their  wives,  followed  by  scores 
of  antiquated,  misshapen  beasts  and  fowls,  such  as  our  mod 
ern  eyes  have  never  been  privileged  to  behold  in  life.  There, 
too,  were  numberless  dolls,  every  one  of  which  had  sustained 
some  mortal  injury.  Great  was  Eppy's  compassion  for  the 
poor  armless,  headless  things,  and  many  were  her  attempts  to 
mend  their  broken  bones  ;  yet  often,  in  the  midst  of  her  occu 
pations,  she  would  run  to  the  door,  saying,  — 

"  Dood  by,  my  children,  for  now  I  must  doe  and  tee  my 
papa." 

"  Don't  you  think  the  attachment  between  Mr.  Benedict 
and  little  Hope  is  peculiarly  strong  ?  "  asked  Peggy  one  day 
when  we  were  walking  in  the  grove. 


322  ESPEBANCE. 

"  I  never  saw  anything  like  it,  and  I  have  sometimes  won 
dered  if  you  hadn't  enough  of  human  infirmity  about  you  to 
feel  a  twinge  of  jealousy." 

The  dear  innocent  soul  looked  at  me  with  astonishment, 
and  then  replied,  with  her  wonted  simplicity,  — 

"  Such  a  feeling  would  be  impossible,  Miss  Frazer.  .  I  don't 
think  you  have  any  idea  of  Mr.  Benedict's  goodness,  and  I 
never  can  feel  grateful  enough  that  God  has  made  me  the 
mother  of  a  child  that  brings  him  so  much  happiness." 

"  You  are  the  same  dear  little  Peggy  as  ever.  But  I  want 
you  to  tell  me  how  he  behaved  in  the  first  transports  of  his 
fatherhood." 

"  I  don't  believe  it  would  be  possible  to  describe  those 
scenes.  You  should  have  beheld  him  kneeling  by  the  bed, 
with  his  face  close  to  baby's,  and  his  finger  clasped  in  its  little 
hand,  while  he  thanked  God  for  his  precious  gift." 

"  I  see  you  think  as  much  of  your  husband  as  ever." 

"  Ah,  Miss  Frazer,"  —  the  rich  blood  mantling  her  cheek, 
—  "I  hope  it  is  not  wicked  ;  but  I  love  him  so  that  it  seems 
as  if  I  could  never  bear  to  see  him  unhappy.  And  if  God 
were  willing,  I  should  rather  go  myself,  than  to  have  him  lose 
his  darling ;  for  much  as  he  loves  me,  it  would  sooner  break 
his  heart  to  part  with  her." 

"  Nonsense,  you  little  goose  !  It  would  break  it  ten  times 
over  to  part  with  you.  But  I  never  saw  such  a  worshipping 
set  as  you  three  are.  See,  there  they  come  !  " 

And  Philander  made  his  appearance  with  Eppy  mounted 
on  his  shoulder. 

The  little  ones  being  anxious  to  sleep  together,  it  was  ar 
ranged  that  Eppy  should  go  to  bed  with  Vesta  in  my  room, 


ESP  E  RANGE.  323 

and  be  removed  to  her  crib  when  we  elders  retired.  As  I 
thought  it  possible  Vesta  might  begin  on  some  of  her  wonder 
ful  stories,  and  talk  quite  late,  I  told  her  that  Eppy  was  tired, 
and  they  must  be  good  little  girls,  and  go  to  sleep. 

"  But  can't  we  talk  any  ?  " 

"  Why,  yes,  you  may  talk  together  ten  minutes." 

When  she  knelt  at  my  side  to  say  her  prayers,  she  added 
to  her  usual  petitions,  — 

"  O  God,  please  make  ten  minutes  last  all  night !  " 

"  What's  in  the  wind  now?" 

Such  was  Dr.  Belden's  greeting,  stopping  short  as  he  en 
countered  me  on  my  return  from  a  walk  with  my  namesake, 
who  was  in  high  glee  over  a  large  wax  doll  I  had  bought  her. 

"Where  in  the  world  did  you  pick  up  that  gypsy?"  he 
continued,  gazing  at  her  with  curiosity. 

"  This  gypsy  is  little  Hope  Frazer,  if  you  have  no  objec 
tion." 

"  And  suppose  I  have  !  " 

"  It  will  avail  nothing." 

"  Precious  little  information  will  you  vouchsafe.  Baby, 
can  you  tell  me  your  father's  name  ?  " 

"  His  name  is  papa." 

"  Dr.  Belden,  allow  me  the  pleasure  of  introducing  to  you 
Miss  H.  F.  Benedict,  late  from  Ironton,  Illinois." 

"  That's  it,  is  it  ?  "  taking  up  the  child  and  kissing  her. 

"  Kiss  my  Peddy  now,"  holding  up  to  his  mouth  the  new 
dolly  which  she  had  named  for  "  dear  mamma." 

The  doctor  pretended  to  comply,  but  contrived  that  his  kiss 
should  fall  on  baby  Benedict's  lips.  All  this  time  he  was 
walking  with  me  towards  o.ur  gate.  When  we  reached  it,  — 


324  ESPEBANCE. 

"  Do  you  want  me  to  stop,  little  Epsy  ?  " 

"  Eppy  does." 

So  he  entered  the  house  with  us,  and  was  a  witness  of  the 
child's  delight  in  exhibiting  her  new  treasure. 

Dr.  Belden  liked  to  quiz  little  folks  as  well  as  great  ones, 
and  when  he  took  Eppy  in  his  lap,  I  saw  hy  his  face  that  he 
was  intent  on  one  of  his  catechisings.  But  she  was  ahead 
of  him,  for  she  instantly  began,  — 

"  Has  you  dut  any  litty  children?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  have  hundreds  of  them,  scattered  all  over  the 
world." 

"  That  is  funny,"  looking  at  him  with  undisguised  aston 
ishment,  "  for  my  papa  hasn't  dut  only  Eppy.  But  are  they 
dood  litty  children  ?  " 

"  I  hope  they  are." 

"  Does  you  know  where  they  will  doe  when  they  die  ?  " 

"  Do  you  know,  pussy?  " 

"  My  mamma  knows,  and  she  did  tell  me,"  —  looking  very 
wise. 

"  And  won't  you  tell  me  ?  " 

»    *  , 
"  They  will  all  doe  into  Desus'  bosom." 

"  I  am  glad  to  hear  it." 

"  Isn't  Desus'  bosom  large,  to  hold  so  much  litty  children  ?  '» 
"  Do  you  think  there  will  be  any  room  for  you  ?  " 
"  Oh,  yes,  indeed,  for  I  is  Desus'  litty  lamb  ;  and  when  I 
die,  the  aindels  will  tarry  me  up  and  put  me  right  into  his 
bosom.     It's  plenty  big  for  all  the  litty  children." 
" But  isn't  it  big  enough  for  me,  too?  " 
"  Oh,  no,  tos  oo  is  a  man ;  so  what  will  oo  do?  " 
"What  can  I  do?" 

She  thought  a  moment,  and  then,  clapping  her  hands,  ex 
claimed,  — 


BSPEBANCE.  825 

"  Oo  mus  det  into  Dod's  bosom.  There'll  be  room  there 
for  all  the  big  folks." 

I  can  see  her  now,  just  as  she  looked  that  evening  in  her 
white  frock  and  blue  sash,  gazing  into  the  doctor's  face  with 
her  loving  eyes  and  serious  little  mouth,  while  all  the  rest  of 
ns  were  gazing  at  her.  Ah,  my  darling  ! 

The  next  morning,  Peggy  brought  down  the  report  that 
Hope  seemed  a  little  unwell,  and  that  Mr.  Benedict  preferred 
to  stay  with  her  till  she  could  take  his  place.  When  he  ap 
peared,-  he  just  tasted  of  his  beefsteak  and  sipped  a  spoonful 
or  two  of  coffee,  and  then,  pushing  back  his  plate,  rose 
abruptly,  saying,  — 

"  I  think  I  will  go  for  Dr.  Belden." 

"  Oh,  you  silly,  doting  papa  !  "  I  replied  ;  for  I  had  been 
up  to  see  the  child,  and  found  her  quite  like  herself,  only  a 
little  more  flushed  than  usual.  "  But  if  you  must  see  the 
doctor,  I  will  send  for  him." 

When,  a  little  later,  I  took  Dr.  Belden  into  the  cham 
ber,  Mr.  Benedict  was  in  an  easy  chair,  with  the  little  one  in 
a  blue  Thibet  wrapper  of  Vesta's,  on  one  knee,  and  Peddy 
on  the  other.  Her  head  was  resting  rather  languidly  against 
his  shoulder,  but  she  brightened  up  as  the  doctor  drew  near. 

"  We  have  frolicked  too  hard,  I  am  afraid,  little  sooder- 
plum"  said  he,  taking  her  into  his  lap. 

.Having  carefully  examined  her  symptoms,  he  prescribed  a 
simple  medicine,  thinking  her  only  slightly  feverish  from  a 
cold  she  had  taken.  How  little  any  of  us  foresaw  the 
morrow ! 

28 


326  ESPERANCE. 


CHAPTER    XLVIII. 

OVER  the  whole  house  rested  the  stillness  of  the  grave. 
Even  the  servants  in  the  kitchen  moved  softly  about,  for  all 
of  them  had  come  to  love  the  little  sunny  face.  Ever  since 
our  good  doctor  had  pronounced  her  sickness  a  case  of  fever, 
we  had  not  allowed  Vesta  to  enter  the  room.  We  should 
have  sent  her  to  Glencoe  for  safe  keeping,  but  she  begged  so 
earnestly  to  remain  that  we  yielded.  So  she  would  sit  hour 
after  hour  on  the  stairs,  asking  every  one  who  passed  whether 
baby  was  any  better. 

On  this  sad  day  of  which  I  speak,  there  was  very  little 
moving,  for  all  unnecessary  business  had  been  suspended. 
Every  feeling  of  the  household  was  centred  in  the  white- 
draped  chamber  where  our  little  blossom  was  fading  away 
from  our  sight. 

While  the  case  had  continued  hopeful,  Mr.  Benedict  had 
hardly  suffered  his  child  to  be  out  of  his  arms.  But  when  a 
shadow  of  doubt  crept  into  his  heart,  he  was  too  agitated  to 
sit  quietly  ;  so  he  resigned  his  darling  to  Peggy,  whose  endur 
ance  seemed  to  increase  with  the  tax  laid  upon  it.  After  a 
time,  the  child  became  so  emaciated  that  she  seemed  to  be 
more  comfortable  on  her  little  crib,  except  as  she  was  held  a 
few  moments  for  a  change. 

Till  within  a  few  hours,  Eppy  had  kept  her  doll  close  beside 
her.  But  as  her  languor  increased,  she  said  to  her  father, — 


ESPERANCE.  327 

"  I  tarnt  hud  my  Peddy  any  more.     Teep  her,  papa,  till 

Eppy  dets  well." 

Then,  as  a  sudden  thought  flashed  on  her,  — 

"  If  I  die,  I  will  take  my  Peddy  into  Desus'  bosom  wid 

me.     Don't  fordet  it,  papa." 

"You  may  go  in  now,  Vesta,  for  I  think  the  angels  are 
coming  for  our  darling." 

So  I  led  in  the  little  girl,  who  stood,  looking  awe-struck 
at  the  wasted  form  before  her.  That  restlessness  we  so  often 
see  in  the  dying,  and  the  convulsions  of  pain,  from  which  the 
dear  child  had  at  times  suffered,  had  all  passed  away.  White 
as  a  lily  she  lay,  with  no  expression  in  her  blue  eyes,  while 
her  little  busy  hands  were  folded  quietly  on  her  bosom.  Her 
father  stood  beside  her,  in  indescribable  agony,  drops  of 
sweat  standing  all  over  his  forehead ;  and  near  him  sat  the 
mother,  with  clasped  hands,  and  a  face  which  every  drop  of 
blood  seemed  to  have  forsaken. 

All  struggling  was  over,  and  it  was  difficult  to  determine 
that  the  little  one  breathed.  Dr.  Belden  stood  over  her, 
now  putting  his  fingers  on  her  pulse,  and  now  wetting  her 
pale  lips.  At  last  he  laid  his  hand  on  Mr.  Benedict's 
shoulder,  saying,  in  a  low  voice, — 

"  Almost  ready  to  plume  her  wings." 

The  poor  man  groaned  aloud,  and  then  hastened  from  the 
room. 

A  few  minutes  passed.  The  doctor  turned  to  Peggy,  who 
still  sat  rigid  and  motionless,  — 

"  I  want  you  to  go  with  Miss  Frazer  and  try  to  get  a  little 
rest.  I  will  send  for  you  in  time  —  " 

As  I  led  her  to  the  door,  he  whispered,  "  Return  in 
stantly  !  " 


328  ESPEBANCE. 

Peggy  was  docile,  and  made  no  objection  to  lying  down ; 
indeed,  she  hardly  seemed  conscious  of  what  she  was  doing. 
I  threw  a  shawl  over  her,  and  softly  withdrew ;  but,  glancing 
from  the  door,  her  eyes  followed  me  with  such  a  look  of  mis 
ery,  that  I  went  back  and  kissed  her,  whispering,  — 

"  He  doeth  all  things  well." 
i 

"  Hope,"  said  the  doctor,  as  I  returned,  "  can  you  see  any 
difference  ?  " 

"  I  cannot,"  —  looking  earnestly  at  the  child  ;  —  "  what  is 
it  you  mean  ?  " 

"  That  there  is  a  bare  possibility  we  may  save  her.  But 
I  must  try  some  desperate  remedies ;  and  should  they  fail, 
they  may  cause  convulsions,  which  I  would  not  have  those 
parents  witness  for  all  Clydeville.  Now,  can  you  take  hold 
and  help  me,  or  are  your  nerves  unstrung  ?  " 

"  I  can  do  any  thing,  doctor,  with  such  a  possibility  before 
me." 

For  an  hour  we  worked  over  the  dear  child,  applying  both 
external  and  internal'  stimulants,  and  using  every  possible 
means  to  retain  the  departing  vitality.  There  was  a  concen 
trated  purpose  on  the  doctor's  face  I  had  never  seen  there 
before,  and  I  blindly  followed  his  directions,  though  I  some 
times  felt  as  if  we  were  struggling  in  the  very  valley  of  the 
shadow  of  death,  for  I  could  not  discern  the  smallest  change  ; 
indeed,  one  might  have  pronounced  the  child  already  lifeless. 

At  last,  Dr.  Belden,  having  looked  at  his  watch,  said,  — 

"  Now,  child,  there  is  nothing  more  we  can  do  but  pray." 

And,  kneeling  down,  he  earnestly  besought  our  darling's 
life.  When  we  arose,  we  seated  ourselves  one  on  each  side 
of  the  little  crib.  Minutes  seemed  to  stretch  into  hours,  as 


ESPERANCE.  329 

we  silently  watched  that  baby  face  on  which  the  shadows  of 
death  were  gathered.  Once  or  twice  I  looked  out  of  the 
window  into  the  garden,  where  poor  Mr.  Benedict  was  hur 
riedly  pacing  back  and  forth  as  if  he  could  thus  escape  the 
coming  sorrow.  Oh,  how  earnestly  did  I  pray  that  he  might 
be  spared  that  bitter  cup  ! 

At  length  a  sigh  escaped  the  little  sufferer. 

"  Thank  God  ! "  fervently  exclaimed  the  doctor. 

And  pouring  a  few  drops  from  a  vial,  he  put  the  spoon  to 
her  mouth.  Soon  after  she  closed  her  eyes,  and  began  to 
breathe  perceptibly,  though  faintly.  Dr.  Belden  occasionally 
glanced  at  me,  and  nodded  significantly,  while  his  look  of 
distress  gradually  disappeared.  Ah,  me  !  what  a  weight  was 
lifted  from  my  heart ! 

"Mayn't  I  go  and  whisper  one  word  of  comfort  to  those 
poor  parents?" 

"  Not  so  fast.  The  crisis  is  hardly  over,  and  you  might 
bring  a  moment's  relief,  only  to  plunge  them  into  deeper  mis 
ery.  Just  be  patient." 

This  was  not  so  easy,  when  I  knew  that  every  moment  was 
a  little  age  of  agony  to  those  loving  parents.  But  I  acqui 
esced  ;  and  when  the  doctor  had  given  his  patient  a  little  more 
brandy,  we  resumed  our  watch.  Her  slumber  grew  more 
and  more  profound,  till  he  once  more  broke  the  silence. 

"  I  believe  the  child  is  saved  ;  so  bring  back  the  parents, 
only  don't  go  to  speaking  too  confidently." 

Waiting  for  no  second  intimation,  I  softly  opened  Peggy's 
door,  to  encounter  those  same  imploring  eyes.  My  expres 
sion  must  have  changed,  for,  springing  up,  she  hastened  into 
the  chamber.  Then  giving  one  glance  at  the  dear  child,  she 
knelt  down  by  the  bed,  and  burst  into  tears.  When  I  went 
28* 


330  ESPERANCE. 

down  stairs  for  Mr.  Benedict,  he  instantly  entered  the  house, 
supposing  I  had  come  to  tell  him  that  all  was  over.  The 
sudden  change  in  his  countenance  as  he  reached  the  bedside, 
I  shall  not  attempt  to  describe.  Dropping  on  his  knees,  he 
exclaimed,  in  tones  I  can  never  forget,  — 

"  My  God,  I  thank  thee !  Oh,  my  darling,  my  sweet 
one ! " 

Just  then  the  dear  child  opened  her  eyes,  and  seeing  his 
radiant  face  bent  over  her,  smiled  on  him,  saying,  — 

"  Hold  Eppy,  my  papa." 

The  doctor  pointed  him  to  the  easy  chair,  and  then  laid 
the  darling  in  his  arms. 

"  Now  don't  go  to  getting  crazy  over  baby,  for  she  needs 
the  greatest  care,  or  she  will  yet  slip  from  us." 

So  there  Philander  sat  with  Eppy  in  his  arms,  and  Peggy's 
hand  tightly  clasped  in  his.  As  I  looked  on  his  transfigured 
face,  I  wondered  I  could  ever  have  thought  the  good  man 
homely.  But  I  did  not  speak ;  indeed,  we  could  none  of  us 
utter  one  word. 


ESPERANCE.  331 


CHAPTER    XLIX. 

WEEKS,  months  rolled  on. 

A  delicious  day  late  in  the  month  of  blossoms  ! 

"The  flowers  appear  on  the  earth  ; 
The  time  of  the  singing  of  birds  is  come, 
And  the  voice  of  the  turtle  is  heard  in  our  land." 

Here  I  sit  at  my  old  window,  drinking  in  perfume  and 
music,  and  gazing  upon  the  mountains  with  their  cloud- 
capped  summits.  Beloved  mountains  !  In  some  moods,  as 
they  stand  towering  to  heaven  in  their  solemn  majesty,  I 
look  up  to  them  as  a  type  of  the  Infinite.  But  again,  as  I 
watch  their  changing  countenance,  —  clouds  and  sunshine, 
tears  and  smiles,  rapidly  chasing  each  other,  —  I  am  con 
scious  of  something  very  like  human  companionship. 

It  is  thus  to-day.  Deep  shadows  sleep  upon  their  sides, 
but  ever  and  anon  they  are  pierced  by  sharp  arrows  of  daz 
zling  light ;  and  I  look  far,  far  away  through  the  clear  rifts 
into  what  seems  fairy-land.  The  Pine  Orchard  House, 
perched  on  its  steep  crag,  reminds  me  of  the  wild  mountain 
eyry  in  which  the  Gheber  Hafed  surprised  Hinda,  the 
daughter  of  his  Moslem  foe. 


832  ESPEBANCE. 

"  I  climbed  the  gory  vulture's  nest, 
And  found  a  trembling  dove  within." 

How  do  one's  hopes  take  wing  in  this  blossoming  season ! 
I  look  around  me  with  a  thrilling  consciousness  of  coming 
enjoyment.  The  lawn,  so  lately  withered  and  brown,  is  cov 
ered  with  a  fresh  velvet  carpet  of  the  softest,  deepest  green. 
The  trees,  in  their  holiday  robes,  and  decked  out  with  gay, 
fluttering  trimmings,  clap  their  hands  for  joy. 

Not  yet  is  nature's  life-giving  sap  exhausted.  I  feel  it  in 
my  veins.  It  rejuvenates  me,  as  it  does  everything  I  see 
and  hear.  Hark !  How  brimful  of  it  is  that  robin's  song ! 
And  my  canary,  hanging  out  of  my  window,  breathes  the 
subtle  oxygen,  and  pipes  a  sweeter,  madder  lay  than  has 
gladdened  me  all  winter  long. 

Hearing  such  music,  gazing  on  such  a  landscape,  I  can  be 
hopeful,  trusting.  (Strengthen  me,  O  Father,  to  wait  thy 
time  —  even  if  I  wait  till  the  eternal  morning  dawns  on  my 
weary  eyes.  Let  my  blind  human  will  fold  its  fluttering 
wings  in  thy  presence.  I  would  taste  no  cup  of  merely  earthly 
joy.  I  ask  for  nothing  that  is  unsweetened  by  thy  love.i 

As  I  look  out,  I  see  Vesta  skipping  up  and  down  the 
avenue  with  her  hands  full  of  homely  but  lovable  dandelions.. 
A  figure  is  slowly  climbing  the  hill.  It  comes  nearer.  It  is 
a  man. 

He  has  just  disappeared  behind  the  old  lindens,  as  they 
stand  arrayed  in  their  new  festal  garments. 

He  enters  the  gate.  Vesta  runs  to  meet  him.  He  has 
put  something  into  her  hands,  and  now  disappears  again. 

What  can  he  have  brought  ?     But  why  should  I  care  ? 


ESPERANCE.  333 

Vesta  runs  towards  the  house,  and  my  calmness  has  van 
ished.  I  know  what  ails  me.  Fancy  has  been  wandering  off 
to  the  shores  of  the  broad  Atlantic,  and  wistfully  gazing  over 
the  l)lue,  boundless  expanse.  I  pine  for  a  breath  from  the  old 
world  —  for  some  little  sign  or  token.  I  have  waited  and 
waited  these  many  weary  months.  Will  nothing  ever  come  ? 

A  child's  rap  at  my  door.     Be  quiet,  beating  heart. 

"  Come  in,  Vesta." 

She  enters.  She  holds  it  up  before  me.  She  dances 
round  and  round.  And  1  sit  very  still,  trying  to  watch  her. 
But  a  dazzling  mist  before  my  eyes  prevents  my  seeing  dis 
tinctly.  Besides,  I  will  not  hurry  her.  I  will  not  spoil  her 
pleasure.  I  can  wait  now. 

I  knew  it  would  come  this  month.  I  have  felt  the  fine 
silken  cords  drawing  closer  and  closer  round  my  heart. 
Now  I  know  why. 

There  !  she  has  had  her  sport,  and  has  laid  the  parcel  in 
my  hands  —  the  parcel,  directed  like  the  other. 

"  Now  run,  child." 

She  kisses  me,  and  is  gone.     I  lock  my  door. 

How  my  heart  throbs !  — ^this  strange,  hoping,  fearing, 
ever-changing  human  heart  !l 

I  have  no  speculations  about  this  parcel,  as  I  had  about 
the  other.  So,  quietly,  though  my  hands  tremble  a  very 
little,  I  untie  the  string,  and  lay  aside  the  first  covering. 

"  From  England,"  is  finely  pencilled  in  a  corner  of  the 
second  envelope. 

He  is  returning,  then  ;  —  O  welcome  tidings  ! 

I  take  off  the  last  wrapper.     An  exquisite  Tyrolese  land- 


334  ESPERANCE. 

scape  lies  before  me.  But  I  hardly  look  at  it,  for  another,  a 
still  dearer  messenger  greets  my  longing  eyes.  In  a  single 
instant  I  seize  the  precious  words  it  bears. 

"  The  sacred  flower  from  beside  Lake  G-ennesaret  is 
plucked,  and  lies  between  the  leaves  of  my  Greek  Testament. 
In  September  next  I  hope  to  bring  it  to  you. 

"  You  see  I  speak  as  knowing  you  to  be  in  life  and  health, 
for  on  this  point  I  have  kept  myself  informed.  The  hope 
of  seeing  you  again  has  been  my  talisman  through  these  long 
years  of  exile. 

"  I  believe  you  have  faith  in  me,  as  I  have  in  you.  Indif 
ferent  or  forgetful,  I  am  sure  you  have  never  thought  me. 
Yet  I  hardly  need  say  that  I  shall  not  be  sorry  when  the  seal 
of  silence  is  broken  from  my  long-closed  lips  ;  —  when  I  am 
at  liberty  to  explain  all  that  has  seemed  unaccountable ;  — 
more  than  this,  —  to  plead  my  own  cause,  as  I  have  never 
cared  to  plead  it  with  any  other  woman. 

"  I  have  not  forgotten,  in  all  this  time,  that  you  know  al 
most  nothing  of  my  history,  or  of  my  external  relations  and 
circumstances.  And  I  am  well  aware  that  some  would  pro 
nounce  any  trust  you  may  repose  in  me,  on  such  uncertain 
ties,  romantic  and  unreasonable,  if  not  hazardous.  I  know 
there  are  those  who  regard  as  indiscreet  the  cherishing  any 
deep  sentiment  except  after  a  long  acquaintance  and  a  close 
study  of  character.  And  I  am  ready  to  admit  that  this  is 
the  only  safe  general  rule. 

"  But  there  are  exceptions  to  this  rule.  And,  however 
limited  may  have  been  our  actual  intercourse,  I  doubt  whether 
we  have  not  had  a  deeper  insight  into  each  other's  character, 
and  a  fuller  communion  of  spirit,  than  is  sometimes  gained 


ESPERANCE.  335 

by  years  of  acquaintance  and  friendship.  When  I  come  to 
Clydeville,  however,  I  shall  hope  to  satisfy  your  friends  that, 
in  some  respects,  at  least,  I  am  not  altogether  unworthy  of 
the  treasure  I  covet.  * 

"  If  I  speak  with  a  measure  of  confidence,  you  will  not  ac 
cuse  me  of  vanity.  Is  it  presumption  to  believe  that  we  both 
feel  the  heaven-ordained  law  of  mutual  attraction?  —  that 
in  those  well-remembered  hours,  on  the  lake,  we  were  each 
instinctively  conscious  of  needing  the  other  ?  —  of  resting  on 
the  other  as  we  can  rest  only  on  one  ?  There  are  certain 
sweet  and  tender  recollections  which  strengthen  this  belief. 

"  Will  you  pardon  me  if  I  speak  with  still  greater  bold 
ness  ?  —  if  I  venture  to  express  the  assurance  that  your  soul 
belongs  to  mine  ?  And,  —  ever  since  that  silent  parting,  in 
which,  fettered  by  inexorable  Circumstance,  I  dared  not  tell 
you  what  I  felt,  —  I  have  presumed  to  judge  you  by  myself. 

"  Yet,  strong  as  is  this  feeling,  I  cannot  deny  that  a  pain 
ful  timidity  sometimes  oppresses  me  —  a  fear  lest  I  may 
have  deceived  myself.  I  shall  be  impatient  till  I  can  ask  a 
single  question.  God  grant  that  I  may  hear  from  your  lips 
a  kind  response,  or  read  it  in  your  eyes  !  —  that  so  I  may 
venture  to  call  you  MY  Esperance,  as  I  have  longed  to  do 
all  these  years. 

"  More  I  must  not  write  now.  God  bless  and  keep  you  ! " 
Oh,  the  world  of  meaning  hidden  in  this  precious  missive  ! 

How  instinctively,  how  entirely  do  I  assent  to  every  word ! 
Yes,  THT  Esperance  !  —  Could  I  ask  for  more  ?  With  what 

true  reverence  can  I  look  up  to  this  superior  being  !  — with 

what  sweet,  unbounded  confidence  can  I  repose  on  his  strong, 

tender  nature ! 


336  ESPE.RANCE. 

A  great  hush,  like  the  broad  wings  of  a  seraph,  broods 
over  my  unquiet  spirit.  Softly  there  steals  upon  me,  creeping 
down,  —  away  down  into  the  surging  deeps  of  my  heart, 
and  stilling  all  its  vague  yearnings  and  wildest  cravings,  — 
the  delicious  sense  of  a  trusting,  satisfied  human  love  ;  —  a 
love  that  refines  every  feeling,  exalts  every  faculty,  and 
ennobles  the  whole  being ;  —  a  love  that  begins  in  time,  to 
endure  through  eternity.  My  eyes  fill,  —  I  clasp  my  hands 
and  murmur, 

"  I  THANK  THEE,  0  INFINITE  FATHER  ! " 


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